kimilseung

My life has been charmed, such that I still have not gone to too many funerals. I went to my first one in the states this weekend gone. My great-grandmother-in law died.

I have a major complaint, there was none, no, zero alcohol, its why god made us mortal, so we could have a knees up when those around us die.

It got my thinking, is it my relatives, or is it normal to have a dry funeral in the states?

First time in a U.S. church too, it was small compared to most British churches I know; I am less surprised at the number of churches here now, as it seems there are less church goers per church, they seem to have fewer services too.

tonrob

A good mate if mine back in the UK, who used to organize the annual beer festival in his home town, passed away a year ago from a brain tumour at the tender age of 39.

Whilst I didn't make it to the funeral, I heard that two nearby breweries each brewed a special beer in honour of his memory - which the funeral-goers drank dry before the day was over. He would have loved it.

Deeks

I've been to plenty of funerals, not because my life is cursed but more probably because I'm old. In my experience, most US funerals take place at the funeral home or at church. Guests are usually invited afterwards to a meal that more than likely takes place at the funeral home social/community room or at the church fellowship hall. Neither place is well-suited to serving alcohol.
But alcohol may make an appearance once the guests have gone and the family has gathered at a member's home, sometimes at the home of the deceased.
Or, if all those mourners have to drive home after the service then drinking alcohol is definitely a no-no.

Sarah

Its normal to have a dry everything in the US.
Fourteen crates of soda is more the norm than fourteen crates of booze.

Bob

from personal experience, it has been a service at church or family home, head off to grave site, drop the coffin and a few words, back to family home/vfw hall and have a pot luck supper and BYOB.

Bluegrass Lass

I just went to the funeral home tonight due to my Great Uncle dying. They are all mostly staunch Catholics of German/Scottish descent. Not one drop of alcohol was served. TBH, I've never been to one funeral home visitation or church service where alcohol was served. It's just not a done thing at the funeral home or church. After the burial service family & friends of the deceased may gather together at someone's house for food and that could be when the alcohol start flowing (depending on the family).

Tarkak9

...its probably due to liquor licensing and insurance reasons...

Steerpike

If only I could be bothered to write a will, I would make it a requirement that everyone had a good old party with plenty of booze to give me a good farewell! Probably the best motivation for actually writing one!

PS - better not be any church involved, though!

Ash UK/US

I have not been to a funeral where in the US where alcohol was served (saying that I have only been to 3)... I have also been to a 'dry' wedding in US I found that rather weird, thats the brit in me I guess, any reason for a good piss up!

rallybug

I'm moving to just north of Salt Lake City, and the reception for our wedding is at the local LDS ward house (parish church) as a) they have a covered picnic area and playing field out back and b) it's free

What would that tell you about the availability of alcohol at the reception?

We (Gin and I and close family/friends) will be imbibing a couple after the evening do back at her (our, I should say our now ) house, probably. Luckily, the way the receptions go out there, it's mid-week starting at 6pm and ending at 8pm

helwardman

I've been to three weddings in the US, alcohol was served at none of them. Completely different to any British wedding that I've ever been to.

robin1234

When my mother died in England a few years ago we had a do at my sister's local after we got back from the crematorium. She'd put in a couple of hundred behind the bar for drinks and they did a buffet for us. Main reason my sister did it, she knew my mother would have hated it (so infra dig..)

Then a year or two later I went to England and turned up at my sister's for a cup of tea and a natter. She wasn't home so I walked down the road for a drink at the local. It had burnt down, and was just a pile of rubble.

Rete

Unfortunately, I've been to quite a few funerals in the last 30 years and have organized both funerals for my parents, my fiancee, attend funerals for close relatives and friends.

Only one had church services prior to the burial at the cemetry. All had brief services at the funeral home lead by a minister and/or chaplin or priest with a brief graveside service as well.

All activities after the funeral included a luncheon after the cemetry services to celebrate the life of the deceased and each of "ours" included liquor. The only ones that did not were those that were members of Baptist churches even though those persons did not have church services.

It is my POO that if one wished to have a big alcohol bash after services, then the deceased should have stated their intent to their immediate caretaker and/or left instructions with their attorney or in their will or perhaps a close friend could just have asked those who are interested in tying one on to join them for an hour or two of merriment at a pub.

Contrary to the belief of many Brits, not all or even the majority of Americans are church goers who opt for church wedding, church funerals, baptisms, etc. In fact I find that those I see going to church in our neighborhood Catholic parish are off the boat Irish and not long time Americans. Yes, I can distinguish between the two as I have lived in the neighborhood for 35 years.

BTW sorry for your recent loss of an in-law.

Dry weddings? Only been to two in my life and both were Baptist weddings with receptions in the social hall.

Egg and Cress

Guess a lot depends on what part of the US you're in and what nationality most of the people in that area descend from. Have been to funerals in both the "north" and the "south" - northern funerals were more likely to serve liquor and celebrate the deceased, whereas southern funerals seemed more likely to mourn their loss. My Polish emigrant granddad's funeral was a blast! Enough food to feed the five thousand, a grand get-together with family and neighbors who all told the funniest stories they had about granddad, and enough alcohol and soda pop to satisfy the thirst of young and old. Not meaning to be disrespectful, but considering some of the histrionics I've seen at funerals down here, you sure don't want to exacerbate them with alcohol!

Bob

I think the church hall as a venue is just common for a lot of people because it's a hall big enough, usually centrally located and either free or cheap to hold, that usually have their own table/chairs.

Same for VFW halls.

I haven't read to much into the fact that services have been held at churches. Not to many I've been to have been religious.

One odd thing though is how few cremations happen out here, in the sticks....considering how in some locations up in Maine, bodies are kept on ice till after the winter for burial as the ground can be to frozen for burial...that's just a little surreal. Obviously not talking built up big cities here though.

Saying that about cremations. Out in Austria, not many places do cremations either, my brother wanted to be cremated, but it would have cost something like 8K Euro's to ship him to Vienna on the train and back, so his missus just buried him.

Whole village turned up to pay respects, whole bunch of the postal service also came as he used to be the village postie and he had a few friends who lived at the end of the country come by who he worked the ski slopes with, one chap did a 20 hour day round trip to make it. Everyone got utterly blotted at a restaurant banquet hall dinner with drinks.

Oh and mentioning wishes in a will probably won't help, usually gets read after the service, so a living will type arrangement might be better.