Should I stay or Should I Go??
 

Hi there,
Well I'm a first time user on this site - so please be gentle!! :)

I've been living in NZ for over 12 years. Kids about to finish off school and head to Uni here.

I have a great job, good money, house, cars and all the other material goods.

I've decided that I want to apply for jobs back in the UK. Husband not happy as his job is easier here (painter/decorator supervisor role- so warmer weather). In saying that he didn't want to come over here in the first place anyway!!

My extended family's here and they are happy for me to move back- in fact sis and her family are looking at trying to get back to France (her husband's French). Parents would like to move some where else too.

So am I mad I find it difficult to tell husband why I don't like living here. I feel isolated, and bored. I don't like the beach (Scottish, fair skin and beach don't go) not into skiing either. He does agree with all this but is worried about moving costs, house costs and smaller houses in the UK etc and working in the cold.

Did tell him that he now has supervisor/manager skills or could do something different. Doesn't seem to be working though!! :-)

I feel like NZ isn't a real place - ok for a holiday but lacks something - depth??

What do you think - mad or not?
Thanks for your advice,

Re: Should I stay or Should I Go??
 

Hi Romy,
I lived and worked for 12 years in the USA but came back to the UK last September ,ill health and new grandchildren made the decision for me to return, I gave up a lovely home ,lots of neat stuff but I have no regrets as i have downsized to a less stressed life in the UK.
I feel you have to go with your gut insticnt ,do what is right for you ,I am 55 and my hubby 65 and I will not pretend it has all been easy moving back ,had the worst cold winter in ten years and yes things have changed in many ways since I left the Uk in 97.I researched lots of stuff about the uk before we came back ,jobs ,housing ,pensions ,crime ,it really helped before making:drastic decisions so think hard before making a big move.Good luck.:thumbup:

Re: Should I stay or Should I Go??
 

I have to say if i had a good job i would stay put at the moment. I know 4 people laid off from jobs this week alone.

Re: Should I stay or Should I Go??
 

I wonder are you just feeling a bit flat right now, kids about to go to uni, sister possibly emigrating and parents also. So do you feel like you are missing out on the excitement somehow?

I was reading an article in the paper yesterday that said two thirds of women are bored(?) and high on their list of what they would like to do is emigrate! Now I am not trivializing your situation at all but just wondering - sometimes if everything is rolling along nicely (which it seems to be for you) one can get a bit restless

Just suggestions, as someone posted earlier giving up a job in the current climate might be risky...

Karin

Re: Should I stay or Should I Go??
 

Hi there,
Thanks for the replies :-)

I only found out about my sister going after I had applied for the job. I decided to tell her so that we could have a chance to say goodbye. We don't really get on so it is not like I'm losing a close friend or relative.

My parents have only just told me (again after I told them I had applied for a UK job) that they want to move away too. They've lived in various places in the world.

I get to go back to the UK every two years with work for about 6 - 8 weeks.

Also I would only move if this other job was offered to me. My industry is a fairly stable one - even in this climate. In fact in this climate my industry actually does better.
I supose my point is that I've learnt material things are not the things in life that provide you with meaning or fulfillment.

Re: Should I stay or Should I Go??
 

You say "I would only move if this other job was offered to me".

So you waiting and wanting this other job. Yes?

If you get it..I would think that you and your hubby really have to have a heart to heart and discuss it.

Good luck..

Re: Should I stay or Should I Go??
 

I think you should let your Dh know your feelings before you get offered a job. That would be a huge shock to find out you were no only homesick but had applied behind his back.
I know I have a horrible time letting my Dh know my true feelings, you think after 25 years of marriage all would be know, but it is what it is. I have now discovered that getting it all out on the table saves me quite a few migraines from worry. I wish I'd learned to just speak to him more openly years ago :o

Re: Should I stay or Should I Go??
 

HI
We are also in NZ and hoping to move back to Scotland at the end of this year or early next.
Many reasons for going home and of course there are many for staying.

My OH would have happily stayed here as well, but then was quite happy in Scotland - I honestly know that he doens't particularily mind as long as he has a job and the family is provided for and are happy.
To explain to my OH just why I wanted to go back (I am born and raised kiwi - although now dual citizen) and what I wanted for our children that isn't offered here was a long and hard process.
It really made us, separately and together examine what we were feeling, what we could accept as a compromise and just what we were going to do. It was hard on our marriage, but we worked together, fought shouted and cried and are at a place now that we are both happy with.

We won't go back until he has a job (and we have contacts across there in his field so that should fingers crossed be soon). But that is fine.

I too, found it really difficult to explain what I was feeling, and what I missed. I am okay with life here, but would hate to wake up 5 years down the line with my eldest about to start secondary school and have other factors arguing against us moving.

No decision is ever set in stone and I firmly believe that.


Also - the exchange rate is great for changing dollars into pounds at the moment, and certainly were we will be moving back too, the house prices have dropped. Alll great things

Re: Should I stay or Should I Go??
 

Thanks everyone :)

I have told husband - even before I submitted the application (2 weeks before hand). So I've been honest all the way. I may not even get offered an interview - let alone the job!!

A good opportunity though as jobs in my sector and in the area of the UK I want to go back to are hard to come by. People tend to stay in the role/org for a long time. Also the timing with kids education is hard but now that they're coming up to finishing - it provides some freedom in terms of options.

We did think about moving 5 years ago when I got a job offer - but timing wasn't right - kids school, salary offered wasn't enough and house prices were really high then. Husband wanted to go then but realised after discussing it through it wouldn't have been fair on the kids and the salary offered was not great (different this time more money being offered).

I'm also still at an age (39) were we can transfer our pensions and carry on working for some years or more to come (health being good etc).

I think in my heart of hearts - gut instinct - I know if they offered me the job - I would want to say yes. It's not so much home sickness - I'm actually not going back to where I'm from - as someone said it is very hard to describe but know it is not that :-)

Thanks all so much for your advice and treating me gently :-) It was good to 'talk' it through :-)
I'll wait and see what happens...
All the best with your travels through life too,:thumbsup:

Re: Should I stay or Should I Go??
 

I'd like to go back too but ony if there was job for my husband finding it really hard here at te moment.

Swimming pools don't matter to me either at the moment I just want some sor of reality or familiarity if that makes sense!

Carol