Ginblossom

Hey guys, been a while since I posted, had a lot on my plate.

Ill spare you the gory details but the wife announced to me last week she wants a divorce, doesnt love me etc etc.

We been married seven years together nine. I have my unconditional so to speak green card.

I think she may be going back to the UK for a bit and then return here but I couldn't really tell you as I dont know. Shes not telling me her plans. Maybes another person involved on her side in the Uk, couldn't prove it anyways, and dont really care anyways as the end result is the same..that is, she doesn't want to be with me. Obviously gutted but it is what it is I guess.- stay in CA l

Im still living with bloody in laws which has made it all very awkward as you may expect. Though obviously cant stay there too much longer.

I have an income though the job is looking shaky as the company like many others here in CA are laying off people. One guy got canned Friday. Boss told me and other co worker we are kinda next in the firing line.

So I have some choices, and assuming I do also get canned at some point in the not so distant, the choices are as far as I see....

- Stay in Socal, try and get another job (economy sucks) and make it work here.

- Move to different state and start all over again.

- return to UK and live with parents and again start over. A friend may be able to get me a job and obviously could live at parents at no cost, though not keen to do this really.

Not keen to leave the US given all it took to get here and I only been here since July.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do ?

ps...Im sorta dreading the answer too, and don't even want to ask the question but I will anyways.......but I hope that by her being in the UK ( she has dual citizenship and assuming she does go to the UK) it doesn't affect my status here does it ???? ...as I say my LPR was granted without conditions given we been married seven years...

meauxna

GB, I'm shocked to hear it.. very sorry, since you weren't anticipating that.

#1 point is: You are a Permanent Resident and you're allowed to live in the US now for as long as you like.

'She' is obligated to inform USCIS if she moves. So are you.. you use form AR-11. If you stay on the right side of the naturalization rules, you can apply for citizenship at 5 years from your 'resident since' date on the GC.

So, your status is fine. What's left is working out the 'life' details. However, if you like it enough here to keep with it for a while, I'd say stay. I don't know what sort of work you are doing, but if you can move to an area with a lower cost of living, it does make restarting on your own a bit easier. The way it has been, it's pretty rough for you.. you two didn't even get your own household established here to split up.. I wonder if moving away from the in-laws would help the marriage?

I suggest prowling around the USA forum, to read about other areas. Good luck.

Ginblossom

Thanks Mex, that is at least one less thing off my mind. Lot of friends rallying around and a lot say go back to the UK but you know that almost sounds too easy to do and given what it took to get here, I feel I should continue to at least give this a go. I mean I worked my tail off to get here and since getting here I have too getting a job and everything was hard and I have been settling into life here, obviously...the regular stuff buying a car, getting a job etc etc etc.

Im still in shock really. She told me she felt this way for a while now. Why she didnt bloody tell me this before I walked away from the UK, family friends job etc etc etc God only knows. but it is what it is and I just have to deal with it.

Thanks for listening.

Colobound

Gosh Ginblossom, I know we haven't 'spoken' before but I just wanted to say how sorry I am and hope things get better for you. It is a shocking situation and I totally understand that you would be wondering why on earth she didn't say all of this in the UK if she felt like it then. At least you now know after Meauxna's reply that you have the right to remain and that means you have great options.

Hoping all works out for you and that things turn out beautifully

Moonshadow_Girl

I'm so sorry to hear of your marriage. Since you asked for advice, if it were me, I'd stay and give it a go. If you're still on the fence, give yourself a timeline, say 2 or 3 years, or even until you reach eligibility for naturalization.

Good luck with your decision.

Rete

Damn sorry to hear your news, Gin. Unless there are obvious signs like fighting or just plain ignoring one another, the decision of one to up and leave comes as a nasty surprise.

As Meauxna said, you are free to live here for as long as you want. There is no reason for you to remain in the same state. Hell, there are 49 others to look at for employment. I recall that there are no children involved so that makes the break and move a wee bit easier.

One word of advice is don't listen to the opinions of others on what to do with your life at the moment. Let yourself absorb all that has happened and think about what it is you want for yourself in the future and then take it from there. Perhaps you can rent a furnished place on a weekly basis just to get yourself up and out of the in-laws place where you will have the freedom to think about your life.

Whatever you decide, I hope it brings you happiness.

traceym

Nothing to add to whats been said other than you know where I am x

C_C

Ginblossom,
This is just to say I'm very sorry to hear how things turned out for you. Not long ago you were in my shoes, going through all the hurdles to get your visa for the US. In one of my first threads on this forum I was asking about domicile and was specifically pointed to your thread and your wiki entry (which I've found very useful btw). After all the things you went through (and you had it much harder than most other couples), one would have thought that the experience would have made your wife even more eager to be with and share her life with you. I'm really sorry to hear that it didn't turn out this way.

My personal opinion is that it's still very early for you to make definite decisions. If I were you I'd either go on with my life as it is (but would move away from the in-laws asap) until I had a clearer idea in my head of how I wanted to move on, OR (even better, but may not be possible) I'd take some time off to rest, think and contemplate, and would let my heart decide whenever it was ready for that.

Another thing - don't blame it on yourself. I'm sure a divorce is both people's responsibility, but if you only got to the US this past July, it's obvious that the issue your wife had with your marriage was there long before then. In which case, she ought to have been more honest with you and should have tried to sort it out with you. From what you're saying, it sounds like you didn't even know there was a problem in your marriage (or not a big one anyway) and had no idea she felt this way!

All the best for the future! I hope this painful situation you're going through now turns out to be for the better, even if you can't obviously see it right now.
You have everyone's positive thoughts.

Ginblossom

Thanks everyone. Still soldiering on and if nothing else I have found who my friends are!

I have no idea what will happen really. I still have a job for now (though this will end shortly Im told) and a place to stay ( though again must make tracks soon). Lot of folks suggesting to go back to the UK, but Im just not sure for now.

avanutria

If you're not sure, don't go back to the UK. You'd be throwing away your biggest chance to live in the US. If you can stick it out and get your citizenship then everything you have gone through and are going through will have a silver lining - you'll be able to live in either country forever.

Once you are out of your current environment it will get better. I have had to live with an ex after a breakup and it was not a fun way to live. You'll make it.

lansbury

For some reason only just seen this thread. Having been in a similar situation you have my sympathies, know what it is like. Only piece of advice I would give is try not to make any decisions that cannot be reversed. What you feel now is not what you will feel like 6 months from now and things you decide now you may want to change later.

Bluegrass Lass

Very sorry to read this Gin. I can only imagine how heart sore you must be right now. Though I have never been in your shoes, it seems pretty sound advice to take time to really think things through before making a decision of what to do.

Good luck to you!

Englishman in Eugene

Very sorry to hear of your problems Ginblossom.

Like others here, I'd say stay in the US, and get your citizenship if you can last that long. You've worked hard to get here, and going back to the UK now would undo all that work.

If/when the job goes under, you might relocate to a cheaper area to live, NorCal or Oregon if you like the West Coast. Jobs are hard to come by everywhere at present, UK and US included, so going home wouldn't instantly fix that.

Ginblossom

You are all quite right and Im pretty determined not to go back until absolute necessity dictates.

The CA economy is pretty horrible right now anyways, so maybes a new state may be a better bet, so I could be loading my car with my stuff, out of the in laws and just getting the hell out of dodge for pastures new.

avanutria

What's your field of work? Maybe someone here knows of some opportunities you can apply for. You're now in the position of being able to relocate anywhere in the country, which could be a huge plus.