joto

Hubby met one of his friends at work in New England, but then the friend moved to one of the southern states about 7 years ago and we only saw him occaisionaly. I did not meet his wife until about 18 months ago and we hit it off like a house on fire we can say anything around them and they will say anything around us and we have a similar sense of humour. In fact they came with us to our daughter's wedding in Europe this past month and met some of our other friends and rellies and got on with them. We met up with some long time friends from the UK when we were there. It was like starting where you left off after not seeing them for 4 years. Most of the rest of the US people that we know are shallow and not genuine and up front with you as in the UK as they say what they mean there.

Lizzi

I'm not sure they're shallow I find my friends very very nice people, no back biting, bitching whatever you want to call it. (I actually find people much nicer than Brits who do tend to be more negative.) But there's no real connection, no real interest in others or thier lives, massive generalisation but it's my personal experience. They seem to dash around making sure their houses look like showhomes but no one ever seems to be invited round! Although we have lost count of the times people have said 'you must come round for a drink/pizza etc' but they never materialise! We have tons of our kids friends over and the parents do it too 'ooh thank you for having my child over, your child must come over to our house next'. Our eyes just glaze over at that point as we know it's unlikely to happen.
This lack of any kind of social life for ourselves and the kids has been a major factor in our decision to return to the (bitching, negative) UK.

Sophia_S

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!,I thought it was just me!........the people I do meet are usually very nice,but aquaintances,not friends,and definately not best friends at all....I always get the feeling they are only talking to me to listen to my accent.
However,there is a friend of mine who lives in Virginia, we met while we were both married to Brit Soldiers,living in Germany,we lost touch for nearly 20 years,until I found them online, as soon as I got in touch it was like we'd just had coffee the day before and that 20 years never happened,we still chat for hours on the phone!....I don't know any Americans like that,maybe some are that friendly with each other...I don't think they really know what to make of us Brits with our 'weird' sense of humour!....Sophia

TimFountain

So no one has mentioned church yet? Not being an active churchgoer, my impression is that a with the vacuous nature of relationships out here, the only thing that gives people some common ground is their church. With all the talk these days about radical Muslim ragheads, it seems to me that the crusading fundamentalist Christians are equally zealous and look down on anybody not in their club.
How many conversations have started with "what church do you go to" and finished quite quickly with "Er none, I'm C of E"

- Tim

Ray

I find that term very offensive as do Sikhs that use this forum ...
Please remove it .............

TimFountain

Well I'm not talking about Sikhs, they do not display radical tendencies. Edited to make my intentions clear.

Ray

I can't remove or alter your posting ...

TimFountain

Oh sorry, I thought you were a mod. Edited to make my intentions clear.

Jaxbar

Think we are seeing things with rose coloured specs a bit here. I have brill friends back home but they took YEARS to develop.
All friendships are in some ways built on what we can get from them thats why we choose people who we have something in common with and even good conversation is" what you can get" how many of you choose boring friends?
I have met some great Americans who have been very helpful at settling us in, no we dont have that much in common but we are getting to know each other. I have had lifts from the airport, use of their trucks, rides in their boats and meals at their house, cant think of much Ive given but my home-made fudge.

People are people and usually better for getting to know

Titchski

My "best" friend has been my friend since we were 7, so about 25 years now. We lived about a 5 minute bike ride from each other, went to the same infant school, junior school and senior school together and have been close ever since we left school. My other friends are the same way, we've known each other for years. We all tended to go out as a group every Friday and Saturday night and we did plenty of other things together - music festivals, holidays, hockey trips, football matches, concerts etc, etc. It's the same with my dad - he still goes out boozing with his school friends once a week and drives to his old local with his brothers on a Friday night.

I simply don't think Americans stay in one place enough to cultivate those types of friendships - hence the small circle of friends. I think with people tending not to move so far from each other in the UK, its easier to build lasting social relationships.

Rompers

I've had the same experience as most of the posters here - lots of American acquaintances but no real friends here. I wonder whether the problem is the cultural gap or whether Americans are like this with other Americans.

It could also be that those Brits who have managed to make good friends here are off at the beach/pool/pub with them and therefore don't bother frequenting internet forums like this

Kate2112

Good point.

I have made three good friends in the US and lots of acquaintances. We have talked, gossiped, shopped, went to movies, to dinner..I'm pretty outgoing and really make the effort to get to know people on more than a superficial level, drawing them out to be really comfortable to talk. No different than friends in the UK really. I never had more than a handful of close friends though.

My sisters in the UK experience much the same thing as people have described here about the US... but I put that down partly to their being fulltime parents/full-part time workers..they dont have time to form the kinds of friendships that aren't dropped as soon as the children need dropping off/picking up/etc. I loathe the "couple friends" thing too and make my own friends not ones I share with my husband. Sounds weird now that I look at it but thats how I feel about friends, if they are mine ,go make you're own

TouristTrap

I've got a bunch of good 'uns, but since work and school keep me chained to this thing...........

It isn't the cultural gap. That is how they are with each other, hence the reason for the article, though the majority won't see it that way.

snowbunny

I hate this trend and you are right, Americans treat each other in this way.

When I grew up, we knew everyone on our street.

The reasons for the number of friends decreasing:

1) everyone holes up in their house. My daughter is too embarrassed to ask for a cup of sugar from the neighbour's but that's one way we used to converse with neighbours (repayment of course). When I was a kid we were all thrown out of the house to play outside and the collective drama of moms rounding up kids at bedtime gave them another excuse to talk. which leads to:

2) moms (including me) working and commuting. Between this and chores I have **** all time left. What time I do have left is spent playing with my kids since there are no other kids around to play with. We go for walks, or throw the frisbee, or whatever. You can hear kids swimming in their very own backyard pools but they rarely poke their heads out front.

3) transience -- getting transferred or choosing to move or being forced to move for a job. Average time an American lives in a house is seven years; I'm proud to be at 12 years and I don't plan a move anytime soon. Apparently it takes more than seven years to make a good friend.

4) work mates. People used to make friends at work, but noooo.... now a work friend can stab you in the back if they think they have something on you and they want to climb the ladder or brownnose someone. It's gotten too dangerous to have close work friends.... if you do, the next time you are late or miss work, they'll feel free to tell your boss about your insomnia/rotten teenager/bad case of hemorrhoids as a way to suck up. It never works, but they do it anyway. Not to mention that making friends across genders is perilous cos spouses get pissed off.

5) no pubs. Seriously. No local pubs, anyway, pubs all in major city centres, no such thing as a neighbourhood pub "where everybody knows your name." Hell no one knows your name anywhere, cos low pay and stress means that all service industry employees bugger off after a few months.

My true friends are flung across the US and the UK. I see them once a year if that. My eldest daughter tries to dis me by saying I have no friends -- they all showed up at a gig the other night and I told Toon "remember to tell Elizabeth I really have real-life flesh-and-blood FRIENDS!"

arrrrggghhhhh

Elvira

I have found Americans to be very friendly and polite, as well as amazingly helpful.

However, there just seems to be some kind of limit in the way they view friendship - a kind of barrier it seems impossible to cross. Really serious and meaningful discussions just don't seem possible. I always feel I have to watch what I say in case I might inadvertently offend somebody.

If one of my Brit friends talks nonsense, I'd tell her not to be a nana and/or 'you're talking crap'. It's quite possible that she'd tell me to piss off... And we'd still be friends. Cannot imagine this happening here, not in a million years.