onepearlyb

Thought I'd just jot down where we're at just now as I'm feeling increasingly sad and lonely out here. For any newcomers, we moved out here in MARCH 07. For me, it's been my third time out here after spending much of my early 20's travelling around Asia and Oz and working a year long contract here a few years later. I got married in 2004 in the Uk after a breast cancer diagnosis and figured after this that as hubbie had always wanted to try Oz - than what the hell, lets try for it. We got our visas eventually and arrived in Melbourne with the intention to buy a place and settle as quickly as possible. However, we arrived at the same time that house prices started to rocket in Melbourne - and I mean ROCKET! We'd brought out a decent deposit, but it just wouldn't buy us half of what we wanted and certainly not in any of the areas we liked. We could have bought a huge new build waaaaaay out of the city, but as both of us work there - who wants the commute!? We rented, which was always tricky as we had a dog and then were told the landlord was selling up. So - we had to find another rental which would accept us AND our dog. Never easy, that one! I'm a nurse and have been casually employed by various places since we came here. My work life has been an extremely unsettling part of our experience here. P/T work was hard to find and casual work seemed to be very popular. So I signed up! BUT - as a nurse, I've found it limited as work only becomes available though staff shortages. For example - 2 weeks ago I had 2 shifts in one week, last week I had no work at all. It means I'm at home alone all day, and it's pritty lonesome after a while I can tell you! I took up swimming three times a week to curb the boredom, but now even that is starting to get a bit samey. At weekends when hubbie is off we actually struggle to find things to do other than going out for food/drink/cinemas. It all becomes so monotenous. I never thought I'd say that about Melbourne! I've been a nurse for 11 years and this has been the biggest nose dive ever in my whole career. I have signed up to do various courses while I am here - mainly to give me things to do, but also in preparation for going back to the Uk with additional qualifications. We plan to return to the Uk next year and for me it can't happen quick enough. I miss friends and family and familarity and other things I just can't put my finger on. I am lonely and sad out here. The healthcare system is not helping me with the feelings I have about having BC out here as I was not treated here initially so in effect no-one really "owns' me as a patient. I haven't met a breast care nurse once since I arrived. It is such an isolating experience for me. I feel my confidence has dropped so much and that I'm not the same person I once was. The reason we are staying until next year is because we signed our lease until next March AND my husband's just accepted a new job so we want to give him time in that so that hopefully it will fare better on his CV when we go back. I feel quite trapped and mostly unhappy and I think it's all taking some strain on us as a couple. Sorry for sounding so miserable inamongst all the "happy" posts. *pearly*

Janet Rutledge

Hi Pearly

Sorry to hear about your loneliness and unhappiness about being in Melbourne. All I can wish you is good luck in your decision to move back to the UK. It is not an easy decision to make but now you have made up your mind try and enjoy life in Melbourne before you depart it.
Good Luck

Janet x

moneypenny20

You don't have to apologise for being honest. It's not worked out this time so you've made the decision. I hope the rest of your time here is happier and you enjoy the time more. Perhaps now you've made the decision you will get out and about and explore more of this great country. Even if you've already seen lots, I'm sure it will look different with your hubby by your side.

Good luck.

The Crow

Sorry to hear it's not working out for you and you feel so down. Perhaps now, knowing you will be going back, might lift a weight off your shoulders?

Have you ever come to any of the meet ups? I guess you probably don't feel like it though.

Try and make the most of your time here - have you visited all the lovely areas of Victoria? Try and take in some of the festivals, events, arts, sports whilst you have the chance - unless it's not your bag.

All the best and hope you don't find the remaining time here too painful.

Rachel

Choice

I really feel for you. Life is too short though I feel to wait around for the right things to appear on your CV's. Rentals are really high in demand right now, so it should be pretty easy to get someone to take over your lease, especially as it has almost a year to run ( I think they normally ask you to pay the advertising costs) and I think any UK firm would understand you not being in jobs for long in Aus (you could say it was a "Gap year" type of thing.

If you are sure that Oz is not for you (and you sound pretty sure to me) then I would take the bull by the horns and start living the rest of my life.

good luck

Sally Simpson

Really sorry to read that you are so unhappy.
I am really surprised about the lack of agency work though. Thought there was a major shortage of nurses in Oz?
I agree with Choice though, that a year can be a long time if you are that unhappy & life is too short to waste being miserable.
Best wishes!

TiddlyPom

Sorry to hear that things haven't gone smoothly for you, but you came with the right attitude and gave it a go. No regrets with that decision.

You sound bored at home and I can understand that, but you did well to do the courses - many people might not have done that. I hope they give you what you need to get back on your career ladder in the UK.

Given that you have some months to go, I really think that you should aggressively persue some help to get out and do something. I don't want to sound condescending at all, but I think you sound depressed and I would go and speak to someone about that.
This isn't a 'you don't like Australia therefore there must be something wrong with you' reply either... there's just something in your post which rings bells with me, having had experience of that sort of thing myself in the past.
It sounds like you feel a lack of care or some sort of anti climax given everything you've been through esp with the breast cancer...
There is support out there and it takes effort to go get it, which is hard when you feel down, but please do reach out to some of the organisations out there, because it sounds like you need it.
Perhaps you can google for Breast Cancer support Australia and see if there's anything locally within your area where you can meet some people who understand what you're going through.



Good luck with the next few months sweetie. You deserve to find something good for yourself too as it sounds like your hub's doing well, but he must be worried about you.
Don't leave it until you get back to the uk.. kick some ass, find yourself a role out there, and perhaps get involved in being there for other people who're going through what you've been through. You have so much to offer. Don't sit on the fence waiting for the UK.

Margaret3

I know what you mean about work pearl, am in much the same boat, the best way for us both to get work is to arrange lunch again, i worked my arse of that week


p.s and its bloody freezing today innit.

Issie

Oh Pearly i am sad to hear of your lonliness and unhappiness in Australia. Havent been around that much so missed out on how peeps have been getting on.

At least you have something to focus and plan ahead for. I hope it brings you the happiness you want and deserve.

Take care love and PM me anytime if you what a chat

Issie

Work sucks for me too.

onepearlyb

Thanks guys. Good to hear from all of you. I am going to look into some breast cancer support as yes, it may be what I need right now. I AM feeling low -perhaps not depressed- but for a long time I've known I need to speak to someone about why I feel the way I do. It's hard to be 4 years on from BC and know where I should really be "at" with it all. Part of me wonders of I AM a "survivor" and another part feels that the FEAR of reoccurrence is worse than having had cancer itself. Migration tests every aspect of your life and can highlight what you really need in your life, and what you can do without. For me - I know I need friends and my previous professional support around me. I know what to do now. I know that Australia is no longer right for me, and we are just biding time until we leave. As my courses finish at the end of the year, and our lease expires 3 months later, I am going to work towards finishing the courses and then just taking the last 3 months as they come. We should be back March/May next year. We've already started booking weekends away here so all is not lost as I am determined to enjoy life no matter where we are. Thankyou for understanding and listening! *pearly*

Homebird

Thanks for an extremely honest post. Best of Luck xx

busterboy

Hi Pearly

I was really sorry to read this. I can understand a lot of what you are going through. It seems that all of the Jockettes who came out at the same time have had quite a difficult time.

I think that for all of us with established careers that the loss of identity that comes with not finding what we are looking for role wise or the loss of security in our careers is quite a blow. I remember having a similar conversation online with your OH a while back on the exact same subject.

I really hope that you end up where you want to be. For what it is worth I think the courses and weekends aways are really helpful.

Best of luck for the future.

N

JoolsB

Hi Pearly

It's a huge shame that you cant get any decent follow up support for the BC here. My mother and grandmother both had breast cancer very young and because of this back in UK I was with a brilliant NHS family breast clinic where I was given a mammogram and *** scan every year although I am only in my early thirties. Here there is nothing similar and I feel I have really lost out but your situation is much more vital and you need that support.

I am in Melbourne too and spending all week alone in the house as OH working. I am still unemployed despite applying for a selection of part time jobs that frankly my London job would have p****d on. Alas due to last years boom in property prices we have had to do exactly what you didn't want to do & buy an hour outside the CBD which limits my choices of jobs somewhat-we thought renting just wouldnt be an option with our 2 dogs so here we are.

I also know what you mean when you say all you can find to do at weekends is eat, drink and go to the cinema. I am finding the same to be true. I thought I was tired of London's offerings but that was after 13 years-to be feeling the same after only 3 months here is rather a worry to me

Melbourne is a gorgeous city with so much going for it & Aus a wonderful country in many ways but in the end it is not for everyone as we are all individuals with different needs that change throughout our lives. You have got to live where you will be most happy.

Jools

herrchook

Pearl, sounds like you have got a pretty good plan there , in that you're making the msot of your remaining time here and to be honest, I'm a little jealous that you have worked out what path you want to take in life, I certainly wish I could figure that out.

We have a nice life here but it's nothing amazing and OMG this cold snap has been a shock to the system.

As for the boredom I can sooooo relate to that. I gave up working when my eldest was due (a little over 6 yrs ago). Youngest is due to start school next year so until then I'm stuck at home and I'm bored out of my tiny mind - and very lonely. Have made some lovely friends here but they all either work, or live too far away to be much company on a daily basis and so it's just me, my 4yo and Foxtel (esp now it's gone cold).

Would love to spend more time over your side of the city seeing Margaret and getting to know you all but by the time I do the school and kinder srop offs etc htere just isn't enough time to so that and that's a real shame.

In a bid to sort myself out, I've volunteered to help out in the local school library a couple of times a week when youngest is at kinder so hopefully that will make a difference.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread. Just wanted you to know you're not alone. Stay busy and enjoy looking forward to that one way trip next year

G