Hellllllp!
 

Hi folks,
We would like some input please. We have been living in Sweden now since November 06. Our Children are almost Swedish as they have lived most of their lives out here. (Ages 8, 7 and almost6). They are settled in activities and in school but my man is terribly homesick. He is a retired copper so neither of us have jobs out here. We are considering hard the prospect of moving back.
Financially we would be much better off in the UK.... to the tune of about £700 per month. I would like to work here in Sweden but no-one wants an employee with only half the language and no grammar. I could work in the UK. We are both lonely..... me moved here for the peace and tranquillity, the nature, the better environment for the children and the adventure, but now it is the peace and quiet that affords the loneliness. We don't really know how to make friend and with not much spare cash it is difficult to afford to go out anywhere to try and make friends. If it was just myself and my man we would go back tomorrow but what about the children. They have friendships. They are settled. If we move back, it would have to be to a different part of the UK as we can no longer afford to buy where we were living. Is it fair to up-root them again and take them home..... what if it doesn't work, what if we are only remembering the good stuff..... what if we get there and then think it was a big mistake to go back and regret it. As the education systems are different in the two lands, we feel it is now or never as another slow year year might leave the children too far behind to catch up. Someone please help.... this is eating me.

Re: Hellllllp!
 

It's a no-brainer. You need to return to the UK.....and yes there are quiet places there too!

Children are very adaptable (we left the UK when ours were 10 and 6 and they quickly settled and made friends).

Ever heard of the saying "If Momma ain't happy, then nobody's happy"?

Re: Hellllllp!
 

Hi Sooziewhoozy.

You are worrying un-necessarily about your children.

They are still young enough to slide nicely into the UK and the schools. Any older and maybe you'd be right to worry.

If you move to an area that you think you'd really love you're bound to feel more positive.

You need to deal with the main problem you have,,that is you and your hubby are bored bored bored...are you happy to stay in Sweden for the long term?

I am in Spain and although I love it here...I am incredibly bored and friendless. I also would love to have a job and socialise but I am not fluent in spanish yet..my kids are settled (except for eldest who is 11). It is going to kill me when I take my 7 year old away from her best friend. But I HAVE to do it..she will find a new friend. She is better off having a mom who is happier.

I'm not unhappy here but I am not H A P P Y either.

We would also be better off financially because I can contribute. I used to work and enjoyed being a working mom..

If you are going to be 700 pounds better off per month, that's great in terms of days out visiting parts of Britain that are full of history and culture. What a great education that your children would have.

Life back in the UK can be great..

Hope my waffling helps....

Re: Hellllllp!
 

I agree with the person ^^^. The sooner you do it the better. The kids are young enough for them to settle back in and will catch up in school. If you leave it for a few more years, you are risking much more problems for the kids educationally and emotionally.

We are thinking the same in Canada, and too worry about them being behind (ours are 8,5 and 3). I think the education here is smilar as they start them off very slowley and my eldest has struggled not to get bored at school.
We are considering, once we have finally made up our minds, to put them in an extra tutition programme to ensure that they are comfortable to be back in the UK system (we will be going back to their old schools).

Its difficult and i feel the same way as you in terms of kids happiness and great way of life for the kids, but you have to be a happy parent to have happy kids!

All the best.

Re: Hellllllp!
 

Thank you peeps.....
It does sound so easy, so why am I sat here still crying and pulling my hair out? I am so scared we will want to come back no sooner we have started to settle...

Re: Hellllllp!
 

Do you mean..you're scared that when you return to the UK, you will want to leave and return to Sweden?

Need to give us some more insight in what your worries are..

Re: Hellllllp!
 

Yes, that's what I mean. We left because we wanted space and felt Britain was too full... it was a rat-race, too many cars, too much crime, too easy for the kids to mix with kids we wouldn't want them to. The education seems to be guided to the lowest denominator, (not much difference here to be honest on that point). What if we go back and all the wrongs are still there and we regret going back to it? What if the kids can't adjust? Our youngest would go into year 2 in the UK - he hasn't even started formal school here- just nursery with no academic input! The other 2 only school for half days here so their days would be longer too. I don't know.... I'm just scared of everything maybe. What a wimp I am!

Re: Hellllllp!
 

You could move a a more rural part of UK so no overcrowding and a village school that will work with your kids.
They are still young enough to slot back in and make friends and will catch up and get with the whole day school in no time.
Maybe you could "homeschool" the little one over the summer to try and get him going. we use www.starfall.com for reading with our 5.5 year old who get to start kindergarten in the new school year.

Re: Hellllllp!
 

Well, you're not a wimp!! ~Returning back home is more of a worry and scary than moving to a new country really !! You know what awaits !!

For me I didn't like the traffic or the pub/drink culture...but now I am in another country..I see that I just have a different set of problems to deal with.

I still don't like these things but I think that if and when I move back to the UK, I will have to just ignore these things. I now realise that no where is perfect and I have to appreciate what is good about the UK and be more positive.

You have to weigh everything up and come up with ideas of making it better ie the problems with traffic and crime...all which you can overcome by moving to a village and not living in or near a major city.

You need to take the children out of the equation because they will be fine as long as you and hubby are fine.

I am a supporter of UK education..my kids have been in both British and Spanish education and the former is by far the better.

Re: Hellllllp!
 

There are so many lovely places to live that are quiet, quaint and idyllic for kids. As a teacher I know that children coming from abroad are often well supported and considered special by the other children. I have taught kids with no english at all and fit in and adjust very quickly. It'll be an amazing education and opportunti for them but I totally understand your concerns. Also, you sound like you both need to go home.....once you get there it will work out.....that's what I'm hoping anyway!!!!

Re: Hellllllp!
 

Thanks again folk! I can't afford a village location but hear what you are saying. We are considering renting a place for 6 months before selling up and buying over there, just in case.... but that feels a little like "keeping the back door open"..... The kids oral English is advanced for their years and they read well too but have no concept of English spelling.... well that is true of the girls but not the youngest.... he doesn't even know his alphabet, in either language. I wish I could just jump but my passport ran out and is currently in Germany being renewed.... don't ask why Germany as I have no idea!!! Ah well.... skip dinner, have a wine or four and see tomorrow as another day!

Re: Hellllllp!
 

Don't understand why you don't think you can afford a village location?

Re: Hellllllp!
 

From my own experience the kids will be fine if you move now. I have one daughter who moved at age 1, then age 6, then at age 8, and finally at age 12, each time to a different country (the last move being the final move, if you see what I mean).

The first three moves were not difficult for her at all. The one at age 12 was more difficult but she was able to adapt and thrive in her new environment. Incidentally she is still in touch with friends from those last three moves.

I'm sure it would work out OK, but I reckon you would even have time to go back if you tried for a couple of years, decided it wasn't right and then ping ponged back to Sweden, as your oldest would still be only 10.

So I would go for it, sooner rather than later.

Good luck.

Re: Hellllllp!
 

Hi
I agree with the previous posters - all wise mums from teh sound of it.
Your children will be fine.
I moved my children half way round the world (what was I thinking at the time) - the eldest being almost 4
She still sends/gets letters from a couple of her friends at our old village.
She will be 8 when we finally get back to Scotland.
Also slightly confused as to why you can't afford to live in a village. It would depend on the village?
If you don't need to commute to a large centre for work then look at some of the villages all around the UK which aren't in a commuter belt.
Our village was fantastic - affordabe (even more so now - yay) and an hours drive from Edinburgh or Glasgow. A little too far for most commuters, but great for us as OH didn't work in those centres.

But I certainly agree that the move back to a country is far more scary than a move away from it.

Re: Hellllllp!
 

As a mum who moved with three small children twins almost 5 and son 6 .....that was 13 years ago, as the year went by it got harder and harder ti take them home and once they got into middle school 12 /13 it was just too hard for me, they would have been fine but I was afraid to upset them and I have been unhappy for 13 years for what, I now have 18 year old twins who I rarely see and and 19 an d half year old son who also has his own life.
So my recommendation is go home, there are some great villages in the midlands where property is very affordable.
Do you have family and friends in UK?
Sorry but I know I am biased but go home so you dont rergret it...