TimFountain

Talking with my wife the other day, we came to the conclusion that we do not have any "real" friends over here. Sure we have acquaintances, but no one that we could really call friends and rely on in an emergency. It has been said on here before, but a lot of "friendships" here are based on what the other person thinks they can get from you.

We also both find that our acquaintances are very straight-minded, and to be honest not very humorous.

Of course on our side, have an 8-month old and 3 year old leaves no time for socializing or anything more than keeping the rug rats amused so they don't tear the place apart.... Over to you....

- Tim

TouristTrap

Yup. We have made some good friends, but nothing like we're used to.

Friendships here tend to be very shallow.

BigDavyG

I can't class any yanks I've met here (apart from the OH) as real friends - more acquaintances - some other immigrants I've met since I've been here would feature a bit higher up the list.

That said, it takes years and some kind of commonality to make really good friendships I think. I've only been here 18 months and don't really know any Yanks well enough to know if we have much in common or not.

TruBrit

after 5 yrs nope none i'd call friends and certainly no-one i'd call on for anything...a few aquaintances and that's all they are.

i find the peeps very shallow indeed.

Scouse Express

Yes - I have made several, and, we have hit it off quite well.

Most of them have known my wife for donkey's years, and, quite a few I know from my work.....as we spend long periods out on the road together, so, we have to have a good laugh to maintain our sanity.

I should add, only 1 or 2 of them are really good at sarcastic humour, though. Quite a few just get in a pissy mood and go and sulk if I pick on them

Jim.

Tbag

I think part of the problem, is that as you get older it just gets harder to make really good close friends anywhere.
People here are already established with a social life and have grown up with there friends and families just like we have in the UK and most are not really looking to add more that group. Perhaps too they think that we are just temporary as outsiders and they think it's not worth investing in us? Sad thought but definitely a possibility.
The other thing I find here in the states is the fact that people are so "transplant" meaning that so many people move around and relocate with work and careers etc too. I found people in Atlanta to be allot more shallow than the small town I live in now.

That said I have been here 15 years and in that time I have forged two very close friendships only. One with a fellow immigrant from France and the other an American here locally. I would and have called on her for good and tragic times, but apart from her Im sorry to say that they are the only two, and only one American::

scrubbedexpat097

I have a lot of friends here. Some that just started as aquaintances and are now after 20 years what I would class as very good friends.

I made some friends when we first moved here through my kids, getting involved in school events etc really helped. Then having always worked since we have been here meant I met a lot of people that way and I will say that the three people I class as my best friends are people I have worked with through the years.

Its hard to start friendships when you are older anywhere you move to as you dont have the history together as you do with life long friends.

Irn-bru

I made 2 great friends though they are in VA! Haven't made any friends since moving here.
I think people here are rather initially unfriendly not like the rest of the US.
I agree with Tbag when your older its hard to make that kind of solid friendships as most people have already made their best friends. Also what this fraternity best friend thing, I am fed up with that being said to me, as if I know what they are talking about or 'get it'.

gardnma

Thats true. Add little heathern-spawn-beast-children to the mix and you do tend to become quite inward focused ........ there have been many occasions when we should have mixed with couples we liked, but couldn't due to the kids' needs .......
I think there is a reluctance because of the "difference". With some Americans, there is no understanding of how to talk to Brits, or take them......so they just don't. A colleague once told me he was glad I started in the department as being English, I'd add some class ........
Abso-bloody-lutely. You are 100% correct. In some areas......
However, we also did the "Norman Rockwell" small town thing and found that they were intimidated......and totally out of touch with anything foreign.
Sounds close to my experiences Teaby. 5 years more and a total of 3.
But we've lost touch ..........

Bob

Made some good friends, but being so far away, it's hard to really say I could rely on any if in a bind....it's tough making friends at work because of the commute people have that there isn't much socialising outside of work...

Not going to school/uni here to have made those lifetime bonds you make doesn't help I think.

But we had a good discussion about this a while ago based on an article I read -

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...hlight=friends

aragorngw

I've made two really good friends in nine years and strangely, they are both female. My wife is as good friends with one of them as I am but the other one I met at work and we hit it off. Which obviously makes my wife a little nuts. Luckily the fact that I live 75 miles from where I work means little socialilzing happens so I don't have to constantly reassure my wife!!!

I find the guys I've met over here to be one dimensional and generally too much hard work. There is a real black or white mentality IMHO whereby if you don't agree with the guys 100% about everything then you are obviously "Not like them".

Sad but true.

Tbag

What a beautifully presented reply

Agree with you too on small town thing.............it did take a while to become accepted, they were intimidated that we moved from the big city let alone the Brit thing but they have come around ....................

I was looking for Thai green curry paste once which I spose is unusual to most but I had to have it and could not get it at first. I was told to lower my expectations by a relative........... that this wasn't Atlanta or Europe and I would learn to go without!! This just pissed me off enough to go out of my way to find it in the next town!!!!
Im a stubborn cow
I can't get used to the new smiles........I miss the rolleyes !!

I always thought that us not having kids probably didn't help as we were not exposed to other parents with a ways of forging possible friendships.............but it seems from some posts that
you just don't always have time to socialize or are too tired with little ones.............don't know how you all do it!!

ali_j

I've made real friends here .... with one American we clicked in a 'best friend' way almost immediately. She's one reason I'd like to stay in this area actually. With a few others, it took longer but we have lots of similarities at the core, and I've found that they are people I can rely on and trust, and also have a good laugh with.

I've also met British people over here with whom I've formed good friendships too.

But they are harder to find, because a lot of the ladies around where I live tend to have a kind type of interaction I find off-puttingly superficial at times. It bemuses me.

Overall, I've found fewer people to be friends with here than in the UK, which isn't a surprise considering I live in a foreign country.

gardnma

Norman,

I went to "Uni" here, albeit as a part time student and 10+ years older. From what I saw and heard (I know it cannot be all the same), you didn't miss much.
Also, having worked with recent grads, they don't tend to stay in touch as they move all over the country now..........

.........of course, in my line of work, you don't exactly meet normal people........

gardnma

........serious mind-altering drugs.