Celtic_Angel

Hi Jools
I think in your situation you should probably stick it out if only for a little while longer , 3 months away really isn't very long at all certainly not long enough to get your feet settled Is this your first move away from the U.k? If so you really need to know that this homesickness thing is perfectly natural and everybody feels it and yes it never seems to go away , but when the going gets tough try and remember why you left in the first place you guys must have needed the dramatic change in your lives that probably wouldn't have been quelled by a move around england
Maybe what you should do is tell yourself okay this isn't permanant after all , we're going back and with that you may allow yourself to actually open up to your new home , then if you do or do not end up staying you would at least know that you made the most of it heck you may even love it!!!

And we all know at the end of the day Englands not going anywhere you can always go back.

now to get your head really spinning I've pretty much got my heart set on going back to the U.k too !! but i've been away for 10 years and even though I've desperatly missed my friends and family back home (the real reason i'm going back- i did the pro's and con's thing and realized like someone earlier mentioned it's all just gloss) anyway despite that i think i would have made a big mistake not taking the plunge!! i mean you never know until you try of course it does get heaps more complicated when you have kids but as you never mentioned kiddo's i reckon all the more that you should try an accept your homesickness for what it is and just try and enjoy where you are for the moment
good luck and if you wanna gripe about being homesick come and join us we're all in the same boat

claire edwards

I used to help people from all over the world re-locate to the UK. I normally had calls from the applicants stating their home sickness within the first three months - you are not alone. I always told the applicants to give it at least (Absolute minimum) 6 months and re-evaluate then. Ideally I would say try and give yourself a year there and re look then, I honestly don't think that 3 months is long enough.

I lived in Australia for a year in 2001 and I must say that when I first arrived there that I didn't settle as easily as I thought I would....In fact I hated it. When I say to you that when we had to leave 11 months down the line, that I would have done anything to stay and that I cried and cried at the airport, will give you an indication on how things progressed there for me.

Are you making friends out there? Have you got yourself a job? I think that in most cases, having a good social circle and/or work is essential in people settling overseas. Another point, are you in your own accommodation, have you put down your roots yet? I think generally most people were much happier when they had somewhere to call their own. There is one thing that I'm going to do and that is join some sort of club, my choice is a boating club. They are real socialable events and a really good way to meet people.

I do feel for you. I know that there are certain things that I am worried about in coming over there. Please give it some more time.

Claire

JoolsG

Thanks everyone for all the supportive comments.

We actually do have kids - 3 of them to be exact, ages 8, 5 and 2! In fact we spent Saturday night/Sunday morning in the emergency department getting our 2 year olds lip stitched!!!

I have tried putting down roots. We've bought our house, a large 5 bed on 3 acres with lake frontage (something I KNOW we couldn't have/afford in the UK), the 2 eldest children are in school, I have a small, but growing, circle of friends, one couple of which I feel will be friends for life BUT...

it's still not home. I still feel like a fish out of water. Everything seems to be an uphill struggle. It shouldn't be this hard to get on with life.

Sorry, very negative day today. I took my road test yesterday and failed - the tester was a complete ***** and I'm sure he intended to fail me even before we had left the parking lot. My DH on the other hand had a lovely lady who told him that in all the years she has been conducting driving tests she has only failed 5 British people. She even let him off some mistakes!!!

ramac

Hi Jools

I came onto this website today because I am feeling exactly the same way.

We have been here (Ontario,Canada) for 5years and where it has been a struggle more often than not, we have for the most part enjoyed it. However, the homesickness on my part especially is si bad that Iwant to pack up and leave. Our problem is now that we are integrated into society we have mortgages, debts, carloans etc etc. By the time we square everything off, we would be going home with not a lot of money.
In addition our 2 kids have been in the school system for 5years and have made lots of friends and have put down their own little roots.
What I am trying to say is that Iwant to go home, but feel trapped. We left a nice lifestyle in Glasgow 5 years ago, we have a fairly nice lifestyle here, but if we go home, we'd be lucky to afford a 1 bedroom flat in the s#@*#est place in Glasgow.

I even took a day offwork today becasue I couldnt' stop crying.
I swear I would love to write a book about the reality of immigration and homesickness.

ladylisa

Quote... We left a nice lifestyle in Glasgow 5 years ago, we have a fairly nice lifestyle here, but if we go home, we'd be lucky to afford a 1 bedroom flat in the s#@*#est place in Glasgow.


Thats the biggest irony there are a lot of people that do have a nice lifestyle already but dont see it until its too late and they are suddenly on the opposite side of the world. These are the people that are chasing the 'dream' of bigger house, land, swimming pools simply put these things dont mean squat if you are not happy. God an even worse case scenario is chasing the dream and ending up with less than you used to have in the first place! My advice is to give your new country a chance as it could just be a simple case of initial homesickness after that if you know its not working get out before your children are completely settled and you have too many commitments to leave.

michele

Hi Jools, I feel exactly the same as you, we have only been in Calgary for 4 months and I'm really missing England. I expected it to be hard the first 6 or so months but I really dont think it will get any easier for me. Hubby and me had a good chat about it this weekend and I'm going to give it at least a year but I dont think it's where i want to be, sure I have a big house etc etc but I'd rather live in a shoebox with my friends and family around me material things dont mean that much to me anymore I'm glad I have tried it and am willing to stick it out a bit longer and its not for want of trying to fit in here and adjust to the way of life, i just miss England, English people and the way of life. Maybe in a couple of months I'll feel different just taking it one day at a time at the moment, it's nice to know I'm not the only one

Heart of gold

I sympothise with you. Im in the uae and at first it was ok and then as time went on I missed home and family and got to the stage where I didnt have a good word tosay about Dubai and I still dont really I just dont talk about it that much.
People have said if you do this or do that then you will feel differant and someone I know said ... its the first 6 -12 months that are the hardest and if after 12 months your not happy then you never will.
Expressed my unhappiness .... One angry hubby! He had work 20 years to get a shore based job and here we are in a country that feels like the central heating has been turned up full whack! Its stifling.
So your not alone jools, how much time do you have on your hands? This is a killer as Im finding out. I wont send my son to nursery just yet and refuse point blank to have a maid to give me a break from him.. have a dog and bark yourself .. Dont think so!
For the time that your there .. How ever long, find some kind of interest that will keep you busy.

Good luck

Heart of gold

If we all joined in and wrote a book about immigration adn being homesick it would span the world ten times over. You can either embrace the expat life or you can't and looking at the threads we are all in the same boat, feeling the same and all giving it a year or two .. tops!

callé

It may seem all very daunting, you have mortgage, kids in school, already have jobs, etc.... But really, If you want to go home then start getting your stuff in order. I know. I have put it off for half a lifetime for all those same reasons. If you love your homeland and miss your family, chances are its not going to change no matter how much time you give it. Picture yourself over the years in both places. Now which one is the happier picture?

Celtic_Angel

Very good advice Calle!! This is what I did , it was then that I realized that it wasn't just homesickness but more. I pictured myself five years from now ..in the U. S I see myself resentful because of all the years away from my beloved family and friends ( I've missed countless weddings and christenings and scarier still two funerals Five years from now in U.S
I see myself still wanting to leave but with older kids who will be more determined to stay ,

For me it'll be a while before we probably head back but since I've made my decision to finally leave i'm a whole lot happier already and i'm able to enjoy all the other stuff while it lasts , outdoor pools big yard etc god knows i'll miss it all, for me coming here wasn't the pursuit of a better life i just happened to fall in love with an American .

I think this thread is great because it makes me realize that it's not just me being a miserable cow, that there's others who feel the same!