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What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

Old Nov 19th 2012, 9:59 pm
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Default What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

I share this partly to vent my spleen (cathartic) and partly as a commentary for those of you contemplating a move to the US for work reasons, and bringing family...

I'm away on business, 17 hrs by plane, no chance to hurry back quick etc.

SWMBO leaves the house as usual, driving the car out of the garage, closing the door remotely.

She comes back and the remote door opener has died - mechanical failure of the switch, we later determine.

Anyway, she's now locked out of the house.

After trying the obvious things, she goes to 3 neighbours, none of whom answered the door even though they were in. She goes to a fourth neighbour who is working in their garage, and so Mrs HTS is able to talk to them. She explains what has happened and asked if the neighbour could help her push in the door or get her over the back gate. The neighbour refuses and tells Mrs HTS to get a lock smith, and to 'have a nice day'....!!!

Well I'm sorry - where we come from you help somebody out, not tell them to phone a lock smith and 'have a nice day'.

So a pretty peeved Mrs HTS manages to find a concrete brick as a step to get herself over the back gate - tearing some muscles around her ribs - she's only just got the last one mended (another story...!), so now in some severe discomfort she's in to the back yard, where thankfully (!) she discovered she hadn't bolted the back door and so was able to get in to the house - by this time it was getting dark.

So that's is one VERY pissed Mrs HTS. She's not had the easiest of times here with health and no luck in getting a job. Parents back home have been ill. All her friends etc are back home and she really has no support network here. So it's very understandable when I phone from Tokyo just now on my regular "hi honey" call, she lost it. And you can only say "I want to go back home" so many times before it stops just being something that is said in the heat of things and becomes a real, strong desire.

So if you are thinking of coming out here, take care of as much medical stuff back home on the NHS as you can, because leaving it to get done out here will sap your finances, the same finances you would use for doing things of a fun/entertaining/relaxing nature... and make sure you negotiate for your employer to pay all your big costs for the first few months after you move, and a whole host of other little niggles that can come as a surprise and knock you back a little.

My employer is good on many fronts, but can be stingy in other areas. And it could be false economy because if Mrs HTS wants to go home, we go home, and my employer will have to put on hold what my team and I are doing right now, recruit a replacement, and pay the market rates for that, plus the impact of delays, of getting a new person up to speed etc etc etc

Aaargghhhh!!

Sorry - just needed to vent - it's about all I can do right now, nearly 7000 miles from a very peeved Mrs HTS. And from 4 neighbours who, right now I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire

At least I'll be home Weds night, we have an invite to a work colleague's home for Thanksgiving Dinner, which we know we'll enjoy, and I have time off work until 3 Dec - time to 'decompress'

Normal service will be resumed shortly, I am sure.
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Old Nov 19th 2012, 10:07 pm
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Default Re: What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

Originally Posted by HarryTheSpider View Post
I share this partly to vent my spleen (cathartic) ......
Sorry to hear all this.

On the neighbours. Do they know your wife? They may have been trying to protect the home owner.

I know that we had a house sitter call at our door and ask for help after getting locked out, and my exact words were to suggest that he get a locksmith. Did not know the sitter nor the owner from Adam at the time so I was not going to actively help, but his story all sounded to straight to be dodgy so did not want to cause unnecessary obstacles. Locksmith seemed a way to create a layer of accountability (and witness).
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Old Nov 19th 2012, 10:10 pm
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Default Re: What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

Sorry to hear of her troubles. That was definitely pretty crappy of her neighbors. I hope the muscle tears heal quickly!

I know it's a moot point to ask, but why didn't she have her keys to the front door? I bet she's kicking herself for that!
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Old Nov 19th 2012, 10:21 pm
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Default Re: What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

Sorry to hear. Six months in and my wife is also pining for the UK which admittedly winds me up a bit considering what we've spent and sacrificed to come here. It's not as if it's the first time she's moved country either.

We only know two sets of neighbours in our cul de sac of eight, maybe another set if pushed but would they know us enough to help? I don't know. Outside of the cul de sac we don't know anybody.
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Old Nov 20th 2012, 12:15 am
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Default Re: What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

I'm surprised by the neighbours. I'd have though at least one set would help me out, especially as a woman with OH out of town. Like someone else said, perhaps they had never seen her before and though it was a scam. Hopefully when she has calmed down a bit from the shock and rib pain everything will seem a bit better. Everything here goes wrong pretty much as soon as Mr Weeze boards a plane.
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Old Nov 20th 2012, 12:34 am
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Default Re: What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

Lucky she didn't get shot by a member of the Neighbourhood Watch!
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Old Nov 20th 2012, 1:36 am
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Default Re: What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

Originally Posted by HarryTheSpider View Post
After trying the obvious things, she goes to 3 neighbours, none of whom answered the door even though they were in. She goes to a fourth neighbour who is working in their garage, and so Mrs HTS is able to talk to them. She explains what has happened and asked if the neighbour could help her push in the door or get her over the back gate. The neighbour refuses and tells Mrs HTS to get a lock smith, and to 'have a nice day'....!
this is appalling! Surely the neighbours woud recognise you by sight unless you only moved in yesterday or are total hermits. And the others refusing to even open the door? One could be a bad apple, but all of them? Words fail me...

I've lived in places in the uk where I was only on nodding terms with neighbours but still helped them out and they've helped me out in similar circumstances.

The neighbour could have offered to contact your landlord or agent for example. Or even ring the locksmith. Or jumped over the fence himself.

Wish I was local and could get your mrs over for a cuppa tea. :-(
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Old Nov 20th 2012, 1:57 am
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Default Re: What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

The neighbours might have thought you were in the middle of divorce proceedings and had deliberately changed the locks, hence their unwillingness to get involved.
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Old Nov 20th 2012, 2:00 am
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Default Re: What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

Originally Posted by Weeze View Post
I'm surprised by the neighbours. I'd have though at least one set would help me out, especially as a woman with OH out of town. Like someone else said, perhaps they had never seen her before and though it was a scam. Hopefully when she has calmed down a bit from the shock and rib pain everything will seem a bit better. Everything here goes wrong pretty much as soon as Mr Weeze boards a plane.
I'm afraid to say the same thing happened to me.

We moved to a new neighborhood and my husband was posted away during 9/11 myself and my toddler daughter were completely alone in this rural neighborhood and we get majorly snowed in and can't drive out. I realize we need a plow person and remember seeing a plow on a truck next door.

We trudge to the nearest house on the cul-de-sac and knock. After a minute or two the door creaks open to about an inch. Me and my two year old are stood there in the snow,I ask if he is available for plowing as I noticed he had a plow. Basically the door slammed shut and I was told to go else where. Who would turn their back on a young mother and child? Yikes
Btw that winter, while my husband was serving, we were invited into houses for bizarre personal tours of houses inviting admiration of granite counters and paint choices, but not support or help.
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Old Nov 20th 2012, 5:00 am
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Default Re: What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

Sorry to hear this but not surprised. We had an issue a few years ago. I was putting up the Christmas lights outside while my wife was out shopping. While I was putting lights in a street, our next door neighbour came home, got out of his car and went inside without saying sod all as usual. 15 minutes or so later, my wife came struggling through the snow up our drive on foot, in tears. Turned out that she'd hit some ice in the car on the street before ours and ended up with the car hitting a tree fairly hard. While she was climbing out of the car, that neighbour was driving by. She waved him down but he shouted that was "busy" through his wound down window and kept on driving. I was really pissed off. After I made sure my wife was comfortable, I went next door to find out what his issue was. He top me he "didn't want to get involved". Tosser. Not surprised though. A lot of the people here wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.
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Old Nov 20th 2012, 6:05 am
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Default Re: What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

Interesting thread to read in parallel to the making friends in America thread...

There's some pretty dire stories on here that it'd be interesting to hear the "other" side of.

Got to say, we are in a small cul de sac (4 houses) and while we don't have riproaring knee's ups with our neighbours every weekend, I'd like to think they'd help out if we needed it. If your areas are anything like ours, those same folks who didn't want to help will be the same ones trotting off to church next Sunday....I wonder, does the vicar do requests? time to pop the Good Samaritan in his suggestion box........
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Old Nov 20th 2012, 11:24 am
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Default Re: What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

Im very sory to hear about all the problems with neighbours but can only say that ours are really good.

I work away in Brazil for 5 weeks at a time and one of our neighbours(From Thailand but married to USC) thinks that my wife needs looking after when Im away and at least twice a week turns up on the dorstep with plates of Thai food and stays for a good gossip

Our other neighbours are always more than willing to help outbut maybe things are diferent in Florida as nearly everybody I have ever met here has been really helpful

In fForida you woud just rind the police in that situation if you were a wife by yourself and the police dept would have certainly come and helped you

Regards

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Originally Posted by Yorkieabroad View Post
Interesting thread to read in parallel to the making friends in America thread...

There's some pretty dire stories on here that it'd be interesting to hear the "other" side of.

Got to say, we are in a small cul de sac (4 houses) and while we don't have riproaring knee's ups with our neighbours every weekend, I'd like to think they'd help out if we needed it. If your areas are anything like ours, those same folks who didn't want to help will be the same ones trotting off to church next Sunday....I wonder, does the vicar do requests? time to pop the Good Samaritan in his suggestion box........
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Old Nov 20th 2012, 11:50 am
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Default Re: What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

This is a sad story. I really hope Mrs HTS is recovering.
We had about two sets of good neighbours, who would have helped in such circumstances, but I also came across the fear and suspicion that makes people turn their back on even their neighbours. I think it's fear of guns and crime that does that.
Your tale of being away reminded me of the disasters that seemed to strike whenever Mr J was away (mini tornadoes, tree branch through roof, power outages in winter). It always happened when he was elsewhere, it's Sod's law, I'm afraid!
I'm back now in the UK for good after five years and it all seems so mild in comparison, and yes, I was the one that ended up shouting "I want to go home!".
Anyway, I'm glad that back door was open so Mrs HTS wasn't locked out in the cold. Best wishes to both of you!
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Old Nov 20th 2012, 1:49 pm
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Default Re: What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

Sorry to hear about her luck, or lack thereof.

I've been pleasantly surprised here - granted, Gininda has lived in this house since late 2004 and knows some of her neighbors, but once last year and once so far this year, someone from the neighborhood has been around helping people clear snow off driveways (old guy with a snow blower last year, another guy about my age with a shovel so far this year).

I suppose people like me on a marital visa can be luckier than work-based as my wife's family live about 3 miles away, so can always help or provide shelter if necessary, whereas without family, you can be tied to any neighborly instincts.
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Old Nov 20th 2012, 2:29 pm
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Default Re: What's the matter with this effing country?? / Tribulations of the spouses

How upsetting for both you and your wife. Hope she is able to move around today without too much pain.

Sending cyber hugs to her

Whenever we have moved into a new neighbourhood we have always had a home warming 'get together' to get to know the neighbours. This has helped introduce us into the neighbourhood in one afternoon.

We did live next door to a real ahole once, and when my teenage son needed a jump start to his car the guy told him to f*** off
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