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Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

Old Jun 13th 2019, 2:00 pm
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Default Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. This topic sounds a bit 'iffy but hear me out

So, me and my friend were talking, I live in the UK btw, and I was saying that I'd love to live in the US one day. I also said it would be great if I could find an American girl who I fell madly in love with, got married and lived happily ever after in the US.

My friend was like, "I can't believe you'd marry someone for a green card!"

I was like, "No, I'd never marry someone for a green card. I'd genuinely want her to be the person that I spend the rest of my life with and start a family. But whilst I'm young, free and single, what's the harm of saying that I'd like to find an American since I'm planning on moving there anyway?"

Just want to know what people's thoughts are on a topic like this. I could obviously cause a lot more complications meeting someone in Britain as, chances are, she wouldn't want to move and someone will end up unhappy.

EDIT: Sorry I think this might be in the wrong section of the forum since it doesn't relate to a visa specifically. Could an admin please move the topic to the appropriate place please if I've posted wrong. Thanks

Last edited by ChronowerX_GT; Jun 13th 2019 at 2:02 pm. Reason: Wrong sub forum
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Old Jun 13th 2019, 2:16 pm
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Default Re: Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

Does that mean that you and your fiancée have called it quits before you married. In your post here https://britishexpats.com/forum/us-i...ove-us-909167/ #8, you were to marry soon.
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Old Jun 13th 2019, 2:22 pm
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Default Re: Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

Originally Posted by Rete View Post
Does that mean that you and your fiancée have called it quits before you married. In your post here https://britishexpats.com/forum/us-i...ove-us-909167/ #8, you were to marry soon.
Hi Rete,

Yes, sadly it does but my dream of the US is still strong and alive. We did have the same goals of moving there so that wasn’t and issue for us.

On a slightly different subject (since you’ve read my previous thread), I’ve got my business idea in place and will probably be moving on an E2 visa once I have appropriate funds.
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Old Jun 13th 2019, 2:30 pm
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Default Re: Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

People are going to misconstrue your question, as indeed your friend did already, but taken literally what you describe is definitely possible - I know it is true, as I did so myself, meeting my then-future wife on-line in 1998, through a US-focused dating web site. My wife and I have now been married for more than 19 years.
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Old Jun 13th 2019, 3:31 pm
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Default Re: Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

I pretty much have the same opinions as you do.

Getting married 'for a green card' is obviously not ok, but where is the line? Is actively seeking an American women wrong because you want to live in the US? That's a grey area I guess, but personally I don't have a problem with it as long as you are looking for a genuine relationship.

Be prepared to be told that you were being nefarious though. I had it before I even moved here, and then again when I got divorced. Although a lot of people seem to think that getting married to a USC means you are a USC too. If only!
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Old Jun 13th 2019, 3:31 pm
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Default Re: Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

Looking, no? Everyone is entitled to their own preferences. I dated various American women I met via work (and my time here, subsequently) before I met & married my wife. I had a general preference towards American women (regardless of their locale, I even dated a few whilst we were both in Italy) - culturally they were different, yet similar enough (and for the most part, no language barrier), and being from Newcastle originally I found the lack of 2 ton of foundation and fake tan to be an appealing factor...

That said; I wasn't only willing to date American women, nor did I require one for a green card (I had a contractual agreement with my employer, even if I did end up adjusting status via marriage). But if you are young and absolutely hell bent on residing in the US, it's entirely possible you'll end up here, even if it takes you 10 years, so seeking out a romantic involvement that allows you to reside together in the long term and be together faster in the short term doesn't seem too crazy to me, just remember to only ever start a romantic involvement with someone because you want to be that that PERSON, not their country, everything else is moot imo.
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Old Jun 13th 2019, 3:58 pm
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Default Re: Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

Originally Posted by civilservant View Post
I pretty much have the same opinions as you do.

Getting married 'for a green card' is obviously not ok, but where is the line? Is actively seeking an American women wrong because you want to live in the US? That's a grey area I guess, but personally I don't have a problem with it as long as you are looking for a genuine relationship.

Be prepared to be told that you were being nefarious though. I had it before I even moved here, and then again when I got divorced. Although a lot of people seem to think that getting married to a USC means you are a USC too. If only!
The line, unfortunately, is with the foreigner who is seeking a love interest of a citizen from a country he wants to emigrate to in the future. Are they doing so only for the sake of expediency in obtaining residency status in the US? Are they excluding all persons from their own or other countries as potential partners because of their intent? Pulaski is the only one who can tell us if he deliberately sought out a USC to romance or if it was a by chance meeting and developing relationship. The same holds true for any person on this forum who eventually married a USC or a USC who married a foreigner and brought their future spouse into the US. Only the person(s) involved can know for sure.

I've seen US citizens who were romanced by Brits and citizens of other countries with no means to obtain residency in the US who once they got their green cards up and left their spouses telling them they never loved them, etc.
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Old Jun 13th 2019, 4:20 pm
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Default Re: Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

I can tell you that I didn't deliberately meet a USC on a breakup forum. It just happened that way.

Didn't stop people accusing me of being an immigration fraudster after we separated though. Really enjoyed that.

I'm simply saying I don't know where the line is on that subject, it's not easy.
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Old Jun 13th 2019, 4:25 pm
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Default Re: Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

Originally Posted by civilservant View Post
I can tell you that I didn't deliberately meet a USC on a breakup forum. It just happened that way.

Didn't stop people accusing me of being an immigration fraudster after we separated though. Really enjoyed that.

I'm simply saying I don't know where the line is on that subject, it's not easy.
What is a breakup forum? I met my husband (Cdn) in 1996 and we finally met in person in 1997 and married in 1998. Nearly 21 years ago now. Where did I meet him? Online in a 40something chatroom on MIRC. He was never accused of fraud to my knowledge and like yourself, it would have been untrue if he had.

As I tried to point out the line for me is drawn by the person doing the seeking. Their reasons and goals.
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Old Jun 13th 2019, 4:27 pm
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Default Re: Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

Originally Posted by civilservant View Post
.... I'm simply saying I don't know where the line is on that subject, it's not easy.
Part of the question is "intent", as it is when entering the US on the VWP - "are you intending to remain in the US after getting married?"

We can look at actions as clues to intent, but the true answer to "intent" is known only by the person themselves.

Last edited by Pulaski; Jun 13th 2019 at 4:34 pm.
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Old Jun 13th 2019, 4:29 pm
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Default Re: Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

What is a breakup forum?
https://www.enotalone.com/forum/index.php
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Old Jun 13th 2019, 4:32 pm
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Default Re: Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

Originally Posted by Pulaski View Post
Part of the question is "intent", as it is when entering the US on the VWP - "are you intending to remain in the US after getting married?" We can look at actions as clues to intent, but the true answer to "intent" is known only by the person themselves.
Agreed. It’s easy to assume but impossible to prove.
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Old Jun 13th 2019, 4:38 pm
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Default Re: Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

Originally Posted by Pulaski View Post
People are going to misconstrue your question, as indeed your friend did already, but taken literally what you describe is definitely possible - I know it is true, as I did so myself, meeting my then-future wife on-line in 1998, through a US-focused dating web site. My wife and I have now been married for more than 19 years.
That's great to hear. That's what I'd love myself one day.

Originally Posted by civilservant View Post
I pretty much have the same opinions as you do.

Getting married 'for a green card' is obviously not ok, but where is the line? Is actively seeking an American women wrong because you want to live in the US? That's a grey area I guess, but personally I don't have a problem with it as long as you are looking for a genuine relationship.
Originally Posted by TheKingOfHearts View Post
Looking, no? Everyone is entitled to their own preferences. I dated various American women I met via work (and my time here, subsequently) before I met & married my wife. I had a general preference towards American women (regardless of their locale, I even dated a few whilst we were both in Italy) - culturally they were different, yet similar enough (and for the most part, no language barrier), and being from Newcastle originally I found the lack of 2 ton of foundation and fake tan to be an appealing factor...

That said; I wasn't only willing to date American women, nor did I require one for a green card (I had a contractual agreement with my employer, even if I did end up adjusting status via marriage). But if you are young and absolutely hell bent on residing in the US, it's entirely possible you'll end up here, even if it takes you 10 years, so seeking out a romantic involvement that allows you to reside together in the long term and be together faster in the short term doesn't seem too crazy to me, just remember to only ever start a romantic involvement with someone because you want to be that that PERSON, not their country, everything else is moot imo.
civilservant/kingofhearts - Obviously I like American culture since I'm on these forums. And I'd actually be a lot more attracted to an American even if they were here in the UK. Like kingofhearts said, there's two tonnes of fake tan going on here (probably because the weather is poop all year) and I love the more outgoing enthusiastic nature of American's in general. Plus I love their accent (especially the south).


Originally Posted by Rete View Post
I've seen US citizens who were romanced by Brits and citizens of other countries with no means to obtain residency in the US who once they got their green cards up and left their spouses telling them they never loved them, etc.
That to me is the line too far. I could never use someone like that. It would have to be genuine and I think it's despicable to mess with someone's feelings like that. Although that's why my 'friend' seems to think my intent is.

I feel a lot better after reading these comments. I actually agree with everything that's been said. I was scared that I was just being a jerk haha.
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Old Jun 13th 2019, 7:09 pm
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Smile Re: Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

Originally Posted by civilservant View Post
Didn't stop people accusing me of being an immigration fraudster after we separated though. Really enjoyed that.
My USC girlfriend is very lovely and I see a future with her, but I've made it crystal clear that she shouldn't expect a proposal until well after I'm done with my employer-sponsored AOS

If we ever do marry and anyone makes any insinuations, I want to be able to shut that conversation RIGHT DOWN.
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Old Jun 13th 2019, 7:15 pm
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Default Re: Is It Wrong To Want To 'Look' For An American Girlfriend

Originally Posted by TexanScot View Post
My USC girlfriend is very lovely and I see a future with her, but I've made it crystal clear that she shouldn't expect a proposal until well after I'm done with my employer-sponsored AOS

If we ever do marry and anyone makes any insinuations, I want to be able to shut that conversation RIGHT DOWN.
My daughter married a Canadian, but she became a Canadian PR because she applied for a work visa and not because of marriage.
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