HarryTheSpider

Well, I got back from Tokyo last night, at around 9pm.

Mrs HTS was very pleased to see me, despite being in some discomfort with the ribs etc.

She did have the keys to the front door - bolted as we always go in & out via the garage using the remote door opener etc.

Luckily the back door was unbolted so she could get in that way - once she had sacrificed her ribs which had only just healed from the last accident

Thank you all for your support and stories - I grimaced at a few, chuckled at others.

We won't be making any decisions rashly.

I love my job, I am good at it, and it is the path to something better, and for now that path lies in the US. We will simply have to get a grip of a couple of things and get on with it. Mrs HTS has chilled somewhat since then, and we have just come from a very nice Thanksgiving dinner with a work colleague and her lovely family - the second time we have had Thanksgiving there.

Mrs HTS did speak with next door neighbours, and it seems that Mrs HTS needs to employ a bigger and more aggressive door knocking strategy. Many do not answer the door to just anybody. There is always 2 sides to any story. But the knob headed way the last neighbour reacted was just crappy - not the refusal to help, but the way it was done. Knob head. I hope his next sh1t is a very large porcupine...

Anyway, happy thanksgiving to you all!!

robin1234

You should do what we do.. We've left the house unlocked for the fifteen years we've lived here, even when we go to Europe for four weeks! In fact I don't think we even own a set of keys.. Maybe a different type of neighborhood. Around here it is the norm to bang on someone's door and just walk in. It saves them from having to walk to the door.

Middlemore

We lived like that on our houseboat in England. Only ever locked it when it was windy, to stop the doors rattling. Apart from that it was always open, neighbors could pop in to borrow something, and if i was running late, then would even go in and light the woodstove before I got home : )

I found the move from houseboat to house far more of a culture shock that moving from UK to US.

tuxedocat

The day I went into labor with my son, I was walking several blocks home. It was just early labor but when the contractions peak it's still painful. I was just trying to get home between them. 1/2 block from home I had held on to the back of someone's parked car when a contraction peaked. This lady came out yelling at me for touching her car. You see a 9 month pregnant woman (or anyone) doubled over and you are worried about your old car being touched? I just moved to the curb until it ended. I'm sorry HTS, people can be awful.

tuxedocat

I don't answer the door unless I know who it is. I always identify myself when knocking on a door. Knock Knock It's tuxedocat your neighbor.

HarryTheSpider

That's terrible. I presume the rest of your pregnancy & birth turned out well, but still... Pity you couldn't have had your waters break ON her car...

I know you don't have to be American to be a total selfish knob - there were enough back home. It's just that sometimes it feels like the majority of the world's population of self absorbed people happen to be American.

A lady on her mobility scooter rode out in to the road in front of me, never looked, too busy talking on her phone. I barely missed hitting her. If I had you just know the Police, understandably in some respects, would have given me a hard time... On reflection I wanted to go back in time and run her over, just so her self absorption would not affect other road users in the future. How terrible of me to even think that!

Anyway, next door neighbour was mortified to hear what happened to Mrs HTS, feels quite bad. We have arranged special door knocking code now. Which I used Monday night to summon help moving furniture, which he very kindly & expertly did. I just need to find out what beer he drinks... I hope it's not Budsheister!!

yellowroom

While I'm glad you've made progress with your neighbours, I still find it sad that a special door knocking code is required.

There does seem to be a heightened sense of fear of the stranger in some parts - I was watching one of those "we did something stupid in bad weather and they made a tv program out of it" things on The Weather Channel over the weekend. A woman was stuck in her car in snow, with an empty tank and phone battery running out. Her mum advised her to seek shelter with a driver in a nearby car and her first thought was "what if he rapes me?".

Actually, it annoyed me quite a bit. While there are psychos out there, the number of them are actually pretty small and the vast majority of people are basically decent human beings who gladly do the right thing in an emergency like that. What if the man had been equally paranoid and said no, don't come in my car because you might falsely accuse me of attacking you...?

While there are still "don't want to get involved" types in the UK, do you think that generally that type of behaviour is more frowned upon there, and thus is a bit more shocking to us when we encounter it over here?

kimilseung

While I am not convinced that Americans are more selfish and self centred than Europeans. It would not surprise me if that were so (on average).

America is a nation built on the idea of the individual, from its pop-culture lone super-heroes, to its political Presidential system (even if it's not that simple). It is the individual at every turn.

HarryTheSpider

I deliberately used the term 'self absorbed'.

I conducted a very non scientific poll of several ex pat colleagues (different EU countries, including Hungary) of mine who are located in several widely scattered parts of the US, and all of them said that relative to 'back home' they see Americans as generally more self absorbed. My equally non scientific personal experience tells me that Americans can be incredibly generous, sincere, thoughtful and charitable - more so perhaps than is typical back home...

It's a continuum. Being more independent rather than interdependent might explain it. It is what it is, and we need to adapt to it...but still... I think perhaps in the last 2 decades the media, esp. TV has given people the impression that their fellow Man is out to get them in some way...

eyup

wish i hadnt read this thread ,my fiance and i are getting married next year when i get the visa and im moving to Maryland,but i had noticed that 'friends' there are not the same as my 'friends' here in yorkshire ! for example we were coming home from the Mall on my last visit and we passed near to the home of a couple she is friends with,(allegedly) i said are we going to call in for a coffee ? my fiance said we cant do that here,its not england,i insisted and said at home we would call in or they would say why didnt you call in for coffee? i said why not here ? she relented and we called,we rang the bell and hubby answered the door,we stood there he stood there,i said Hi we were passing and thought we would call in,he then invited us in,they seemed nervous and confused by us being there,we sat and did small talk for 20 mins with no one putting the kettle on,so we left,my fiance said see i told you so ,i was in shock,or the time she had to work and i went collecting fallen wood for the stove from the woods nearby,she went mad and asked if i was crazy,people get shot for trespassing she says etc etc,and did i watch out for copperheads when in amongst the dead wood ?? whats a copperhead i says ???

Jaxbar

Really sorry that people have had bad experiences. I think there are some great people here but there is a different set of rules. I would never call on someone unannounced, a quick call is all is needed. I also would not go to someones house I didnt know as there are way too many people with guns which is just a fact of life here. People are definitely paranoid about crime but generally helpful, a woman at a gas station asked me for a ride saying her car had broken down and I refused to help her as my instinct said it was a scam. you have to go with your instinct.

This year when my DH was taken ill, my neighbours across the street noticed that our cars were not outside the house all day and someone else said they had seen ambulance. They called the hospitals until they found out where he was and called to check on us.

People tend to be very cheery and chatty here in the south, its a bit like Yorkshire - with guns

yellowroom

JRG67

Wow! I couldn't imagine just popping in to a friends for a coffee without texting them first!

HarryTheSpider

We introduced an acquaintance here to the whole 'popping in' concept.

It blew him away - in a good sense.

Trouble is - he went overboard with it.

It's not something that is easy to teach - the 'rules' and how you judge whether to 'pop in or not' and to read the signs of whether to stay or go quickly once you have 'popped in' are something you just 'learn' - it's cultural.

So, advice to others - don't do the 'popping in' thing here in the US - if you can't live without it, then sad to say, stay home in the UK...

I miss it, but I hate more when people get it wrong and pop in all the time - in the end he had to pop out permanently...

JRG67

LOL