Lesley1020

I am so bloody mad so excuse me while I vent!!!!!

I had M coming over tonight to fix my car.... he came over at 5.30 and I made sure I got off work on time and thankfully he was able to fix a couple of the minor things - I really didnt know what to say or do but all I know is that nothing has changed and I love this guy with all my heart. We sat outside and it was pretty awkward - he kept asking stuff about me and I was dreading asking him had anything happened, were they back together - and when I did, the answer was no, he has been up all night every night since they got there with the baby - her friend from Nashville came through on Saturday night and they have been out to town etc Sat and Sun nite and he was left with the baby again. Her b/f from Nashville calls every night and she says he (this guy) is her number two as she still loves M an wants to work it out etc but then on the other hand asks if this guy can come stay and he said absolutey no, I don't want anyone being around Anna except me, you and my family she has been unsettled enough in her short life etc so far. Anyway he comes up to the apt and I got upset and he just sits and holds my hand and he is upset too and I am just thinking this is so ****ing crazy. He answered her the 4th time she called and said did he fix the car and he says yeah and she says is it anything that will require further work and he is like no I don't think so and she says well I need you to leave right now as we are ready to go out and he got mad and hung up.

Long story short she blew up the other night cos when he was at work she went through his stuff and computer and found photos of me, cards etc and a letter he wrote to me that he hadn't gave me yet, so she has told him that if he continues to see me she is going to run off with D and make sure he never sees Anna again and of course this is bullshit but he is terrified. He is totally besotted by her and rightly but I am SO FREAKING MAD. Eventually when he is still here she calls again and says if you dont leave now we are going to be late and will have to just leave she's sleeping anyway so of course he jumps up and goes. I asked him look what the hell is going to happen and he just says I love you so much but all I am doing is thinking what could have and should have been but I don't know what else to do right now and she bloody calls again and says oh tell the British girl I said hi

I hate her. There vent over. I really should just get to hell away from this place, I feel like my heart is breaking in two. :-(

snorkmaiden

Lesley, the situation just sounds like a train wreck.

There certainly doesn't seem to be any way that continuing any kind of relationship with this guy could turn out to be good or healthy for you.

You really need to cut him loose. Get someone else to fix the car, did you take any advice about the garage having sold you a dud?

Don't answer his calls, try and find things to occupy yourself after work.

It takes two to tango and while you understandably feel badly towards the woman, he brought her into your life and your relationship.

A good book, a bath and a large bar of choccy sound like they have more to offer than this guy.

monster

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but....

If you love someone, set them free.

The only chance you stand with him is to break it off now and let him work it out in his own time without the safety net. If you're always there, he'll never really need to sort it out and make a choice. If it was meant to be, he'll come back without strings and on your terms.

jmo

lairdside

I told her that too

Did you burst into song when you typed that?

lairdside

Oh Les. She's getting to you isn't she? That's exactly what she sounds as if she's trying to achieve. He's a pawn, the baby's a pawn. If someone else didn't want him he'd probably lose a lot of his attraction to her. Loss of market value. He'd make a good domestic appliance though by the sounds of it, bring in the check, take out the trash (mind the baby, fix the car etc). She'd probably find him useful for that.

She's like a dog with a bone. My guess is if no-one else wanted the bone, she would lose interest in it.

HunterGreen

I think Lairdside's got a really good point (again).

Also, I looked up this: "According to Tennessee law, and the laws in most States, the biological father of a child born out of wedlock is not considered the child's parent absent a judicial determination of paternity. There are 2 ways to establish paternity in Tennessee. The first is with an Acknowledgement of Paternity where both parents sign the paper in front of witnesses or a notary, (usually at the hospital when the child is born), or by going to court and getting an Order of Filiation. If paternity is not established the the man has no legal right to pay support, get visitation, or custody. In Tennessee, when a child is born out of wedlock, custody is with the mother. The father's name on the birth certificate means nothing if paternity was never established."

Did he ever do this? If he didn't then he's just letting her walk all over him, he's got no rights, and no obligations. And if he didn't, and isn't intending to, then, well.... I really think it's in your best interest to get the heck away from this man until he decides what he's going to do with this situation, and with his life basically. This situation with the mother and her boyfriend and them using him as a cheap live-in babysitter is starting to sound like a soap opera... do you really want to be a part of this... it's hard to see from the inside - but from the outside Lesley it's looking like you're going to be the one drawing the shortest straw... you're gonna end up getting hurt even more than you are now... If this is meant to be it WILL happen but in the meantime please get out asap and do not waste your days, months, years away because of this man!

Hope I didn't offend you, this came from the heart.

Elaine

Lion in Winter

What she said.

And I mean it in the kindest possible way. And I think he should seek legal assistance regarding custody issues, but that's beside the point.

lairdside

Yup. I guess I see the situation like this.

The guy can't just walk out and leave his child (many do but he doesn't appear to work that way). So he seems to have two options. Stick with the mother whilst she holds all of the cards over his head until the child is eighteen (and my guess is that sooner or later she will get bored and/or find someone she feels can offer her a better situation than he can and leave anyway. I think she's using him as a stopgap until something better comes along) or obtain some legal rights.

Hmm.. if the new guy wasn't interested in having a child in tow I wonder if she'd jettison the child too? Mind you, she probably wouldn't be interested in a man who wasn't that much of a doormat unless perhaps he had other things to offer, like money..... (I'm rambling in hypotheticals again, sorry).

I'm sorry, she sounds mercenary to me. Out for what she can get. Highest value, lowest cost

Manc

Lesley hon.

kick him in the nuts and tell him to ***** off.

lairdside

LoL. Glad you said it Manc. I was thinking "This guy needs a kick up the @ss".

But was holding my tongue

kazzuk

Here, here

dunroving

Stop torturing yourself. Until you cut loose from this guy you're going to keep putting yourself through these kinds of experiences. Until you get away from the situation (not by moving, but by not contacting him) you won't be able to see it for what it is.

Take the advice of everyone on this board and stop making yourself miserable.

ElsieTheMaid

Ditto!!!!


Get AWAY from him. Why are you letting him give you rides, fix your car, etc.? You are just torturing yourself.

Lion in Winter

Short, but to the point. Then go out for a drink afterwards. Or two.

monster

....NOT a drink with him because you feel bad about kicking him in the nuts, though