graphicsgal

My Mum always said life is an adventure whether it's good or bad, plus try to take the scenic route. I've had both in my 22+ years of being here in the Pacific NW and will be returning home around March time to live back in the UK. It's been a decision that has taken 6 years for my head and heart to be in sync with each other. But after a terrible year, I have found that many things have been put into perspective, and having lost my Mum to Breast Cancer in '98 and never spending quality time with her. My Dad 84 has now had three heart attacks, on a walking stick and is showing signs of early dimentia, and my brother is very poorly. I want my kids (7, 11) to know their family for what time is left. It doesn't mean to say I'll live the rest of my life in the UK (I have way too much of an adventurist spirit). Besides retirement in Tuscany sounds pretty good
I am so grateful to the adventures that I've had here and feel very fortunate to have been able to experience all of it, right down to being one of the lucky people to actually be able to short sale their house in this dire economy. My husband has a good job, we are in a small 2 bed apt. with our two dogs but this allows me to rent a two bed flat in the UK for the start of that adventure. I have two beautiful children, met my husband, made some great friends and others wish I'd never met. Life is never easy whatever country you are in. But I have some fantastic adventures to tell my grandkids one day about riding my Harley down the West Coast and all the experiences I had living in the US. who knows maybe I'll be an international snowbird in my old age
No Regrets...Just very lucky to have been able to have the experience

Jerseygirl

A lesson to all of us who would love to go home but now have adult kids that have made there life this side of the pond. If you know that one day you will be going home...go while you still have parental control over them.

We didn't and our daughter is now almost 27. Every day we are torn with the decision...do we return home and only see our daughter maybe once a year. Or do we stay this side of the pond...where after 16 years we still feel like strangers.

karenmillvalley

What a lovely post. It is never too late to move back or on is it? I like that you spent 6 years getting yourself 'in sync'...I guess I will know, if and when I absolutely have to move back...and then, like you I will have an eye to Italy, or Spain or somewhere else for retirement!...Best wishes to you in your move back to UK....enjoy all those small pleasures..the tea, the food and most of all your Dads company. ...Karen

Spacecake799

Hi,

Can I just ask, do you think your daughter appreciates what you have done by staying?
We have been in NZ 5 years and wanted to go home for 2. Our daughter has just turned 18 and met her bf 18 mnths ago so asked if we would wait and see how that went.
They are still together we still want to go home and will have to leave her here if we do.
my only thought is if we do it now when she starts a family we can come back here. We do not have the money for visits back to the UK so are in a dilema.

Fish n Chips 56

This is what I was talking about to Karen, these things happen to real people everyday and many dont see it coming, Family is everything to some people and they only figure that out once they have left them behind, I suppose you just have to hope your daughter breaks up with her boyfriend and then makes a break for it, or offer to take him along then the ball is in his court...

Jerseygirl

We have stayed so far because of my husband's job...but now he's taken early retirement we are free to go back. I know that the thought of us moving back home upsets her. She went to uni in Toronto in 2003...then started work and got a boyfriend...they have been together for over 4 years and are getting married in March. Her job, friends and life is in Canada now. We moved to the US when she was 11...so she's lived more than half her life in North America.

In many ways I wish we had moved back whilst she was still at school...or encouraged her to go to uni in the UK.

paranoidandroid

I don't have to tell you, JG... you can't live your life for other people. If you did, you'd never have left the UK. Do what you need to to make you happy, your daughter will do what she needs to make herself happy. Know what I mean?

Sally Redux

It's more about us missing our kids though.

Jerseygirl

Being near my daughter makes me happy. So it's a toss up...being near my daughter or going home.

Spacecake799

My family means everything to me. I have only my dad, sister, nieces and nephew in the UK and would be taking our 12 yr old son and seeing our 19 yr old son who returned to UK in March last year.
I really dont want to never see my family again. we really want the chance to travel and feel as life is on hold here. I am 40 and feel retired.
We have offered to have the bf live with us and prayed for a breakup although he is very nice.
My heart breaks at the thought of leaving my daughter here albeit with my father in law. It also breaks at never going home to what I know.
The question is do we stay here for our daughter because we bought her here?
We want for my husband to take our son home for the start of the new school year and I will stay here until our daughter starts Uni next Feb.
Just dont know how to do it.

Fish n Chips 56

Jersey, How many miles or hours away is your daughter from where you live?

How often do you see your daughter?

If you were living in the UK maybe you could go to Canada 3-4 times a year and she could visit you too, I know thats not the same but just trying to be positive...

Fish n Chips 56

Thats why I tell people to go while they are able, you just never know what is around the corner.

Ive been around care homes for 5 years and seen some younger people that would never be able to go back to the UK if they so wished, care homes are not just for older people, unforseen illness can change everything, then you are stuck forever, just saying.

Fish n Chips 56

You brought her here, so shouldn't you take her back?

Do you think your daughter may follow if you went back, I know that's a difficult thing to do.

I don't know your daughter but most 18 yr olds are not very mature, so maybe you are letting her make indirect decisions for the whole family, some might say that is selfish.

You really have to consider long term what is best for everyone not just your daughter, but to stay in NZ for the benefit of one seems wrong to me, Id say the same if it was a son, sorry to sound so blunt, but its not an easy one...

Life on hold, I understand that Totally, I've lived like that for years, (Long Story) its awful, now picture spending the next 10-30 years like that, living in a place where you don't feel exactly happy, always wanting to be somewhere else, you really do have to look into the future...

Karrie72

Just wanted to stop in and say 'Hi' to everyone. Happy New Year and hope that your dreams are becoming closer to reality. I haven't been on for a while, busy with work, kids etc. This theme of when to move back with kids really resonates with me.
My husband has agreed to move back when he takes early retirement in 5 years. At that point my daughter will be 18, son 13, son 8.
Time is passing so slowly for me yet the kids are becoming more and more Americanised to the point where sadly I feel I don't have much in common with them.
They watch American football with their Dad, I can't stand it and I hate seeing my little boys slowly morphing into these jock types. My daughter is completely celeb obsessed.
They really are being molded by their culture and it frightens me.
Maybe the U.K wouldn't be any different but wow, I feel like such a fish out of water trying to parent kids in this sports/celebrity obsessed world.
Sorry for the rant but I know most of you can relate.

Jerseygirl

At the moment we are an 8 hour drive or 1 hr plane trip away from Toronto. Long haul flying from the UK several times a year would be OK at the moment. I am looking to the future...when maybe flying such a distance is out of the question...either for health reasons or because insurance companies will not cover you. My parents have never been to visit me in the US because of health problems...my MIL can no longer get travel insurance.