Aus-UK, to move again or not?
Jul 29th 2004, 8:05 pm
#31
Banned
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,613
Originally posted by austin_d_powers
You seem to have some emotional problem concerning your friends/family in the UK.
Considering your age (30ish) and the time span involved perhaps its time for you to concentrate on living your own life and try to give up your happy family fantasy.
Your friends (a long time ago) don’t owe you anything; they have grown up and have their own lives to live. People change and move on, that’s just the way life is.
Families really don’t own you anything in the way of liking you, talking to you or interacting with you in any way. If your family members will help you in times of real need (even if they have nothing to do with you the rest of the time) then they are meeting their family duties.
Australia is where you have had your education and a successful career (living your own life). Yet you are obviously leaning towards returning to the UK to be close to your family (happy family fantasy).
If you return to the UK: What will happen to your career?, You will probably piss off your relatives by trying too hard to establish friendships with them.
Just like other people your family members have grown up and have their own lives to live. Most family interaction will be due to family obligations (xmas, etc), where many family members would rather be somewhere else doing something else.
Remember family members are family not friends.
The long-term solution for you would be to remain in Australia, continue your successful career, find a wife (that has a large and close nit family) and start a family of your own.
You will then have your own immediate family and new extended family to love and for emotional support.
Since your relationship with your family in the UK is improving, don’t rock the boat. You can save some money by using the phone instead of flying out to the UK.
If your family members in the UK are really desperate to see you they will fly out to Australia.
If your family members don’t come to Australia, it doesn’t mean they don’t want anything to do with you.
And if they do come to Australia, it doesn’t mean they came to see you.
Your family members aren’t spending their time thinking about you, they are busy living their own lives.
Maybe you should spend less time thinking about your family members and more time just living your own life.
Life is short; you don’t want to wake up one day and wonder where it all went.
You seem to have some emotional problem concerning your friends/family in the UK.
Considering your age (30ish) and the time span involved perhaps its time for you to concentrate on living your own life and try to give up your happy family fantasy.
Your friends (a long time ago) don’t owe you anything; they have grown up and have their own lives to live. People change and move on, that’s just the way life is.
Families really don’t own you anything in the way of liking you, talking to you or interacting with you in any way. If your family members will help you in times of real need (even if they have nothing to do with you the rest of the time) then they are meeting their family duties.
Australia is where you have had your education and a successful career (living your own life). Yet you are obviously leaning towards returning to the UK to be close to your family (happy family fantasy).
If you return to the UK: What will happen to your career?, You will probably piss off your relatives by trying too hard to establish friendships with them.
Just like other people your family members have grown up and have their own lives to live. Most family interaction will be due to family obligations (xmas, etc), where many family members would rather be somewhere else doing something else.
Remember family members are family not friends.
The long-term solution for you would be to remain in Australia, continue your successful career, find a wife (that has a large and close nit family) and start a family of your own.
You will then have your own immediate family and new extended family to love and for emotional support.
Since your relationship with your family in the UK is improving, don’t rock the boat. You can save some money by using the phone instead of flying out to the UK.
If your family members in the UK are really desperate to see you they will fly out to Australia.
If your family members don’t come to Australia, it doesn’t mean they don’t want anything to do with you.
And if they do come to Australia, it doesn’t mean they came to see you.
Your family members aren’t spending their time thinking about you, they are busy living their own lives.
Maybe you should spend less time thinking about your family members and more time just living your own life.
Life is short; you don’t want to wake up one day and wonder where it all went.
If you're really NOT trolling, then I find your attitudes a bit odd.
You moved out to Aus when you were 12-13 years old.
Yet soon you found the non-immediate family (cousins, aunt, uncle, g'parents) you left behind to be one of the most important 'gaps' or sadnesses in your life and that feeling has stayed until now, when you are about 28?
You made no compensating relationships in the intervening 15 years?
Now you have NOBODY in Aus you would miss if you left the place? (I presume that includes ma/ pa - why? No time for them? Deceased?)
Are you perhaps neglecting/ finding it difficult to forge new relationships?
Your comments about now being a good time to get married etc are a bit immature as well, are you just going to pick a woman out from the crowd and get it on?
Not having a go or anything.
Jul 30th 2004, 11:58 am
#32
Just Joined
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 7
Re: Aus-UK, to move again or not?
Originally posted by boddington
Hi everyone! I've got no idea where to start on this forum so I thought I'd just explain my general situation. I would appreciate any thoughts or advice from anyone who may have experienced something similar.
Here goes:
I was born in manchester, UK,
Moved to Australia 1989
Was EXTREMELY HOMESICK SO
moved back to UK 1993
Had a few problems so reluctantly
moved back to Australia 1995
Have enjoyed overall and achieved and learnt a lot
But now feel very unsettled again and am unsure what to do long term!!!
Now I'll explain the reasons:
I originally moved to Aus because my dad got a job here and so I moved with him, my mum and siblings.
I HATED IT, because the people I love (Cousins, aunt, uncle, grandparents) are all in the UK.
Also I love UK culture (or most aspects of it) and am proudly British. I like the food, pubs, accents etc, and particularly love going to the places I was brought up.
I moved back, but made the big mistake of expecting things to be exactly as they had prior to moving to Aus, or even a bit better. They unfortunately were not. I felt like all the relatives I mentioned above were rejecting me and didn't want anything to do with me. I also felt that my UK friends whom I tried to re-connect with were doing the same.
Looking back I realise neither of these things was really the case, or at least not as much as I thought. It was more the way I percieved things, and the fact that, being 18years old, I really needed much more support than I was getting.
So out of sheer desperation I moved back to Aus, not really expecting anything at all. I just decided to put all the problems to one side for the time being.
I was able to achieve a lot and finish university, and get started in a good career.
I now have a job I really like, and in most respects I like the Australian way of life. I no longer see it through the "black tinted glasses" like I did the first time, and I no longer see England through the rose tinted glasses I did! I believe I now have a realistic understanding of both countries, advantages and disadvantages which both have.
Since coming back to Aus in 1995 I have been visiting the UK every 12-18 months. Over that time I have found my relationships in the UK have gradually improved and, whilst still not as good as I would like, are now pretty good.
I now have a very difficult decision to make, because I'm not sure I can continue going back to UK every 12-18months, especially once I get married / have kids, which I would like to do quite soon (although no serious girlfriend at present)
I also know that the UK is very expensive to live in in many respects, but then again you tend to be better paid.
By the way there is nobody in Aus who I would miss
I suppose my options are:
1. Stay in Aus and keep visiting UK every 1-2 years (very expensive to do, and could be difficult as I said earlier)
2. Go back to UK and visit Aus every 5yrs or so if I want to
3. Stay in Aus and settle for not going back to UK so often, maybe only once every 5-6yrs. But I am pretty certain I would get desperately homesick and miss my family in UK like mad.
OK that's enough from me for now!. Usually I make decisions quickly and easily but this is proving very hard! Anyone got any advice?
Hi everyone! I've got no idea where to start on this forum so I thought I'd just explain my general situation. I would appreciate any thoughts or advice from anyone who may have experienced something similar.
Here goes:
I was born in manchester, UK,
Moved to Australia 1989
Was EXTREMELY HOMESICK SO
moved back to UK 1993
Had a few problems so reluctantly
moved back to Australia 1995
Have enjoyed overall and achieved and learnt a lot
But now feel very unsettled again and am unsure what to do long term!!!
Now I'll explain the reasons:
I originally moved to Aus because my dad got a job here and so I moved with him, my mum and siblings.
I HATED IT, because the people I love (Cousins, aunt, uncle, grandparents) are all in the UK.
Also I love UK culture (or most aspects of it) and am proudly British. I like the food, pubs, accents etc, and particularly love going to the places I was brought up.
I moved back, but made the big mistake of expecting things to be exactly as they had prior to moving to Aus, or even a bit better. They unfortunately were not. I felt like all the relatives I mentioned above were rejecting me and didn't want anything to do with me. I also felt that my UK friends whom I tried to re-connect with were doing the same.
Looking back I realise neither of these things was really the case, or at least not as much as I thought. It was more the way I percieved things, and the fact that, being 18years old, I really needed much more support than I was getting.
So out of sheer desperation I moved back to Aus, not really expecting anything at all. I just decided to put all the problems to one side for the time being.
I was able to achieve a lot and finish university, and get started in a good career.
I now have a job I really like, and in most respects I like the Australian way of life. I no longer see it through the "black tinted glasses" like I did the first time, and I no longer see England through the rose tinted glasses I did! I believe I now have a realistic understanding of both countries, advantages and disadvantages which both have.
Since coming back to Aus in 1995 I have been visiting the UK every 12-18 months. Over that time I have found my relationships in the UK have gradually improved and, whilst still not as good as I would like, are now pretty good.
I now have a very difficult decision to make, because I'm not sure I can continue going back to UK every 12-18months, especially once I get married / have kids, which I would like to do quite soon (although no serious girlfriend at present)
I also know that the UK is very expensive to live in in many respects, but then again you tend to be better paid.
By the way there is nobody in Aus who I would miss
I suppose my options are:
1. Stay in Aus and keep visiting UK every 1-2 years (very expensive to do, and could be difficult as I said earlier)
2. Go back to UK and visit Aus every 5yrs or so if I want to
3. Stay in Aus and settle for not going back to UK so often, maybe only once every 5-6yrs. But I am pretty certain I would get desperately homesick and miss my family in UK like mad.
OK that's enough from me for now!. Usually I make decisions quickly and easily but this is proving very hard! Anyone got any advice?
Aussie provides a better quality life but my advice is ,if poss, get into Sydney, melb or Gold coast where there is much more vibrance than Adelaide. Mix more and try concentate on a career. I did the same and now hope soon to buy a flat in London simply as a base for my trips. This will be the best of both worlds for me as my work is contract so i can do it both. But it took me 15 yrs to get there so work out a goal and timelines and try to stick with them.
ps the UK I go back to now is infinitely different to the one I left 15 yrs ago so remeber to change your mindset to consider the changing face of the UK
Jul 30th 2004, 1:15 pm
#33
Just Joined
Joined: Jun 2004
Location: WA but going back HOME
Posts: 26
But from experience, after being away 6 years, Australia has also changed dramatically from when we were here before.
Lifes a bitch!!!
Lifes a bitch!!!
Jul 30th 2004, 1:18 pm
#34
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 308
Originally posted by Benny Hill
But from experience, after being away 6 years, Australia has also changed dramatically from when we were here before.
Lifes a bitch!!!
But from experience, after being away 6 years, Australia has also changed dramatically from when we were here before.
Lifes a bitch!!!
Hi B.H. What do you find is different?
Jul 30th 2004, 2:32 pm
#35
Just Joined
Joined: Jun 2004
Location: WA but going back HOME
Posts: 26
Lots of things, cost of living, cost of housing, and most importantly of all, attitudes to having to work to live, rather than live to work.
When we arrived, we looked forward to going to the beach after work, my husband has never been so knackered and has aged 10 years since we have been here!
Can't wait to get back and get paid decent salary!
When we arrived, we looked forward to going to the beach after work, my husband has never been so knackered and has aged 10 years since we have been here!
Can't wait to get back and get paid decent salary!
Jul 30th 2004, 4:42 pm
#36
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Far away from canned Oz
Posts: 1,833
Originally posted by Benny Hill
Lots of things, cost of living, cost of housing, and most importantly of all, attitudes to having to work to live, rather than live to work.
When we arrived, we looked forward to going to the beach after work, my husband has never been so knackered and has aged 10 years since we have been here!
Can't wait to get back and get paid decent salary!
Lots of things, cost of living, cost of housing, and most importantly of all, attitudes to having to work to live, rather than live to work.
When we arrived, we looked forward to going to the beach after work, my husband has never been so knackered and has aged 10 years since we have been here!
Can't wait to get back and get paid decent salary!
Jul 31st 2004, 9:54 am
#37
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 20
Originally posted by Benny Hill
Lots of things, cost of living, cost of housing, and most importantly of all, attitudes to having to work to live, rather than live to work.
When we arrived, we looked forward to going to the beach after work, my husband has never been so knackered and has aged 10 years since we have been here!
Can't wait to get back and get paid decent salary!
Lots of things, cost of living, cost of housing, and most importantly of all, attitudes to having to work to live, rather than live to work.
When we arrived, we looked forward to going to the beach after work, my husband has never been so knackered and has aged 10 years since we have been here!
Can't wait to get back and get paid decent salary!
Jul 31st 2004, 7:54 pm
#38
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 576
My hubbys working week here is 45 hrs back home in Scotland 37 hrs depending on weather. less in summer due to no probs with central heating systems. Salary has dropped from £23K to $N49 (£17 approx). One big shock to us was when hubbys work gets quiet they will cut his hours. Back home hubby was salaried so this never happened.
So what do you do when your bills are the same but wages less. Noone can survive on that system.
Well be home in the new year. Back to earn decent wages, decent hours and central heating in the winter Hurray!
So what do you do when your bills are the same but wages less. Noone can survive on that system.
Well be home in the new year. Back to earn decent wages, decent hours and central heating in the winter Hurray!
Aug 1st 2004, 11:32 am
#39
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 20
Thanks everyone again for all this advice I'm getting. I can still see lots of very good reasons to stay here in oz, and lots of very good reasons to at least try living back in UK.
I am finding this very weird because I normally make a decision and stick to it quite easily. Even moving to the other side of the world has been a reasonably easy decision to make for me in the past.
This time it's not! This morning I felt fairly sure I would stay here. I spent most of the day looking at houses and home loans and was seriously considering buying one.
Then in the evening I did my grocery shopping and discovered that no supermarkets round here seem to seel Mr Kipling cakes anymore, I even checked 3 other supermarkets and non had any, whereas previously every supermarket stocked them. This little thing was enough to make me unsure again!
Then I watched a TV program which showed a castle in the English countryside and now I desperately want to be back home again!!!!!!!
I just keep going from one side of the fence to the other at the moment, so please keep those messages coming! They do help!
I am finding this very weird because I normally make a decision and stick to it quite easily. Even moving to the other side of the world has been a reasonably easy decision to make for me in the past.
This time it's not! This morning I felt fairly sure I would stay here. I spent most of the day looking at houses and home loans and was seriously considering buying one.
Then in the evening I did my grocery shopping and discovered that no supermarkets round here seem to seel Mr Kipling cakes anymore, I even checked 3 other supermarkets and non had any, whereas previously every supermarket stocked them. This little thing was enough to make me unsure again!
Then I watched a TV program which showed a castle in the English countryside and now I desperately want to be back home again!!!!!!!
I just keep going from one side of the fence to the other at the moment, so please keep those messages coming! They do help!
Aug 1st 2004, 12:35 pm
#40
Banned
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 4,432
"Then came there two women, that were harlots, unto the king, and stood before him. And the one woman said, O my lord, I and this woman dwell in one house; and I was delivered of a child with her in the house. And it came to pass the third day after that I was delivered, that this woman was delivered also: and we were together; there was no stranger with us in the house, save we two in the house. And this woman's child died in the night; because she overlaid it. And she arose at midnight, and took my son from beside me, while thine handmaid slept, and laid it in her bosom, and laid her dead child in my bosom. And when I rose in the morning to give my child suck, behold, it was dead: but when I had considered it in the morning, behold, it was not my son, which I did bear.
And the other woman said, Nay; but the living is my son, and the dead is thy son. And this said, No; but the dead its thy son, and the living is my son. Thus they spake before the king.
Then said the king, The one saith, This is my son that liveth, and thy son is the dead: and the other saith, Nay; but thy son is the dead, and my son is the living.
And the king said, Bring me a sword.
And they brought a sword before the king. And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other.
Then spake the woman whose the living child was unto the king, for her bowels yearned upon her son, and she said, O my lord, give her the living child, and in no wise slay it.
But the other said, Let it be neither mine nor thine, but divide it.
Then the king answered and said, Give her the living child, and in no wise slay it: she is the mother thereof.
And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had judged; and they feared the king: for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him, to do judgment."
1 Kings 3:16-28
And the other woman said, Nay; but the living is my son, and the dead is thy son. And this said, No; but the dead its thy son, and the living is my son. Thus they spake before the king.
Then said the king, The one saith, This is my son that liveth, and thy son is the dead: and the other saith, Nay; but thy son is the dead, and my son is the living.
And the king said, Bring me a sword.
And they brought a sword before the king. And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other.
Then spake the woman whose the living child was unto the king, for her bowels yearned upon her son, and she said, O my lord, give her the living child, and in no wise slay it.
But the other said, Let it be neither mine nor thine, but divide it.
Then the king answered and said, Give her the living child, and in no wise slay it: she is the mother thereof.
And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had judged; and they feared the king: for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him, to do judgment."
1 Kings 3:16-28
Aug 1st 2004, 5:53 pm
#41
Banned
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,613
That old Solomon was a wise old codger, n'est-ce pas?
So what's it gonna be, bodds? - UK where your rellies don't like you as much as you'd wish or Aus where you don't fit in so well?
Alternatively, you could just do your own thing anywhere you goddamn please and make your own luck.
So what's it gonna be, bodds? - UK where your rellies don't like you as much as you'd wish or Aus where you don't fit in so well?
Alternatively, you could just do your own thing anywhere you goddamn please and make your own luck.
Aug 1st 2004, 7:17 pm
#42
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 6,360
Originally posted by boddington
Thanks everyone again for all this advice I'm getting. I can still see lots of very good reasons to stay here in oz, and lots of very good reasons to at least try living back in UK.
I am finding this very weird because I normally make a decision and stick to it quite easily. Even moving to the other side of the world has been a reasonably easy decision to make for me in the past.
This time it's not! This morning I felt fairly sure I would stay here. I spent most of the day looking at houses and home loans and was seriously considering buying one.
Then in the evening I did my grocery shopping and discovered that no supermarkets round here seem to seel Mr Kipling cakes anymore, I even checked 3 other supermarkets and non had any, whereas previously every supermarket stocked them. This little thing was enough to make me unsure again!
Then I watched a TV program which showed a castle in the English countryside and now I desperately want to be back home again!!!!!!!
I just keep going from one side of the fence to the other at the moment, so please keep those messages coming! They do help!
Thanks everyone again for all this advice I'm getting. I can still see lots of very good reasons to stay here in oz, and lots of very good reasons to at least try living back in UK.
I am finding this very weird because I normally make a decision and stick to it quite easily. Even moving to the other side of the world has been a reasonably easy decision to make for me in the past.
This time it's not! This morning I felt fairly sure I would stay here. I spent most of the day looking at houses and home loans and was seriously considering buying one.
Then in the evening I did my grocery shopping and discovered that no supermarkets round here seem to seel Mr Kipling cakes anymore, I even checked 3 other supermarkets and non had any, whereas previously every supermarket stocked them. This little thing was enough to make me unsure again!
Then I watched a TV program which showed a castle in the English countryside and now I desperately want to be back home again!!!!!!!
I just keep going from one side of the fence to the other at the moment, so please keep those messages coming! They do help!
Aug 1st 2004, 7:45 pm
#43
Banned
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,613
Originally posted by bridiej
I dont think Mr Kipling and castles is a good enough reason to want to come back to the UK!
I dont think Mr Kipling and castles is a good enough reason to want to come back to the UK!
You're a nutter!
Aug 1st 2004, 11:37 pm
#44
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Bournemouth > Bribie Island, Queensland>Brisbane
Posts: 234
Having moved to Aus at the beginning of the year I can relate to what Boddington is saying. It is not just the cup cakes or the castle but lots of little things that he misses.
I can't say that I miss my family that much - I miss my friends more but not enough to go back. But take that and add the TV, career opportunities, shops, decent schools, close proximity to Europe/States and cheapness of travel and I can tell you it stacks up. It is not just one thing you miss but the whole package. What is important is to remember what pissed you off enough to move to the other side of the world in the first place and whether you can go back and now live with those things or not. If you can then the decision is made - or not!!!
I can't say that I miss my family that much - I miss my friends more but not enough to go back. But take that and add the TV, career opportunities, shops, decent schools, close proximity to Europe/States and cheapness of travel and I can tell you it stacks up. It is not just one thing you miss but the whole package. What is important is to remember what pissed you off enough to move to the other side of the world in the first place and whether you can go back and now live with those things or not. If you can then the decision is made - or not!!!
Aug 2nd 2004, 12:08 am
#45
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2003
Location: South West Sydney
Posts: 144
Cannot say this has been our experience, don't fancy aging 10 years! I live in Sydney and work less hours than I did in the UK as does my wife. We live mortgage free and are able to afford to travel a fair amount. I also have an extra week of annual leave, and my wife’s boss usually gives her extra days off over the Christmas period . Over all I am content in how things have turned out for us, hence we have been in OZ for 8 years. We recently returned from a 5 week holiday in the UK and were not very impressed (without going into detail) overall with our former homeland. Anyway good fortune to you.
Originally posted by Benny Hill
Lots of things, cost of living, cost of housing, and most importantly of all, attitudes to having to work to live, rather than live to work.
When we arrived, we looked forward to going to the beach after work, my husband has never been so knackered and has aged 10 years since we have been here!
Can't wait to get back and get paid decent salary!
Lots of things, cost of living, cost of housing, and most importantly of all, attitudes to having to work to live, rather than live to work.
When we arrived, we looked forward to going to the beach after work, my husband has never been so knackered and has aged 10 years since we have been here!
Can't wait to get back and get paid decent salary!