ScottHenshaw

Rene, that's funny You better not tell your husband that I think that it is really embarrassing when you wake up because you think that you farted and try to pretend nothing happened, but you know that it wasn't the alarm clock that woke you up

Scott

Alzerom

Thanks, and that is the hardest part, lack of effort....

And thanks for the offer to "stop by"....

Gasherjohn

Poor Alzerom, I can't imagine what it must be like to go through all the effort of getting your loved one into the country and then be spurned and rejected. I hope your fiance looks in here and feels remorse for what she did to you. For your part though, I think someone said that you should be grateful that she stopped it before the marriage and I agree with that although it must be small consolation.

As for farting.... there really is only one solution to that problem.... get a dog and blame it. Ours let one rip the other evening and it was almost a leave the room atmosphere so the responsibility for anything I could ever manage after that can easily be passed on to our canine companion

Shannon

My friends mother told me once that you really know you love someone if you
can use each other's toothbrush. I love hubby very very much, but I'm not
using his toothbrush. LOL

Shannon

"ScottHenshaw" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > Someone once told me that you only truly know if someone loves you when
    > farting under the covers is a standard part of the relationship.
    > Scott
    > --
    > NOA1 NSC December 16th, 2002
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com

shepslady

"Home is where the heart is"......I am a believer in that but having left an entire family behind I will always think of NZ as my home too. I can live anywhere as long as my husband is by my side but I will always feel the tug of my homeland pulling on my heart strings. Adjustment is a funny thing & something we all handle differently. The sad thing here I think is the fact that 5 weeks was no where near long enough to give your relationship a real go.
As a new arrival in the US I find a lot of things rather strange but they are all things that I can usually laugh at with my husband. Guess the biggest hurdle I have is trying to get people to understand what Im saying. Now thats funny for me because I come from an English speaking country & have only spoken English all my life. Seems the NZ accent is something most Americans find "cute" but difficult to understand. I usually handle it by laughing it off & telling people Im not the one with an accent here, everyone else here has one!!
Hope things get better for you as Im sure they will with each passing day & you put this down to another of lifes little experiences that you dont have to suffer again.

Regards
Shepslady.

P.S. Scott re the farting thing. That put a huge smile on my face & brought back some funny memories of the start of our living together. My husband for the first 6 months always left the room to fart thinking that he was being sneaky but I always heard him anyhow. Familiarity breeds contentment because now anything goes & he delights in letting one rip under the covers. Guess that puts a whole new meaning to sharing huh??

Shannon

Hi, I've travelled a lot (also lived abroad being married to an anthropologist) and we read a LOT about culture shock. If you are going somewhere willingly culture shock doesn't usually set in for a few MONTHS!

The first period in a foreign culture is usually described as "the honeymoon". Typically people relish the difference, the novelty, the quaint way people do things. Angel66's description of her time in Morocco is typical. People are very often happy.

This wears off after a few months and then one typically thinks only the worst of the new place. I was living on an indonesian island and can recall this point vividly. Everything was too hard. Trying to speak the language, trying to enjoy fish and rice AGAIN, not having newspapers, being looked at strangely, not getting the jokes. This is the hardest time and people sometimes give up and go home (this is the less than a year time).

Between some months and a year things usually settle down. The strange things become easier, the novelty returns in part, you know ppl etc.

I agree with posters who think it unlikely that someone who planned to stay would leave within 5 weeks. It is just too soon to give up your dreams.

Shannon

Leslie

Shannon,

I'm glad you pointed out the honeymoon phase and culture shock adjustment later. One of my biggest concerns is that my husband will miss his family/friends/culture to the point of unhappiness. He thinks I worry too much. He knows he will miss them, but us being together is the most important thing. What I was really trying to point out in my original post about Morocco, was that the fiance that left after 5 weeks really did not try. He obviously put a lot of effort, time, and money into arranging for her to come and she did not bother to meet him half way. It's a big adjustment for both parties once you really start to think about it. A big adjustment and a lot of sacrifices from both for it to work.

Leslie

Noorah101

It's interesting to see the other side of the coin. From the USC point of view, we keep hearing "make sure he's not just coming for a green card", which can get quite annoying for us USC's! However, my fiance was telling me that in Turkey, people are telling him ... "ohhhh you get to go live in America, you get to be rich, you get to have a luxurious life...etc." He gets annoyed at those remarks and says, "Look! I'm going there because my fiancee is there and I want to marry her! That's it! If it weren't for her, I'd stay right here in Turkey where I already know the language and culture and have a successful business, why disrupt my life for the unknown unless it's to be with the woman that will stand beside me forever?" It's as disturbing for him to explain that the street here are NOT paved with gold w/o hard earnest work, as it is for me to keep explaining that he's not just after a green card. :-)
Rene

Gasherjohn

Tis love that drew me to this place
to see her smile, her happy face
We faced the pain to get me here
and share our love not far but near
What other reasons could there be
to live together... can't you see?
Oh BCIS stop being a pain
I'm not a green skinned alien
We're just a couple, meant to be
so face the facts, and let us free!

John

Leslie

Rene,

Here, Here!!!! I completely agree. The first thing my sister said to me when she found out about my engagement was, "I bet he looked at you and saw a green card." My response to her was. "He doesn't even know what a green card is." And he didn't. He's well educated, has a degree, reads and writes 3 languages fluently, and can understand a great deal of several other languages. He is by no means wealthy, but certainly lives a comfortable life. Before we got married he was offered a lucrative position in Saudi Arabia and he turned it down. When I asked him why, he said, "I'm not going anywhere without you." It's so insulting for people to assume he so desperate to get to the U.S. and I'm so pathetic I wouldn't know I was being used.

Leslie

Marjeta

I'm sorry that this happened to you. Somehow it is true - US is not for everyone. And people are very different in their perception of home and in their attachment to their family and strenght of their roots.
I've been here in the US for 9 months now and I'm still adjusting. Homesickness can be a HUGE problem that triggers disatisfaction in every aspect of your daily life. The person just can't get over the difference between the home and the new. It doesn't even matter if the aspects are good, the person will always perceive them negatively. It is something hard to avoid if you are prone to that as an individual. I have visited the States numerous times before moving here and the culture shock was still HUGE. There's a big difference between being a tourist and actually living here. It also depends on what kind of environment you'll end up in, if your husband/wife is gonna be there for you etc.
This is a common problem and it is not always something that can be predicted and discussed in advance - unfortunately.
I have gone through it and still am. The best thing you can do is just accept that this country will not and can't be the same as your old country and that it might never replace the feeling that you had when you lived "home". Adjusting to it takes a while for some people, just taking things as they are. In the end we all gotta remember the reason that brought us here was love, even though it is hard on us sometimes.
Good luck to everyone!

beyness

Everyone has their complaints... complaints from Greg: crap cheese, no good jars of Pesto, long work hours, lots of fat people, etc...

But the good outweight the bad: lakes, mountains and oceans within an hour away, being with me, cheap rent, loads to see, awful junk food to explore, space, space, and more space...

it just depends on the person...

shepslady

Beyness I dont mean to laugh but your comments re the crap cheese sound so familar. As much as I love being here with my husband I will NEVER get used to the terrible cheese in this country. Everytime I order something I say NO CHEESE please & I see my husband raise his eyebrows. My other pet hate here is the bread but they are of no real concern, just another of those little things I will learn to live without & laugh about. Im so glad my concerns are insignificant & things that will be easy to deal with. When I think about it the easiest thing for me to deal with are the people here & that is just one of the many things that help make my adjustment relatively easy. Please tell Greg I understnd exactly what he means but I try to look at the things that are available here that I find better than at home & I know Im passing the test.
Best wishes to you & yours
Regards
Shepslady

Ang

Very insightful post, Shannon. Thank you.

As for the "wind" topic, a few weeks after I arrived in the US, my
future husband asked if it was okay if he farted in my presence. To my
endless regret ... hehe ... I said yes. Now, like most men, he thinks
farts are funny. P

A question for the women ... do you happily fart in front of your
hubby? Or do you, like me, stick to the line "Women don't fart"?

Angi

veryfunny

Speechless x infinity.