karni31

Thanks for all the words of advice everyone!

I have been back in the UK for about 3 weeks now. It has been lovely to spend time with mum and my niece and to be be back 'home' but.......to be honest the rosy tinted specs are starting to fade and I realise that I feel like a bit of an outsider. I miss my fiance so much I feel like I could just hop on a plane right now and go back to him:-(
Life feels so flat without him.

He has been trying to find work back in London, contacting his old employers etc but it doesnt look promising. He said he is willing to go back to London but it would only be for me, and it would only be to London (my family are in Northern Ireland). Neither of us really to be honest would choose London to settle, have family etc and I wonder if either of us could truly be happy with a compromise that neither of us want...

I dont think the awful winter weather helps the frame of mind either and am missing out on summer back in Oz with my man. I cant forget either the way I felt back in Oz and that homesick feeling and I still feel I just cant spend the rest of my life there.

I definetely wont be procreating anytime soon Elvira;-)...though we both want a family so much and I am not getting any younger. Ultimately I think I have to choose a life back in Ireland without him or one with him but most likely in Oz...ahhh!!!

Right now I feel there just isnt enough to stay in Ireland for when the most important person in the world to me is on the other side of the world..

I have been offered a 12 month job here also which adds further to the confusion. It is a good opportunity for me but I know if I take it that I am most likely going to be ending my relationship. There would be no work here for my fiance so living here for him just isnt an option.

Sorry for the whinge everyone!! I know there is no answer to it all..I just need to figure it out in my own mind!

Karni

Elaine B.

Hi Karni

sorry to hear your having such a hard time I hope things sort out for you soon. I'm from Northern Ireland too. I live in Toronto at the minute and recently have been thinking I'd like to move back home. Of course anyone I mention it to thinks I'm crazy thinking of moving to Northern Ireland with all it's problem but for me it's home and were my family is. My OH is Canadian but he did live in NI for 12 years. So I just wondered what your thoughts are on the place after being away for a while. I should mention I have 2 kids ages almost 5 and almost 6 months.

Elaine

quoll

Oh Karni, big {{{{hugs}}}} !!! No easy answer is there?!

Pollyana

It shouldn't matter, but often it does

used_car_salesman

I went back from Central Africa where I'd been after some extended tours around and did not like UK. Nothing wrong with it but did not fit in after being away so long. I had malaria and an injury but the NHS would not help which I accept - I filled in some form ages ago and I think that was a result. I got grief from the tax people and when I stuck to my guns they accepted I had no bill and left me alone - that was good. Got a couple of jobs - found it quite easy really and made ends meet. Could not fit in so got a job in Iraq which is not as bad a place as people think. My grandfather was here in the first world war - a Brit - I don't know the history. Started taking Arabic lessons - then learned they don't speak it. My daughter met me in Dubai and said I was a f'ing idiot. I already knew that but did not realise she was so rude. But I thought about it.

If it suits you to do something or be something then bollocks to the rest of it. Don't bother going back - you won't find anything you know - just buildings - and memories. Don't have daughters. Don't learn Arabic in Mesopotamia!

ShozInOz

Regret is too strong a word - our reasons were sound at the time. But now, 18 months on - we'll return as soon as I have a suitable job offer, probably early 2008. The UK was good for us without children. With children, we prefer Australia by quite a stretch.

simongb

Hi Karni! Here are my two cents...Your decision will not be a clean cut one. Whatever you decide will leave you with a 'what if..' feeling. That's just the way it's going to be. I think that we wait for 'fate' to make a decision for us, but at some point you are going to have to choose and then try and work through mourning the loss of the other possibilities. It sounds like you really love your fella and want to be with him. It also sounds like he is willing to compromise and live in London. Could that work for you? While it is not perfect, it is certainly closer than being downunder! The other thought I had while reading your posts was that no choice is binding forever. I think you may be thinking in 'forever' terms. You do have the right to change your mind at any time after you make your decision, regardless of what your guy wants or does. Also, you cannot control all the variables for the rest of your life. So, my advice would be to just make a decision. Just pick one path and follow it for a while. If it becomes unbearable, then choose another option. That will get things moving. Right now you are stuck in a no mans land. Not a comfortable place to be! Good luck!

isleofmanmike

dont dio it..... I moved back to UK 19 years ago...my wife loved it in aus we lived there togerether for 3 years that if we left she would never go back......I wanted to go back shortly after our return to UK but she wouldnt.....5 years later no visa......All my family live in Perth. sister in secret harbour... mum and brother in freo....I am now 49 and if anyone wants to leave Aus please get citizenship before you leave.....I now have the opportunity to return on a busines visa..I am being sponsored by the SBDC in perth....but now have a 17yr old daughter and 13 yr old son which makes things more complicated. Eventhough my wife LOVED PERTH, she is still trying to make me pay for bringing her back to the UK all those years ago......MY ADVICE IS GIVE AUS MORE OF A CHANCE...if you do leave get an aussie passport first...take care ....

nattyp

Hi Karni40 I think we chatted a while ago. Was interested to see you are back in the UK. I go at the end of the month. Think I am doing the right thing but leaving my Australian partner is going to be incredible tough. We aren't engaged or have any kids but I have been with him for nearly 4 years and love him very much. He got a working holiday visa but whether he will use it is anyone's guess. I think I am doing the right thing - hope so anyway. One thing, I am so happy to leave my job which has probably cast the largest shadow over my stay here. I would never get sponsored again, it's like being trapped. I hope ultimately you are happy wherever you end up. Nat

rebeccainnz

Hi Karni,

I've been reading your posts with interest. I am in a similar position in NZ. OH is from Uk but came here to emigrate (before we met) and refuses to consider living anywhere else. So I have to commit to staying forever, because he is not willing to move forward otherwise.

After a wonderful time in the early days (before we realised each other's view points), I've spent a year of agonsing over this I have finally decided to break away. It's so upsetting because I do love him, but I don't believe that relationships should come with a clause. It was too painful to break up entirely so we're having a 'break' to give ourselves a bit of space to think about it. I feel on a knife edge about to fall one way,... either committing to him and NZ 'forever' or jacking it all in and starting again.

Really really really tough )-: