Redlippie

I find it gets harder the longer you're here, till you make up your mind whether you're going to stay or go.

snowbunny

Just a bit of American perspective.... the same thing happens often in the US. I'm not surrounded by immediate family. My grandfather lived 300+ miles from me, though in the same state, and it was agony not being able to be there for him on a daily basis. But it would have meant quitting my job and then what was I to do with the kids who were in school?

Yes, I could more frequently visit, but even then it could only be for a couple of days every few months due to my working.

My ex is heading into the same situation with his mother who lives 1000 miles away. Sure, she could move here and keep Medicare, but she'd be leaving her friends of nearly 90 years, her church, her doctors, her neighbours. The burden on him working and being a single parent and taking care of his mum would be very hard. I don't know what they will decide, but either way it will not be easy.

No answers here.... just a lot of sympathy.

Manc

I know it sounds callous, and kinda uncaring.

but my philosophy is
you owe everything to your kids and nothing to your parents.

Ray

And if you don't have kids ..your in the clear ..

snowbunny

and you've told your mum this?

Manc

I'm still as fertile as a Fisons growbag though, so who knows?

Adnams

I hope youre just taking the michael???

TruBrit

i owe a lot to mine for being the caring parents they were, guess i got lucky besides your kids wouldn't be here if it wasn't for your parents.

snowbunny

Well, in a non-emotional rational way it makes sense.... it's very hard to be sandwiched between two generations of people.

Parents choose to bring kids into the world, not vice versa, so your obligation should be to your children. And if everyone followed this rule, then every generation would have been taken care of.

My parents aren't old enough to be very physically needy yet, but they've leaned on me hard since I was a child and it's exhausting. They've made a lot of mistakes that mean I may have to bail them out down the road, despite needing to save for my own retirement and put my kids through school.

and my husband wonders why I can never really relax..... his parents have always been wonderful and had their lives sorted.

TruBrit

mine too and for that i've been very lucky

Ray

What!! and interrupt one of her shoe buying spree's

Redlippie

Lycanthrop

........or

........the longer you have kids the more you realise what your parents sacrificed and put up with........

But if your parents haven't lost it and aren't drooling and talking to the house plants, then hopefully they will realise you are doing what they did and won't expect too much of you.......

There's always the Soylent Green option......

Manc

not at all.

Adnams