Lottie

OK, so have been invited to a bridal shower but haven't got a clue what it involves....so:

i) Do I buy a wedding gift to take to the bridal shower and a second gift to take to the wedding...just a bit confused as the bridal shower invite mentions the bride to be is registered at BBB, Target and Macy's. Plus for extra tact and subtlety there is a $5 off gift voucher for BBB.

ii) WTF is a "wishing well"?

iii) Can I drink??? Will I need to drink???

Thanks

Lottie

britchicknyc

Trouble with these things it varies a lot regionally. Depends on how the wedding is going to be.

I have been to a lot in the NYC metro area:

1) You need to buy a gift - preferably off the list. If you are close to the person around $100 - if not $50. I have never been to a shower where people show up with gifts less than $50. If you are in the wedding party you could be looking at $150+.

For the wedding you usually bring a cheque - enough to cover the cost of you at the wedding. In my neck of the woods, this usually runs about $100 per person - $200 per couple basic. If in wedding party you can double this.

If in doubt - bring blank cheque to fill out last minute and pop inside card.

2) Wishing well - is a load of crap in my opinion. Way to get you to buy ANOTHER gift - just a small something - like a pastry brush, salad spinner, usually some type of kitchen ustensil.

3) I always need to drink at these occassions. The minute they start playing games - might be the moment to start with avengence. Especially if they want to wrap people in toilet paper!!!!

Might be adviseable to bring a hip flask just in case

- ps. - the bride will usually open gifts in front of everyone - so you can't get away with a crappy gift.


Sending you Karma in sympathy.

NC Penguin

Do you know any Americans who've received the invitation to the same bridal shower? If so, ask them the questions above for guidance about etiquette.

Alternatively, ask American friends in your neighborhood/workplace for what to do...




NC Penguin

Lottie

Figured I would be scuppered for a gift, thanks for outlining the cost heirarchy. I've only known her for 3 months (she's a work colleague), so was very surprised to be invited to the wedding. Apparently she likes my accent and the way I say 'bloke'! Still a bit confused though, do I take a second gift to the wedding...or are wedding day gifts a British thing?

Anyhow, I'll put it all down to the American experience (including the being wrapped in toilet paper...urggh). That said, I'll definitely be taking a hip flask filled with gin!

Thanks for the karma, karma'd you back in return

britchicknyc

Read: here is someone else I can hit up for a gift. If you have only known her a few months - I would spend $50. Ideally less, but when people register for gifts they know exactly how much you have spent!

Bring a cheque to the wedding in a card. Try and find out if this is going to be a posh do. I would go with around $75 if you are going alone, as you really don't know her that well. ( double if going with someone.) Oh or you can put cash in the card. - But not in $5 dollar bills!! ha ha

In Britain people would never usually invite people they have only know a few months to their wedding!!Good Luck

NC Penguin

If you've only know the person for three months, don't feel obliged to attend the wedding unless you and her really are close.

At my workplace there's been quite a few baby showers and I've been invited to most of them but haven't attended all of them (even when they're held in the workplace during the lunch hour).

That's just my 5 cents...



NC Penguin

britchicknyc

Trouble is - (at least round here) you still have to send a (well smaller) gift. If you go to the shower, you go to wedding. Its all or nothing.

Go - its an american experience like no other.

Besides she is fully prepared now - hip flask and all

Lottie

Thanks guys...

I've decided I'm going, even if it's just to give this forum something to laugh about when I write back with my tales of hipflask induced damage at a bridal shower. Britchicknyc, you're right it's all part of the American experience...NC Penguin, I'm too scared not to go!! :scared:

Just shown my husband the post about the additional cheque we need to take with us on the day in addition to the wedding shower gift...he went very pale and muttered something about we better be getting bl**dy fed! Haven't mentioned the fact that I will need a completely new outfit for the wedding to him yet. I guess we'll need the hipflask for the wedding too!!

sibsie

I've grown to really despise American showers. It all just seems so flaming money grabbing and totally classless.

britchicknyc

Well if the wedding isn't open bar - I'd say only $50 per head. If they aren't providing an open bar chances are the wedding is a bit cheaper.

Idea is to cover what they are paying per head for the reception.

You could be really sneaky and all the reception venue and ask!!

ladylisa

Mmm I know what you mean, I was invited to a baby shower once and tonnes of people where invited, some of which were merely aquantences, it took the mother to be 2 hours to open all her gifts which she did at break neck speed. It took 2 cars to transport all the stuff home!

Bob

These showers are a scam to get extra presents or money.
Just get something small and pleasant like a nice picture frame for the wedding if you don't really know her, for the shower, say you've donated $x to a local charity in her name because you didn't know what she wanted...at the end of the day, it should be the thought that counts

Tami2

Hi Girls,
Just my two cents worth...I am American and have been both the bride (once) and the guest (many times) and I have to say I think Britchicknyc must have some very wealthy friends and attend some very fancy weddings. For my wedding shower, close friends probably spent $25-$40, not so close friends, maybe $25 at the most, and immediate family spent closer to $50. Remember, this is just the shower. The shower gift is a much smaller gift than the wedding gift. The idea of a card with a check in it for the wedding is an easy gift and many people do go that route, but just as many people also go ahead and get an actual gift. You can't go wrong with a crystal vase or bowl or something from their registry. I know the gift registry can seem kind of crass and/or greedy, but it evolved because so many people had big weddings where they got a dozen toasters and half a dozen crock-pots. Yes, the bride and groom have an idea of what you spent if you go with their list, but this way, once someone purchases an item, it gets marked off the list. I do agree that it would be nice of you to get a gift for the wedding that at least covers the cost of your (and your husband's) dinner, but it's really not absolutely necessary. To tell you the truth, I've never been to a wedding reception with an open bar...I guess it's partially the expense and partially because the people my parents and later my husband and I hang out with don't really drink all that much. Mostly they just offered beer and sodas and punch with the cake.

I also agree with Ms. Britchicknyc that your best bet is to talk to others who have been invited and get a feel for it through them.

Good Luck and Enjoy the event.
Tami

Maybe in NYC they do spend a lot more on the shower and wedding gifts than they do in the mid-west, but even if you are in a higher income area, no one is going to think less of you just because you didn't buy out Tiffany's for a girl you've only worked with for a few months.

britchicknyc

ha ha if only that were true!!!

Its the gifts that count!!!

Yeah - if you really don't care for her - send a $25 dollar gift and don't go.

Then again its good practice for when you have to go one of these things for someone you actually care about.

TouristTrap

You're NOT obligated to buy anything off the list. I'd go with what Bob said, seeing you're new acquaintences. No one is going to notice anyway, since the folk who will be there will know you've just met.

And you dress up nicely for these things. Some of the gals go all out and have their hair/nails done for these things! (To the countless one's I've been to anyway). The first baby shower I went to here, I had to keep my jaw firmly in place. I couldn't believe that she walked out of there with absolutely everything including a couple of strollers!