suzyt

Morning to you all. I know that this post is going to make me sound very weak and pathetic but hey. Well after being relocated to Brisbane in Oct we lived on Toowong for just over a month whilst we found our house and we are now living in The Gap. These first few months have been great we have done loads of bits and peices as you do because its all excitng and new. The thing is my mum has gone home now, Nicks at work and school starts up again today. My house feels so empty and i know that once i have done the school run its going to be even quiter. I have tried to tell myself oh its going to be great i will nip to the shops and have the radio on might have a swim and have some real time for me, the time i havent had in years but this dosent seem to feel enough. I know that i sound stupid, but has anyone else felt like this. I know that you have to put your self out there and make friends i do speak to all the regular faces but i still feel lonely. I think Nick is in a diff place to me as he dosent have the same relationship with his family that i do, he has also made a very good friend at work. Nick is worried that iam going to plunged myself into putting a downer on things and keep getting upset, but i know this sounds thick again i didnt expect to feel so on my own so soon. I sound so selfish i have got a great husband and great kids a fab house. Do these feeling pass, is this just the normal coming down from all the hype that has been going on. xx

Wendy66

I'm sure it's very normal Suzy. You say you've been so busy doing lots of things and now stuff if just getting back to normal life, go to some clubs or volunteer at a local charity or take up a sport? or ex pat coffee mornings etc, when you get a circle of people you know or probably even just a friend I'm sure you'll be on your way to feeling 'settled'

x

Gordo Marshall

Hi

No, you are human!. It's fine and and perfectly normal to feel like this. Don't be too harsh on yourself. Joy in the fact you have a nice family around you.

The best thing I did I suppose when I came over was to go out and meet people, and keep in contact with people who mean something to you. Don't expect too much from people back in the UK, and that is not meant to sound harsh, but some people will be great in keeping in contact, and others not so. I used to take that quite personally, until I realised they were probably spun out and find it tricky to get their heads around communicating with someone in Australia.

In addition I had family members who took it upon themselves to the think that because I was moving to Australia I was not interested in them. Some people do think like this unfortunately.

Find some things which make you feel good about yourself, and do them for nobody else. Australians take a while to get to know, and can have a natural suspicion of other people, and feel at times a little inferior to the incoming UK person. But that is a minority, and seriously with Aussies it's about joining things, esp I have to say sport. For me I joined a swimming club and it went from there, and was great actually. You will find your niche.

Best of luck.

suzyt

Thanks guys for your words of wisdom, thing got even worse after i had left a message on here this morning, i had to do the school run and leave my Samuel at school sobbing his eyes out, but i did put a brave face on for him so that he couldnt see that i was feeling shakey, but it just made me feel so bad. But i came home and did a bit around the house and now iam having a bit of a break , feeling a bit better now than this morning i suppose its a case of just taking every day as it comes.

emelems

I call it the 3-6 months blues... it hit me just before Christmas (we landed as such in October here after travelling around Australia)...

Its very common.. specially when you are moving away from home for the 1st time... I have done 2 major moves and both times the first 3-6 months are the worst..

I am here to tell you that it does get better tho, and I know this because I have been there and done it twice... so rest assured feeling like this shouldnt go on forever.. this is my usual "settling in" time frame:

1-3 months - honeymoon period
3-6 months - blue, very blue.. fed up, missing "home" and everyone
9-12 months - starting to get a routine, start meeting people, start being sociable .. have occasional bad days..
12-18 months - usually have made a couple of good friends, and routine here feels normal and homely... have got a job (if able) and know the area really really well but still miss people, although less than before..
18-24 months - feels like home, just! have made a good close friend and life starts to be excellent once more..

Look - that is *my* timeframe so not saying it fits all... but it is very normal to feel how you are feeling... as I am not on the pill I tend to take St Johns Wort to get me thru.. plus try and do some exercise and eat 5-8 portions of fruit and veg a day... if you are treating your body well, it bodes better for being mentally strong.. well, thats how I work!

Good luck and keep at it!

Em x

PS Used to live in Hockley in Essex!

LisaD_uk

Hi There
I have been here in Oz for 15 months now and I just wanted to let you know that what you are feeling is normal for some newbies.
You sound like you are beating yourself up so much about the feelings your having. I don't think you sound weak, pathetic or selfish but what you do sound like is someone who just needs to express your feelings of loss for loved ones left behind that you miss and it sounds like your lonely. It can be lonely at times and I found myself looking forward to my hubby coming home and actaully listening to him when he talked about his day, whats that all about LOL!
I now have a small but close network of friends which I really enjoy spending time with. Take your time getting to know people and don't always assume that expats will be your only option as that maybe the only thing you have in common, although I have made some wonderful friends on this site that I love dearly I've also met ones that I have nothing in common with other than we are from the UK.
My Mum too came out very soon after we got here and after she went I felt so down and it was a very hard time. I still have days when I feel lonely even when I have people around me that I care about.
Mmmmm i'm waffling a bit now LOL.
Well I just wanted to say that its ok to have these feelings, it should get better with time. I still allow myself the odd day where I can sit and mope on my own in the house and miss everyone I love but just one day every now & then, the next I pick myself up and feel glad i'm here and go shopping LOL! there there all better nothing a good shop won't fix (I'm so shallow LOL).
Take care and I hope you feel better for getting it off your chest but just try not to beat yourself up so much Hun
xx
P.s Just let hubby know that your feelings a real at the moment and its ok, he needs to validate them and just cuddle you when you feel down or do what ever it is that helps you feel better. xx

hettie

JUst to say that was a great reply!!!! I ll keep this in mind for the next couple of months

The Flintstones

Watched a documentary last night showing the UK, looked like something out of a horror movie, such a grim place, was shocked things could get below such standards. Made me feel much better about our move and all the changed feelings which come with it. I now know I'll never permanently move back to the UK.

Home is where you make it and I assume it takes time, effort and faith to set up. I think many people simplify it by assuming once you've replicated the life you had back home, then those feelings you had back home will be there. Your mind and body needs a little time for things to sink in and to settle into a different kind of environment.

p.s. whatever you do, don't move to Germany.

The Flintstones

Great advice, thanks.

Grayling

Do you really base your view of Britain on a TV show?

quoll

Hang in there - you do have to put yourself right out there and hopefully you will come across folk who you are happy to add to your circle of friends. I agree that volunteering or getting a job are the best way to do that - it can be too easy just to sit at home and get on a downer, you do have to make a huge effort but once you have a few friends, the rest sort of come naturally.

Rossi

It doesn't really matter....... does it ?

You see the thing is this........... YOU have changed, more than the changes that have been made to your "home" country, whether it was the UK, Brazil,France or China............. every last one of us has "rose tinted reminiscing glasses"
Life moves on - with you, or without you, things alter and will never be the same
Seize the day and live for the moment

watford

Hello .I too live in Brisbane and
I know just how your feeling,when we came here 20 years ago I used to spend the day looking out of the window just to see someone in the street,or I would walk the streets hoping that if I said hello to people they would strike up a conversation and stop and chat like in the uk ,but they didnt.Or I would look for the postie with letters from home.
what your feeling is normal but will pass,I promise you, just give it time.
this is the first posting I have done on here,but felt I can really relate to what your going through so had to reply.
hang in there, it will get better,much ,much better !!!!!

asprilla

hi Suzyt, I've been here nearly 5years and probably experienced things in a similar way to how emelems describes them....though only in a mild way, they never really got to me at all.

I'm sure you will be fine once you get to know a few people.


ps - welcome to the forum Watford Looking forward to your future posts.

lainey70

Hi Watford
Where in Brisbane are you?
Just seems a bit strange as we have just come from Watford in the UK to Brisbane!