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Bringing parent over to live

Bringing parent over to live

Old Feb 5th 2018, 6:01 pm
  #1  
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Default Bringing parent over to live

Wondering if any of you have brought an elderly parent over with you to live in the USA. Since I naturalized a few months ago, I've been toying with the idea of sponsoring my father to come over to live with us. He's 83 and widowed and I'm an only child. He's financially and physically in good shape and does have friends and keeps active, but he is lonely and I feel very much responsible for him.

I've talked to my lawyer and, unless immigration policy changes soon, it's totally doable. The big question is what type of health insurance would he be able to get and how much would it cost? And of course there are other issues too, like whether it might all be too much of an upheaval for him at his age. I try to visit at least every 6 months and he comes over here once or twice a year, plus I phone him every day, so I do keep a good eye on him -- but I worry and it might be better to get him over here sooner rather than later. Thanks all.
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Old Feb 5th 2018, 6:18 pm
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Default Re: Bringing parent over to live

Go to your State's exchange and put in your father's details to find out how much a health policy will cost as per Obamacare.

You can expect several hundred dollars a month depending on which level you go for. Whether or not he can claim any subsidies to offset premium costs will depend on his income.

Until such time as he has been resident for 5 years he won't be able to pay into Medicare. At that time it will cost a minimum of $500+ a month (Part A and B)

Of course, who knows what the Trump administration will introduce for health insurance.
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Old Feb 5th 2018, 6:18 pm
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Default Re: Bringing parent over to live

"Sooner rather than later.." At some point, he will no longer be comfortable with the transatlantic flight to visit you. You could think of more frequent visits to the UK? Long weekend visits in addition to a couple of longer visits each year?

I just think relocating to a foreign country at his age may not work.
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Old Feb 5th 2018, 7:29 pm
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Default Re: Bringing parent over to live

Healthcare financial issues aside, at 83 does he really want to uproot himself from all that is familiar to venture to a new country where the one and only person who means anything to him is you? No more walks to the pub with friends or any senior trips with cohorts. No more steady supply of familiar foods and language.

As a "senior" who has recently relocated, I will tell you even though you are moving to a place that is close to a dear relative(s), the unfamiliar at the senior stage is not pleasant. Just having to find new doctors and dentists who are not acquainted with you and your health is daunting. You do miss the norm of your life as you have lived it for years. Please don't discount that.

If you feel (and he agrees) that companionship is what is missing and would make his life more positive and less lonely, then why not combine households with a dear friend. Or perhaps a senior living facility that offers socializing as part of their package. No, not a nursing home or even assisted living per se but a place for seniors where he is alone only if he choses to be.

Then think about you? Will he be living in your home? Will you have to make time each and every day to socialize with him? How much of your life are you willing to give up to become his companion?

Please do a lot more soul searching and researching before even speaking to him about this possibility.
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Old Feb 5th 2018, 7:30 pm
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Default Re: Bringing parent over to live

Originally Posted by kateinbrooklyn View Post
Wondering if any of you have brought an elderly parent over with you to live in the USA. Since I naturalized a few months ago, I've been toying with the idea of sponsoring my father to come over to live with us. He's 83 and widowed and I'm an only child. He's financially and physically in good shape and does have friends and keeps active, but he is lonely and I feel very much responsible for him.

I've talked to my lawyer and, unless immigration policy changes soon, it's totally doable. The big question is what type of health insurance would he be able to get and how much would it cost? And of course there are other issues too, like whether it might all be too much of an upheaval for him at his age. I try to visit at least every 6 months and he comes over here once or twice a year, plus I phone him every day, so I do keep a good eye on him -- but I worry and it might be better to get him over here sooner rather than later. Thanks all.
Have you asked your father what he would like to do?
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Old Feb 5th 2018, 8:09 pm
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Default Re: Bringing parent over to live

Originally Posted by Rete View Post
Healthcare financial issues aside, at 83 does he really want to uproot himself from all that is familiar to venture to a new country where the one and only person who means anything to him is you? No more walks to the pub with friends or any senior trips with cohorts. No more steady supply of familiar foods and language.

As a "senior" who has recently relocated, I will tell you even though you are moving to a place that is close to a dear relative(s), the unfamiliar at the senior stage is not pleasant. Just having to find new doctors and dentists who are not acquainted with you and your health is daunting. You do miss the norm of your life as you have lived it for years. Please don't discount that.

If you feel (and he agrees) that companionship is what is missing and would make his life more positive and less lonely, then why not combine households with a dear friend. Or perhaps a senior living facility that offers socializing as part of their package. No, not a nursing home or even assisted living per se but a place for seniors where he is alone only if he choses to be.

Then think about you? Will he be living in your home? Will you have to make time each and every day to socialize with him? How much of your life are you willing to give up to become his companion?

Please do a lot more soul searching and researching before even speaking to him about this possibility.
Gosh, that is such good advice. I always remember how uncomfortable my elderly mother in law became during visits over here. She just couldn't cope with things being different than back in England. Of course, everyone is different, but as you say there are many things to ponder in situations like this beyond the cost of healthcare.
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Old Feb 5th 2018, 9:03 pm
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Default Re: Bringing parent over to live

Originally Posted by Rete View Post
Healthcare financial issues aside, at 83 does he really want to uproot himself from all that is familiar to venture to a new country where the one and only person who means anything to him is you? No more walks to the pub with friends or any senior trips with cohorts. No more steady supply of familiar foods and language.

As a "senior" who has recently relocated, I will tell you even though you are moving to a place that is close to a dear relative(s), the unfamiliar at the senior stage is not pleasant. Just having to find new doctors and dentists who are not acquainted with you and your health is daunting. You do miss the norm of your life as you have lived it for years. Please don't discount that.

If you feel (and he agrees) that companionship is what is missing and would make his life more positive and less lonely, then why not combine households with a dear friend. Or perhaps a senior living facility that offers socializing as part of their package. No, not a nursing home or even assisted living per se but a place for seniors where he is alone only if he choses to be.

Then think about you? Will he be living in your home? Will you have to make time each and every day to socialize with him? How much of your life are you willing to give up to become his companion?

Please do a lot more soul searching and researching before even speaking to him about this possibility.
Wonderful advice. My mom moved into a senior apartment much like you described. She was a bit hesitant at first but a year on and she's as happy as can be. She's got her independence but there's still lots of people who she can hang out with. She's made some lovely friends in the building and has said that she wishes she'd moved sooner.
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Old Feb 5th 2018, 11:26 pm
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Default Re: Bringing parent over to live

My mother is nowhere near that age yet but already I can see it wouldn't work to bring her here. As people get older they get into routines and habits that they feel very comfortable with. My mother has certain radio programmes that she listens to at certain times on certain days. She buys the same things (pretty much) in the supermarket each week and always a cream slice as her "shopping day treat". That sort of thing. It gets her though the week.

You say he is lonely but how lonely would he be over here without his familiar routine? I assume you are out at work each day?
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Old Feb 6th 2018, 1:28 am
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Default Re: Bringing parent over to live

Thank you all for your advice and perspectives which has given me food for thought. Obviously it's not something that we would rush into, but he has expressed interest in living near us and he is well-travelled, so I am exploring options.
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Old Feb 6th 2018, 2:27 am
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Default Re: Bringing parent over to live

Medicare even when you can buy into it, he will be nearing 90, does not cover nursing homes.

If he has the money go for it.

Many moons ago it used to be people retiring and moving to Bournemouth etc, places they had spent their holidays, but leaving their roots behind, then Spain etc. Fine when you are in good health, but what when you are not.

Part A is currently $422 and Part B c $130. Then there is C and D. Plus what is not covered.
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Old Feb 6th 2018, 3:24 am
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Default Re: Bringing parent over to live

We were initially quoted prices over $1,200 a month for our 80+ relative. You might find an exchange that has a cheaper price but it was really quite expensive. I really would start with the healthcare issue and see if it is doable financially. We ended up with a "dependent parent" rider on our health plan but even that option has now been phased out (they are still grandfathered in though).
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Old Feb 6th 2018, 1:04 pm
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Default Re: Bringing parent over to live

We, my sister and myself spent 18 months looking into this very subject.
My mother is 73, she enjoys her visits to the States and we fly to the UK at least once per year.
She thought she might like to live her, but the costs and upheaval involved changed her mind.
She had no idea of the complications and costs of actually living here.
I feel once you look into this you will reach the same conclusion.
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Old Feb 6th 2018, 2:00 pm
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Default Re: Bringing parent over to live

My friend brought her mother over from England to live with her and her spouse in an apartment in NJ with a fabulous view across the Hudson River to New York City.

Her mum was 93 and at the American Embassy in London was the oldest person they’d ever issued a Green Card to!

My friend worked part time for BA at Newark airport, but found that all of her free time was being spent with her mum, who wasn’t confident enough to venture out of the apartment complex on her own. Of course in the US there is no free bus pass that all pensioners are entitled to in the UK and in the US indeed there are not many buses at all.

After about 3 months my friend’s mum became quite agitated living in NJ where she didn’t know anyone apart from her daughter and son-in-law. Fortunately she had retained her small flat in England and decided to go home for an extended visit. Sadly, shortly after arriving home she became very unwell and had to be admitted to hospital with a twisted bowel, and died shortly afterwards.
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Old Feb 7th 2018, 6:35 pm
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Default Re: Bringing parent over to live

You may want to do this sooner, rather than later. Trump may be changing things. Say this a couple of days ago.

Trump has proposed offering a route to citizenship for up to 1.8 million young immigrants. He would also reduce the types of relatives legal immigrants can sponsor for citizenship — including excluding their parents, a sticking point — and eliminate a lottery that provides visas to people from diverse places like Africa.
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Old Feb 7th 2018, 7:03 pm
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Default Re: Bringing parent over to live

Originally Posted by mrken30 View Post
You may want to do this sooner, rather than later. Trump may be changing things. Say this a couple of days ago.

Trump has proposed offering a route to citizenship for up to 1.8 million young immigrants. He would also reduce the types of relatives legal immigrants can sponsor for citizenship — including excluding their parents, a sticking point — and eliminate a lottery that provides visas to people from diverse places like Africa.
FY! President does not have dictatorial authority in the US.

The 1.8m are illegals brought by parents at a younger age, waivers can not be filed by children for parents.

I think you are talking about the DV which also includes diverse places like most of Europe specifically Ireland North and South.
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