Ping pong....Ping Pong....Ping soon
 

For anyone who is thinking of returning back to the UK for any reason other than their own, then dont. (imo)

We went to Adelaide....came back....went to the Gold Coast...came back.

Been back in the Uk now since 4th July 2007 because of guilt and emotional stuff off my Mum. Tried to make the best of it and be positive.

Although I hide it from her, I resent her for this. She promised the Earth and has delivered nothing, just the odd bit of her time every now and again when it suits her.

She has no idea how we feel or that we are heading back in June 08 (earlier if we can) Financially screwed, emotionally screwed up about it all.

So an update to stop other people coming back to the UK and making the same mistake.....take your time to settle......make friends.....live...and try to leave the guilt at the airport.

Sorry to rant, but if anyone has any advice on how to tell my Mum for a third time then all advice appreciated.

LibbyX

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What you do is quietly and secretly move to Australia and see how long it takes for your Mum to notice.

:lol:

Then try and convince her that it is all in her imagination and you never left Oz from the first time. She will be so confused as you have ping ponged, she might just believe you.:lol:

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Libby .....you MUST tell her the truth. This is YOUR life and you must live it to the best of your ability. The ONLY person you have been hurting all these ping pong years is you. Third time lucky chick......if your mum loves you for who you are then like any Mum she will accept your decision.

Good luck Libby and stay strong to you and your family :)

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I cant really offer any advise, I just wanted to wish you good luck.
Stay strong.

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Love it:rofl:

LibbyX

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Thankyou, I need a good kick up the arse...and some guts......does any one know where I can buy some from:o

LibbyX

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:wub:Thankyou

LibbyX

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Believe me it takes more than guts and a kick up the arse:o i can totally sympathise with you, I would rather tell my mum i was leaving my husband and kids to run off with my 21 year old lover (i wish!!) than telling her we are going back to Oz. I am quite a straight talking, honest, forward person, but when it comes to this subject i crumble:o Have been dropping slight hints about missing oz, lifestyle, weather, friends, etc only to be met with a sharp change of subject:(

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You poor thing.....I know what you mean... since we came back, its like it never happened to her.....she never talks about the place.

If I say for instance...oh they do it like that over in OZ the wall comes down and the subject gets firmly changed.

LibbyX

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:) We get that too or sometimes she will just point out the bad things - too hot, soul less, bad clothing, etc - can be anything!! If we stop to talk to someone we know and they ask me if we miss it and would we return i dont get a chance to answer mum just quickly says no:unsure:

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When are you going back and how long before you tell her......we could do it together..so to speak and compare notes:rofl:

LibbyX

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Thanks for the great advice to stop people making this mistake for the wrong reasons! You are very brave to do this again and I admire that. I like PPs idea of not telling her at all :rofl:
Seriously though we only have one life girl! My son gave me a fridge magnet that says, Lifes too short to drink bad wine' :p it's also too short to live someone elses life! Live yours Hun and enjoy :)
Where you heading to?

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Thankyou....if only everyone though this way:)

We are heading back to the Gold Coast.

We have good friends there who have already said we can stay with them till we find our own place, bless them.

LibbyX

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If we didnt have to tell anyone then it would be in 6 months when my husband finishes his contract at work but i just dont think i have the nerve to go back so soon - we've been back in uk 2 years in July. i am so worried it will make mum ill (it did last time) so we havent put a time scale on it yet unfortunately. I keep waiting for some miracle to happen - such as mum saying "look i can see you are all not settled here - why dont you go back to oz, i can totally understand" :rofl: like thats ever gonna happen!

We were in perth for 6 years, thinking of trying east coast next time (if i ever get the courage!!)

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We will make the 2 years mark by the time we go back, but it would be earlier if the money was there......but as you probably know....its expensive ping ponging.

My Mum and yours could get on really well I think slagging off OZ and trying to turn us off the idea......if only they new:(;)

The East Coast is a good move, try something new.

My hubbys says the way he is going to tell his lot is that he has been offered a job he can not refuse and they are helping us relocate.....slight white lie or cowards way out!!

He says he is quite happy to take the blame for it all, he has no heart:rofl: no really he doesnt care if everyone falls out with him at all. Wish I was like that!!

LibbyX

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get her a social life ... theres all sorts of thing oldies can do nowadays, then she will be so busy with her new social circle she wont have time or opportunity to whinge!

seriously though, its a hard one. we stayed in the uk after several years of planning, cos my mum had a stroke; its now 2+ years later and we are still here ... my mum is about to go into a hospice as she is now terminally ill, and in the future i will leave for aus with a clear conscience - no bad feelings for her or feelings of guilt for us; you do what you have to do so you can move forward with a guilt free mind. if you stay, dont feel bad ... its almost like waiting for a chapter of your life to close so you can move on.

good luck :thumbup:

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Hi Libby

I was really suprised to read you're heading back, you seemed so desperate to leave before when you were still in Oz.

Best of luck and I really hope this time you settle in quickly and well, just feel settled, not a good feeling not being so.

Take care and I really hope you enjoy UK until you go, specially now its glorious spring :)

You take care of yourself

T
xxxx

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Hi Libby
we have been back and forwards between South AFrica and Uk three times during the past 11 years. Have been on the gold coast now since August, and can definitely say we have at last found what we've been searching for all these years. its a great place to live... hope you can get back soon.
best of luck.:thumbup:

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Hi libby

Im a bit of a lurker on here, dont often post...but your story struck a chord with me.

I lived in oz for 6 years. I didnt emigrate but went on a bit of adventure and ended up staying.

I met my husband out there, and then had my little boy.

We decided to come back when he was just 5 months. I had been feeling homesick for a long while and when my son came along it seemed to accentuate those feelings.

There were other factors (financial mainly..we were in Sydney!) but definately the key influence for returning was family.

It definately comes as a bit of a shock 'when' after the initial flurry of everyone being SO pleased to have you back and bending over backwards to help you get on your feet....its not 'that' long before they are making excuses as to why they havent got time to see you.:curse:

It kind of left us feeling a bit resentful, a bit duped....and a bit stupid tbh.

We will have been back 3 years in July :eek:

I dont 'hate' my life here, but I really do think every day about going back and am constantly weighing up the pros and cons.

We are getting into our fourtys now,:eek: have another bub (just 9weeks old) and hubby has changed careers. He is now a plumber...which apparently is one of the worst professions to go back to oz with cos of all the red tape.

I just dont know if I can go through it all again.:blink:

Also I do sometimes link back in to the feelings of loneliness and isolation I felt when we lived there (not all the time obviously but especially in the end), and wonder if I would STILL feel like this if we went back, or if I felt that way because emotionally I wasnt really committed to staying. I kind of checked out of oz emotionally at some point.

On the other hand, even though I feel kind of settled here, We still have no friends or social life. And all we seem to do is work....and watch reality TV:o

I do think the dc's as they get older would be better off, better quality of life etc BUT am I kidding myself? The key question is...is it really worth the finacial heartache (starting from scratch AGAIN). Not questions to be answered really, just random rantings from me!

And Im sure those you ping pong have the same questions they ask themselves on a daily basis. Or is it just me being a nutter???

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I can't wait to get back to UK. Difference between me and Libby is that i am going back for ME, not for my mother or any other family member. Maybe thats why you're ping ponging all the time, doing it for the wrong reasons.
As much as i love my family, i don't want to see them all the time, now and again is fine, i just realise what a good life we had in UK, compared to what we have now, no comparison. I do like the blue skies and warmth lol, but i can live without it.

Good luck Libby, i hope this is the last time you ping or pong:unsure:

It's home james for me:thumbsup:

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I will look out for you in a couple of years posting your own ping pong thread:eek:

But seriously, you can never say you will never have those feeling again where you want to return.....I hope you do find your happiness back in the UK but dont be surprised if you do want to go back.;)

Good Luck with everything:)

LibbyX

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Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the luck possible.

And no, you are not a nutter, well no more than the rest of us ping ponging nutters!!

Its a tough call, especially if you are OK where you are....I am not and live with resentment everyday so its a no brainer for me....we go back....we live our life....if they want to see us they know where we are!!

LibbyX

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Thanks Libby....

I do feel 'OK'..on a day to day basis, but I also cant bare the thought of never going back either IYSWIM.

Maybe Its more like 'Oh come on just one more adventure!' :D

What do you miss the most about oz libby?

And are you going to have to sell property etc this time? Any target dates in mind??

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Hi,

What do I miss errrr.......everything really.

The weather...the wildlife....my friends.....the lifestyle we had.

I know we came back because of family, but having them on the doorstep (well all within 30 mins car ride) and never seeing them and them not bothering with us, ......means I miss NOT having them on the doorstep and stressing that they never come and see us (hope that makes sense).

Unfortunatly we have nothing to sell, we have nothing and thats another thing that really pees me off.....we came back for family and they have done nothing to make life a bit easier for us.......I really need to get out of here!!!!!

So we go with nothing....enough to get house and cheap car......it will be amazing because we will have done it ourselves and we will be proud of our achievements...i hope!

June 09 is our goal if I can last that long:eek:

As for your situation, I believe that you will come to a decision soon because we all need goals the aim towards. I hope you will be happy and if you do go back, then live for you and your family....no one else

Re: Ping pong....Ping Pong....Ping soon
 

Being a Ping Ponger of several times myself I can fully understand where you are all coming from, honestly, its not easy, sometimes just living a straight ordinary life isn't easy either but ping ponging really takes it out of you. The decisions are made on the facts of the day and you just go with your judgment on it and no-one else can work that out for you.

As much as I love being back in the UK I get the same sort of defense from my son when we talk about Aus but in my situation I have left my daughter, hubbie and 6m grandson over in Perth so I can talk about it more openly than many of you. So I just don't bring it up very much any more for fear of upsetting the apple cart. Just like you lot I too have relations but are spread all over the south and Suffolk so its an excuse for all of us to not see one another very often as petrol is so dear too but it is nice talking to them on the phone and finding out my brother is doing so well after his stroke and then on the verge of diabetes. I have only seen my sister in law in Suffolk once since being back and that was at Christmas. It would have been nice to have gotten some help from them but I never have, and I never expected it either, nor do they want to discuss any of our life in Aus with us either, its an unspoken subject! Taboo, almost the black sheep!

Lets be honest, my depression hasn't helped me either, and thats settling in Perth or UK but this time I am doing ok, taking time, getting help and taking all my tablets, even if I do shake rattle and roll!! Feeling a lot better, just wish I could cope with the awful guilt of leaving daughter behind, it just doesn't get any easier, especially when she says how much she is missing me too, especially our Saturday morning trips to Carousel and brekkie at the cafe, yum! I could go back tomorrow, if only for my daughter but it wouldn't necessarily help me would it.

The one thing I took for granted were the friends I had made and I just didn't appreciate how many I had made through Stampin Up, in Perth. I have tried here but not having a car, not having any little uns to take to school and meet other Mums means I have little or no avenues open to me for making new friends so for that reason I could go back too, but again it wouldn't help me and I would still have those huge insects and cockroaches waiting for me! I so miss many things about Perth but when I am there I miss things about the UK. We are in the process of buying a house here and moving in very soon, hopefully but its been a real struggle to get anything we can afford, and getting a mortgage as ex-pats too, in fact, getting credit when you arrive is nearly impossible!

So my piece of advice for anyone emigrating is hold onto your UK credit cards and one bank account, throw them in the drawer and don't use them, you never know when they will come in useful!

Oh and as Libby says, go because you want to and not because of others, in the end it wont help you whichever way you are Ping Ponging. Stay and make some new friends and enjoy the ADVENTURE because that is what its all about, wanting an adventure and I have had the time of my life with my wonderful hubby while we were there.

Oh, tell your mothers asap girls, honestly, being a mother I would be so upset knowing you felt this way deep inside.

Di
:)

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I do know where you are coming from Plants as far as telling my Mum goes.

Its hard though....I feel like I am living a lie at the moment and I do feel like I am being a bit distant with her, although she never says anything to me about it.

I find her hard to talk to at the best of times.....I remember when I had had my first baby.....He was a month old and I was feeling the baby blues....she lived 30 mins away at the time.....I rang her, i remember it like it was yesterday.....I sobbed down the phone to her...opened my heart.....she said well Libby I know its hard but we have to get on with it dont we!!!!

So, she is hard to talk to and its happened a few times since where I have needed a cuddle and she manages a bit of a 1 second hug if she is there, but if not then nothing....If it was me I would be in the car before you could put the phone down!!

Not all Mums are like you Plants:wub:

LibbyX

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I'm sorry Libby, but I assume that you are old enough to be married and live away from home? Your mother is just practising emotional blackmail. It sounds like she is not particularly nice when you do see her so what are you worried about. Is she going to lie in your doorway to stop to going to the airport? Try and leave sooner. My experience is that if you really want to do something important you will find a way. Maybe when you are back in Oz you could write your mother a long letter explaining everything - or leave a letter with a friend to give to her after you leave. It is your life not your mother's. I wouldn't dream of stopping any of my grown-up children doing what they want - even if it is half way round the world.

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Hey Libby sorry havent read all replies. Just want to wish you all the best. At the end of the day you have to do whats best for you and your family. Ive read a few posts about why you came back and its not working out for you. Tell your mum how you feel, hopefully she will understand if not do whats best for you and yours

Good luck chick
Joex

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Hi Mandoz

This is certainly how i am feeling too:o i dont hate my life here - nor did i hate my life in oz, i felt lonely there (even though i had heaps of friends there and none really here!!) i always thought i was missing out on family things when i was there, but now realise that is not really the case because of a number of factors:unsure: I am starting to think everyday about going back, i dont really know why:confused: i certainly miss the weather, the outdoors, we too only seem to stay in and watch tv here, in oz we were out every weekend doing things with the kids. I am thinking about the kids future and where i would like them to be brought up and my answer is always oz, we dont live in the "best" part of the UK and i cringe walking around and seeing how people behave/talk/act - i am by no means a snob but i dont want my kids acting like these people, they are already picking up "the phrases" from school:eek: Sorry to ramble, but i can relate to what you are saying, i dont want to go through all the stress of moving again, the financial implications are massive this time:frown: not to mention the impact on my family here, it may be the last time i would see some of them and i have to be sure i can live with that. What to do:confused: who knows i just hope i come up with an answer soon! And btw - you are not a nutter, just a little confused like the rest of us:huh:

I hope you can make a decision you are happy with xx

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Yes I do know where you are coming from and I should be stronger and have some balls(or the female equivilant) so with that in mind........

We are going to tell her tomorrow.....Its going to be a cowardly way and a slight white lie but.......we are going to tell her that hubby has been offered a job to start in the new year and its to good to turn down and we are both in agreement that we are going to take it.:eek::huh:

So please think about us at about 3pm tomorrow and send some positive thoughts our way because I have a feeling we will need it.

Thing is hubby has contacted his old employee and he has said if there isnt a job going then he will make one for him so technically its bending the truth slightly:o

I am typing this on Saturday before we tell her Sunday and I am already shaking:eek:

LibbyX

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Thanks Joe and everyone else for there support on here.

Because no one else knows I cannot talk to anyone and bottling stuff up is killing me so to come on here at talk it out with like minded people is such a help.

You lot are great:wub:

LibbyX

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Do you reckon you will be able to hold it together Libby? You have so long to wait, I bet that will be the hardest part and the time will seem to take ages.

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I think PP that the waiting is really hard but the thing that is really praying on my mind and making me depressed is telling my Mum.... so I reckon after I tell her I can start looking forward and allow myself to get a little excited too as the months go on.

Thats the theory anyway:unsure:

Oh and to makes things slightly more stressful....hubby came home last night to say they have made 3 peope redundant from his work due to the credit crunch:huh:

He seems to think he is safe as he is 100% efficient and they are outing the less efficient ones first.

He is a senior diagnostic technician (mechanic) for Stratstone Jaguar in Derby and its the first time in 20 years the have had to make people redundant!!

LibbyX

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I suppose there is nothing you can do except hope and IF the worst happened then it might force your hand into moving sooner.

Might be worth telling your Mum now to give her more time so that you can at least get that worry off your chest and start plannin.g:unsure:

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I am PP tomorrow:eek:

About time I grew some balls:blink::rofl:

Wish me luck...I am shaking already and ts not till 3pm sunday

LibbyX

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I think I need to grow some balls myself.:o

Lets grow our balls together.:lol:

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:rofl::rofl:

LibbyX

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Libby, thought of you at 3pm today. How did it go?
Hope you're ok.
How did your mum take it?

I completely empathise with you - I'm moving to Oz in November with my hubbie and sometimes I feel that I won't actually go through with it cos of my mum. I feel so guilty - my brother emigrated to Oz and now I'm doing it! Leaving her with neither of her children in the UK!

The only thing that has helped me is that I have promised to come back to the Uk in June 09 for a holiday for her 60th birthday. And although we seriously need every penny we can get for moving to Oz I think treating her to a flight to Oz will be the best £900 I've ever spent for my piece of mind.

Advice to anyone feeling guilty about leaving their parents - if there is any way you can treat them to a flight to see you in Oz, do it, as it does ease the guilt a bit and is therefore priceless.

Anyway, over to you, Libby, how did it go..............

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I have posted it on the Barbie Mrs Kiwi:)

LibbyX

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Believe me.I know exactly how you feel this has happened to me but my story is very complicated.I am at present back in Australia doing the best I can for now.I really do know how you feel.Its very very difficult with all the emotional stuff from Mothers.