Well that's the first year over!
Feb 28th 2008, 9:51 am
#16
Australia's Doorman
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: The Shoalhaven, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 11,056
Re: Well that's the first year over!
Feb 28th 2008, 10:59 am
#17
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Where the sun always shines
Posts: 3,627
Re: Well that's the first year over!
Good honest post BB glad to hear you are finally begining to settle and pulling through your depression hears to the next 12 months and hope you enjoy each one
Feb 28th 2008, 2:12 pm
#18
Australian Citizen
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Elsternwick/Melbourne
Posts: 7,810
Re: Well that's the first year over!
Glad to hear on here everything is going well.
Hope you continue to enjoy your life here.
Hope you continue to enjoy your life here.
Feb 28th 2008, 8:37 pm
#19
pink 'n' bouncy
Joined: Jul 2006
Location: Zombie nation
Posts: 6,087
Re: Well that's the first year over!
Hiya BB really glad to see things are on the up
Best wishes
Lee
Best wishes
Lee
Feb 29th 2008, 10:27 am
#20
Banned
Joined: Jul 2006
Location: here there,fluck knows where?
Posts: 7,444
Re: Well that's the first year over!
We have now been in Melbourne one year. I didn't think for a long time that I would make it. We read so often about people who had loved emigrating and those that have never settled and also those who decide to go back. I thought it might be interesting to hear a story that turned around from real despair to actually just doing it.
A bit of background. Me at three months. I could not have been more miserable.
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=458340
At three months, we were in a cold unit, Melbourne was freezing and dreary. My job was rubbish and my career going down the toilet. My marriage was extremely strained and I hated being away from my son for such long periods. I missed my family and friends so much and spent my days dreaming of the past, lovely Lincolnshire villages, Edinburgh christmases and old jobs and status. I felt trapped and unable to make any rationale decisions on what was best for me and my family.
At about six months, I became clinically depressed along with general anxiety (if you can call cold sweat anxiety attacks 'general'). Cue many phonecalls home, much sobbing and many threats to leave'. My doctor prescribes anti-depressants but they only help so much and the rest is up to the individual. This was without doubt, one of the lowest periods in my life.
I started to make friends at work. I began to see that the Australians I met were actually very kind to me and really open and honest. Friends from my first job kept in contact. They really cared about my emotional welfare and that was something I had never really experienced in the UK. I began to be included in every work social event. The community that I live in, takes an interest in people and makes it their job to know names. It became a pleasure to go into shops and bars. I was adopted by a group of Australians that I catch the train with (one is coming round to help me with the garden this weekend and another is helping my husband with his studies). Colleagues from my first workplace networked me into my second workplace.
We bought a house, a bit of a do-er upper and we like where we live. We have been very fortunate with money and income and I really grateful for this. My job is no way near perfect but it does. I knew I had turned a corner when my folks came for three months and I was glad to see the back of them. We now have two more sets of visitors coming from South Africa and I am not exactly hanging to see them.
I am friendly with a number of expats but I have not purposely sought them out, they just happen to be Brits that I have met out and about. My husband is starting to have a bit of a social scene himself.
After 18 months on the site, I have found that it is common to under estimate the emotional effects of emigrating. We had no strong reason to come here and that was the thing that upset me most. I couldn't understand why I had done this to myself and my family. I was very angry that I put myself into this painful situation. It really is a process of change 'denial, resistence, exploration and then acceptance'. Emigrating should come with a bumper bundle of psychologist sessions.
I stopped posting on the site as it started to get me down. I know that site gives great support but at times I felt that it just added to my confusion. I am no longer homesick and I am just trying to get on with things, in my own way. It's only life after all! Hence my promise to myself is my avatar 'no whining', as I really don't think it helps me.
I hope that this has not been dull. I believe that the journey does not start when you get on the plane but really when you get off it. Some people do not suffer the complete emigrating headfug and I hope as few people as possible do.
I have had tremendous support from BE-ers.
Good luck.
A bit of background. Me at three months. I could not have been more miserable.
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=458340
At three months, we were in a cold unit, Melbourne was freezing and dreary. My job was rubbish and my career going down the toilet. My marriage was extremely strained and I hated being away from my son for such long periods. I missed my family and friends so much and spent my days dreaming of the past, lovely Lincolnshire villages, Edinburgh christmases and old jobs and status. I felt trapped and unable to make any rationale decisions on what was best for me and my family.
At about six months, I became clinically depressed along with general anxiety (if you can call cold sweat anxiety attacks 'general'). Cue many phonecalls home, much sobbing and many threats to leave'. My doctor prescribes anti-depressants but they only help so much and the rest is up to the individual. This was without doubt, one of the lowest periods in my life.
I started to make friends at work. I began to see that the Australians I met were actually very kind to me and really open and honest. Friends from my first job kept in contact. They really cared about my emotional welfare and that was something I had never really experienced in the UK. I began to be included in every work social event. The community that I live in, takes an interest in people and makes it their job to know names. It became a pleasure to go into shops and bars. I was adopted by a group of Australians that I catch the train with (one is coming round to help me with the garden this weekend and another is helping my husband with his studies). Colleagues from my first workplace networked me into my second workplace.
We bought a house, a bit of a do-er upper and we like where we live. We have been very fortunate with money and income and I really grateful for this. My job is no way near perfect but it does. I knew I had turned a corner when my folks came for three months and I was glad to see the back of them. We now have two more sets of visitors coming from South Africa and I am not exactly hanging to see them.
I am friendly with a number of expats but I have not purposely sought them out, they just happen to be Brits that I have met out and about. My husband is starting to have a bit of a social scene himself.
After 18 months on the site, I have found that it is common to under estimate the emotional effects of emigrating. We had no strong reason to come here and that was the thing that upset me most. I couldn't understand why I had done this to myself and my family. I was very angry that I put myself into this painful situation. It really is a process of change 'denial, resistence, exploration and then acceptance'. Emigrating should come with a bumper bundle of psychologist sessions.
I stopped posting on the site as it started to get me down. I know that site gives great support but at times I felt that it just added to my confusion. I am no longer homesick and I am just trying to get on with things, in my own way. It's only life after all!
Hence my promise to myself is my avatar 'no whining', as I really don't think it helps me.I hope that this has not been dull. I believe that the journey does not start when you get on the plane but really when you get off it. Some people do not suffer the complete emigrating headfug and I hope as few people as possible do.
I have had tremendous support from BE-ers.
Good luck.
well your getting there now,and i see you have some friends,at the end of the day ,you were never going to struggle in that department,your a joy to be around..
well ,i am so pleased for you and the family,
your a special lady..
xxxxxxxxxxxx
your old friend...
Feb 29th 2008, 9:37 pm
#21
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 9,668
Re: Well that's the first year over!
I'm so pleased to read this N. What you said about the Australians around you who've networked themselves to help you and how kind they've been... this is my experience too and there are some lovely people out there.
I hope it continues to improve for you.
xxx
I hope it continues to improve for you.
xxx
Mar 4th 2008, 3:19 am
#22
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2006
Location: Perth
Posts: 255
Re: Well that's the first year over!
Great post, thanks.
Mar 6th 2008, 11:10 pm
#23
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 1,409
Re: Well that's the first year over!
Brilliant post.Thank You for sharing your experiences.
Mar 14th 2008, 11:02 pm
#24
shoot from the hip,baby
Joined: Mar 2006
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,405
Re: Well that's the first year over!
BB,
I had no idea things got so bad for you and was sad to hear that you felt the way you did.
I was concious of not seeing your posts for a while but figured you were just getting on with life here. I knew you had bought a house and thought that would be you settled so I felt a bit distanced form you as we weren't able to buy after looking solidly for 11months and it influenced our feelings to a large part about being here.
I think there is a huge unconcious divide amongst those who have settled here,bought a place and are happy, and those who have struggled,not managed to buy a place to call there own.
I think the latter can provide some bouyancy during the initial few years of life in a new country. BUT - there are so many other aspects of accepting your new life in a new place.
Our reasons for returning home are very personal and not necessarily the usual "we hated it","too hot", "too expensive", "missed home" reasons.
BB, I think it's ok to "whinge" or "whine" as it's someones way of speaking out about how they feel. I actually hate the bravado ozzy way of "shut up and get on with it" as I don't feel anything gets addressed or resolved.
But this is only my own viewpoint and not necessarily anyone else's.
You do sound as though you have hauled your arse out of a very dark place my friend, and I am so glad you have managed this. A move out here can be a HUGE isolating life experience and you have certainly shared your uncertainties and fears with folk on here.
I hope you continue posting on the forums and enjoying the new life you have shaped for yourself here. Life is short after all, and we have to do whatever makes us happiest, wherever that may be.
Take care,
*pearly*
I had no idea things got so bad for you and was sad to hear that you felt the way you did.
I was concious of not seeing your posts for a while but figured you were just getting on with life here. I knew you had bought a house and thought that would be you settled so I felt a bit distanced form you as we weren't able to buy after looking solidly for 11months and it influenced our feelings to a large part about being here.
I think there is a huge unconcious divide amongst those who have settled here,bought a place and are happy, and those who have struggled,not managed to buy a place to call there own.
I think the latter can provide some bouyancy during the initial few years of life in a new country. BUT - there are so many other aspects of accepting your new life in a new place.
Our reasons for returning home are very personal and not necessarily the usual "we hated it","too hot", "too expensive", "missed home" reasons.
BB, I think it's ok to "whinge" or "whine" as it's someones way of speaking out about how they feel. I actually hate the bravado ozzy way of "shut up and get on with it" as I don't feel anything gets addressed or resolved.
But this is only my own viewpoint and not necessarily anyone else's.
You do sound as though you have hauled your arse out of a very dark place my friend, and I am so glad you have managed this. A move out here can be a HUGE isolating life experience and you have certainly shared your uncertainties and fears with folk on here.
I hope you continue posting on the forums and enjoying the new life you have shaped for yourself here. Life is short after all, and we have to do whatever makes us happiest, wherever that may be.
Take care,
*pearly*
Mar 15th 2008, 10:47 pm
#25
OH is STILL undecided grr
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: UK.... for now!
Posts: 913
Re: Well that's the first year over!
Great post glad thing are working out for ya.
Jeez.This update forum always makes me flippin blub!
Jeez.This update forum always makes me flippin blub!
Mar 15th 2008, 10:50 pm
#26
OH is STILL undecided grr
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: UK.... for now!
Posts: 913
Re: Well that's the first year over!
my darling i found it very difficult to talk to you in your time of difficulty,i have always banged on about how happy i am in this great country,how do you talk to a friend who is struggling...
well your getting there now,and i see you have some friends,at the end of the day ,you were never going to struggle in that department,your a joy to be around..
well ,i am so pleased for you and the family,
your a special lady..
xxxxxxxxxxxx
your old friend...
well your getting there now,and i see you have some friends,at the end of the day ,you were never going to struggle in that department,your a joy to be around..
well ,i am so pleased for you and the family,
your a special lady..
xxxxxxxxxxxx
your old friend...
j/k
Mar 16th 2008, 11:36 am
#27
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: B'ham-Melbourne-Sydney-B'ham
Posts: 104
Re: Well that's the first year over!
Busterboy, I loved your post and I recognised alot of myself in there. We were in Melbourne for 18 months and are now in Sydney (it's beautiful), getting ready to return 'home'.
I really admire your strength and determination and are so glad you are settling, I know only too well what it's like to be here, feeling how you mentioned, well done you and all the best, ann x
I really admire your strength and determination and are so glad you are settling, I know only too well what it's like to be here, feeling how you mentioned, well done you and all the best, ann x
Mar 19th 2008, 5:56 am
#28
on the Goldie
Joined: Sep 2006
Location: 4226.au
Posts: 12,364
Re: Well that's the first year over!
Gosh BB can't believe its been 12 months seems like only yesterday we all sat in that pub in Oldbury
Here's to things continuing to go onwards and upwards x
Here's to things continuing to go onwards and upwards x
Apr 3rd 2008, 11:40 am
#29
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2007
Location: North East England
Posts: 43
Re: Well that's the first year over!
Buster,
Thanks for the post, I have just started my visa application having accepted a sponsored post in Melbourne. Its really uplifting to read the very positive 'it's all worked out brilliantly' posts, but a dash of reality is much needed to keep my feet on the ground and remind me that as a paranoid android with shyness and confidence issues I'm going to have to work bloody hard to make my new life work. Im not expecting it to be easy but im willing to give it my best
The making of new friends is my biggest worry so was great to hear that the Aussies you met really made an effort, hoping that things continue to improve for you and yours
Best, Kooky
Thanks for the post, I have just started my visa application having accepted a sponsored post in Melbourne. Its really uplifting to read the very positive 'it's all worked out brilliantly' posts, but a dash of reality is much needed to keep my feet on the ground and remind me that as a paranoid android with shyness and confidence issues I'm going to have to work bloody hard to make my new life work. Im not expecting it to be easy but im willing to give it my best
The making of new friends is my biggest worry so was great to hear that the Aussies you met really made an effort, hoping that things continue to improve for you and yours
Best, Kooky
