Aus-UK, to move again or not?
Jul 27th 2004, 3:12 am
#16
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Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Body is in Brissie. Heart and soul has long flown home.
Posts: 3,722
Re: Aus-UK, to move again or not?
Originally posted by boddington
Hi everyone! I've got no idea where to start on this forum so I thought I'd just explain my general situation. I would appreciate any thoughts or advice from anyone who may have experienced something similar.
Here goes:
I was born in manchester, UK,
Moved to Australia 1989
Was EXTREMELY HOMESICK SO
moved back to UK 1993
Had a few problems so reluctantly
moved back to Australia 1995
Have enjoyed overall and achieved and learnt a lot
But now feel very unsettled again and am unsure what to do long term!!!
Now I'll explain the reasons:
I originally moved to Aus because my dad got a job here and so I moved with him, my mum and siblings.
I HATED IT, because the people I love (Cousins, aunt, uncle, grandparents) are all in the UK.
Also I love UK culture (or most aspects of it) and am proudly British. I like the food, pubs, accents etc, and particularly love going to the places I was brought up.
I moved back, but made the big mistake of expecting things to be exactly as they had prior to moving to Aus, or even a bit better. They unfortunately were not. I felt like all the relatives I mentioned above were rejecting me and didn't want anything to do with me. I also felt that my UK friends whom I tried to re-connect with were doing the same.
Looking back I realise neither of these things was really the case, or at least not as much as I thought. It was more the way I percieved things, and the fact that, being 18years old, I really needed much more support than I was getting.
So out of sheer desperation I moved back to Aus, not really expecting anything at all. I just decided to put all the problems to one side for the time being.
I was able to achieve a lot and finish university, and get started in a good career.
I now have a job I really like, and in most respects I like the Australian way of life. I no longer see it through the "black tinted glasses" like I did the first time, and I no longer see England through the rose tinted glasses I did! I believe I now have a realistic understanding of both countries, advantages and disadvantages which both have.
Since coming back to Aus in 1995 I have been visiting the UK every 12-18 months. Over that time I have found my relationships in the UK have gradually improved and, whilst still not as good as I would like, are now pretty good.
I now have a very difficult decision to make, because I'm not sure I can continue going back to UK every 12-18months, especially once I get married / have kids, which I would like to do quite soon (although no serious girlfriend at present)
I also know that the UK is very expensive to live in in many respects, but then again you tend to be better paid.
By the way there is nobody in Aus who I would miss
I suppose my options are:
1. Stay in Aus and keep visiting UK every 1-2 years (very expensive to do, and could be difficult as I said earlier)
2. Go back to UK and visit Aus every 5yrs or so if I want to
3. Stay in Aus and settle for not going back to UK so often, maybe only once every 5-6yrs. But I am pretty certain I would get desperately homesick and miss my family in UK like mad.
OK that's enough from me for now!. Usually I make decisions quickly and easily but this is proving very hard! Anyone got any advice?
Hi everyone! I've got no idea where to start on this forum so I thought I'd just explain my general situation. I would appreciate any thoughts or advice from anyone who may have experienced something similar.
Here goes:
I was born in manchester, UK,
Moved to Australia 1989
Was EXTREMELY HOMESICK SO
moved back to UK 1993
Had a few problems so reluctantly
moved back to Australia 1995
Have enjoyed overall and achieved and learnt a lot
But now feel very unsettled again and am unsure what to do long term!!!
Now I'll explain the reasons:
I originally moved to Aus because my dad got a job here and so I moved with him, my mum and siblings.
I HATED IT, because the people I love (Cousins, aunt, uncle, grandparents) are all in the UK.
Also I love UK culture (or most aspects of it) and am proudly British. I like the food, pubs, accents etc, and particularly love going to the places I was brought up.
I moved back, but made the big mistake of expecting things to be exactly as they had prior to moving to Aus, or even a bit better. They unfortunately were not. I felt like all the relatives I mentioned above were rejecting me and didn't want anything to do with me. I also felt that my UK friends whom I tried to re-connect with were doing the same.
Looking back I realise neither of these things was really the case, or at least not as much as I thought. It was more the way I percieved things, and the fact that, being 18years old, I really needed much more support than I was getting.
So out of sheer desperation I moved back to Aus, not really expecting anything at all. I just decided to put all the problems to one side for the time being.
I was able to achieve a lot and finish university, and get started in a good career.
I now have a job I really like, and in most respects I like the Australian way of life. I no longer see it through the "black tinted glasses" like I did the first time, and I no longer see England through the rose tinted glasses I did! I believe I now have a realistic understanding of both countries, advantages and disadvantages which both have.
Since coming back to Aus in 1995 I have been visiting the UK every 12-18 months. Over that time I have found my relationships in the UK have gradually improved and, whilst still not as good as I would like, are now pretty good.
I now have a very difficult decision to make, because I'm not sure I can continue going back to UK every 12-18months, especially once I get married / have kids, which I would like to do quite soon (although no serious girlfriend at present)
I also know that the UK is very expensive to live in in many respects, but then again you tend to be better paid.
By the way there is nobody in Aus who I would miss
I suppose my options are:
1. Stay in Aus and keep visiting UK every 1-2 years (very expensive to do, and could be difficult as I said earlier)
2. Go back to UK and visit Aus every 5yrs or so if I want to
3. Stay in Aus and settle for not going back to UK so often, maybe only once every 5-6yrs. But I am pretty certain I would get desperately homesick and miss my family in UK like mad.
OK that's enough from me for now!. Usually I make decisions quickly and easily but this is proving very hard! Anyone got any advice?
I think you're looking for something which does not exist. Except the fact that if you stay in Aus you will miss things about the UK, and vice versa... If you go back to the Uk you'll probably miss certain things about Aus too.. each country which you live in you take a little bit of that country along with you too.
Ask yourself this; If your family and friends in the UK were here in Aus what would be your decision then? ( I know what my personal answer would be.. and it would be to still go back home to my country were my heart is)
I find it too simplistic to put things down to home sickness regarding family.. there are so many reasons and factors. ( it's where your heart is) . you either know in your heart where you want to be, or not.. if you are indecisive it means that you have no great love for either country.. and it's truly just the case of missing your family, which can't really be solved either.. you then have to choose what do you want.. if you want your family close to you , there's only one answer.
Just my opinion of travelling, living and working in various countries for years and know that you take a part of each country with you, and knowing where I want to return to and finally rest ( and that's back in Wales)
Cheers
Last edited by Ceri; Jul 27th 2004 at 4:42 am.
Jul 27th 2004, 9:40 am
#17
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Joined: Jul 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 20
WOW thanks guys! There's a lot of very worthwhile things for me to consider there.
Answers to some questions raised: If my cousins, and ideally my aunt and uncle and grandparents, were to move to Australia - I would stay here. That's for sure. I know that because I have been reasonably settled here for the last 4 or 5 years because I believed that at least one cousin was going to move here.
No unfortunately for me he's changed his mind, becuase it's too far from where most of his family are (very sensible lad!)
In terms of listing what's most important to me I suppose I should, and usually would put family, UK lifestyle and career ahead of standard of living or weather. It still seems hard though because there are certain things about Australian standard of living and weather I do like!
I suppose I have to realise I just cannot have it all!
Also as far as weather goes like you said it's cheaper to travel UK-aus than other way, and there's sunny places in europe I can easily go for holidays if I live in UK
I may sound like I've made up my mind but I'm still not quite sure!
I don't like the thought of moving to UK, then having to move back here yet again if it doesn't work out, way too much upheaval and as has been said it takes a big bite out of your money and career, as well as making it difficult to settle, marry or have kids!
I was thinking today about the possibility of moving to Queensland. I have only been once for a holiday on the Gold Coast, but it seems like paradise to me. I would love the weather, lifestyle, style of buildings, holiday atmosphere and access to all the tourist things like theme parks, casinos, shops, hotels etc.
But I don't think that's realistic. You can't be on holiday all the time wherever you are (unless you are a millionaire, anyone spare me a million dollars please?)
Seriously though it probably wouldn't work because I don't know anyone at all there, and it wouldn't help with the problem of missing people in UK.
The main problem for me with moving back to UK is I'm not certain even now of the way I would get on with my family back there. As Dmartyos said, they all seem to "have their own lives". I don't quite know how to describe that. Just because you have your own life shouldn't mean you have nothing to do with relatives who love you, should it?
Then again, it would devastate me if I went back and experienced a repeat of last time. Don't know if I would or not becuase I get on ok with them all now.
It's weird, it's like I have a better relationship with them from Oz than if I lived down the road from them???
Thanks for everyones advice anyway and keep it coming.
Answers to some questions raised: If my cousins, and ideally my aunt and uncle and grandparents, were to move to Australia - I would stay here. That's for sure. I know that because I have been reasonably settled here for the last 4 or 5 years because I believed that at least one cousin was going to move here.
No unfortunately for me he's changed his mind, becuase it's too far from where most of his family are (very sensible lad!)
In terms of listing what's most important to me I suppose I should, and usually would put family, UK lifestyle and career ahead of standard of living or weather. It still seems hard though because there are certain things about Australian standard of living and weather I do like!
I suppose I have to realise I just cannot have it all!
Also as far as weather goes like you said it's cheaper to travel UK-aus than other way, and there's sunny places in europe I can easily go for holidays if I live in UK
I may sound like I've made up my mind but I'm still not quite sure!
I don't like the thought of moving to UK, then having to move back here yet again if it doesn't work out, way too much upheaval and as has been said it takes a big bite out of your money and career, as well as making it difficult to settle, marry or have kids!
I was thinking today about the possibility of moving to Queensland. I have only been once for a holiday on the Gold Coast, but it seems like paradise to me. I would love the weather, lifestyle, style of buildings, holiday atmosphere and access to all the tourist things like theme parks, casinos, shops, hotels etc.
But I don't think that's realistic. You can't be on holiday all the time wherever you are (unless you are a millionaire, anyone spare me a million dollars please?)
Seriously though it probably wouldn't work because I don't know anyone at all there, and it wouldn't help with the problem of missing people in UK.
The main problem for me with moving back to UK is I'm not certain even now of the way I would get on with my family back there. As Dmartyos said, they all seem to "have their own lives". I don't quite know how to describe that. Just because you have your own life shouldn't mean you have nothing to do with relatives who love you, should it?
Then again, it would devastate me if I went back and experienced a repeat of last time. Don't know if I would or not becuase I get on ok with them all now.
It's weird, it's like I have a better relationship with them from Oz than if I lived down the road from them???
Thanks for everyones advice anyway and keep it coming.
Jul 27th 2004, 10:57 am
#18
You sip .... I glug !!!
Joined: Nov 2003
Location: Over the hill!
Posts: 2,790
Hi Boddington,
I normally just lurk on this part of the forum, but have to contribute here.
I was in a similar (but at same time different) situation.
I'm australian born and moved to UK (Scotish Highlands way up north of Inverness
) as a teenager. Absolutely hated it !!! hated my parents for making me move ! hated the weather ! hated the culture ! you name it I hated it ! 
Tried to go back to OZ when I was 18 to go to uni but circumstances prevented it so went to Uni in Glasgow instead.
That made a bit of a difference but still was a little bit homesick so though I would move back after graduation.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, not sure LOL) got offered a fantastic job in France straight out of Uni that I just could not turn down. 2 years later met a scottish guy and got married. Unfortunately he wouldnt even consider OZ so ....
10 years later got divorced. Met another scottish guy in germany who was more open to the idea of OZ. and after nearly 5 years in germany we moved to OZ.
So 24 years after first leaving OZ and 14 countries later, I'm finally back in OZ and LOVING it.
Guess what I'm trying to say is that if you have a hankering for the UK and feel a bit displaced / homesick / whatever in OZ then you should seriously consider moving back to UK.
I have very good memories of all the countries I lived / worked in, and there are things I miss about all of them, but at the end of the day they are just not HOME.
Home to me is OZ. Took me 24 years to get back here and to be honest with hindsight I wouldnt change any of it cos I had some great experiences and met some fantastic people, but I always had a "gap". Now the "gap" is gone. Cant explain it any better than that.
And its not about family or anything cos my rellies are in Brissie and I'm in Perth.
Its just an overall "HOME" feeling - like an itch that has to be scratched
Good Luck whatever you decide !
I normally just lurk on this part of the forum, but have to contribute here.
I was in a similar (but at same time different) situation.
I'm australian born and moved to UK (Scotish Highlands way up north of Inverness
) as a teenager. Absolutely hated it !!! hated my parents for making me move ! hated the weather ! hated the culture ! you name it I hated it ! Tried to go back to OZ when I was 18 to go to uni but circumstances prevented it so went to Uni in Glasgow instead.That made a bit of a difference but still was a little bit homesick so though I would move back after graduation.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, not sure LOL) got offered a fantastic job in France straight out of Uni that I just could not turn down. 2 years later met a scottish guy and got married. Unfortunately he wouldnt even consider OZ so ....
10 years later got divorced. Met another scottish guy in germany who was more open to the idea of OZ. and after nearly 5 years in germany we moved to OZ.So 24 years after first leaving OZ and 14 countries later, I'm finally back in OZ and LOVING it.
Guess what I'm trying to say is that if you have a hankering for the UK and feel a bit displaced / homesick / whatever in OZ then you should seriously consider moving back to UK.
I have very good memories of all the countries I lived / worked in, and there are things I miss about all of them, but at the end of the day they are just not HOME.
Home to me is OZ. Took me 24 years to get back here and to be honest with hindsight I wouldnt change any of it cos I had some great experiences and met some fantastic people, but I always had a "gap". Now the "gap" is gone. Cant explain it any better than that.
And its not about family or anything cos my rellies are in Brissie and I'm in Perth.
Its just an overall "HOME" feeling - like an itch that has to be scratched
Good Luck whatever you decide !
Jul 27th 2004, 5:43 pm
#19
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 308
It's worth remembering that family can drive you mad. They quite often appear selfish and distant. I think the reason for this is that we tend to have very high expectations of them which they can't possibly live up to. I think you should take the plunge and try the U.K. You will meet someone and have kids eventually and that will probably determine your home. You will meet someone whichever country you are in. If you save some British pounds whilst working here you will probably find it ok financially to return to Australia if that's what you decide to do. Nothing to lose, everything to gain.
Jul 27th 2004, 6:59 pm
#20
Banned
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,613
Originally posted by boddington
I know that because I have been reasonably settled here for the last 4 or 5 years because I believed that at least one cousin was going to move here.
No unfortunately for me he's changed his mind, becuase it's too far from where most of his family are (very sensible lad!)
I know that because I have been reasonably settled here for the last 4 or 5 years because I believed that at least one cousin was going to move here.
No unfortunately for me he's changed his mind, becuase it's too far from where most of his family are (very sensible lad!)
Unless you'd been bedding a delightful and comely first cousin (ain't illegal, but as it happens you're both blokes), how could ANYONE rational be so bothered about a cousin moving out that they'd put life on hold for 5 years until that cousin arrived?
Unbelievable.
Jul 28th 2004, 2:38 am
#21
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Joined: Nov 2002
Location: NZ since 2003.
Posts: 1,433
Originally posted by The Don
Nice troll.
Unless you'd been bedding a delightful and comely first cousin (ain't illegal, but as it happens you're both blokes), how could ANYONE rational be so bothered about a cousin moving out that they'd put life on hold for 5 years until that cousin arrived?
Unbelievable.
Nice troll.
Unless you'd been bedding a delightful and comely first cousin (ain't illegal, but as it happens you're both blokes), how could ANYONE rational be so bothered about a cousin moving out that they'd put life on hold for 5 years until that cousin arrived?
Unbelievable.
Don't be so rude Don.
Did I miss where he said he had put his life on hold? As it is, I and I'm sure may others, can understand someone "waiting in anticipation", that a relative may come out to OZ.
Gill
Jul 28th 2004, 9:22 am
#22
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Well The Don, I certainly haven't been putting my life on hold. Although I have been putting off the big things like buying a house, marrying and having kids.
Families are strange things. Some people love their parents, some don't. Some love their brothers or sisters, some don't. Some love their cousins, some don't. Some love their grandparents, some don't. You get the idea.
But if you just happen to love someone, (in a non sexual way), that you grew up with and share a lot in common with, and who is also a close blood relative, then yes you do sometimes do unselfish things for them, or because of them.
If you have nobody in your family you care that much about then you couldn't possibly understand that, but don't criticise those that do!
Families are strange things. Some people love their parents, some don't. Some love their brothers or sisters, some don't. Some love their cousins, some don't. Some love their grandparents, some don't. You get the idea.
But if you just happen to love someone, (in a non sexual way), that you grew up with and share a lot in common with, and who is also a close blood relative, then yes you do sometimes do unselfish things for them, or because of them.
If you have nobody in your family you care that much about then you couldn't possibly understand that, but don't criticise those that do!
Jul 28th 2004, 9:36 am
#23
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It's worth remembering that family can drive you mad. They quite often appear selfish and distant. I think the reason for this is that we tend to have very high expectations of them which they can't possibly live up to. I think you should take the plunge and try the U.K. You will meet someone and have kids eventually and that will probably determine your home. You will meet someone whichever country you are in. If you save some British pounds whilst working here you will probably find it ok financially to return to Australia if that's what you decide to do. Nothing to lose, everything to gain.
My only expectations of my family are that they keep in contact with me about any important things that happen, that they take the time to see me occassionally (perhaps 4 or 5 times a year), and that if they ever need any help of any kind they feel free to ask me, knowing that I would gladly oblige.
Now to me that doesn't seem like a great deal to expect really. But is it?
Jul 28th 2004, 12:26 pm
#24
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Posts: 7,613
Originally posted by boddington
Well The Don, I certainly haven't been putting my life on hold. Although I have been putting off the big things like buying a house, marrying and having kids.
Families are strange things. Some people love their parents, some don't. Some love their brothers or sisters, some don't. Some love their cousins, some don't. Some love their grandparents, some don't. You get the idea.
But if you just happen to love someone, (in a non sexual way), that you grew up with and share a lot in common with, and who is also a close blood relative, then yes you do sometimes do unselfish things for them, or because of them.
If you have nobody in your family you care that much about then you couldn't possibly understand that, but don't criticise those that do!
Well The Don, I certainly haven't been putting my life on hold. Although I have been putting off the big things like buying a house, marrying and having kids.
Families are strange things. Some people love their parents, some don't. Some love their brothers or sisters, some don't. Some love their cousins, some don't. Some love their grandparents, some don't. You get the idea.
But if you just happen to love someone, (in a non sexual way), that you grew up with and share a lot in common with, and who is also a close blood relative, then yes you do sometimes do unselfish things for them, or because of them.
If you have nobody in your family you care that much about then you couldn't possibly understand that, but don't criticise those that do!
Jul 28th 2004, 12:49 pm
#25
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Location: WA but going back HOME
Posts: 26
I can only agree with the earlier thread. You need to live somewhere that feels like home!
You won't ever be happy though until you are happy in yourself no matter what country you live in. You cannot chase rainbows forever!
Hope you find the answer soon.
Good luck
You won't ever be happy though until you are happy in yourself no matter what country you live in. You cannot chase rainbows forever!
Hope you find the answer soon.
Good luck
Jul 28th 2004, 2:30 pm
#26
¿Dónde estoy?
Joined: Jun 2004
Location: my paradise - Jávea
Posts: 13,330
Originally posted by boddington
It's weird, it's like I have a better relationship with them from Oz than if I lived down the road from them???
It's weird, it's like I have a better relationship with them from Oz than if I lived down the road from them???
I'm not as far away as you - only in Spain, although we did live in Florida last year (whole other story).........................................
but I/we definatley can understand that point - distance makes the heart grow fonder - and you don't get so fed up with people & hteir attitudes on 'short but sweet' visits!
Jul 28th 2004, 2:38 pm
#27
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Posts: 3,014
Originally posted by boddington
I have heard people say that about "high expectations" before. I am not having a go at you but I am confused as to what these expectations might be, and why the relatives couldn't possibly live up to them.
My only expectations of my family are that they keep in contact with me about any important things that happen, that they take the time to see me occassionally (perhaps 4 or 5 times a year), and that if they ever need any help of any kind they feel free to ask me, knowing that I would gladly oblige.
Now to me that doesn't seem like a great deal to expect really. But is it?
I have heard people say that about "high expectations" before. I am not having a go at you but I am confused as to what these expectations might be, and why the relatives couldn't possibly live up to them.
My only expectations of my family are that they keep in contact with me about any important things that happen, that they take the time to see me occassionally (perhaps 4 or 5 times a year), and that if they ever need any help of any kind they feel free to ask me, knowing that I would gladly oblige.
Now to me that doesn't seem like a great deal to expect really. But is it?
Basically they had moved on, they had got used to us being away and had their own lives. Whereas we had been a focal point of family gatherings and arrangements before we left, they now did not like the dependancy we had on support for our visits back, eg like the loan of a car or lifts or being around on a Thursday night when it was their normal gym/yoga/bridge/TV night.
So we grew up sharpish and knew we had the right idea for us (our small family unit) back in Aus and the rose tinted about our family back in the UK came into focus! It was an emotional lesson for us.
My sister has now stated she would like to 'consider' Aus and I have spent ages thinking and dreaming about this - a family member here in Aus would be the icing on the cake for me! But in the last four months since she made the statement I have realised I want her to move for me not her! Not the best reason to tell her all here is great?!
I can understand your feelings - but lucky for me I have 'family' here in terms of me and my husband and kids. I have also learnt many lessons about the 'people' we leave behind. They have lives to live, we are not a major part of those lives now and they would be slightly distrustful of forming any lasting bond or open show of our relationship in case of being hurt again?
Just my opinion in terms of the family I have
Cheers Sandra
Jul 28th 2004, 6:44 pm
#28
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,613
Originally posted by boddington
I have heard people say that about "high expectations" before. I am not having a go at you but I am confused as to what these expectations might be, and why the relatives couldn't possibly live up to them.
My only expectations of my family are that they keep in contact with me about any important things that happen, that they take the time to see me occassionally (perhaps 4 or 5 times a year), and that if they ever need any help of any kind they feel free to ask me, knowing that I would gladly oblige.
Now to me that doesn't seem like a great deal to expect really. But is it?
I have heard people say that about "high expectations" before. I am not having a go at you but I am confused as to what these expectations might be, and why the relatives couldn't possibly live up to them.
My only expectations of my family are that they keep in contact with me about any important things that happen, that they take the time to see me occassionally (perhaps 4 or 5 times a year), and that if they ever need any help of any kind they feel free to ask me, knowing that I would gladly oblige.
Now to me that doesn't seem like a great deal to expect really. But is it?
What are you? - 28? Plenty of time to find a soulmate or two.
You needn't move hemispheres to find a soulmate and moving hemispheres isn't the magic answer to loneliness.
Jul 29th 2004, 12:28 pm
#29
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Posts: 20
mates are fine, so are soulmates, but personally I doubt very much that either could take the place of family.
Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. That's just what I believe.
Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. That's just what I believe.
Jul 29th 2004, 6:23 pm
#30
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 102
Originally posted by boddington
mates are fine, so are soulmates, but personally I doubt very much that either could take the place of family.
Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. That's just what I believe.
mates are fine, so are soulmates, but personally I doubt very much that either could take the place of family.
Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. That's just what I believe.
You seem to have some emotional problem concerning your friends/family in the UK.
Considering your age (30ish) and the time span involved perhaps its time for you to concentrate on living your own life and try to give up your happy family fantasy.
Your friends (a long time ago) don’t owe you anything; they have grown up and have their own lives to live. People change and move on, that’s just the way life is.
Families really don’t own you anything in the way of liking you, talking to you or interacting with you in any way. If your family members will help you in times of real need (even if they have nothing to do with you the rest of the time) then they are meeting their family duties.
Australia is where you have had your education and a successful career (living your own life). Yet you are obviously leaning towards returning to the UK to be close to your family (happy family fantasy).
If you return to the UK: What will happen to your career?, You will probably piss off your relatives by trying too hard to establish friendships with them.
Just like other people your family members have grown up and have their own lives to live. Most family interaction will be due to family obligations (xmas, etc), where many family members would rather be somewhere else doing something else.
Remember family members are family not friends.
The long-term solution for you would be to remain in Australia, continue your successful career, find a wife (that has a large and close nit family) and start a family of your own.
You will then have your own immediate family and new extended family to love and for emotional support.
Since your relationship with your family in the UK is improving, don’t rock the boat. You can save some money by using the phone instead of flying out to the UK.
If your family members in the UK are really desperate to see you they will fly out to Australia.
If your family members don’t come to Australia, it doesn’t mean they don’t want anything to do with you.
And if they do come to Australia, it doesn’t mean they came to see you.
Your family members aren’t spending their time thinking about you, they are busy living their own lives.
Maybe you should spend less time thinking about your family members and more time just living your own life.
Life is short; you don’t want to wake up one day and wonder where it all went.