talbot

Aah I know what you mean.... I miss our window cleaners - two eccentric brothers in their 60's who used to draw pictures on the windows for my 2 kids, the garbage men (one with the pom pom hat and one baldy) who used to jump down from the truck and always have a friendly smile.... even the local mad lady who used to push her shopping trolley around laughing and talking to herself...

kelbelinoz

Aah, you alright? You will be back soon enough.....lovely place too, I love Mancheter and Liverpool, my aunt lives in chester (lucky cow!).you made remember my posty, I even miss him! He was so sweet. Sad I won't be going back there.

Thats it, I need a vodka, crying over my bloody postman! How will I ever get back if I can't get it together!!

jumping doris

We moved around a lot and I moved a lot as a child so we were aware of some of the possible pitfalls.
We loved where we lived in the UK but OH had gone as far as he could in his fairly specialized field.
He was offered a job over here that was so much better and had so many more prospects that he would have been a fool to turn it down.

Our children are getting a much better education here and I think will have better prospects. I just don't like where we are in comparison to where we were and that makes me very homesick. Perhaps another area of the US would suit me better but for the moment we are here.

I also had to give up my job, which I loved, and for the first two years I wasn't allowed to work and that was hard.

My big problem with staying here, really, is the dreadful healthcare system.
It is so expensive and a serious illness has the potential to bankrupt you.
The NHS for all its faults is wonderful.
I think if this country had a welfare system like the UK or other European countries then I could get over some of my issues but it hasn't and it probably never will.

Obviously we knew what the system was like before we moved but living here has made us realise just how dog eat dog the medical insurance companies are.

geeandtee

Ha! I'm glad I found this thread!
I do get a bit homesick now and then, especially during the winter and autumn, when it should be raining, snowing, frosty, foggy, etc. Here in south central AZ, the weather can be a bit monotonous. I miss a chip shop pie and chips smothered in HP sauce, rowntree fruitgums, horse-racing (best in the world) and water in rivers, instead of irrigation channels.
But, I fought long and hard to get here, I got here on my own merits (my skills), we like the life here, the people, the landscape, the big skies. It's a beautiful, exasperating country, full of people who should really be made to take IQ tests before they're allowed to vote, but, ultimately, it's my home now.
My guess is, if I went back to the UK, I'd be depressed within a month and way too overweight from eating pie, chips, fruit gums, bangers, etc etc.
Nonetheless, I can understand the feelings of those who want to go "home" and wish them well in whatever they decide to do. All of us who immigrate take a huge leap in the dark.

MademoiselleMtl

Bad day today...

Went to bed crying and woke up in tears and said I am lonely to myself.

Found my husband on the couch (he has been there for the last 5 nights, nothing different from the usual though since he usually falls asleep there with his laptop.

Felt depressed looking at him, then got angry at him, angry at how unfair this horrible situation is, angry that the reality is he has chosen work/financial security over love.

It all boils down to one's core issues, his are dominated by fears of struggling and being poor and mine are fears of living a life without purpose and meaning.

One is not right, one is not wrong, both people's needs are important so the only solution is for both people to be true to themselves even if it hurts the other person because without "self" there is no "us".

I know that to be truth of the matter yet my emotions refuse to catch on and take action. I have always been the type of person who has tendencies to drown in emotion, to think instead of act in hopes of finding or creating a solution that is a win/win for both people. Perhaps I am too idealistic

I get tired of being told to "try harder" by people who have no idea what it is to be in this situation, one does not wake up and say "I want to be miserable and hate it here!" In the end, what others say doesn't matter, what pains me most is feeling torn about making a decision, that I will probably have to do something that I do not want to do in order to preserve my already shaky mental state.

Making a list does not help, that only works if you are run by logic because all the signs can point to leaving but that does not help your heart when it does not want to let go...

I miss the smells of home that remind me of my childhood, I miss the beauty of fall's multicoloured leaves, the smell of pine trees in the air on a cold winter's day, the buds on leaves and chirping birds in the spring and the constant excitement of summer. I miss it all...

I miss playing scrabble over tea with my mum and sister, I miss how we laughed about everything until our stomachs hurt, I miss wandering aimlessly through neighbourhoods I knew like the back of my hand, I miss authentic croissants, authentic baguettes, food that tastes good to my taste buds!

I miss who I used to be, I do not know who I am anymore, I have no identity, no sense of belonging, I look in the mirror and I see eyes that are empty, I shake my head and ask myself what will it take for me to make a choice and take care of myself!


I miss the feeling of belonging somewhere, where people do not ask me where I am from, where everything makes sense in every sense of the word!


I am sad that I was not able to spend more time with my dad during the last few years of his life because I was miles and miles away! I am sad and angry because I was only there 4-5 times a year instead of being there to see him and spend tome with him every day. I was there to hold his hand when he died and I am grateful for that but I have trouble forgiving myself for not being there more!

I fear being forgotten by my family, that eventually all this distance will change how we relate to each other and the little I have in terms of feeling connected to world will decrease to nothing.

I get sad thinking of having children in another country without a grandmother or sister there to enjoy it all with.

I think of raising a child in the US and I get angry and sad, I do not share it's history, it's morals or it's values, it goes against a lot of what I believe in and that will not change.


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I think of a future without my husband and I get sick to my stomach, I think of all the years we shared, how he is the only person besides my family who understands me, who knows me.

I think of how we used to laugh so much, all the inside jokes we had that always made us smile and how the last few months have been dominated by fighting, tears and sadness.

I think of how much we had to overcome being from different backgrounds and how he never backed down no matter how hard things got and they got really, really hard!

I think of how giving he has always been to help others around him, never asking for anything in return. He has always had a big heart.

I think of how supportive he has always been with all of my crazy business ventures and ideas, always believing in me, doing everything to back me up with marketing, advertising, to brainstorm etc...

I think of how horrible I felt after my dad passed away and how he would hold me close and make me feel safe.

I think of how we are supposed to spend the rest of our lives together, grow old together, have children together and how it may not happen.

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I think about making the choice to stay and how I would basically giving, accepting my fate, putting my own needs on the back burner and I know that is not right.

I think what if it does not get better, what if our relationship continues to decline and in all honestly, it cannot get better in these circumstances so what will staying achieve?

I think of being back home and it is too bittersweet, I will feel like I am back where I belong without the person I belong with.

All I do is think, think and think, most of my time is spent feeling angry, sad, lonely or numb, it is not healthy and I seem to do nothing about it but think.

Reading all these posts of other's pain has been a huge comfort in terms of helping me feel less alone. It also reminds me that I am not the problem, that it is not about trying harder! Thank you BE

talbot

God you poor thing! I was in your place 18 months ago... I could barely get out of bed to get the kids to school, would hardly look the teller in Safeways in the eye and hurry home to escape in a dvd or something - anything to blank out my homesickness.

After a while I saw the doc who said I was acutely depressed and needed anti-d for a few months, so went on them for 3 months and that really helped lift the lid. I had never been depressed before but the big shock and loss of my identity brought it on.

It seems all a long time now because I'm back to myself again and the initial reasons for leaving have surfaced instead of being clouded by emotions as they initially were.

This probably won't make sense now, but if you keep on feeling like this, do see a doctor. Don't make rash decisions in your present frame of mind.

Also, my hubby and I slept apart a lot in the first few months too (each dealing with their own problems), and I tell you now we're as close as we've ever been and have an inner pride that we survived that hiccup so are capable of surviving anything now.

I really feel for you, all the best of luck and happiness!

manghams

I am in th same emotional place as you - BUT

I am back in the UK, four of us staying in my mums 2 bed apartment, other 3 kids spread out with other family. I have always been the mum took took care of everyone and everything - now I cant even have my kids under one roof - I am desolate!

At present I resent my husband for getting us to this point and having no understanding of how I feel; we came back for him; now he wont consider how I feel!

I pray life gets better soon...... doing everything in reverse I have already done once is so demoralising!


I dont know if I have the fight left in me to try harder!

MademoiselleMtl

I do not have anything to say that can cheer you up but I understand your struggle... Hang in there and hugs to you.

quoll

So sorry to hear that things are not picking up for you - one hesitates to say it is early days but I hope you are seeing some sort of changes in your DH and, if not, I hope you get him off to a GP asap because he really does need to pull his finger out and get on with it. You are a very strong woman so be easy on yourself and take a breather. ((((hugs))))

manghams

Once I get a GP I will drag him off there - but we need to have a fixed address first? Catch 22 again; plus have to get 3 yrd old back on the list for his ears (again).