Well that's the first year over!
 

We have now been in Melbourne one year. I didn't think for a long time that I would make it. We read so often about people who had loved emigrating and those that have never settled and also those who decide to go back. I thought it might be interesting to hear a story that turned around from real despair to actually just doing it.

A bit of background. Me at three months. I could not have been more miserable.
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=458340

At three months, we were in a cold unit, Melbourne was freezing and dreary. My job was rubbish and my career going down the toilet. My marriage was extremely strained and I hated being away from my son for such long periods. I missed my family and friends so much and spent my days dreaming of the past, lovely Lincolnshire villages, Edinburgh christmases and old jobs and status. I felt trapped and unable to make any rationale decisions on what was best for me and my family.

At about six months, I became clinically depressed along with general anxiety (if you can call cold sweat anxiety attacks 'general'). Cue many phonecalls home, much sobbing and many threats to leave'. My doctor prescribes anti-depressants but they only help so much and the rest is up to the individual. This was without doubt, one of the lowest periods in my life.

I started to make friends at work. I began to see that the Australians I met were actually very kind to me and really open and honest. Friends from my first job kept in contact. They really cared about my emotional welfare and that was something I had never really experienced in the UK. I began to be included in every work social event. The community that I live in, takes an interest in people and makes it their job to know names. It became a pleasure to go into shops and bars. I was adopted by a group of Australians that I catch the train with (one is coming round to help me with the garden this weekend and another is helping my husband with his studies). Colleagues from my first workplace networked me into my second workplace.

We bought a house, a bit of a do-er upper and we like where we live. We have been very fortunate with money and income and I really grateful for this. My job is no way near perfect but it does. I knew I had turned a corner when my folks came for three months and I was glad to see the back of them. We now have two more sets of visitors coming from South Africa and I am not exactly hanging to see them.

I am friendly with a number of expats but I have not purposely sought them out, they just happen to be Brits that I have met out and about. My husband is starting to have a bit of a social scene himself.

After 18 months on the site, I have found that it is common to under estimate the emotional effects of emigrating. We had no strong reason to come here and that was the thing that upset me most. I couldn't understand why I had done this to myself and my family. I was very angry that I put myself into this painful situation. It really is a process of change 'denial, resistence, exploration and then acceptance'. Emigrating should come with a bumper bundle of psychologist sessions.

I stopped posting on the site as it started to get me down. I know that site gives great support but at times I felt that it just added to my confusion. I am no longer homesick and I am just trying to get on with things, in my own way. It's only life after all!:) Hence my promise to myself is my avatar 'no whining', as I really don't think it helps me.

I hope that this has not been dull. I believe that the journey does not start when you get on the plane but really when you get off it. Some people do not suffer the complete emigrating headfug and I hope as few people as possible do.

I have had tremendous support from BE-ers.

Good luck.

Re: Well that's the first year over!
 

Hi,
A great honest post. You should be very proud of yourself for working through your illness and problems, its looks like you've come through the other end. Goodluck for the future and hope things get better and better.

Ally

Re: Well that's the first year over!
 

N, great post, straight from the heart. It's so good to hear you're feeling so much happier :)

Re: Well that's the first year over!
 

Good to hear things are on the up and up, good post

Re: Well that's the first year over!
 

what a fab post, great reading, its very difficult to put into words some things but you have done it brilliantly:thumbsup:

hope the next year is easier on the emotions

little bear x

Re: Well that's the first year over!
 

Great post, it has made me really think about what I may be doing, (We have a reasonable life at the moment, my wanting to try Australia is more about future opportunities for my children). Anyway thanks for a great post x

Re: Well that's the first year over!
 

Good one hon. I was slow to pick up on the homesickness, missed the earlier thread. But I think a lot of people will identify with your story and hopefully will not feel so alone and think it's only them it happens to.

Hope you keep on the up and up. I think the main thing I picked up was the being relieved the rellies went back - that is such a huge thing for many and they suffer terribly with sadness, to feel as you felt, strangely can only be good.

Re: Well that's the first year over!
 

Great update, really glad things are getting better for you. Wondered why we hadnt seen you posting much. All the best :)

Joexx

Re: Well that's the first year over!
 

Sounds like a hell of a rollercoaster. Great to hear such honesty so nicely worded in both your old and new thread.

Wish you & family all the best.

Re: Well that's the first year over!
 

Hey there,

I think you've put into words so well what so many of us feel and it's not to be underestimated by anyone. I read some of the posts on here about people who land, and from day 1 they're saying it's the best move they ever made. Great for them, but for many of us, the reality is not that and it's sometimes so hard to remember why we came at all.

Well done to you for sticking at it and working through what must have been a sad, scary and lonely time. Here's to many happy years to follow, you deserve it mate.

Gill

Re: Well that's the first year over!
 

Am 7 months in. Got the house (and very nice it is too) kids settled in school, hubby's job improving. But wake up with cold sweats and panic attacks just wanting to leave and am seriously questioning my sanity! So good to know this may be a well trodden path for expats.

Re: Well that's the first year over!
 

tis, am 10 months and the panic attacks have finally stopped:D, i now just feel sick all the time:(, am hanging our for the '12 month post update, hopefully it will be a darn sight better than how i feel at 10 months

Re: Well that's the first year over!
 

Hi bb:)

this post and the earlier one both rang bells for me. It is so hard to speak completely openly in a forum situation about tough times and emotional hardship. I've had anxiety/depression for the last 4 years brought on by a number of stressful events in the UK over a long period and one of my reasons for coming to Aus was to (hopefully) live a more relaxed lifestyle and alleviate this. I was born in & spent my first few years in Sydney which I love & where most of my family are. I had never set foot in Melbourne until 4 weeks ago and have just 1 cousin who lives here. I chose Melly because a) it was more in my price bracket b) my best friend in Uk whose family all live here & whose opinion I trust said how wonderful it is c) the pictures in the brochure looked nice:D All fabulous reasons! Since arriving I have had 3 or 4 major panic attacks, have started watching UK tv like 'Lewis' religiously, pining for the local pub where I used to drown my sorrows, dreaming of shopping in my old town centre etc etc. Melbourne is so different from Sydney and I have found myself yearning for my childhood haunts.

Yet like you I am determined not to whinge (well maybe just a little;)). My dogs have just come out of quarantine today:thumbup: and we are about to move into our little house next week :thumbsup:. I am just going to take things one step at a time-as someone wise once said life is what you make it even if it' sometimes scary!

j:)

Re: Well that's the first year over!
 

A good honest post BB , i think you doin well & to turn it round in a year is a credit to you .

Keep smilin ;)

S.

Re: Well that's the first year over!
 

Ditto. Best wishes for the future Busterboy x