JoolsB

Bobbins I know I know I know!!! Read some of my old posts in both this and MBBTUK and you will see how badly, like you, I suffered and the bereft feelings didn't go away until about 7 months in after being prescribed anti depressants and moving to a different area (at a loss of $50,000 ). Now my life and feelings are much more positive, I have friends, a social life, a house I love and a part time job. I can see a future here-maybe forever or maybe 5-10 years. Who knows... If you can stick it out a few months more you too may find yourself settling in. It just takes some longer than others!

Bubsblooms

Having lived in both Kiama and The Entrance I have to disagree - I think the South is better than the North (you don't have the bloomin awful traffic all the time North of Sydney for a starter) and a MUCH more laid back atmosphere........ Each to their own but Kiama is not a bad place to start and definately not a valid explanation for feeling homesick......

CEM

Hi Bobbins - St John's Wort worked really well for me too when I was depressed after arriving back in the UK. Waking up in the morning and realising 'Oh God, I'm still living here". I'm a nurse too, married to a psychiatrist so didn't feel I could go to the GP with "My husband doesn't understand me"! My oh told me to try St John's Wort, which I eventually did, convinced that it wouldn't change the way I felt, but it did. I still had the same thoughts but my reactions to those thoughts changed - if that makes sense.
I would just say though that if you are taking any other meds you need to talk to your Dr about it as it can interact with other drugs, including The Pill. Can't remember which others at the moment.
Good luck
C

JoolsB

I'm glad SJW worked for you I took it for 3 months and ended up suicidal as it wasn't enough for me & I really needed prescription meds which I am now taking and which have turned my life around-am happier than I've ever been in myself. But no-one should feel ashamed to take whatever is needed and works for them to help them along.

CEM

You're absolutely right. SJW does only work for mild depression, there's no evidence that it works for anything more serious. Mine was only mild (though it certainly didn't feel like it) and I definitely would've gone to my gp had it been any worse. I'm glad you're feeling better now; it's so good when life's worth living again, isn't it

Hutch

Totally agree. Never lived North of Sydney, but have explored it a fair bit and found it totally underwhelming. South Coast all the way ...

GoldCoastTitan

Hi Bobbins

I was wondering how you are feeling following all the positive feedback on this thread? I hope the advice has given you some reassurance that the feelings that you are having have been experienced by many others and that you are not alone.

I really hope that things have improved for you since your last post.

bobbins

I have read all the feedback, including a pm from crystal, which Im sorry, ive only just read and made me cry and feel sadder -. because it was so compassionate, I didnt realise I had a pm by the way. I do feel much the same, and I thinks my oh had read it all as well as he keeps pushing sjw. I feel wretched, still. I have met some lovely people here and they have kept me normal. Imstill not sure what it is that doesnt click with me. this, I think is a beautiful part of Australia, very much the english countryside. Ihave come to realise that a huge part of the problem is that me and my oh are veering on different tracks.
I have said, that I will give it a go for 6 months, and if I look a bit sad,just leave me to it, ignore me, and Ill be ok, but he just loses it is and then counteracts with his deep despair which goes on for the whole day. I feel we ar in this destructive cycle, which has been brought on by being here and me not coping with it. the children are torn our mood swings and this is so terrible for them. We have turned into the sort of parents that would grace shameless, and for that I am truly sad about - which probably doesnt help. I know that going back I will have huge regrets - but these being that I left in the first place, that I didnt let myself settle, that I didnt give my children the opportunity to experience different things, that my oh never got to start his fantastic job, and the breakdown, irepairably, of our 20 yr marriage.

Should I stay or go. Ithink going is the only answer, unless being blackmailed to stay is reason enough to stay. sorry to be very miserable and negative to all those who are enjoying it

quoll

Oh dear, sorry to hear that you are still down in the dumps and veering off on a different tangent to your DH. Have you thought about trying a counsellor? Because this is really affecting your marriage, is your marriage worth saving? If so, then relationships counselling is probably a good move to help you work through it. All this stuff is about compromise, who's going to give the most and what is the other going to give to make it liveable with?

I must admit that it is the people in my life who are the most important - I could live virtually anywhere as long as I have them, even if I really dont like where I am. We have worked out our compromise - not perfect for me but then again, he isnt getting everything that he wants either (think self sufficient, out in the bush, hours away from anywhere, flies, outside composting toilet and you see what he is not getting!!!).

If you have to live a compromised life, you could do worse than the South Coast - unless you do have a choice to move elsewhere (not that I can think of anywhere in Aus which would solve the essential problem that it isnt UK!). There's no accounting for taste is there? {{{hugs}}}

bluekipper

I think people contemplating emmigration should read these threads as you should never underestimate your feelings once you move overseas.

I think that a majority of ppl who emmigrate go thru these depressive moods,, which in turn affects the whole family (how can it not),,its all part of the settling in process,if you allow it to be! its a learning curve,,your out of your comfort zone away from everything familiar, how can this NOT affect your state of mind!

I too envy those who never go thru these depressive moods when they move,, just goes to show were all so different,,and there are no right or wrong ways to settle in a new place,,the only way is thru time,, the longer you are there the more familiar it will become and your routine soon comes with that! the hardest bit is having no history were you are,,you cant walk down a certain street & say `I had a aunt who lived there` or `theres my old school` etc (do ya get me) so of course there are no roots until you lay them,which again takes time,, for our kids it can happen! they can develop good strong roots over time.

I really hope you get some help and try to make it work,, as like me you WILL regret going bk the UK

Good luck in whatever you decide mate\

Bluekipper

GoldCoastTitan

Bluekipper, this was a lovely response and you hit then nail on the head!

Bobbins - I also will give it another 6 months, however sometimes your emotions take over and there is not an awful lot you can do about it. I really hope you make the right decision and wish you well for the future.

Cheetah7

To me home is where your husband/wife/partner/kids are, it is where you come home, do what you like and can feel comfy whilst doing it.

It took a few years to feel at home in my rented flat in London, its taken a few weeks to feel at home in my Perth house.

It took over twenty years to forge the friendships I had in the UK, I have made some good friends here, my neighbours have invited me round to their house.

They are not the friends I had in the UK, but its a start.

Sometimes I so want my UK friends and family to share things with and it is so hard to accept the fact I dont have the money to go and see them.

But little steps and all that - home wasn't built in a day.

welshviking

Liked that beaut

dejags

Poor you Bobbins. I really feel for you - your despair really jumps off the page.

Very strangely, your posts resonate with me. I too felt like you do. Sadly it was not after moving country it was after having our first baby. I had wild mood swings, I felt unable to cope, in a nutshell I felt totally floored. I was quick to go off to the GP who diagnosed Post-Natal Depression and a course of AB's. I have come to realise that I didn't have post-natal depression, I was having a MASSIVE reaction to the incredible change that had happened in my life. Like you and your OH, it felt as if we were veering apart (he was thrilled and overjoyed to be a parent and I was on the other end of the scale). My nice orderly world had been turned upside down and it sent me a tad mad for a few months!

My very long-winded point is, that it sounds like you are having a major crisis (which runs far deeper than homesickness). When it got this bad for me, I called in the troops - got in a babysitter, went to the GP, got some counselling and within a few months, the blackness lifted. Talking to other people also really helped.

Have you considered speaking to your GP about medication or possibly seeing a counsellor?

I truly hope you feel better soon and most importantly can reconnect with your OH.

Dejags
x

dejags

PS: if you check your profile by clicking on the my profile tab up top you'll also be able to see what Karma you've received etc...