Originally Posted by happy4

Hi Esther,

Have sent you a pm.

Originally Posted by quoll

Not easy is it? I think the beach lifestyle thing is a bit pie in the sky really - to be able to live on the beach requires $$$ and if you have found it difficult in Melbourne it will be far worse in Sydney! As for making new connections with the people around you - I found that really difficult when we came here because I had a toddler at the time and my life was restricted to talking about potty training and when to start solids. It almost drove me nuts and so I went back to university part time and became an educational psychologist and then went back to work. I still dont feel that I have many "friends" like I did back home but I do have work colleagues who think they are my friends. So, getting yourself into some other activity, be it paid or voluntary will give you contact with others in the adult world and you can go from there. There are lots of good volunteer opportunities out there - Lifeline and SES are the first to spring to mind but there are hundreds more.

Originally Posted by delboyinoz

Hey, I can relate to many of your feelings. When we came out we felt like returning to the UK for 18 months before moving interstate (Adelaide - Brisbane) we were very envious of people that were positive about having moved here. We didnt want to return to the UK only to have people say "you didnt give it a chance" Once we were in Brisbane we quickly realised we didn't want to call that home (each to their own).

Now were in BNE not happy, been in Adelaide and werent happy there - what to do next?

We decided to head off to the UK for a holiday before making the move back. We were in the UK for four weeks and all that trip managed to do was confuse us further because it re-inforced all the reasons for leaving in the first place.

So back to Brisbane we went and took an opportunity to return to Adelaide. Well all of a sudden we got this overwellming feeling of "coming home" and finally settled. Once you have made the move, I think you have to accept that you will always look back and wonder what if!!

We looked at a job that would have taken us back to the Uk last year for a contract period of 5 years(and to our home town). I can honestly say I'm glad we didn't do it. I hope you manage to experience the feeling we eventually found. My honest opinion is go for a holiday and have a good look at the UK again. Australia realy isn't as bad as you may be feeling when your at a low.

Cheers for now Delboy

Originally Posted by happy4

Thx Delboy

How coincidental! My OH and I were only saying the same thing today! I have a feeling this would happen to us if we moved at the moment! Living here for a year, well, you don't realise how attached you can get to a place when you stop moaning abt it!

Have to say, I am glad I came back to give it another go. I would have always wondered 'what if'. I do love the UK and enjoyed my visit there, but felt I wanted us, as a family to have some good quality time together. I think I'm much more realistic abt things, beach lifestyle etc!! I'm enjoying the parks, lots in Melbourne, and since coming on here, enjoying Melbourne! It's nice to know there are lots of people out there in similar positions, cliche, but it's what you make of it. Maybe this is our 'home' afterall!!

Originally Posted by happy4

Hi all,

I am new to this site, only found it a week ago and already it has been a huge help and a great support! I have spent the last week reading various threads, nodding like a crazy person in agreement with some of the things written! Well, to start with, I'll fill you in on our background....

There are four of us, my husband, myself, our 4yr old son and our 2 yr old daughter. We arrived in Melbourne September 2006. OH is a Civil Engineer. He responded to an advert in 'The Construction News' in the UK in January 2006 and was interviewed in London. We came in on a 457 visa and OH's Company paid for our furniture to be shipped over, our flights and first 6 weeks accomodation, this was a huge help.

We felt this was an opportunity too good to pass by and had been looking in the last few years to live in Australia. (we've both been here before and live abroad b4 we had our children). We felt we wanted to give our children a much better life than they had in the UK in terms of outdoor activities, schooling, weather etc..Also, a main reason for coming was OH's working conditions in the Uk, he worked away from home alot and we wanted to have more quality of time together as a family.

So, off we went! I left behind a great support network of friends and family, as I'm sure alot of you did too! We brought my mum to help with the move. We arrived in Kew, to an apartment (nightmare) and then rushed into renting a bungalow with no garden, this was to get settled asap for the children, but in hindsight it was a huge mistake. We signed up for a year. OH got settled into work, normal hours for him, 7am till 6pm. These hours for me were easy to cope with in the UK as I had lots to do and plenty of people to see, but here, the days seemed very long.

I busied myself with playgrps etc but have to say, I longed for familiarity and routine. It was wonderful to have my mum with us but the downside was when she went home, I was extremely unhappy by Xmas 2006. As I had relied on her too much I was now facing an 8 week School holiday break with not having secured many new friends! I could see Melbourne is a stunning City, but day after day I was felling increasingly isolated and became very down. This surprised me and everyone who knows me alot as I am a 'can do' person. I went home in Jan 07 with our children for a good think. OH stayed here to hang onto his job and at least give us an opportunity to give it another go. This was hard on us all.

I returned to Melbourne with our children a month later. We moved to Coburg to a new house, supplied by OH's Company. Our son has a place at the local kinder, 3 afternoon's a week, I have joined the local leisure centre with a creche facility, we have joined a music group and swimming lessons, so in other words, I have given it my best shot! I don't give in easily!

Life here is OK but still a long way off from what I was expecting. I feel we have come a long way as a family and are extremely close, this has been the biggest plus to being here. Our children are happy and have been to 3 birthday parties so far. Plus I held a birthday party here for them as both born in Sept. Felt this was a good way to break the ice, so to say! But I haven't really made any 'friends' and haven't been out in months! The people are friendly enough but quite set up in what they do, I feel I can only do so much without appearing desperate! I am desperate! I can only take so much conversation from my son and daughter all day and some days, thats all who I talk to! Then I'm on the phone in the evening fighting back the tears! I'm beginning to think all this just isn't worth it afterall.

The parks are lovely, we have been to The Great Ocean Road, Mornington Peninsular, all the Tourist attractions and are heading to Brisbane for Christmas. I do think you have to give up alot, family, friends etc..to gain alot. Of course the lifestyle is better but I still am very unsettled. I'm not sure if this is due to the city we are in. Melbourne is a huge city and I do feel lost here. It's so busy! The beach lifestyle we so long for our children, I don't feel exists here.

We are 70% thinking of returning back to the UK. I feel extremely disappointed by this as our Australia journey has really taken all our energy and zest and it would be great to have achieved the lifestyle we set out to. I would like to know, has anyone else felt like this in Melbourne? I keep hearing Perth is a wonderful place to live. I think I would feel so much better if I felt I belonged in a community. We live in a very multicultural area and I do sometimes think I am back in Birmingham 'Balsall Heath' and Moseley(no offence Balsall Heath and Moseley!)! With not a beach in sight!

Yes, I will state the obvious, I am a whinging pom! But we are at a desperate point here, return to the UK or risk moving again here! Any help or guidance would be much appreciated, ta.

Originally Posted by quoll

Not easy is it? I think the beach lifestyle thing is a bit pie in the sky really - to be able to live on the beach requires $$$ and if you have found it difficult in Melbourne it will be far worse in Sydney! As for making new connections with the people around you - I found that really difficult when we came here because I had a toddler at the time and my life was restricted to talking about potty training and when to start solids. It almost drove me nuts and so I went back to university part time and became an educational psychologist and then went back to work. I still dont feel that I have many "friends" like I did back home but I do have work colleagues who think they are my friends. So, getting yourself into some other activity, be it paid or voluntary will give you contact with others in the adult world and you can go from there. There are lots of good volunteer opportunities out there - Lifeline and SES are the first to spring to mind but there are hundreds more.

Originally Posted by bexter

Hi

Have just read your message, and yu seem to have a lot of replies and advice already. Mine is more of a 'you are not alone' message, because I am not an ex-pat right now, but have been. To cut a long story short, when my twins were two years old, my ex-husband (the 'ex' is relevant here!) moved to Florida for his new job as a maritime engineer. I felt exactly the same way as you: new way of life for us and the boys in a better place, more time together, more money etc etc. It seemed a perfect life. How wrong I was... Within 3 months, he had been moved to Panama in Central America, I was left in Tampa to bring up the boys with no support network whatsoever. They saw their dad every few weeks, I slowly slipped into depression, and drank way too much on my own, as I only knew one other family whom we had met in the apartment complex when we first arrived. I clung to them like something possessed as I had no other source of life at that time. They were my adoptive family, friends, and husband all rolled into one.

Well, needless to say, the marriage fell apart as the husband did not want to know that I was so miserable left on my own with two two-year olds in a foreign country.

I know exactly how you feel and where you are coming from. I am such a strong person and a 'go getter' normally, but I felt such an utter failure that I couldn't make it work, and my mother couldn't understand why I wanted to come back to the UK when I had a big house and the sun in Florida... I guess you just have to have been through it yourself to understand.

Good luck with your adventure - I do hope yours works out better than mine and that you have a hubby who understands and works it out with you. There are lots of solutions and alternatives to coming home - you just have to find them and figure out what will work for your family.

BEXTER

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle

One thing that the company supplying you the house has robbed you of, is the probablity that you would have made a substantial capital gain in the year that you lived in this area. Prices in this area have gone up by 25 pct in the past year in some parts. Thats almost a dead cert if you live in central Coburg. There is a reason for this, which you may not realise until you move, which could have been with the bonus of another 125,000 Dollars in your pocket on a 500,000 dollar plus property. Two more years at that rate and you may start to have trouble buying in Moreland, which would solve your current problem