sir_eccles

Unfortunately so, it has become more about the party than the ceremony to the point now that non-jewish teens are demanding "coming of age" parties to match. If you can, watch the movie "Keeping up with the Steins" it sums it up very well.

Sally Redux

But that's for a few teachers?

Sally Redux

I'm still reeling from the cost of my son graduating from high school.

I'll look out for that movie.

G.n.Tgirl

Yes, I heard some compare to wedding receptions!!

I will look out for that movie

Lorna at Vicenza

Yep - there were 5 or 6 teachers at the dinner. Not more than that. Just the fith year class teachers. Actually one of them was the vice headmistress and not actually a teacher at all - more a coordinator.

sir_eccles

To put it into context.

When I had mine in the 80s, in the UK the typical thing was to have people round to your house afterwards for a buffet lunch probably catered if you had quite a few people coming.

When I went to my cousins' parties in the 90s you hired a venue such as the temple hall or whatnot and many more people were invited.

I haven't been to one recently but you can see the progression.

Englishmum

Ha ha ha!

I live in the next town to the O/P (New York metro area....large Jewish population) and my son went to loads of Bar Mitzvahs and Bat Mitzvahs. The invites are just like posh wedding invitations (complete with a stamped self addressed envelope to confirm whether or not your offspring is going to attend or not).

My son received quite a number of invitations from girls he'd never even heard of! I think the mothers sometimes just get hold of the school directory and invite all the kids in the year group.

Oh....and he went to one Bar Mitzvah and said that the boy's uncle gave him a gift of a cheque for $50,000...

My son is still with his High School sweetheart. She was adopted from Mexico as a newborn. Her mother is Jewish and of course Judaism goes down the female line. She decided to convert at the age of 18 and had her Bat Mitzvah; we were invited to it and I'd never been to a Jewish ceremony before....it was actually quite moving, all the women (including me) were in tears!

G.n.Tgirl

Yep, complete with ribbon and raised print, one even had the girls name on the stamp!!

The girls are friends but by no means besties, think I'll stick to my $36 it's probably what I would spend if it were their birthday

Zoe Bell

That's exactly what happens , I work in the office a middle school and get tones of requests for the grade directory for that very reason

CAdreaming

You could buy a little gift.. A nice bracelet or necklace...

njmackem

It sounds like I dodged a rather expensive bullet with my step-daughter.

That said my son is only 6 so I better get saving up now!!! There was me thinking college was going to be expensive!!

Englishmum

Hmmmm - around here only something like that from Tiffany's would do...

sir_eccles

Ahh, now I see how Newt Gingrich ended up with a $500k tab with Tiffany's. He must have been invited to a lot of Bat Mitzvahs!

S Folinsky

The multiple of "chai" is just fine. The kids are only 13 or 14 and are not expected to fork over tons of money. Actually, I think a book would be a fine present. I would have your child pick out a book they would like to receive.

About a year back, a lawyer who was a rabbi passed away. A friend inquired of me if flowers would be appropriate. I said a charitable contribution in his name would be very appropriate. She donated $360.00 to Bet Tzedek. I also think this would be appropriate for a bar/bat mitzvah. [note -- I'm not talking amount but method].

Anian

So you are allowed to give out the addresses or just the names? Do the kids have pigeon holes at school or something?