Can anyone relate?
Aug 10th 2007, 5:46 pm
#46
Never right in the head!
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,465
Re: Can anyone relate?
I'm a newbie to the BE Forum.
I've lived in the states for 12 years, but stilll have an awful emotional pull to the UK. I'm stuck in the "sandwich" generation of having aging parents in the UK, who need my help/give enormous guilt trips on an increasing basis, plus have 4 young kids to raise here. Is anyone out there in the same situation as me, still feeling quiet unsettled after several years of living here? I realize that finanically we're better off over here, but emotionally it's still difficult, especially when you're surrounded by Americans who have their whole extended famillies living nearby.
I've lived in the states for 12 years, but stilll have an awful emotional pull to the UK. I'm stuck in the "sandwich" generation of having aging parents in the UK, who need my help/give enormous guilt trips on an increasing basis, plus have 4 young kids to raise here. Is anyone out there in the same situation as me, still feeling quiet unsettled after several years of living here? I realize that finanically we're better off over here, but emotionally it's still difficult, especially when you're surrounded by Americans who have their whole extended famillies living nearby.
My mum retired 2 years ago, my grandmother just had her 94th birthday, every Sunday when I call mum I get the "you really need to come back over, your grandmother may not see her next birthday" emotional blackmail trip.
My brother has a 1 year old, that I have never seen either.....its bloody tough.
I loved where I used to live in England, and I love living here in Rowlett Texas, but don't fret your not the only one.
Last week I took my 6 year old daughter to watch FC Dallas v LA Galaxy (bloody beckham...thats another storey), hundreds of English fans there, man it felt good to be surrounded by us Brits, you need to do something like that to give yourself a moral boost....without sounding like a retard, it makes you feel like a gladiator walking around with the England shirt on.
Aug 10th 2007, 10:09 pm
#47
Mr. Grumpy
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 3,100
Re: Can anyone relate?
Gawd, but you lot are a load of selfish bastards, aren't you? I bet those who think this way don't have kids.
Yes, you have to plan for your retirement, but shite happens, and sometimes, just sometimes, things are just not that clear cut and you land up having to look after your parents.
Yes, you have to plan for your retirement, but shite happens, and sometimes, just sometimes, things are just not that clear cut and you land up having to look after your parents.
in cases like this, its actually selfish of the parents not to have planned, its not like retirement planning is rocket science or something
Aug 14th 2007, 7:08 pm
#48
Lapine Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Location: Austin, Texas in my own little world
Posts: 21,691
Re: Can anyone relate?
I do agree that parents should try but I've seen so many cases where they have and still got screwed. Imagine having a parent who worked for Enron.
Aug 14th 2007, 7:18 pm
#49
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,669
Re: Can anyone relate?
Like I said. Shite happens, and things don't always work out.
There is no right and wrong here. It just is.
There is no right and wrong here. It just is.
Aug 14th 2007, 7:47 pm
#50
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 202
Re: Can anyone relate?
I'm a newbie to the BE Forum.
I've lived in the states for 12 years, but stilll have an awful emotional pull to the UK. I'm stuck in the "sandwich" generation of having aging parents in the UK, who need my help/give enormous guilt trips on an increasing basis, plus have 4 young kids to raise here. Is anyone out there in the same situation as me, still feeling quiet unsettled after several years of living here? I realize that finanically we're better off over here, but emotionally it's still difficult, especially when you're surrounded by Americans who have their whole extended famillies living nearby.
I've lived in the states for 12 years, but stilll have an awful emotional pull to the UK. I'm stuck in the "sandwich" generation of having aging parents in the UK, who need my help/give enormous guilt trips on an increasing basis, plus have 4 young kids to raise here. Is anyone out there in the same situation as me, still feeling quiet unsettled after several years of living here? I realize that finanically we're better off over here, but emotionally it's still difficult, especially when you're surrounded by Americans who have their whole extended famillies living nearby.
BUT Hang in there...get out and about and absorb your surroundings. Use the internet for BBC and keep in touch with UK through phone calls letters. etc.
I have a yearly trip to UK once a year for two weeks and that stops the homesickness. Wishing you luck!!
Regarding parents...they told me "Live your life", and whatever happens, I will be there for them either here or UK. Once again...Good luck
Last edited by lanky spoken here; Aug 14th 2007 at 7:50 pm.
Aug 14th 2007, 7:53 pm
#51
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 202
Re: Can anyone relate?
Yeah, I know what you mean....I've been here nay on 8 years.
My mum retired 2 years ago, my grandmother just had her 94th birthday, every Sunday when I call mum I get the "you really need to come back over, your grandmother may not see her next birthday" emotional blackmail trip.
My brother has a 1 year old, that I have never seen either.....its bloody tough.
I loved where I used to live in England, and I love living here in Rowlett Texas, but don't fret your not the only one.
Last week I took my 6 year old daughter to watch FC Dallas v LA Galaxy (bloody beckham...thats another storey), hundreds of English fans there, man it felt good to be surrounded by us Brits, you need to do something like that to give yourself a moral boost....without sounding like a retard, it makes you feel like a gladiator walking around with the England shirt on.
My mum retired 2 years ago, my grandmother just had her 94th birthday, every Sunday when I call mum I get the "you really need to come back over, your grandmother may not see her next birthday" emotional blackmail trip.
My brother has a 1 year old, that I have never seen either.....its bloody tough.
I loved where I used to live in England, and I love living here in Rowlett Texas, but don't fret your not the only one.
Last week I took my 6 year old daughter to watch FC Dallas v LA Galaxy (bloody beckham...thats another storey), hundreds of English fans there, man it felt good to be surrounded by us Brits, you need to do something like that to give yourself a moral boost....without sounding like a retard, it makes you feel like a gladiator walking around with the England shirt on.
My parents are elderly, and I will do whatever I can for them, sometimes its a catch 22 with family.
Aug 14th 2007, 9:22 pm
#52
Mr. Grumpy
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 3,100
Re: Can anyone relate?
its also sounds like extortion and I can't understand how it would be legal
Aug 15th 2007, 4:28 am
#53
Lapine Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Location: Austin, Texas in my own little world
Posts: 21,691
Re: Can anyone relate?
Back in the 70s.... Texas banking good ol' boy network.... the banks were pulled under by Reagan's deregulation of S&Ls. I'm as bitter about him as many here are about Thatcher and yet people STILL think of him as the kindly good looking "great orator." He was a great anal orifice.
Aug 15th 2007, 6:08 am
#54
CA to TX to Jamaica
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Location, Location.
Posts: 4,887
Re: Can anyone relate?
Aug 15th 2007, 9:20 am
#55
CA to TX to Jamaica
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Location, Location.
Posts: 4,887
Re: Can anyone relate?
I have to agree with Manc. You owe everything to your kids but nothing to your parents. My parents like it that way and so does my kid.
Aug 15th 2007, 9:48 am
#56
CA to TX to Jamaica
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Location, Location.
Posts: 4,887
Aug 15th 2007, 5:14 pm
#58
@matthewb76
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Missouri
Posts: 21,886
Re: Can anyone relate?
well.... my father was forced to put all his retirement money into bank stock in order to keep a position as an officer of the bank. Bank went under in the 80s, retirement savings went bye-bye.
I do agree that parents should try but I've seen so many cases where they have and still got screwed. Imagine having a parent who worked for Enron.
I do agree that parents should try but I've seen so many cases where they have and still got screwed. Imagine having a parent who worked for Enron.
you pays your money, you takes your chance.
Aug 15th 2007, 6:43 pm
#59
Lapine Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Location: Austin, Texas in my own little world
Posts: 21,691
Re: Can anyone relate?
In his case, that would be like saying to a miner that they weren't forced to work down t'pit. He couldn't have gotten anything half as good anywhere else. It was what he was good at. In those days people did not retrain much, either.
Hard enough to switch careers these days.
Hard enough to switch careers these days.
Aug 15th 2007, 6:47 pm
#60
Account Closed
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 15,455
Re: Can anyone relate?
There is nothing wrong with doing it out of love / respect/ honour.
because you are doing it because YOU want to.
however, when parents make their offspring feel guilty, or making them feel compelled to do it then it is wrong.
And how is it wrong to feel it is a higher priority to look after yor own kids first?
because you are doing it because YOU want to.
however, when parents make their offspring feel guilty, or making them feel compelled to do it then it is wrong.
And how is it wrong to feel it is a higher priority to look after yor own kids first?
I'm putting my kids first.
