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Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Old May 18th 2011, 8:02 pm
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Originally Posted by Lazzza View Post
OP - I had typed this out before I read your reply. My experince is not the same as yours but I also have a 17 year old daughter who is here with me and with whom we went through the same whole experience with last year. I did not mention this last night because it was kinda late and I wanted to go to bed. I did expect to do this today but was distracted.........obviously

I know I should ignore the superior attitudes of those few who believe that because they have lived in the USA longer and spend most of their lives on here that they know more about everything than anyone else.

I also know I should ignore anyone who is only really actually capable of thinking in code. No lateral ability there whatsoever. Only zeros and 1's.

At least this experience has allowed me to use the word ARSE a lot this morning. I miss this word. I miss hearing it. I love this word and just how applicable it is in so many ways.

And sorry OP for you having to read all this twaddle. You have better things to do I'm sure than this. I feel for you, I really do. If my experience of leaving my 17-soon-to-be-18 year old helps you in any way - great. You are also welcome to PM me, so you don't have to deal with those who are 'all knowing'. You know, the people who don't actually give you any help but like to make snide, mean-spirited little remarks.

I am a Mum of 4, 3 of whom are in the USA and 1 who is in the UK. If I can help you at all, I will try.
Thank you very very much.....I will certainly PM you tomorrow....... Jane x
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Old May 18th 2011, 8:06 pm
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Originally Posted by HampshireUK View Post
Hi there, what a very stressful time for you. Happy to share my experiences with then 16 now 17 year old son, but I'd look into the visa situation first and check what your options are for your daughter to join you at 18.

A brief rundown of our experiences as this was us last year although we're on L1/2 visas.

My son was adamant he wanted to go to sixth form college in the UK with all his mates. In the end he was incredibly lucky to get a boarding place at this sixth form college. We had looked at him living with a friend's family during term time but did not need to pursue this.

Last summer when we moved over here, it was grim as he blamed us for ruining his life! From his perspective he had no friends here and although he'd contact his UK friends via his X-box games online and facebook it wasn't the same at all. He flew back to the UK in September and I must say my husband and I were a little relieved he was gone (very bad parents we are!), his sister (13) was delighted and to cut a long story short, almost a year later he has now decided that he wants to go to Uni in the States after 'A' levels. We're in Colorado and he wants to go to one of the local universities. We been told by the admissions offices that he'll pay instate tuition fees based on our residency as he'll still be classed as a minor (only $13K a year rather than $26K!) He's in the middle of AS exams in the UK at the moment so life is pretty stressful for him, but he has a great support network of his old mates and the new ones he boards with. He's lucky that his Grandfather only lives 10 miles away so can hop on the bus for a chat and a pub lunch. There is no way he will let us Skype more than once every week or two, we IM alot though - seems to be his preferred method of communication.

Over the last year he has become a very independent young man who now manages international travel and the delays that inevitably seem to go with that (flight 8 hours late at Christmas!); had to organize the return of his laptop for repair (might not seem like much to us adults, but he had to get a train and bus to get there and back + make the phonecalls to get it booked in as it was still underwarranty) and he has to do all his own washing at the boarding house too! He is a much more tolerant peron now compared to last year and much nicer to know as a result!

Can't say there aren't still challenges but if you PM me I'm happy to share our experiences in more detail. (I'm not a regular poster on here, so not sure how many posts you have to make before PMing is allowed).
Thank you......have PM you!
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Old May 18th 2011, 8:24 pm
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Originally Posted by Lazzza View Post
OP - I had typed this out before I read your reply. My experince is not the same as yours but I also have a 17 year old daughter who is here with me and with whom we went through the same whole experience with last year. I did not mention this last night because it was kinda late and I wanted to go to bed. I did expect to do this today but was distracted.........obviously

I know I should ignore the superior attitudes of those few who believe that because they have lived in the USA longer and spend most of their lives on here that they know more about everything than anyone else.

I also know I should ignore anyone who is only really actually capable of thinking in code. No lateral ability there whatsoever. Only zeros and 1's.

At least this experience has allowed me to use the word ARSE a lot this morning. I miss this word. I miss hearing it. I love this word and just how applicable it is in so many ways.

And sorry OP for you having to read all this twaddle. You have better things to do I'm sure than this. I feel for you, I really do. If my experience of leaving my 17-soon-to-be-18 year old helps you in any way - great. You are also welcome to PM me, so you don't have to deal with those who are 'all knowing'. You know, the people who don't actually give you any help but like to make snide, mean-spirited little remarks.

I am a Mum of 4, 3 of whom are in the USA and 1 who is in the UK. If I can help you at all, I will try.
Lazzza, really, please let it go. It appears there is a misunderstanding about what md posted. I think you are reading way more into it than is there.
Truce, please!
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Old May 18th 2011, 8:48 pm
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Originally Posted by Jane View Post
My daughter who is 16, will be living with her nan and grandad, who love her ( I reckon) just as much as me and will probably spoil her more.......I am not leaving her. She was meant to come with me.....it is her choice to stay here for 2 years to complete college, as a very sensible, mature young woman.......Who knows what she wants (and will prob get it)

As a mum, she is the world to me and guils always kicks in......I just wondered if anyone else went through a simular thing.....

Jane......I was just joking.
I'm sure it is very hard to be leaving her. Your kids are your babies how ever old they are. Good luck matey and hope it all works out well for you
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Old May 18th 2011, 8:54 pm
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Originally Posted by Rete View Post
...I don't believe either of our countries would allow a 16 yo to live alone if it were brought to their attention.

What would be their source of income? Could they afford an apartment, food, clothing, phone, etc. and would they be mature enough to write checks each month for these staples need to sustain their lives?
Actually, they'd get quite a lot of help and it wouldn't be something of massive concern...
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Old May 18th 2011, 9:12 pm
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Originally Posted by Bob View Post
Actually, they'd get quite a lot of help and it wouldn't be something of massive concern...
Unless things have changed in the UK a 16 year old can leave home and live alone.
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Old May 18th 2011, 9:17 pm
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl View Post
Unless things have changed in the UK a 16 year old can leave home and live alone.
That's what I was saying

Housing allowance and other benefits to help them out if needed.
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Old May 18th 2011, 9:35 pm
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Originally Posted by Bob View Post
That's what I was saying

Housing allowance and other benefits to help them out if needed.
I know...I was just adding to it. 16 yr olds are treated like adults in the UK...unlike here. When my daughter was born the maternity wards were full of 16 year olds...all getting free housing, furniture, clothing and food allowances etc.

Last edited by Jerseygirl; May 18th 2011 at 9:37 pm.
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Old May 18th 2011, 10:49 pm
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Originally Posted by Lazzza View Post
OP - I had typed this out before I read your reply. My experince is not the same as yours but I also have a 17 year old daughter who is here with me and with whom we went through the same whole experience with last year. I did not mention this last night because it was kinda late and I wanted to go to bed. I did expect to do this today but was distracted.........obviously

I know I should ignore the superior attitudes of those few who believe that because they have lived in the USA longer and spend most of their lives on here that they know more about everything than anyone else.

I also know I should ignore anyone who is only really actually capable of thinking in code. No lateral ability there whatsoever. Only zeros and 1's.

At least this experience has allowed me to use the word ARSE a lot this morning. I miss this word. I miss hearing it. I love this word and just how applicable it is in so many ways.

And sorry OP for you having to read all this twaddle. You have better things to do I'm sure than this. I feel for you, I really do. If my experience of leaving my 17-soon-to-be-18 year old helps you in any way - great. You are also welcome to PM me, so you don't have to deal with those who are 'all knowing'. You know, the people who don't actually give you any help but like to make snide, mean-spirited little remarks.

I am a Mum of 4, 3 of whom are in the USA and 1 who is in the UK. If I can help you at all, I will try.
Well said
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Old May 18th 2011, 10:51 pm
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

16 year olds can still leave school and work full time in the UK too, I believe. My mum left school and home at 15 and went to work (admittedly, she moved in with her much older married sister).
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Old May 18th 2011, 10:55 pm
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Originally Posted by Squirrel View Post
16 year olds can still leave school and work full time in the UK too, I believe. My mum left school and home at 15 and went to work (admittedly, she moved in with her much older married sister).
They are talking only about the UK. In the US, people don't become legal adults until age 18 (and are pretty much required to stay in school until then). The earlier leaving age and age of majority are a shock to most Americans when they first learn about it. If they hear you left school at age 15, it doesn't usually mean something positive, here.

A 16 year old moving out on their own in the US is highly unusual.
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Old May 18th 2011, 11:26 pm
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

I know. I think giving teens responsibilty matures them, I think it's a pity that the UK is moving towards babying them more like in America. I had a Saturday job in a chemists at 14, working Saturdays, full time at half terms and Xmas, Easter & summer, I actually saved up £1600 from this pretty poorly paid job, this was a huge amount in those days! And I left home when I'd just turned 19, moved to London and never came home to live with my mum except for 6 weeks just before buying my flat. DH is seriously impressed with that as he didn't leave home until he was 30, lol.

Nowadays in the UK someone of 14 would never be allowed to work as many hours as I did at that age, in fact teens need a work permit from the local council to work at all if they are still at school. I can understand the need to protect kids from being exploited but, just my opinion mind, I think too much pampering isn't a good thing. If kids want and can cope with more independance (as opposed to being forced into it) I think they should be given it and I actually have a lot of respect for someone who leaves school at 16 (to work - not to go on benefits).

Society in general puts much too much emphasis on pieces of paper (qualifications) that end up kind of defining a person. Johnny Depp dropped out of high school at 15 and is a multi millionaire, very selective in the roles he takes, an accomplished guitarist and by all accounts extremely intelligent.

Gosh I'm getting very philosophical aren't I?
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Old May 19th 2011, 3:22 am
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Not sure if this was mentioned but aren't there some visa issues to be sorted relative to the daughter? Once she turns 18 isn't she going to be "on her own" to get visas to visit or stay in the US. If she comes over before she turns 18 (and is legally adopted) she might be able for sponsorship by the USC husband. If she came over now, the rest of her life she would have a lot more options for US or UK living than if she stayed these last two years in the UK.

(note: I don't know the specifics or age limits but just the general idea of having her come over while legally a minor might be better than after 18).
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Old May 19th 2011, 3:39 am
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Originally Posted by Bob View Post
That's what I was saying

Housing allowance and other benefits to help them out if needed.
How? Unfortunately, my 17 year old niece is pregnant by her 17 year old boyfriend/ fiancé/ whatever.

They can't get a council house until they are 18.
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Old May 19th 2011, 4:19 am
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Default Re: Aahhhhh!!!!! - Moving to the US without the kids?

Originally Posted by pigg10 View Post
Well said
WTF? The guy was only saying a lot of kids leave home at 18 anyway. Personally I'm still unclear about the legal position involved in leaving a 16-year-old to live on their own.
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