scrubbedexpat027

Hello all,

I wondered if anyone had any advice for the scarey situation I find myself in.
Long storey short, I've been working hard for over 10 years at my dream of moving to SoCal and am finally here. I'm at Stephenson Ranch and have a job sorted in Valencia to go to.
I've only been here for 2 days and am already feeling really low and struggling with the enormity of what I've done. (I'm 38 & have moved on my own btw). I wouldn't say it's homesickness as apart from a few close family members I'd lost contact with most people back home due to focusing so much on my goal. I think the culture shock is hitting me mainly. I have a rental car but am really nervous about driving on the roads here. I have problems with people understanding my accent when going for groceries. I have so much to do - sort a permanent apartment / car, start a new job, get a US drivers license etc and I'm already feeling totally overwhelmed.
I know it's very early days but I really wish I could be excited about the new opportunities that lie ahead of me instead of feeling so scared and low.
I've visited the US quite a few times previously on holiday but on the coast (Santa Monica / Venice) but this experience feels very different.

Jerseygirl

Welcome to BE dek.

Yup...been there...done that...got the tee shirt. I think many of us have gone through pretty much the same emotions as you're experiencing. The first few days/weeks when you are trying to establish a base can be very emotional and stressful. It does get easier but it may take a while.

Brat1

Yes, welcome to BE, I hope you find some support from us guys on here.

Stop, take a deep breath and breathe. You are going through a major move in your life and it can be overwhelmingly stressful. Starting a new job back home can be stressful enough, but to start a new job in a different country is a whole different box of frogs.

Make a list, what's your priorities at the present ie the apartment, transport, SSN, how quickly do you have to get a drivers license in your state. Deal with one thing at a time instead of dealing with everything at once, you will just get yourself even more stressed. Take some time out, go for a walk, get your bearings of where you are, what the place is really going to be like to live in and try and relax. You have worked hard to get where you are and I'm sure in the long run, you will settle down and hopefully decide that you've made the right decision. It takes many weeks, months sometimes, to feel that you're settling in, keep in touch with people who you miss back home via Skype or whatever and honestly, it will all be fine.

We've been here 16 months and rollercoaster doesn't even come close, but I wouldn't change anything that I've been through so far, it is still making me a stronger, more focused person, my kids have benefited from going through everything they've gone through and I am so glad to have the chance to live here. You will get support from people on here who've felt like you have, I'm sure there aren't many who haven't at some point and even myself, I sometimes have found myself asking "what am I doing here" but it disappears as quickly as it comes on.

I wish you the very best of luck in your new life here and please feel free to post any questions that you can't find the answers for, we're here to help

Rose tea

dek, you are definitely not alone. I experienced culture shock in the US starting from the very first day I got here (I moved here on my own at 21). For the first few weeks I was just exhausted with running around buying furniture, getting a social security number etc, and after all the moving in had settled down I started to really hate the US, everything about it. 2 months into my stay I just wanted to pack up and go home. I didn't understand anything about the culture or the people, and I felt horribly isolated. I booked a flight back to the UK for Christmas that year, and just having a ticket home instantly made me feel a lot better. That ticket home was my connection to something familiar and safe. By the time Christmas rolled around I was much more settled in here, but I'm still really glad I went back home for a few weeks.

After 7 years here people here still can't pronounce/spell my name, still ask me if I'm related to the queen, etc etc. You've made a MAJOR change in your life by moving to a completely different country - I think it's often a shock to Brits to realise just how different the US really is from the UK, something you don't often notice on holiday. SoCal is almost as far from the UK as Bangkok - it's a huge distance. As the immigrant, it will be you who has to constantly put forth the effort to understand the American way of life, and rarely the other way around (except with close friends you might make). It becomes easier with time, but at first it feels as if everything's against you. I still have to force myself to say "you're welcome" when someone says "thank you" because it still feels weird to me.

Do you have a roommate? If not, could you get one? Mine was a godsend when it came to teaching me how to do basic things in the US. After 4 months I was able to live on my own and knew how to do everything for myself. I also took walks in my neighbourhood and found some great little shops and restaurants, places I looked forward to going to after another frustrating day of paperwork stuff. Within a few weeks I found a place I really liked, and going there became my ritual. I still go there when I'm frustrated with America

Best of luck. You've taken on a lot. Pace yourself.

scrubbedexpat027

Thanks for the replies. I'm feeling a little better (although not much). It helps knowing others have experienced the same even after such a short amount of time.
My major hangup at the moment seems to be the driving. I need to drive to get to work and as I found out yesterday (after a 3 hour walk in the hot sun), things are pretty spaced out here. I'm ok on the freeways (experienced rush hour on the way from the airport), it's the normal roads I struggle with, 4 way stops, left turns, where to pull in to places etc. I'm thinking of getting a few lessons (even though I've been driving in the UK for over 20 years) to give me a bit more confidence and to explain the whole procedure of getting a US license. If I became comfortable with driving I could go to the coast at the weekends which I love and is one of the main reasons I wanted to come out here.
On a side note, when filling up with gas, I believe you have to pay first here. If using a US credit card, you enter your zip code. As I don't have one yet, would I go in to pay first and how would that work if you wanted to fill up and didn't know how much the tank would take? It's amazing how such trivial things cause stress when you're out of your element.

Poppy girl

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=716477

You might like to read the above.

I hope that it all works out for you, I must say the driving in Socal is somewhat scary I am there every month and dread it, but you do get used to it......its only been 2 days matey prioritize your to do list and work through it slowly, lets be honest you are not in a foreign speaking language country,the questions about your accent and not understanding you, get used to it its part of daily life, just laugh at them and ask if they speak english....The whole process means grow some balls

Jerseygirl

Take a look in the US Meet-Ups forum...there may be some BE members near you who will help you find your way around. Get at Tom-Tom or similar GPS device...it will make it easier for you to find your way around.

I know how you feel...most of the things you've taken for granted for so many years have disappeared overnight. Take your new life a step at a time...don't try to take on too much too soon. Lastly...keep thinking to yourself...this is a different country and things are different...not better...not worse...just different. I find that helps.

One more thing...you can always come on here for your 'Brit fix'.

avanutria

I think driving lessons are a great idea. There's so much about the road culture (for lack of a better phrase) that US drivers pick up just by having been around it for their whole lives.

If you are paying with a US credit card, does your card have a US billing address? If so, that address's zip code is the one you should use. If you have a US card that does not have a US billing address (difficult, but possible) you can always pre-authorize your card inside the gas station.

I live in Oregon now, where by law you can't pump your own gas, but I used to live in other states. Some pumps will be prepay and some (a rare few these days) won't be, but if you're having trouble with the machine at the pump you can always go in and talk to the attendant and they will be able to help you get set up.

If you go in to pay, there are two ways of doing it. One is go in and give over a certain amount of cash, say $30, and the pump will be authorized up to that amount. If you pump $30 worth the pump shuts off. You can go in for your receipt or not as you choose. If you only use, say, $25 of it, you go back in for your change. You can also prepay by card inside. I don't think they keep your card (I can't remember!); I think they just run it through the machine to authorize it. Then you go pump, and go back in to complete the transaction.

I'd be happy to help you out with any culture questions you've got - I remember well when I moved to the UK. I had been there three months when I burst into tears in Sainsbury's because I was overwhelmed with not knowing what the foods were and what they tasted like, and I was tired of spending my limited money on things I didn't like the taste of. I just wanted plain potato crisps and all I could find were weird flavours! :P It happens to us all.

Sally Redux

I felt exactly the same. The 'this is it' feeling.

Give it your best shot, but don't do anything irrevocable and then at least you have the option of changing your mind.

Rose tea

I hate driving in the US. Out on the open road I'm fine, but that's the easy way to drive - the 'real' driving (i.e. with traffic and all the idiots out there) is the stuff I dislike. Definitely take lessons here. Be prepared to have your jaw drop at how horrifyingly easy it is to pass a driving test here. My friends who come over here to visit have quite a hard time driving at first, especially when there's a green left turn arrow and I'm saying "you need to turn!" and they're yelling "what, now? Now??" My dad even drove over an embankment here once and blew a tyre

Good luck with the driving! It really will be your lifeline in SoCal, for better or worse! You will probably need to use it far more than you'd like.

velkyal

I couldn't believe how easy my driving test was! I had never learnt to drive back in Europe, had 4 lessons here and passed first time round. My father-in-law told me later that day, "now you must learn to drive", wise words.

Deeks

Usually you only have to pre-pay if you're using cash. Unless it's a pump that doesn't have the swipe-your-own-card feature. I'm rarely out of Washington state so I'm not sure how it is in SoCal but I can't remember the last time I saw a petrol station here that didn't have do-it-yourself pumps, no need to prepay if using a credit card.

I am wishing you ALL THE BEST dek! It was scary moving to the UK, scary again moving back to the US, and sometimes very lonely. I hope you meet some kind and goodhearted people there who will be a help and support to you.

Bob

Welcome to BE and the US!

It's definitely not easy if you're on your own and have to sort everything out on your own. Perhaps someone at work might be able to help you out, recommend places to stay/shop etc.

Things that need sorting and quick -

SSN, that leads to everything else getting sorted

Apartment, it'll help you feel more settled knowing you've got your own pad

Drivers license, you'll finally have some identity and ID to be used...legally, this should be your first priority but the reality means you just won't be able to get this done for around a month or so.

Car and GPS, able to get around and do stuff more freely and gives you a bit of breathing room to sort everything else out.

As for petrol, depends on the pumps, some you put in a zip code for credit card, some you don't and it might be easier to use a debit card for those that require it if you haven't got yourself squared away.

But just relax and enjoy it...easier said than done I know, but deep breaths, it helps

Poppy girl

Lets get this into perspective lol..its not that Americans are good drivers its because they are soooooo bad we have to be extra careful with eyes in the back of our heads and presume anything because anything goes here

CitySimon

I was exactly the same when I first moved over (as was the case for most of us).

Moving here and having your entire world change over the duration of a flight is a tough thing and it is a lot different than visiting on a vacation.

That's one of the main things that a lot of people use this website for, people with issues settling come on saying "I'm feeling xxxx... Anyone else been there?" and the result is people sitting at their computers nodding and saying "Yeah, I've been there, here's how I worked around it..."

As a prime example, I've been here for eight years and I still hate 4-way stop signs. Driving takes a bit of extra focus at first, but it'll eventually become second nature; then again, every now and again when I'm really tired I still find myself drifting to the left of the road.

Good luck finding your feet and welcome to BE.