Bink

How many of you are stay at home parents?

Another thread touched on this and I was curious. My wife stays at home with our 7 month old and will probably not work until he (and possibly a potential future sibling) are at school. We're a bit fortuntate in that we'd both prefer one of us to bring up our son, at least initially and as she wasn't paid very well for what she did (working with children with autism) it actually makes financial sense for her to stay at home rather than go back to work and pay for childcare.

She is starting to suffer a bit from what I will call 'house syndrome' though. Do any of you have advice for this? I've suggested she sets up a baby group (doesn't appear to be one local to us) for our neighbourhood and know there's at least a couple of parents interested (babysitter swap etc) but I think she needs an outlet of some kind and I don't really know what to suggest so am open to thoughts!!

Captain Cheesestick

Hello. I'm a stay-at-home Dad. Have been for a year to a nearly-5 year old and a two year old. My wife stayed home for 4 years prior but now she makes the money while I wipe jelly and escaped-urine from the trampoline. When my wife stayed home she joined a few Mom's groups - which are pretty much a cert for wherever you live. It takes about 15 mins to find one and she will be very welcome and very happy she went. I don't go - what with being a virile man and a lot of the Summer events being swimming pool-based events I feel I should let them get on with what women do in other women's company (comparing boobs, etc). Having me around to open pickle jars and give an honest opinion on their nipples is helpful, but alters the dynamic somewhat.

I don't get house-syndrome myself. But I do get an urge for a break. If she doesn't have friends that she visits then simple stuff like when you get home she goes to the store alone is nice. And it sounds lame and sad but really - do anything extra and not making a big deal out of it will make her feel pretty bloody nice.

Most of all I recommend she get some online stay-at-home fellowship. She could read me, for example (click below). But really - other Moms are probably going to be more her cup of tea. You can do the homework for her but Mom's groups are a lifesaver for a lot of people I know.

Karen68

I'm a SAHM. I have been for 10 years now, but that was because I had to give up my job when we moved out here. My youngest was just starting school when we arrived so I had the double whammy of moving and being completely on my own in the day, plus I couldn't work here.

I did find the local Y brilliant. Ours was really friendly and I got to know lots of people (the one we use here is not as good) and they had a two hour free child watch system that you could use. TBH I would have struggled a bit if I'd have had the kids at home as all the playgroups, etc, were church based (we were in Kentucky) and it was difficult enough diffusing all the 'where do you go to church?' questions generally, without putting myself in the proverbial lions' den by going to a church playgroup. I did have a group of expat friends who all had kids younger than mine - we'd meet for coffee at each others' houses once a week and try and have a night out once very couple of months.

Weeze

Where in Houston are you?
She could try Kindermusik. There's bound to be a class near you. Or free story and song time at the library. Or moms club. That's a non-religious national group. Mine is Katy but they are everywhere. Little gym/Gymboree. That wasn't for me as I thought it was too pricey. Meetup.com has some good groups too. I was in a galleria one when we first moved to Houston.

misplacedheidi

I was a SAHM till they reached age 10. Now only PT anyway - there when they go to school and there when they get back. People tell me that the kids will need me more and more as they go through those hideous teenage years.

The baby months are the hardest as TBH the babies don't do much. Yes - definitely join or make a baby/coffee group for now. Once they start moving, life gets far more interesting. I did baby gym stuff with mine in the UK and it just took off from there. Try swimming too.

And (tongue in cheek) - enjoy the years - they fly by :-).

denzil75

I stayed home with our two boys for about 7 years and now only work part-time. We moved over to the States when they were 2 & 3. The first thing I did was join as many Mom's clubs as I could find. I don't know how I would have survived without them. Google Moms Club International and Mothers and More, these are 2 big non profit organisations aimed at stay at home and part time working Moms. I also found an expat group where the majority of us had kids. These groups were a life saver and I still see meet with many of the friends I made back then 6 years later. Someone else also mentioned meetup.com that also lists lots of groups. Good luck with helping to keep your wife sane

Mummy in the foothills

I have been a SAHM for a few year, and was also one a few years back for the older kids too. I socialized though La Leche League, it was a life saver for me and I made some lovely friends, the only other friends have come from the boys starting Kindergarten. No play groups or anything around here.

Bob

Best bit of advice I can give...is find a few circle of friends or people to hang out with.

One set of SAHM's is one thing, really great, but and maybe this could be a bloke thing, after a while, can get on your tits a bit with competitive my kids doing this and that speal.

Another parents circle is a great supplement, as you then have other stuff to talk about other than just kids talk and hating on husbands, being a bloke, again, this gets a little annoying after a while.

Also handy just to have a coffee/tea meet up group, nothing to do with kids, perhaps a hobby group, somewhere you can either arrange to meet up some Saturday with the OH taking the kids, or if during the week, have one of the other circle of friends take the kids for a few hours so you can do your thing and then return the favour later in the week, or if you're a little more organised, have a token type of bank system, so instead of returning the favour to a particular person, someone else could take you up on it in the circle. It's a great way to get your hair done, or what have you.

Yorkieabroad

Whereabouts are you - I think you mentioned somewhere about coming west on I-10, so guessing you're out Katy way somewhere?.

If she is looking for expat groups, I know a Scottish lady who organizes a british coffee morning, and an English lady who organizes line-dancing lessons weekly. Never been to either, but by all accounts they are well attended, so if your wife fancies getting into either of these, it may be a break from babygroups. Even if she doesn't want to continue, it may make a few contacts for her. PM me if you/she want details.

There are lots of babygroups around - Katy Moms club etc. Check out your subdivision newsletter - they normally have notices in there. Also check the freebie Kids Directory and Katy Magazine - can generally pick them up in Starbucks, Kroger/HEB etc. The libraries all have free toddler/mom&me type sessions - we used to go to the one at Maud Marks on Westgreen and it was good, but that was a few years ago. Most of the gyms have free childcare facilities for members, but some are better than others - Lifetime is massively overcrowded/understaffed, 24 hour fitness is a bit dull, but the one at the Y is good, particularly for yonger kids.

Then there are the pay places - Gymboree, Westwood Gym, Little Gym, Houston Swim Club, Aquatots etc that all have programs for very young upwards.

And if your wife is into uniforms, give it a month or so till the temperature cranks up a bit and then tell her to take the baby for a walk in the stroller - can pretty much guarantee she will be stopped by a police car or a fire truck to see if she is OK

lj2

My missus is a SAHM. 6, 4 and 7 months. In UK currently, but NC from August. For her, we have looked at meetup.com (suggest you do the same - always a baby group or two on there - she used it when visiting me in Chicago for 3 months and did a weekly baby group activity) and she will be joining a baby group and an expat group. I think the combination of brit and US mingling is important...

The other thing for her, is that she's a stained glass artist by profession and so harbours dreams of running her own operation. At the moment, she has her hands full but should she get any time, we will have a studio for her and she can get started. So - A 'hobby' / profession that she can do from home. This may interest your wife and give her a feel of 'contributing'? With no pressure to actually earn anything from the 'business' then anything she did earn could be used to 're-invest' for potentially doing more in the future with the 'business' or alternatively be put into a holiday fund - giving somne kind of target/focus? If she's not arty/crafty there are other options (assuming work authorised of course) such as online working for someone like AQA (in the UK who I have researched doing things for before) or piotentially manning s3x chat lines for a very different feel ...

Bink

Thanks everyone for the responses.
She has tried meetup.com but to no avail. We're trying to start a group in our neighbourhood at the moment so hopefully that will help.

Bob - we're trying to implement the token system. Apparently my Mum was in a group like that in Florida when I was born and it worked really well.

Yorkieaborad - We live in the Barker Cypress/West rd area so Katy is a little far for us. (I occasionally take I-10 instead of 290 if 290 is at a standstill but it's not an ideal route for me home to be honest as it's longer and there's a lot of lights no matter which why you try and get up to our house).

I think we're going to start with swimming soon so hopefully that will help too.

I guess we're also just going through what I would assume to be the normal learning to balance everything act. My work fluctuates massively. When I'm busy I'm busy, when I'm quiet I'm quiet (and can get home early). So whilst I try and help wherever I can at home (I do the majority of the cooking) there are times when we both would like just a 15 minute break from the world but only one of us can get it, so I'm trying to figure in ways that she at least can get a breather or get to be around other people during the day without it being too stressfull, or expensive...

lj2 - I like the 'business' idea. She's quite creative and has expressed an interest in doing something as a creative outlet that may/may not make money. She's a USC so no work visa restrictions.

Weeze

http://totclasses.com/index.php

Try this and pop in your zip code

kodokan

Has she tried walking up to people in playgrounds with similar-aged babies, and asking what they do? There might be baby clubs, story times, music classes, etc, that are mostly passed around by word of mouth and don't get advertised. I did this lots of times when mine were tiny (we moved quite a lot) and everyone was always very friendly and happy to be asked.

Otherwise, by 7 months she'll just be hitting the 'but what about me and my identity stage?' A great way round this is if she can do a once a week evening something. I did a French class - it was only for an hour, but it was the bedtime hour of 6-7, so I got to give my son his tea and then skip out of the house at 5.45pm leaving hubby to bath and bed. When I got home at 7.15pm, the house was silent, the toys were tidied and there was a chilled glass of wine waiting. I found that missing the bedtime bit made the entire evening feel like 'I'm an independent grown-up', all from just an hour or so out of the house.

The other thing that I did when the kids were small was have a couple of weekends away, once to watch my mum's graduation the other side of the country, and once to do a residential bread-making course. Could she do something like that soon? It's so refreshing to meet other people who aren't ALWAYS mums in their early 30s with the same aged kids as yours.

denzil75

I also signed up for an evening sewing class which I still take 4 years later - it's more for the social aspect now rather than a teaching class. But that helped me make some non-Mom friends. It's been good as we also go on field trips to the city to check out exhibitions or fabric stores, go out to dinner, afternoon tea etc. The ladies in the group range from early 30's to mid 60's which I absolutely love. It's my escape from the house on Monday night. She should definitely try and set something up herself, you can bet if she's sat at home crawling the walls there will be about 20 other mom's doing the same. As someone else suggested try approaching people in the park. I met one of my closest friends here through her approaching me in the child's play area in the mall (she's English/Spanish and heard the British accent). We mainly meet up now without the kids which is great

I'm sure you have, but have you tried the meet up boards on here?

kodokan

*pricks up ears* There are meet up boards on here? Any that cover Phoenix?