Americish

Hi all, I’m a dual citizen raised in us but started my own family in Uk and lived there 10 years. Now we’re all in Phoenix az and struggling to feel settled after 3 years. Extended family, including my parents, are here which is why we came. I have 3 kids in primary school who are not being challenged and missing their British schools/friends. Husband and I are torn between moving back to London for their education or staying in Phoenix for family. Any advice or hindsight out there? We’re having such a difficult hot time deciding!!

civilservant

Personally, I think that you should stay where you are. The children, being only at primary school, will make new friends as they grow up, however, to raise them 'it take a village' as the saying goes and with your family here, this is where your 'village' is.

You don't really say if it's you and your husband that are 'unsettled' or just the kids. What would you both want to do if the kids were not a concern?

Pulaski

There isn't an easy, or certain answer, but I guess you knew that, which is presumably why you asked.

Only you can decide what it more important to you and your family, but my observations would be that while the UK and US education systems are different, I am not sure that the difference is big enough to make the entire stay-or-go decision on. My daughter is currently in her first year at high school (US-speak: 9th grade), and there is plenty going on in her curriculum despite it looking a lot different from what I experienced when I was at school and what she would be doing if we were living in the UK.

The one thing you haven't mentioned, is you and your husband's jobs/ careers. My take on family and family life is that everything you do is dependent having stable employment and career growth. So again it isn't the only factor, but if there is a significant difference to your job(s) then that would be something you should consider, with one of the big components of that being how much holiday time you get - IMO there isn't much point in having a "great job" and good income if you don't have the holiday time to get away, travel, relax, visit family, etc.

While we also have the option to return to the UK, my wife and I both have stable jobs with relatively generous vacation time by US standards, and while we could undoubtedly earn more if we had returned to the UK, all of that increase and more would be taken up with the cost of housing, so we have decided that we are better off where we are, with lower income, but higher disposable income. We also believe in stability in education and we pretty much committed to staying where we currently live once our daughter reached the age of around 10 so that she we go through the rest of her school career with a school that she is familiar with and her friends. ..... Would we move if we need to for work? Yes, of course, but now that our daughter has only 3½ years of school left, it would have to be something pretty cataclysmic to cause us to move and have to put her in a different school.

Winston_the_Great_Dane

I'm in a similar position; wife's family is here, but our kids were born in the UK. Schooling is a little behind the UK (Kids are pre-K). There's some things I miss about the UK, but on balance I see us staying here.

Weather here is more consistent in summer - UK weather is not great.
Better opportunities for our careers here and more $$
Nice house for sensible $$ (we live in the Midwest)
Kids close to cousins and some immediate familyKids are happy and don't really remember anything different.
Enough activities and hobbies here to keep us occupied (when we eventually get time)

I miss friends and family, but the above pros outweigh the cons for us.

My mantra is you don't find happiness, you make it.

Good luck with your choice

destone

Southern California you may like. Just as “affordable” (i.e. not) as London.

Americish

Thanks for taking the time to respond! We both miss London, but not the daily hustle! It feels like early retirement here, both working from home with flexible schedules. It feels in a sense like we are choosing our own comfort over the kids education, hence me feeling unsettled. This is definitely where our village is (although it’s a small one) so it’s almost like we’re choosing between their education or family. An impossible choice! They attended selective schools in London so I think that’s why we’re noticing such a dramatic difference.

Americish

thanks for responding!!! Career wise we are comfy here, I would have to move to part time in the Uk because there’s no one to help with the kids…lazy part of me wants to do that lol. I love my job, husband took a step back coming here but it’s more affordable so it evens out. Really the only lingering concern is the kids. They have made friends here and are getting used to life here, I just stress out that we’re not giving them the best opportunities that we could be giving them. But then I weigh the education piece with having family around and I’m caught in a vicious circle.

strat

Couldn’t comment on the moving part… been here for 29 years, and the UK I sort of remember, I doubt it exists anymore… or at least it will have changed a great deal. On schooling here, I am, everyday, amazed at the facilities and enthusiasm, at the schools my son has attended. I don’t mean the vast football stadiums… but the swimming (sons an avid swimmer), the music teaching (sons a budding jazz sax player), academics, yep, I can half relate to math and science progress, seems on track, wish I’d have known more about course selection, earlier… too much testing perhaps… my point is, in a good school area, I think education quality is excellent. Of late I also believe stability (as mentioned) trumps many things, and has a marked effect on kids social life, confidence etc, regardless where that stability occurs, UK or USA… future opportunities, post school, who knows, but at least those questions, are better asked now at this age than later when they are in high school.

retzie

Have you looked into other schools, with or without a move elsewhere in the Southwest? You might not be super-local to family anymore, but it would still be a lot easier than London!

PetrifiedExPat

Schooling on the whole is a major concern here, largely dreadful.

Steerpike

I don't know where you are located in AZ but have you heard of the 'Basis' schools? The Basis school in Scottsdale is ranked #38 in the whole country, which is pretty high! I know people who have moved to AZ just to get their kids into Basis. I don't have kids and don't have an opinion on the issue of whether it's better to be in a 'high pressure' school like this or not.

https://www.usnews.com/education/bes...scottsdale-871

Britexmom

I agree with previous poster about Basis schools, here in Tx charter schools are becoming increasingly popular.......it's more of a private school option but without the high dollar price tag.