Jacob50

Thanks petitefrancaise. I’m in a difficult predicament and scared of what lies ahead.

Former Lancastrian

Sounds pretty simple to me.
You are married to a US citizen and it appears that she wants to return to live in the US and obviously would like to take you with her. Although you have travelled to the US together she is probably under the impression that there should be no problems sponsoring you or you getting whatever visa to live permanently in the US.
Now as you have explained your wife doesn't know about your previous history so the 1st thing I would be doing is fessing up and telling her as this will be quite a revelation to her. Best case scenario she will stand by her man or worst case **** you I want a divorce and I am moving back to the US.
Once you have told her then you start taking the next steps required.

TexanScot

The problem is that pleading guilty to an accusation in court doesn't mean that you actually did it, any more than being acquitted means that you didn't.

Every day people plead guilty to crimes they didn't commit for all sorts of reasons, just like "innocent" people unfairly walk out of court with their liberties intact.

If OP maintains that he didn't do it and was advised to plead regardless by his brief, I don't think anyone here is really in a place to question that - none of us were there at the time.

Granted it's a moot point from an immigration perspective - a conviction is a conviction - but I do think you're being slightly harsh with OP when it comes to his past.

Jacob50

Thanks Guindalf for your reply. It has made me feel even worse about myself.
you don’t know my circumstances and mental state of mind when these things happened.
people find themselves in vulnerable situations that don’t always end well. As for the Esta. How many people have not understood it.
Anyway. Be judgemental if you wish. Judge me without knowing all the good things I’ve done for others.
I ask for help. You have a president who many would say has done many things, good or bad.
we have a prime minister and his colleagues who admit to be cocaine users in their younger days. Buying and using cocaine is far more serious than what I admitted to under duress, but what’s done is done, I can’t go back in time which Is why I’m trying to source positive outcomes and help.

scrubbedexpat099

Well OP has has some excellent advise, really just a question of time and money.

Jacob50

thank you Texanscot. I know what happened. I pleaded guilty to something not knowing I could and did end up being sentenced with guilt by association even though I did not commit the crime.

I don’t want to be judged. The internet is full of you did the crime, do the time blah blah. Many do fall victim to the criminal justice system.

Jacob50

yes I have to face this and find the moment to tell her.
naturally I’m scared, stressed out about it.

petitefrancaise

Time to stop being a wimp, stop lying and self-justifying and grow the **** up.
Tell your wife, consult an attorney and get on with it.

Jacob50

so just hire a lawyer and apply for a waiver straight away?

Jacob50

it is easy to say. But thanks for the brutal answer anyway.

civilservant

You cannot apply for the waiver until you have been denied the visa. So no, first step is the us spouse completed an I-130 for you.

Again though, consult a lawyer first. Cleaning up a mess is invariably more expensive then having one looped in from the get go.

civilservant

You know Jacob, I understand it's hard. We all have parts of our lives that we would rather remained in the past. I know that I have not told my wife some of the more 'dodgy' things that now I look back on with shame. The difference is that they are decades in the past, and have no ability to impact our future together since they did not involve criminal guilt.

I realize that at the time, you probably hoped that she would want to remain in the UK forever, so it would never become an issue, but the truth is that this happened to you only 2 years before you met this women. She deserved to know the truth at the time so that she could make her own decision about if she wanted to be with you or not. You denied her that, and it wasn't fair, but I understand why you did it. You wanted to put your best 'face' forward.

I mist warn you that this may not go well. She will feel hurt, betrayed, and may not even see you as the same person she thought she was married too. On the flip side, she might not care and say that it doesn't matter to her - or even admit something about herself that she hadn't told you. It might make your marriage stronger. No one can predict her answer.

The point is you have to tell her, because it can't remain a secret at this point. Good luck.

petitefrancaise

No, it's not a brutal answer - it's the path forward.
If you want a life with your wife, it is time for you to acknowledge that it is out of your hands and you have to let her make her own decision about your future together. I'd give her the facts and let her see how much you regret lying to her. It's not about the original acts now is it? It's the years of lying. She will decide whether to go forward on your future together based on how much faith she has in you. Are you afraid you're not good enough for her with your weakness? Maybe have a little more faith in yourself and your wife.

Jacob50

thanks

Jacob50

thanks that makes sense. I did have counselling many years ago to help with a traumatic event as a teenager. I’ve always bottled things up. Tried to bury them away in my mind and cope but now I have to face reality.