Bloody Women Drivers
Nov 26th 2003, 1:43 pm
#1
Pagan Sex God
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2002
Location: Living in Oblivion
Posts: 3,668
Bloody Women Drivers
Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call. Bloody women drivers ! !
As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call. Bloody women drivers ! !
Nov 26th 2003, 2:13 pm
#2
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 68,280
Re: Bloody Women Drivers
Thanks Patrick... that really brightened a bad morning....Now I have aches thru laughing..
Nov 26th 2003, 11:52 pm
#3
Joined: Dec 2001
Location: Dixie, ex UK
Posts: 52,439
Re: Bloody Women Drivers
Originally posted by Patrick
Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac ....
Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac ....
A woman driving a large SUV in heavy rush hour traffic at 50mph on the interstate in Charlotte, whilst eating her breakfast - a bowl of cereal! :scared: , and .....
A woman driving her Volvo at 60mph on the interstate in moderately heavy rush hour traffic (outskirts of town), ...... whilst reading a book, and not a map, an honest-to-goodness book! :scared: :scared: :scared:
Last edited by Pulaski; Nov 27th 2003 at 11:58 pm.
Nov 27th 2003, 9:28 pm
#4
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 137
Re: Bloody Women Drivers
Originally posted by Patrick
Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call. Bloody women drivers ! !
Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call. Bloody women drivers ! !
LOL
Nov 28th 2003, 4:05 pm
#5
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 4,082
Re: Bloody Women Drivers
Originally posted by Pulaski
A woman driving her Volvo at 60mph on the interstate in moderately heavy rush hour traffic (outskirts of town), ...... whilst reading a book, and not a map, an honest-to-goodness book! :scared: :scared: :scared:
A woman driving her Volvo at 60mph on the interstate in moderately heavy rush hour traffic (outskirts of town), ...... whilst reading a book, and not a map, an honest-to-goodness book! :scared: :scared: :scared:
I was just coming to the good bit!
It is however wrong for any woman to aply make-up whilst driving! The light is all wrong inside your car!
Make sure you blend the blusher before leaving the house.... And if you don't want lipstick on your teeth drink a cup of coffee and then wait untill the next red light before touching up your second coat! Remember less is more ladies!
Mascara is best done at high speeds because you can skip using the eye-lash curler by simply sticking your head out the window with eyes wide open. Note: After this is the perfect oportunity for hair spray... if you want a natural wind swept 'up-do'!
Nails can only be done in the slow lane... dipping the brush will cause you to templorarily look down and re-think your wardrobe. Put seat all the way back for easy access to shopping bag from Macy's in back seat!... Don't forget Accessories!!
Nov 28th 2003, 5:13 pm
#6
jingling
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 18,123
Re: Bloody Women Drivers
Originally posted by BrigieDarling
Mascara is best done at high speeds because you can skip using the eye-lash curler by simply sticking your head out the window with eyes wide open.
Mascara is best done at high speeds because you can skip using the eye-lash curler by simply sticking your head out the window with eyes wide open.
And Patrick, I'm in stitches
Juliet
Nov 30th 2003, 1:36 pm
#7
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2003
Location: PA
Posts: 39
Well we have to have something to keep us occupied when we are sat alone in that car with nobody to talk to !!!!!!!
Nov 30th 2003, 3:28 pm
#8
Account Closed
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 8,266
ha ha!
We were running late yesterday, so I took along my bottle of bright red varnish to touch up my toenails, and had hubby looking at me very nervously the whole time that he was driving.
Women is a synonym for multi-tasking, you males should know that by now.
We were running late yesterday, so I took along my bottle of bright red varnish to touch up my toenails, and had hubby looking at me very nervously the whole time that he was driving.
Women is a synonym for multi-tasking, you males should know that by now.
Nov 30th 2003, 4:10 pm
#9
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2003
Location: south Yorkshire
Posts: 83
The worst drivers arn't women. there the Spanish. On many accounts in Spain have a witnessed incompetence in motion.
Case 1 - this is what a friend of mine saw
Old Spanish woman in car, indicates to go left, turns right swirves to miss another car hits the pavement actually truns the car over, crawls out and runs into a grocery store to hide.
Case 2 - what I saw
Spanish taxi driver pulls up drop someone off, in doing so blocks off side road leading off the main road. Other spanish driver who comes up the side road but can't turn off due to the taxi cab leans out the window and starts shouting out some spanish profanities. Taxe driver refuses to move so the other car backes up then using the run up gather up as much speed as possible and smashes his way through the taxi cab (I kid you not)
Case 2 - Taxe cab I was in (Not same story as case 2)
No accident involved, but I was scared something cronic when been taken from the airport by a spanish taxi cab that starts going down the main road at 135 mph.
Case 1 - this is what a friend of mine saw
Old Spanish woman in car, indicates to go left, turns right swirves to miss another car hits the pavement actually truns the car over, crawls out and runs into a grocery store to hide.
Case 2 - what I saw
Spanish taxi driver pulls up drop someone off, in doing so blocks off side road leading off the main road. Other spanish driver who comes up the side road but can't turn off due to the taxi cab leans out the window and starts shouting out some spanish profanities. Taxe driver refuses to move so the other car backes up then using the run up gather up as much speed as possible and smashes his way through the taxi cab (I kid you not)
Case 2 - Taxe cab I was in (Not same story as case 2)
No accident involved, but I was scared something cronic when been taken from the airport by a spanish taxi cab that starts going down the main road at 135 mph.
Nov 30th 2003, 7:00 pm
#10
Moderated
Joined: Nov 2003
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 72
The story is so funny that I knocked off my laptop when I'm reading it and as I tried to reach for it I rear-ended the Chevy in front of me.
