The States is not for Everyone
Aug 17th 2003, 3:08 am
#1
Guest
Posts: n/a
The States is not for Everyone
After the long TSC process, the K1 spent 5 weeks in the States and
today returned to the homeland. Among problems cited: no busses,
getting up in the morning, cooking in general, we never go anywhere,
belching, grocery stores, everyone speaks English, child didn't want
to go to school.
Discussions were unable to resolve the problems. It's been a great
dissappointment.
The States is not for everyone in spite of initial enthusiasm. Reply
not sought, this is information only.
today returned to the homeland. Among problems cited: no busses,
getting up in the morning, cooking in general, we never go anywhere,
belching, grocery stores, everyone speaks English, child didn't want
to go to school.
Discussions were unable to resolve the problems. It's been a great
dissappointment.
The States is not for everyone in spite of initial enthusiasm. Reply
not sought, this is information only.
Aug 17th 2003, 3:51 am
#2
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: The States is not for Everyone
I'm truly sorry to hear it didn't work out for you. I'm sure it's a great
disappointment for you. Don't give up hope though. With 6 billion people
in this world surely there is someone for everyone! :-)
Darren
"alzerom" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> After the long TSC process, the K1 spent 5 weeks in the States and
> today returned to the homeland. Among problems cited: no busses,
> getting up in the morning, cooking in general, we never go anywhere,
> belching, grocery stores, everyone speaks English, child didn't want
> to go to school.
> Discussions were unable to resolve the problems. It's been a great
> dissappointment.
> The States is not for everyone in spite of initial enthusiasm. Reply
> not sought, this is information only.
disappointment for you. Don't give up hope though. With 6 billion people
in this world surely there is someone for everyone! :-)
Darren
"alzerom" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> After the long TSC process, the K1 spent 5 weeks in the States and
> today returned to the homeland. Among problems cited: no busses,
> getting up in the morning, cooking in general, we never go anywhere,
> belching, grocery stores, everyone speaks English, child didn't want
> to go to school.
> Discussions were unable to resolve the problems. It's been a great
> dissappointment.
> The States is not for everyone in spite of initial enthusiasm. Reply
> not sought, this is information only.
Aug 17th 2003, 4:29 am
#3
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: The States is not for Everyone
"alzerom" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> After the long TSC process, the K1 spent 5 weeks in the States and
> today returned to the homeland. Among problems cited: no busses,
> getting up in the morning, cooking in general, we never go anywhere,
> belching, grocery stores, everyone speaks English, child didn't want
> to go to school.
Everyone speaks English, what did she expect? Did you not talk about public
transortation, your recreational habits (never going anywhere) etc. Man, I
have discussed every aspect of American life with my fiancee until we're
exhausted. I believe she is as prepared as well as can be and knows exactly
what to expect.
news:[email protected]...
> After the long TSC process, the K1 spent 5 weeks in the States and
> today returned to the homeland. Among problems cited: no busses,
> getting up in the morning, cooking in general, we never go anywhere,
> belching, grocery stores, everyone speaks English, child didn't want
> to go to school.
Everyone speaks English, what did she expect? Did you not talk about public
transortation, your recreational habits (never going anywhere) etc. Man, I
have discussed every aspect of American life with my fiancee until we're
exhausted. I believe she is as prepared as well as can be and knows exactly
what to expect.
Aug 17th 2003, 9:57 am
#4
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: The States is not for Everyone
In article <[email protected] >,
[email protected] (alzerom) wrote:
> After the long TSC process, the K1 spent 5 weeks in the States and
> today returned to the homeland. Among problems cited: no busses,
> getting up in the morning, cooking in general, we never go anywhere,
> belching, grocery stores, everyone speaks English, child didn't want
> to go to school.
> Discussions were unable to resolve the problems. It's been a great
> dissappointment.
> The States is not for everyone in spite of initial enthusiasm. Reply
> not sought, this is information only.
Public transportation is not as good in the states as overseas, and that
is a fact of life unless you happen to live in a city that is blessed
with good trains/subways. Americans seem to be wedded to their cars for
now at least.
As for getting up in the morning: well, we all do this, here or in any
country.
Cooking is another one I don't understand: food is food and it's cooked
in any country. Going somewhere: it's like Nike, just "do it."
English: it's the language we all use, learn it or suffer the
consequences. I daresay you would experience the same in the fiance's
country.
Child didn't want to go to school: crack the whip and get the little
bugger in there. Same in any country.
Sounds like to me, you were used as a "trial spouse" to see if the
fiance would like the US, and the US didn't pass muster. A foreign
spouse will always find the US strange at first, and it takes time to
get used to living here. Tincture of time cures a lot of problems, as
long as one is willing to make the effort.
--
Trashy Girl
[email protected] (alzerom) wrote:
> After the long TSC process, the K1 spent 5 weeks in the States and
> today returned to the homeland. Among problems cited: no busses,
> getting up in the morning, cooking in general, we never go anywhere,
> belching, grocery stores, everyone speaks English, child didn't want
> to go to school.
> Discussions were unable to resolve the problems. It's been a great
> dissappointment.
> The States is not for everyone in spite of initial enthusiasm. Reply
> not sought, this is information only.
Public transportation is not as good in the states as overseas, and that
is a fact of life unless you happen to live in a city that is blessed
with good trains/subways. Americans seem to be wedded to their cars for
now at least.
As for getting up in the morning: well, we all do this, here or in any
country.
Cooking is another one I don't understand: food is food and it's cooked
in any country. Going somewhere: it's like Nike, just "do it."
English: it's the language we all use, learn it or suffer the
consequences. I daresay you would experience the same in the fiance's
country.
Child didn't want to go to school: crack the whip and get the little
bugger in there. Same in any country.
Sounds like to me, you were used as a "trial spouse" to see if the
fiance would like the US, and the US didn't pass muster. A foreign
spouse will always find the US strange at first, and it takes time to
get used to living here. Tincture of time cures a lot of problems, as
long as one is willing to make the effort.
--
Trashy Girl
Aug 17th 2003, 12:39 pm
#5
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: The States is not for Everyone
> Everyone speaks English, what did she expect? Did you not talk about public
> transortation, your recreational habits (never going anywhere) etc. Man, I
> have discussed every aspect of American life with my fiancee until we're
> exhausted. I believe she is as prepared as well as can be and knows exactly
> what to expect.
Everything was discussed, she speaks excellent English, paid for
driving lessons from the country of origin so she had a driving
license- afraid to drive, 5 weeks in the states and one week was on
'vacation at the beach'. I believe there was a paralysis of mind/body
caused by homesick and inability to adjust. I was the one who belched
;-) (twice too!)
Would you like to..? No
How about...? No
Will you get out of bed in the morning...? (depression) "No, I'm on
vacation"...
Even support from the home country, "give her a little time"....
didn't seem to change things.
Like I said, "The states is not for everyone." And yes it was a huge
dissappointment. I also feel personally rejected, but I don't think
it was me, but rather the adjustment was just too much. Hey, it's
different over there.... very different, and we all are taking a BIG
CHANCE. ---
Some bad outcomes should be posted to keep ourselves in reality. I
haven't seen many.
> transortation, your recreational habits (never going anywhere) etc. Man, I
> have discussed every aspect of American life with my fiancee until we're
> exhausted. I believe she is as prepared as well as can be and knows exactly
> what to expect.
Everything was discussed, she speaks excellent English, paid for
driving lessons from the country of origin so she had a driving
license- afraid to drive, 5 weeks in the states and one week was on
'vacation at the beach'. I believe there was a paralysis of mind/body
caused by homesick and inability to adjust. I was the one who belched
;-) (twice too!)
Would you like to..? No
How about...? No
Will you get out of bed in the morning...? (depression) "No, I'm on
vacation"...
Even support from the home country, "give her a little time"....
didn't seem to change things.
Like I said, "The states is not for everyone." And yes it was a huge
dissappointment. I also feel personally rejected, but I don't think
it was me, but rather the adjustment was just too much. Hey, it's
different over there.... very different, and we all are taking a BIG
CHANCE. ---
Some bad outcomes should be posted to keep ourselves in reality. I
haven't seen many.
Aug 17th 2003, 1:39 pm
#6
Just Joined
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Beaumont, TX
Posts: 15
Re: The States is not for Everyone
I am so sorry to hear your story. I am a foreign fiancee but I have been to the States numerous times and even lived there as an exchange student for 11 months. Plus I had 4 years of preparing myself for this big step.
Believe me, it is a big step for the foreigner especially if you live in a country where you have a good life but for the love of your life you are willing to give up all your family and friends.
You really have to think about the consequences of what you are giving up. If you are not prepared for the whole situation and you have the feeling that it might be a mistake, you shouldn't go over there!!!!!
For nobody it is easy to start a different life in another country. Everyday you learn new stuff!! You either can cope with it or you cannot.
Best wishes to everyone.
Katja
Believe me, it is a big step for the foreigner especially if you live in a country where you have a good life but for the love of your life you are willing to give up all your family and friends.
You really have to think about the consequences of what you are giving up. If you are not prepared for the whole situation and you have the feeling that it might be a mistake, you shouldn't go over there!!!!!
For nobody it is easy to start a different life in another country. Everyday you learn new stuff!! You either can cope with it or you cannot.
Best wishes to everyone.
Katja
Last edited by kwallocha; Aug 17th 2003 at 3:33 pm.
Aug 17th 2003, 1:47 pm
#7
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2002
Location: Mallorca/Indiana
Posts: 268
Re: The States is not for Everyone
I'm very sorry Alzarom.
And I would agree that moving, but not only to the States, is a tremendous undertaking. Not everyone can deal with being away from their families, their culture and all the things they have taken for granted in their homeland.
I'm a seasoned traveller. I've lived out of my home country for over 30 years. I'm multi lingual and also highly independant. I trust my future husband implicitly and I already have friends in the area I will be living.
I know I'm fortunate. I've been able to travel and visit him, as he has me, over the past 18 months. I wanted to make sure I would feel "at home".
We still have a long time to go (2 years) before I move permanently. Each trip we make together strengthens the ties, not only between us, but between our families.
Not everyone can do what we have done.
I wouldn't take this as "the States not being for everyone", though maybe they aren't, but more of a person who will never be happy outside of her family.
Be thankful that she was honest enough to tell you before you married and good luck for the future.
And I would agree that moving, but not only to the States, is a tremendous undertaking. Not everyone can deal with being away from their families, their culture and all the things they have taken for granted in their homeland.
I'm a seasoned traveller. I've lived out of my home country for over 30 years. I'm multi lingual and also highly independant. I trust my future husband implicitly and I already have friends in the area I will be living.
I know I'm fortunate. I've been able to travel and visit him, as he has me, over the past 18 months. I wanted to make sure I would feel "at home".
We still have a long time to go (2 years) before I move permanently. Each trip we make together strengthens the ties, not only between us, but between our families.
Not everyone can do what we have done.
I wouldn't take this as "the States not being for everyone", though maybe they aren't, but more of a person who will never be happy outside of her family.
Be thankful that she was honest enough to tell you before you married and good luck for the future.
Aug 17th 2003, 2:02 pm
#8
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 1,350
Re: The States is not for Everyone
Originally posted by Alzerom
> Everyone speaks English, what did she expect? Did you not talk about public
> transortation, your recreational habits (never going anywhere) etc. Man, I
> have discussed every aspect of American life with my fiancee until we're
> exhausted. I believe she is as prepared as well as can be and knows exactly
> what to expect.
Everything was discussed, she speaks excellent English, paid for
driving lessons from the country of origin so she had a driving
license- afraid to drive, 5 weeks in the states and one week was on 'vacation at the beach'. I believe there was a paralysis of mind/body caused by homesick and inability to adjust. I was the one who belched ;-) (twice too!)
Would you like to..? No
How about...? No
Will you get out of bed in the morning...? (depression) "No, I'm on
vacation"...
Even support from the home country, "give her a little time"....
didn't seem to change things.
Like I said, "The states is not for everyone." And yes it was a huge dissappointment. I also feel personally rejected, but I don't think it was me, but rather the adjustment was just too much. Hey, it's different over there.... very different, and we all are taking a BIG CHANCE. ---
Some bad outcomes should be posted to keep ourselves in reality. I haven't seen many.
> Everyone speaks English, what did she expect? Did you not talk about public
> transortation, your recreational habits (never going anywhere) etc. Man, I
> have discussed every aspect of American life with my fiancee until we're
> exhausted. I believe she is as prepared as well as can be and knows exactly
> what to expect.
Everything was discussed, she speaks excellent English, paid for
driving lessons from the country of origin so she had a driving
license- afraid to drive, 5 weeks in the states and one week was on 'vacation at the beach'. I believe there was a paralysis of mind/body caused by homesick and inability to adjust. I was the one who belched ;-) (twice too!)
Would you like to..? No
How about...? No
Will you get out of bed in the morning...? (depression) "No, I'm on
vacation"...
Even support from the home country, "give her a little time"....
didn't seem to change things.
Like I said, "The states is not for everyone." And yes it was a huge dissappointment. I also feel personally rejected, but I don't think it was me, but rather the adjustment was just too much. Hey, it's different over there.... very different, and we all are taking a BIG CHANCE. ---
Some bad outcomes should be posted to keep ourselves in reality. I haven't seen many.
You have every right to be depressed - obviously after everything we go through to bring our beloveds here, this is a major disappointment.
But when your ex-soon-to-be beloved wife to be is worried more about your belching habits than about trying to build a relationship (in which sooner or later cooking is required) or getting her child in school, I say you're better off in the long run. Coming to the US is a massive adjustment for the immigrating partner -- I am watching it being experienced first hand myself - but if the commitment is there coming to accept and appreciate the differences is just, as Dekka says whenever I worry that yet another thing about America is getting on his Aussie nerves, "details".
I'm sorry this happened to you. In time, all will sort itself.
Last edited by Dekka's Angel; Aug 17th 2003 at 2:05 pm.
Aug 17th 2003, 2:51 pm
#9
Corpsicle
Joined: Oct 2002
Location: NYC
Posts: 648
My wife belched a few times.
She is the US Citizen.
I did not leave the country because of it.
Some of the excuses your fiancee cited were beyond lame, and just grasping. I'm not being mean, but it sounds like she used you, as cruel as that is. It sounds like she came here wanting a vacation, and to be waited on hand and foot; not to work on a loving relationship.
Out of curiosity, what country was she from?
She is the US Citizen.
I did not leave the country because of it.
Some of the excuses your fiancee cited were beyond lame, and just grasping. I'm not being mean, but it sounds like she used you, as cruel as that is. It sounds like she came here wanting a vacation, and to be waited on hand and foot; not to work on a loving relationship.
Out of curiosity, what country was she from?
Aug 17th 2003, 2:58 pm
#10
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: The States is not for Everyone
"alzerom" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> After the long TSC process, the K1 spent 5 weeks in the States and
> today returned to the homeland. Among problems cited: no busses,
> getting up in the morning, cooking in general, we never go anywhere,
> belching, grocery stores, everyone speaks English, child didn't want
> to go to school.
> Discussions were unable to resolve the problems. It's been a great
> dissappointment.
> The States is not for everyone in spite of initial enthusiasm. Reply
> not sought, this is information only.
Aug 17th 2003, 3:03 pm
#11
Maño-Americano
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: In the heart of the Ozarks
Posts: 10,216
Ok, next time I have to fart- I guess I'll just go for a walk 
.
It sounds as though you are the lucky one, although I am sure it will take a while to see it in that light.
.It sounds as though you are the lucky one, although I am sure it will take a while to see it in that light.
Aug 17th 2003, 3:11 pm
#12
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 14,049
Nathan,
Chile
Chile
Originally posted by nathan barley
...
Out of curiosity, what country was she from?
...
Out of curiosity, what country was she from?
Aug 17th 2003, 3:35 pm
#13
Overworked and exhausted
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 1,111
Five weeks is not anywhere near being a sufficient amount of time to make an adjustment. It can take many months or even a couple of years. It's too late to fix anything now for Alzerom, but generally speaking, this is the realistic time frame that all foreign spouses and fiancees should keep in mind in order to prevent major disappointment.
Aug 17th 2003, 3:35 pm
#14
Joined: Dec 2001
Location: Dixie, ex UK
Posts: 52,439
Originally posted by nathan barley
My wife belched a few times.
She is the US Citizen.
I did not leave the country because of it. .....
My wife belched a few times.
She is the US Citizen.
I did not leave the country because of it.
.....
Aug 17th 2003, 3:51 pm
#15
MODERATOR
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 58,679
Alzerom,
Sorry to hear your news. Sometimes life's disappointments turn out to be blessings in disguise.
My fiance and I have also talked about adjusting. It won't be all him doing the adjusting, either! We'll both have a new lifestyle. I'll have to drive him around till he gets a license. He'll have to learn English. I'll have to learn to cook real meals at regular hours instead of opening a can of tuna for dinner. He'll have to open a whole new business. I'll have to learn not to get annoyed when the toilet seat is left up in the middle of the night and he'll have to learn to put it back down again! LOL He's basically said that adjustments are necessary no matter what you're doing or where you live. It's being with the person you love that counts, and adjusting together.
I'm sorry she didn't want to work on it longer than 5 weeks with you. That's just a drop in the bucket of time it would take to feel comfortable in new surroundings. :-(
Rene
Sorry to hear your news. Sometimes life's disappointments turn out to be blessings in disguise.
My fiance and I have also talked about adjusting. It won't be all him doing the adjusting, either! We'll both have a new lifestyle. I'll have to drive him around till he gets a license. He'll have to learn English. I'll have to learn to cook real meals at regular hours instead of opening a can of tuna for dinner. He'll have to open a whole new business. I'll have to learn not to get annoyed when the toilet seat is left up in the middle of the night and he'll have to learn to put it back down again! LOL He's basically said that adjustments are necessary no matter what you're doing or where you live. It's being with the person you love that counts, and adjusting together.
I'm sorry she didn't want to work on it longer than 5 weeks with you. That's just a drop in the bucket of time it would take to feel comfortable in new surroundings. :-(
Rene