'A little less DAUNTED in Oz - The first five years!'
May 18th 2010, 11:27 am
#301
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,991
Re: 'A little less DAUNTED in Oz!'
time for a grumble if you will humour me long enough to listen 
Im knackered and fear depressed! All I seem to do is go to work and look after the house and kids. I have lots of 'friends' but havent made those special friendships that women depend on. I get invites, or used to (dont get them anymore as pretty sure they all got fed up with me not being able to go due to work). Im lonely. My kids are growing up fast and quite honestly dont really want me around much of the time. At least at work there are people to talk to! I know that only I can change it but i really dont know how to do it! The biggest hurdle is the crazy hours I work but if i dont work we dont survive
Always on the look out for something new but so far no good. Dont expect any answers just needed to grumble for a while
May 18th 2010, 11:33 am
#302
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Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Tropical North QLD
Posts: 21,434
Re: 'A little less DAUNTED in Oz!'
Sorry you are feeling low at the moment Mandy.
When did you last take some time off, either from work or the house & kids?
When did you do something nice for yourself that was just for you?
I got very low earlier this year, exhausted, drained & depressed. It is all too easy to forget about nurturing ourselves when we are giving constantly to others.
I know that it cannot be easy when you are a single mum to put yourself first now & again, but you really need to try hon!
Very best wishes & big hug x
When did you last take some time off, either from work or the house & kids?
When did you do something nice for yourself that was just for you?
I got very low earlier this year, exhausted, drained & depressed. It is all too easy to forget about nurturing ourselves when we are giving constantly to others.
I know that it cannot be easy when you are a single mum to put yourself first now & again, but you really need to try hon!
Very best wishes & big hug x
May 18th 2010, 11:54 am
#303
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Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,991
Re: 'A little less DAUNTED in Oz!'
Sorry you are feeling low at the moment Mandy.
When did you last take some time off, either from work or the house & kids?
When did you do something nice for yourself that was just for you?
I got very low earlier this year, exhausted, drained & depressed. It is all too easy to forget about nurturing ourselves when we are giving constantly to others.
I know that it cannot be easy when you are a single mum to put yourself first now & again, but you really need to try hon!
Very best wishes & big hug x
When did you last take some time off, either from work or the house & kids?
When did you do something nice for yourself that was just for you?
I got very low earlier this year, exhausted, drained & depressed. It is all too easy to forget about nurturing ourselves when we are giving constantly to others.
I know that it cannot be easy when you are a single mum to put yourself first now & again, but you really need to try hon!
Very best wishes & big hug x
May 18th 2010, 12:40 pm
#304
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Tropical North QLD
Posts: 21,434
Re: 'A little less DAUNTED in Oz!'
(My counsellor had to remind me of this, so don't think I know anything, just passing on professional opinion!
)
May 18th 2010, 7:12 pm
#305
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 85
Re: 'A little less DAUNTED in Oz!'
time for a grumble if you will humour me long enough to listen Im knackered and fear depressed! All I seem to do is go to work and look after the house and kids. I have lots of 'friends' but havent made those special friendships that women depend on. I get invites, or used to (dont get them anymore as pretty sure they all got fed up with me not being able to go due to work). Im lonely. My kids are growing up fast and quite honestly dont really want me around much of the time. At least at work there are people to talk to! I know that only I can change it but i really dont know how to do it! The biggest hurdle is the crazy hours I work but if i dont work we dont survive
Always on the look out for something new but so far no good. Dont expect any answers just needed to grumble for a while
Sorry to hear your feeling down, but can empathise! Being a single mum isnt easy no matter where we live in the world, its difficult, but you need some 'you' time, even if its just relaxing with a good book and glass of wine. Or if your feeling really brave join a dating site, I have and am having a ball, admittedly I am only meeting new friends in the daytime for lunch etc, but it gets me out and makes me feel happy.
Chin up hun, you have achieved so much, but depression if it gets a hold is awful, plan to do at least one thing, anything once a week, just for you.
Claire xx
May 19th 2010, 9:02 am
#306
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Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Bunbury, Western Australia
Posts: 741
Re: 'A little less DAUNTED in Oz!'
oh hun, didn't know you were feeling down.....just remember i live just up from where u work, if you ever want to pop in for a cuppa and chin wag give me a shout 
May 19th 2010, 12:02 pm
#307
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Happily in Adelaide
Posts: 11,994
Re: 'A little less DAUNTED in Oz!'
Sorry you are feeling low at the moment Mandy.
When did you last take some time off, either from work or the house & kids?
When did you do something nice for yourself that was just for you?
I got very low earlier this year, exhausted, drained & depressed. It is all too easy to forget about nurturing ourselves when we are giving constantly to others.
I know that it cannot be easy when you are a single mum to put yourself first now & again, but you really need to try hon!
Very best wishes & big hug x
When did you last take some time off, either from work or the house & kids?
When did you do something nice for yourself that was just for you?
I got very low earlier this year, exhausted, drained & depressed. It is all too easy to forget about nurturing ourselves when we are giving constantly to others.
I know that it cannot be easy when you are a single mum to put yourself first now & again, but you really need to try hon!
Very best wishes & big hug x
Sorry to hear this hun. You definitely need some 'you' time. Sending you huge hugs
You know where I am if you need to talk.
May 19th 2010, 1:06 pm
#308
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Posts: 3,991
Re: 'A little less DAUNTED in Oz!'
Thanks guys - have been in this 'place' before and realise the only way out of it is to keep on plodding.
Sally i am often told how much we achieve by packing up our families and moving to the otherside of the world and its very true, takes a very strong person so i know i will get through it, just at the moment it is proving difficult.
Lovelylou - thanks honey - is not really a good look turning up on someones door step an emotional wreck hey - but thanks for that. You will have to email me your new address so i can come for a visit.
The main problem is the long unsocial hours i work. When Im not working i have the usual house stuff to do and then spend time with the kids who i feel guilty at not being home more for. Devil and deep blue sea springs to mind. But its good to be able to come here and grumble - normal service will be resumed sometime soon
Sally i am often told how much we achieve by packing up our families and moving to the otherside of the world and its very true, takes a very strong person so i know i will get through it, just at the moment it is proving difficult.
Lovelylou - thanks honey - is not really a good look turning up on someones door step an emotional wreck hey - but thanks for that. You will have to email me your new address so i can come for a visit.
The main problem is the long unsocial hours i work. When Im not working i have the usual house stuff to do and then spend time with the kids who i feel guilty at not being home more for. Devil and deep blue sea springs to mind. But its good to be able to come here and grumble - normal service will be resumed sometime soon
May 20th 2010, 2:41 am
#309
Account Closed
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 451
Re: 'A little less DAUNTED in Oz!'
Take care Mandy, hope you soon plod through what you need to..
Sending you {{{hugs}}}
Sending you {{{hugs}}}
Thanks guys - have been in this 'place' before and realise the only way out of it is to keep on plodding.
Sally i am often told how much we achieve by packing up our families and moving to the otherside of the world and its very true, takes a very strong person so i know i will get through it, just at the moment it is proving difficult.
Lovelylou - thanks honey - is not really a good look turning up on someones door step an emotional wreck hey - but thanks for that. You will have to email me your new address so i can come for a visit.
The main problem is the long unsocial hours i work. When Im not working i have the usual house stuff to do and then spend time with the kids who i feel guilty at not being home more for. Devil and deep blue sea springs to mind. But its good to be able to come here and grumble - normal service will be resumed sometime soon
Sally i am often told how much we achieve by packing up our families and moving to the otherside of the world and its very true, takes a very strong person so i know i will get through it, just at the moment it is proving difficult.
Lovelylou - thanks honey - is not really a good look turning up on someones door step an emotional wreck hey - but thanks for that. You will have to email me your new address so i can come for a visit.
The main problem is the long unsocial hours i work. When Im not working i have the usual house stuff to do and then spend time with the kids who i feel guilty at not being home more for. Devil and deep blue sea springs to mind. But its good to be able to come here and grumble - normal service will be resumed sometime soon
May 21st 2010, 5:42 am
#310
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Joined: Jan 2007
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Re: 'A little less DAUNTED in Oz!'
Thanks guys - will get there eventually
May 29th 2010, 2:32 am
#311
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Joined: Mar 2009
Location: Kohimarama
Posts: 1,626
Re: 'A little less DAUNTED in Oz!'
Thanks guys - have been in this 'place' before and realise the only way out of it is to keep on plodding.
Sally i am often told how much we achieve by packing up our families and moving to the otherside of the world and its very true, takes a very strong person so i know i will get through it, just at the moment it is proving difficult.
Lovelylou - thanks honey - is not really a good look turning up on someones door step an emotional wreck hey - but thanks for that. You will have to email me your new address so i can come for a visit.
The main problem is the long unsocial hours i work. When Im not working i have the usual house stuff to do and then spend time with the kids who i feel guilty at not being home more for. Devil and deep blue sea springs to mind. But its good to be able to come here and grumble - normal service will be resumed sometime soon
Sally i am often told how much we achieve by packing up our families and moving to the otherside of the world and its very true, takes a very strong person so i know i will get through it, just at the moment it is proving difficult.
Lovelylou - thanks honey - is not really a good look turning up on someones door step an emotional wreck hey - but thanks for that. You will have to email me your new address so i can come for a visit.
The main problem is the long unsocial hours i work. When Im not working i have the usual house stuff to do and then spend time with the kids who i feel guilty at not being home more for. Devil and deep blue sea springs to mind. But its good to be able to come here and grumble - normal service will be resumed sometime soon
I am sure that you will be fine - we all go through periods such as this. However, to make life a bit easier do you ask the children to take on some of the 'things' that need doing at home.
I know for one that it is a lot easier if you are not sorting through washing all the time, picking up things left behind by others etc etc.
I am guessing that they are old enough to take some responsibility in the house. This will then give you a bit more free time to spend with them and on yourself.
I have asked the 'boy' time and time again to clear up and now if he leaves anything around I chuck it into his room. Then when I ask him to tidy his room and he doesn't I go in with a black pastic bag, load it up and put it by the bin. If it is not sorted by bin day then it gets thrown!!!
can you afford to employ someone on a fortnightly basis to do the ironing - this for many frees up quite a bit of time or can the children do their own?
Oct 21st 2010, 9:13 pm
#312
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Joined: Jan 2010
Location: Perth
Posts: 816
Re: 'A little less DAUNTED in Oz!'
Seems I accidently broke the rules by posting my link to web site (sorry) so here goes, it may be a bit of a jumbled mess but hopefully some of it makes sense:
Tomorrow it will be one month since we landed at Perth International airport. The journey was long and boring but I can’t fault Singapore Airlines, every aspect of their service was excellent.
We were supposed to leave my friends house, where we had spent our final night in the UK, in style! I had booked a stretch limo – which unfortunately didn't show up due to the chauffeur forgetting to set his alarm clock!! NOT a good start, and for the first time the stress really got to me and I spat the dummy big style! The Limo Company, on receiving my frantic call, sent a minibus to collect us and our 6 suitcases so we did at least make it to Manchester Airport in plenty of time and saved ourselves the cost of getting there! (Every cloud has a silver lining hey?)
We were met at the airport by a friend who drove us down to the Bunbury area where we had booked some temporary accommodation for 2 weeks. I guess this was the second thing that didn't really go according to plan! The accommodation, whilst being clean and perfectly sufficient for a couple of week’s holiday, was not really what we had expected. It was very small, bearing in mind we had 6 massive suitcases which filled the living area alone, and it didn't feel very secure. I was very aware that I had with us an awful lot of valuable items and I wasn’t confident it would be safe to leave it all in the accommodation whilst we were out. Maybe I worry too much, it has been said, but when my friend offered to put us up at his house I could have hugged him. It proved to be the best move we could have made in terms of settling in quickly. He and his family made us feel like part of the family from the moment we arrived and he even took a couple of days off work to ferry us around to get Medicare etc etc all sorted. I still find it very hard to understand how someone can welcome relative strangers into their home and make them feel so welcome.
We didn't have much of a problem finding a rental. The papers are full of them and I didn't experience any of the shortages that I had read about on here. I am guessing that the problem is more relevant to those suburbs nearer Perth City, though I could be wrong have just been lucky. (I know it’s hard to believe but I AM occasionally wrong)
Within 49 hours of arriving I was in the enviable position of being offered 2 jobs! I hadn’t planned to work straight away but when I saw the advert in the paper on arrival it was just what I had been hoping to find. I didn't want to take the chance of not applying and then regretting it later when I was ready to start work. Jumping straight into work has been a bit of a mixed bag. I managed the first week at full time hours, starting at 5am, but come the weekend I was a mess. Physically I was worn out and mentally I felt enormous guilt at leaving the kids in a strange country with a pretty much empty house. I decided that I had done too much too soon and rang work to say I wouldn’t be returning on the Monday, planning to look again once the kids went to School in February, picking up a shop job or something similar to keep me ticking over in the mean time. Work was amazing! They asked me to go in and see them which I did the following day and they offered to reduce my hours to as little as I wanted, on the same rate of pay, still on contract so I can accrue sick and holiday entitlement, and then once the kids go to school I can increase my hours/days to as many as I like – with the intention of getting back to full time hours at some time in the future, when I am ready. So I am now working just 2 days a week which means I have plenty of time to try getting these kids out and about and meeting others of their own age. Unfortunately, finances won’t allow me to stay at these hours for long but for now we are ticking carefully over and watching our pennies, or should that be cents?
Having found a job it was obvious that I was going to need a car so hired one for 3 weeks at a cost of $1350.00. An expense I could have done with out but working on the basis that you need to speculate to accumulate it really was a necessity. The funniest bit was that it was an automatic car (no manuals available) and I had never driven an automatic before. It’s a bit of a wake up call when you hit the brake then aim for the clutch, only to hit the brake for a second time!! Driving over here is pretty much the same, thank goodness, apart from the undertaking which I am now getting used to. The biggest problem I am having is keeping to the speed limit! They are lower than in the UK and I have to keep a constant eye on the Speedo. One of our first purchases was a Tom Tom Sat Nav which has been worth its weight in gold – I love my Tom Tom! Oh and fuel! To fill up the car (a Honda Accent – I think) would only cost me $40!!
Medicare, Family Assist etc were all pretty straight forward. Bunbury has an office that deals with it all so I landed with a large folder stuffed full of important documents and it was all processed pretty painlessly. ONE thing that did take me back a bit, probably only relevant to single parents, is the paperwork involved with Family Assist. Now I’m no expert on this BUT the way I understand it, to get the single parent supplement you need to show that you have taken reasonable action to obtain Child Maintenance from the absent parent. Having an assessment from the CSA in the UK is not sufficient, and CSA in Australia will still need to contact and assess the absent parent. I understand the reason behind it but wish I had found this out before I left the UK so I could have pre warned my ex in person. The CSA in UK strikes fear through most people I know who have had any dealings with it BUT my experiences of it here are the complete opposite and I put the phone down feeling confident that they were there to help and not just stir up a whole load of trouble.
The kids are loving it. Just being able to be outside makes so much difference. With hindsight we came at probably the worst time of year in terms of them. The schools broke up for the Summer holidays a couple of weeks after we arrived along with the sports clubs and teams. We have our contact details left with every club and association in the area but for now I have 2 kids desperate to find some friends and feeling a bit left out and lacking confidence. We are off to buy bikes next week which will give them a bit more freedom to go out and explore. Mark spent a day at school for the new Year 8 intake and thoroughly enjoyed it – despite his protests at having to go. Rachel really didn't want to go for the final week and for fear of upsetting her I didn't make her go. With hindsight it was the worst thing I could have done, she should have gone and hopefully made a couple of friends to while away the summer holidays with. Too late now I guess!
Setting up costs for the house haven’t been as high as I was expecting. I guess that’s mainly down to the fact I bought with £s and not $s – and once I start spending $s it all becomes relevant BUT for now I was pleasantly surprised. I have done a spread sheet of all the costs to date if anyone is interested in preparation for their move (email or pm me).
Utilities have been pretty straight forward to organise, the phone was switched on 12 hours after I requested it. The internet has taken a bit longer, mainly due to the Christmas holidays holding the post up with the software BUT I should be all hooked up shortly. $49.95 per month for Broadband, 5GB which I didn't think was too bad compared to some of the other price plans I came across!
SO at the end of our first month has Australia delivered the goods? YES! Definitely!!! Emotionally it has been hard. The first couple of weeks especially, I found myself close to tears frequently with the frustration of what I needed to organise. I found the best thing was to make lists and tick each thing off as you did it. Normally as I ticked one thing off the list I would need to add two more onto the bottom but I am eventually getting to the bottom of it and it is a great feeling. It has been really hard at times, keeping a smile on my face for the kids when all I really needed someone to hold me and reassure me that it was really going to be ok, and picking the kids up when they have spoken to their Dad back in the UK, whilst I feel guilty for taking them away from him. The tears and panics are now diminishing (at least for now) and I am beginning to get out and meet people. Cranni, Bridie and Jan have all been lovely (Cranni I will get down to see you – hopefully next week when I get my car) and its comforting to know that they are nearby and I WILL see more of you once I have myself into a bit more of a routine.
Well that’s about it for now. I want to get outside and have a couple glasses of wine now it’s a bit cooler. On the subject of the weather – it’s glorious. Very hot but we have coped to date!!
Mandy, Rachel & Mark xxx
Ps I am going to try put blog addy in my signature
Tomorrow it will be one month since we landed at Perth International airport. The journey was long and boring but I can’t fault Singapore Airlines, every aspect of their service was excellent.
We were supposed to leave my friends house, where we had spent our final night in the UK, in style! I had booked a stretch limo – which unfortunately didn't show up due to the chauffeur forgetting to set his alarm clock!! NOT a good start, and for the first time the stress really got to me and I spat the dummy big style! The Limo Company, on receiving my frantic call, sent a minibus to collect us and our 6 suitcases so we did at least make it to Manchester Airport in plenty of time and saved ourselves the cost of getting there! (Every cloud has a silver lining hey?)
We were met at the airport by a friend who drove us down to the Bunbury area where we had booked some temporary accommodation for 2 weeks. I guess this was the second thing that didn't really go according to plan! The accommodation, whilst being clean and perfectly sufficient for a couple of week’s holiday, was not really what we had expected. It was very small, bearing in mind we had 6 massive suitcases which filled the living area alone, and it didn't feel very secure. I was very aware that I had with us an awful lot of valuable items and I wasn’t confident it would be safe to leave it all in the accommodation whilst we were out. Maybe I worry too much, it has been said, but when my friend offered to put us up at his house I could have hugged him. It proved to be the best move we could have made in terms of settling in quickly. He and his family made us feel like part of the family from the moment we arrived and he even took a couple of days off work to ferry us around to get Medicare etc etc all sorted. I still find it very hard to understand how someone can welcome relative strangers into their home and make them feel so welcome.
We didn't have much of a problem finding a rental. The papers are full of them and I didn't experience any of the shortages that I had read about on here. I am guessing that the problem is more relevant to those suburbs nearer Perth City, though I could be wrong have just been lucky. (I know it’s hard to believe but I AM occasionally wrong)
Within 49 hours of arriving I was in the enviable position of being offered 2 jobs! I hadn’t planned to work straight away but when I saw the advert in the paper on arrival it was just what I had been hoping to find. I didn't want to take the chance of not applying and then regretting it later when I was ready to start work. Jumping straight into work has been a bit of a mixed bag. I managed the first week at full time hours, starting at 5am, but come the weekend I was a mess. Physically I was worn out and mentally I felt enormous guilt at leaving the kids in a strange country with a pretty much empty house. I decided that I had done too much too soon and rang work to say I wouldn’t be returning on the Monday, planning to look again once the kids went to School in February, picking up a shop job or something similar to keep me ticking over in the mean time. Work was amazing! They asked me to go in and see them which I did the following day and they offered to reduce my hours to as little as I wanted, on the same rate of pay, still on contract so I can accrue sick and holiday entitlement, and then once the kids go to school I can increase my hours/days to as many as I like – with the intention of getting back to full time hours at some time in the future, when I am ready. So I am now working just 2 days a week which means I have plenty of time to try getting these kids out and about and meeting others of their own age. Unfortunately, finances won’t allow me to stay at these hours for long but for now we are ticking carefully over and watching our pennies, or should that be cents?
Having found a job it was obvious that I was going to need a car so hired one for 3 weeks at a cost of $1350.00. An expense I could have done with out but working on the basis that you need to speculate to accumulate it really was a necessity. The funniest bit was that it was an automatic car (no manuals available) and I had never driven an automatic before. It’s a bit of a wake up call when you hit the brake then aim for the clutch, only to hit the brake for a second time!! Driving over here is pretty much the same, thank goodness, apart from the undertaking which I am now getting used to. The biggest problem I am having is keeping to the speed limit! They are lower than in the UK and I have to keep a constant eye on the Speedo. One of our first purchases was a Tom Tom Sat Nav which has been worth its weight in gold – I love my Tom Tom! Oh and fuel! To fill up the car (a Honda Accent – I think) would only cost me $40!!
Medicare, Family Assist etc were all pretty straight forward. Bunbury has an office that deals with it all so I landed with a large folder stuffed full of important documents and it was all processed pretty painlessly. ONE thing that did take me back a bit, probably only relevant to single parents, is the paperwork involved with Family Assist. Now I’m no expert on this BUT the way I understand it, to get the single parent supplement you need to show that you have taken reasonable action to obtain Child Maintenance from the absent parent. Having an assessment from the CSA in the UK is not sufficient, and CSA in Australia will still need to contact and assess the absent parent. I understand the reason behind it but wish I had found this out before I left the UK so I could have pre warned my ex in person. The CSA in UK strikes fear through most people I know who have had any dealings with it BUT my experiences of it here are the complete opposite and I put the phone down feeling confident that they were there to help and not just stir up a whole load of trouble.
The kids are loving it. Just being able to be outside makes so much difference. With hindsight we came at probably the worst time of year in terms of them. The schools broke up for the Summer holidays a couple of weeks after we arrived along with the sports clubs and teams. We have our contact details left with every club and association in the area but for now I have 2 kids desperate to find some friends and feeling a bit left out and lacking confidence. We are off to buy bikes next week which will give them a bit more freedom to go out and explore. Mark spent a day at school for the new Year 8 intake and thoroughly enjoyed it – despite his protests at having to go. Rachel really didn't want to go for the final week and for fear of upsetting her I didn't make her go. With hindsight it was the worst thing I could have done, she should have gone and hopefully made a couple of friends to while away the summer holidays with. Too late now I guess!
Setting up costs for the house haven’t been as high as I was expecting. I guess that’s mainly down to the fact I bought with £s and not $s – and once I start spending $s it all becomes relevant BUT for now I was pleasantly surprised. I have done a spread sheet of all the costs to date if anyone is interested in preparation for their move (email or pm me).
Utilities have been pretty straight forward to organise, the phone was switched on 12 hours after I requested it. The internet has taken a bit longer, mainly due to the Christmas holidays holding the post up with the software BUT I should be all hooked up shortly. $49.95 per month for Broadband, 5GB which I didn't think was too bad compared to some of the other price plans I came across!
SO at the end of our first month has Australia delivered the goods? YES! Definitely!!! Emotionally it has been hard. The first couple of weeks especially, I found myself close to tears frequently with the frustration of what I needed to organise. I found the best thing was to make lists and tick each thing off as you did it. Normally as I ticked one thing off the list I would need to add two more onto the bottom but I am eventually getting to the bottom of it and it is a great feeling. It has been really hard at times, keeping a smile on my face for the kids when all I really needed someone to hold me and reassure me that it was really going to be ok, and picking the kids up when they have spoken to their Dad back in the UK, whilst I feel guilty for taking them away from him. The tears and panics are now diminishing (at least for now) and I am beginning to get out and meet people. Cranni, Bridie and Jan have all been lovely (Cranni I will get down to see you – hopefully next week when I get my car) and its comforting to know that they are nearby and I WILL see more of you once I have myself into a bit more of a routine.
Well that’s about it for now. I want to get outside and have a couple glasses of wine now it’s a bit cooler. On the subject of the weather – it’s glorious. Very hot but we have coped to date!!
Mandy, Rachel & Mark xxx
Ps I am going to try put blog addy in my signature
Oct 21st 2010, 10:14 pm
#313
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,991
Re: 'A little less DAUNTED in Oz!'
so gonna do nowt!
Oct 21st 2010, 10:20 pm
#314
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2009
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 20,821
Happy Birthday.