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Brit in need of advice

Brit in need of advice

Old May 18th 2016, 3:27 pm
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

There are lots of things I do not understand.

He is on a L but waiting for a work permit?

If he is 20 then he will not be here for much longer, exactly how old is he?
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Old May 18th 2016, 4:02 pm
  #17  
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by Boiler
There are lots of things I do not understand.

He is on a L but waiting for a work permit?

If he is 20 then he will not be here for much longer, exactly how old is he?
They have their gc applications in which is why they are expecting an ead soon. We got eads as soon as our applications were received. Once the application has been received, his status is protected until a decision is made. At least that is way I read it.
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Old May 18th 2016, 4:03 pm
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by Boiler
There are lots of things I do not understand.

He is on a L but waiting for a work permit?

If he is 20 then he will not be here for much longer, exactly how old is he?
My husband is on a L1 and we are on a L2
Like I said previously that isn't going to happen because our green cards are in process and we've had confirmation that it won't happen
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Old May 19th 2016, 1:15 am
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by Ginelle
We don't have any family near to where we used to live so sending him back isn't an option.
With respect, your son is over 18 and, by US law, an adult and able to make his own decisions. It is an option, whether or not you agree with it. Don't withhold that option from him just because you feel guilty!

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Old May 19th 2016, 1:29 am
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

What does your son want to do?
Since he actually does have the choice of staying or going back to the UK - I'd say it's up to him. It is tough moving teenagers anyway, it's a shame he has been stuck at home rather going to community college and meeting others.
What was he studying in the UK? Doesn't he want to continue that here? He could study and work, a lot of kids have to do that anyway.

I know it's easy to say this when you aren't in the thick of yourself but I'd make him apply to community college or go back to the UK. Hanging around the house like he is doing is not good for him at all and sometimes kids need a big push out of the door.

He may have the choice of staying or leaving, but don't give him the choice of staying and doing nothing or leaving.

Despite what others have said, I think kids (especially teenagers) need kids like them around them. So yes, find an expat group and encourage him to make friends there. Hopefully friends that are studying and enjoying life. College kids are coming home for the summer right now so it's a good time to try and introduce him to other kids. Saying that, my 19 year old wouldn't go to an expat meeting but the parents do and you can definitely search out parents with kids the same age as your son and arrange to get together.
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Old May 19th 2016, 1:44 am
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

If he is interested in the police and the military, he may have a public service bent generally - does he know about Americorps? It's like the Peace Corps but for domestic volunteering projects rather than overseas; like gap year projects. It's residential too, so would have the benefits of moving out of home and living with other young people, like going to college does. They get paid a stipend/ living allowance, and he can do it as a Permanent Resident. It looks like it'd be a great way to start building a US resume, and they then give the volunteers an educational credit towards college, which may look more appealing in the future once he's mixing with other college-bound people: AmeriCorps | Corporation for National and Community Service

Other than that, I'd steer him towards a sport with set, structured classes - working out at the gym is good, but to make friends you need to create opportunities to meet the same group of people repeatedly and reliably, and get to know them over time to then generate other socializing invites.

My kids and I loathe traditional team sports, so our preference for this is martial arts - lots of conversational opportunities to work with a partner on moves or stretching, rather than standing alone waiting to catch a ball, and no feeling that you're letting down the team by being a beginner. There's plenty of scope beyond the standard karate - my son has recently joined a club for Historical Medieval Broadsword fighting - and it tends to be a sport that attracts a lot of young men.

And has he looked on meetup.com, to see what's going on locally for young single types?
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Old May 19th 2016, 4:41 am
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

What does your son want to do?

At 20 years old I would have expected him to be on the verge of leaving home and starting to live his own life independent of his family if he hadn't already done so.

If the US isn't working out for him then perhaps he should think about moving back to the UK. Note that this isn't you "sending him back" it is him making a decision about what he wants to do and then doing it.
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Old May 19th 2016, 6:48 am
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by petitefrancaise
What does your son want to do?
Since he actually does have the choice of staying or going back to the UK - I'd say it's up to him. It is tough moving teenagers anyway, it's a shame he has been stuck at home rather going to community college and meeting others.
What was he studying in the UK? Doesn't he want to continue that here? He could study and work, a lot of kids have to do that anyway.

I know it's easy to say this when you aren't in the thick of yourself but I'd make him apply to community college or go back to the UK. Hanging around the house like he is doing is not good for him at all and sometimes kids need a big push out of the door.

He may have the choice of staying or leaving, but don't give him the choice of staying and doing nothing or leaving.

Despite what others have said, I think kids (especially teenagers) need kids like them around them. So yes, find an expat group and encourage him to make friends there. Hopefully friends that are studying and enjoying life. College kids are coming home for the summer right now so it's a good time to try and introduce him to other kids. Saying that, my 19 year old wouldn't go to an expat meeting but the parents do and you can definitely search out parents with kids the same age as your son and arrange to get together.
My son did a 2 year course in IT but decided he didn't want to site at a desk for the rest of his life. He's going to do a fitness course at the college so hopefully he'll settle down then. There's nothing back where we were living for him, even his friends are all at university.
I've tried looking on the web for meeting young adults but can't find anything!
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Old May 19th 2016, 7:18 am
  #24  
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by Ginelle
I've tried looking on the web for meeting young adults but can't find anything!
Well he's 20. He can do it himself.

If he needs his hand held that much, perhaps that might be why no one sticks about?

Might sound a bit harsh, but helicopter parenting goes a bit far at times and you just need to let him figure stuff out and take a step back sometimes.
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Old May 19th 2016, 7:56 am
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Its summer time so maybe invite some of his friends over. That way he has a way of getting out and meeting people with the comfort of people he knows around him.Maybe even get a girlfriend.
He will need to get some more education if he wants to get ahead in life, even in the UK, that would be true. He was brave to come over at 20 but now he needs to be pushed. You can do that by insisting he does something like doing volunteer work until he get his EAD. Again as summer is coming up, lots of summer camps for younger kids, especially if he is interested in fitness. My son was part of the summer swimming team when he was younger. Part of the fun was teaching the younger kids to swim competitively. If he doesn't want to help himself, restrict the amount of money you must be giving him.
If he does return to the UK to find himself once he has the gc in hand, make sure he visits on a regular basis otherwise he will lose his status. Others will no doubt come along and explain the process about keeping the gc valid until he decides where he wants to stay. As for not having any family in the UK to stay with. He is 20 and has plenty of friends he can bunk with.
Have lots of sympathy for you as its a tough age to move but ultimately he has to make the decision to stay or not. He is an adult.
Most of all you must not feel guilty about your move as he was no doubt part of the decision and willing to take the risk of moving here. Had that discussion with my kids at some point over the last 16 yrs. Their opinion, if we hadn't liked it, we could have moved back. Son is still keeping that option open and he is nearly 29!
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Old May 19th 2016, 8:30 am
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by Ginelle
He wanted to join the police but we found out just before we left that you have to be a citizen to join.
In California you do in a few other States you do not. I am fairly sure Colorado is one you don't and the CO State Troopers is open to non citizens. But he would have to be a LPR.
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Old May 19th 2016, 10:44 am
  #27  
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by Ginelle
I've tried looking on the web for meeting young adults but can't find anything!
You are obviously genuinely concerned about him... why not invite him to join this forum? Perhaps he'll find some comfort by talking to other people who have made a similar journey as you did.

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Old May 19th 2016, 4:31 pm
  #28  
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by Ginelle
Hi can anyone please help? Me my husband and 2 sons aged 17 and 20 years old moved to California, Pleasanton area 8 months ago now. My youngest has settled in really well as he went back to school to do his finally year and has met lots of people his age, but my eldest is really struggling with it all. He didn't want to go to college or university as he'd already done 2 years at college back in the UK. He's still not able to work as we are waiting for the work permit to come through so he's been sat at home gaming with his UK friends for all this time.

He hasn't been able to meet anyone his age here and is starting to feel very low and isolated!!
Is there any expat groups or individuals that meet up in our area?
It breaks my heart seeing my son so unhappy here.
Has anyone else been in this situation as we don't know what to do.

Any advice plz
At the age of twenty most American kids are in college (community colleges and large universities) that's where he will meet his social life. America has open enrollment so virtually everyone attends, it's not limited to the social elite so he'll meet many of his own kind. Community colleges have many two year programs in the skilled trades and technology if he wants a blue or gray collar career.

Get him in school to pursue a program (they're always looking for more students). The rest will take care of itself.
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Old May 19th 2016, 5:01 pm
  #29  
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Thank you for all the advice! He will be enrolling into the community collage 👍
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Old May 20th 2016, 12:21 am
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by Ginelle
Thank you for all the advice! He will be enrolling into the community collage 👍
Media studies?
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