LotusEater33

I'm 44 now, and the youngest of 7.
They've all been preoccupied with their own families over the last 15 or so years.
Only been here since Sep 2104 - was in China 2 years immediately prior to here.
I skype 1 brother often, 2 brothers and one sister every now and then.
1 other sister just email, and the last sister is a cold bitch and I never want to see her again.
I will not return to the UK for a long time.

Fortunately, my Mum lives in the south of France so we and my wife are planning a trip out there in Sep 2016. My mum is here on holiday now despite being 77 yrs old.

I can't cope fitting more people into my life to be honest.

kins

It really depends on your family situation. If you used your imagination you could probably think of several scenarios where it's just as reasonable for the family that hasn't moved to visit the family that has.

petitefrancaise

That's been our belief too. When people have made the effort to visit us I have made sure they have had a lovely holiday. Just wish I could say the same for going back to visit them! People seem to forget that it's supposed to be our holiday when we are in the UK. The best thing we've done is rent a holiday cottage just up the road.

Canveydave

Well I've checked in online now for our flight tomorrow and still not particularly excited. This could be a good acid test for us though, spoke to the wife tonight and pushed the idea of her going back over the summer with the kids and me staying here and then not go back at Christmas.

She was open to that, so might take the earlier advice, pack them off over the summer for 3 weeks and then I will have enough holiday to do that road trip I have been promising myself.

I haven't had 3 weeks without the kids since they have been born, so I would miss them, but nothing a golf weekend to Lake Charles halfway through wouldn't fix

Pulaski

This thread is an interesting read. ..... The Pulaski family is more typical than I had expected - visits to the UK only rarely, largely due to the cost and inconvenience of the flights back.

My sister is largely uncommunicative, and visted only twice - each time for only a couple of days - once as a side trip when her husband was on business in Toronto, and once when she lived in Pennsylvania. Both times seemed to be an inconvenience to her.

My parents, and especially my mother liked to travel, so she was quite happy to come once or twice a year, .... but complained that we were at work and not around to take her places and entertain her. Surely if there is one thing that is worse than travelling back to the UK and not getting a true holiday it must be taking time off work and not even getting to leave home!

My father died in 2006, and my mother kept coming regularly until she had a heart attack 20 months ago. She has since celebrated her 80th birthday so is unlikely to visit regularly again.

Overall I feel fairly happy with our situation, on reading of others experiences. We will go back when we can, but whichever way you look at it, it isn't going to be very frequently. As my mother can't travel as often we will be trying to make the trip back more often, but we have made no promises.

Nutmegger

As I mentioned earlier in the thread, I originally visited every two years, staying in the UK for a couple of weeks. My father wasn't interested in travel, but after he died my mother made her first and only trip to the States (QE2 both ways) at the age of 86. When she got into her nineties I started to visit every year, but just for one week, and did this until her death. I haven't been back since, but my sister has visited here.

jenninedinburgh

Very interesting thread. I am an American who has lived in the UK for 13 years. I go home at least once a year. With the holiday allowance here it is much easier to make the trip 'home'. Over the past 3 or 4 years, I have gone at least twice a year as I have been missing 'home' a lot more.

My father passed away earlier this year and it has haunted me for the past few weeks...for example, I had a dream the other night that it was Christmas and he was still alive - I was so happy in the dream because he had not died and I still had another Christmas with him - saying to my husband in the dream 'Dad is still alive, he's not dead and we can have Christmas together'. I was so sad when I woke up This last Christmas he knew it was his last and so did we. I am so glad I went home (I almost did not). I actually cannot bear the thought of going through this again with my mother and stepdad (being so far way and having to make a big deal just to go home when I want). For years, I had been wondering whether to stay in the amazing city I love (and I mean LOVE Edinburgh) or to return to the USA (where I don't agree with a lot of things - gun laws to name one) where my family is. Dad's death gave me my answer. I will move back to the USA just so I can be closer to family and be there for important occasions like Christmas and birthdays. Hubby is interviewing for a job in Charlotte so we may end up there (which is in the South and relatively close to where I am from - super excited)!

OP, good luck with everything. I have also felt several times that going home was definitely not a holiday - but I always did other things too to balance it out when and where possible.

cxx

I think a lot depends on how close you are to your family, what their / your expectations are, and how you spend the time.

Since leaving school I've always lived a long distance from my family so have kept in touch with frequent phone calls and long weekend visits home. My parents liked to be out and about so every visit to them / they made involved going out somewhere and doing something, so visiting never felt like a chore for any of us.

My in-laws however liked to do nothing, so visits to them involved sitting in their house and doing, yep, absolutely nothing, and it was the same when they visited us. We would suggest places to go, things to see, and they refused, preferring just to sit in the house and do nothing. So visits to them were kept short, which they always seemed fine with.

I'd suggest researching things to do in the local area and suggesting people join you if they'd like to......

scrubbedexpat091

One problem I have when it comes to visiting family, is they all wan't a visit, and generally I only have 7 days in total, so 5 useful days really. But the family doesn't all live in the same city (same region of state, just a few hours apart) so I end up feeling rushed and not really any enjoyment since its go go go for 5 days.

I go every few years though.

If I had to go as far as the UK, don't think I'd ever go...Too far to deal with if one only has a week.

Jerseygirl

I'm glad to get back for a rest.

scrubbedexpat091

Me too...lol

Our next trip we are going to go somewhere with just us...


I figure try and make to back to family in 2017 or 18 assuming no emergencies arise.

MsElui

the difference in cost between my parents coming here (and staying in our house) and all 5 of us flying to the uk is so great we have even paid for my parents to come here when we couldnt afford us to go there.

so im not demanding them to come here - its just sooo expensive - we are probably looking at close to 10k when all is done with hotels and meals for 5 and cars etc. you coukld have a bloddy amazing 'hiliday' somewhere fancy for that!

kodokan

We will definitely be doing this in the future, rather than always going back to the UK. Each set of parents could come here for the same price as the 4 of us going there. Here, we have a much larger house and ample room for visitors; there, we're trying to cram a family of 4 into their 2-bed bungalows. Here, they can borrow one of our cars and jaunt around; there, we can't drive their UK cars on our US licenses so have to hire one. Here, they can have an amazing holiday somewhere new; there, we're all kicking around the nondescript towns where we grew up. Being able to have fish and chips again only goes so far in the entertainment stakes.

When we do go back, I'm going to make sure it's for more than the 2 weeks we did last time, as the traveling was brutal (we had to cover Cheshire, Swindon, North London, and Norfolk). I don't work, so can take the kids alone for some of it, and hubby can join us for a block in the middle. And we're not staying in other people's houses the whole time - stuff the expense; we'll break it up with days/ weeks in a holiday cottage, not interacting with people.

scrubbedexpat091

I'd say that isn't a reasonable price for anyone to expect a family member to pay to visit and should hopefully understand if someone can't visit because well 10,000 is a lot of money.

joto

I can't imagine going back in the next 1-2 years unless it's an emergency. We had the elderly in-laws over last year, and that was great. We did have to take them about, but we expected that, and didn't mind.

My parents are gone now, but never expressed an interest in coming over. They were never ones for travelling anyway.

When we go back to the in-law's house in the UK, we are somehow expected to visit the other family members, some about 60-100 miles away. One of them doesn't drive, but there are buses and trains that go between the two cities. Not that we want to see that particular one, but FIL "arranges" it so that we have to meet up and he takes us there. Oh joy, not.