N1cky

Our 13 year old daughter has been caught up in the most ridiculous situation. This is more of a rant than anything, but I'd appreciate any comments or advise.

There's a girl at school who my daughter has never got on with, nothing much going on that we knew about, they just didn't particularly like each other. However, they mix with each other due to their friends groups interacting... Over Christmas this girl posted a video of herself doing a dance. The video got reposted by several unknown people, eventually ending up on a site where nasty comments were made. This girl went to the office and named 2 people (my daughter being 1 of them), for watching the video. The police liaison officer was called, she spoke to my daughter and told her watching the video was a form of bullying. She told her not to talk to anyone about what had been said in the office, then sent her back outside into the grounds at lunchtime in tears. Her friends asked her what was wrong, she said, she didn't know what to say so said she had been in trouble over watching the video of this girl.

The following day my daughter was hauled back into the office and arrested because she had ignored what the police officer had told her, and gone out and talked about what had happened in the office. She ended up with a 1 day suspension, and a citation. We had to go see a probation officer, who said it was the most ridiculous case she had ever been handed. My daughter hadn't made any comments, hadn't shared the video, hadn't posted the video, around 100 kids in the school had watched the video, she had basically been singled out because this kid had pointed the finger.

Because of the nature of the citation, there is no way a judge would hear it as a case, so there is no way for my daughter to defend herself. She has to attend 2 classes on cyber-bullying, and had to write a letter of apology to the victim. If she didn't the case would stay open.

Then as another kick, this girl (or rather the girls parents) are now seeking retribution of $680 (split between the 2 kids cited).

This is the first time my daughter has ever been called to the office over any trouble, even the head has said it's a ridiculous situation that was blown out of all proportion (she wasn't in the office on the day this all kicked off), but says once the police are involved her hands are tied.

Hubby is saying he'd rather pay $10k on legal fees than give her parents $340, and part of me agrees, the other part of me just wants to get it all finished with. We're waiting to hear back from the probation officer on what happens if we refuse to pay. I'm so pissed off with this entire situation.

kins

Jeez. I'd be very tempted not only to refuse to pay but to put in an official complaint via any and all channels available.

dc koop

Don't pay them anything. They're extortionists it would seem and since when has been illegal to watch anything on a video? But if it was watched on school property the school would have a right to take disciplinary measures

Pulaski

This! You can't be fined or otherwise sanctioned without having a right to go before a judge, .... can you? Your daughter should not have been forced/coerced into watching the anti-bullying videos either, for the same reason. Once the police were called in it became a much bigger issue than mere internal school discipline.

Anian

They key to not getting in trouble at school is to deny everything. Schools go nuts about bullying, victims get suspensions for getting beaten up and not throwing a single punch. Even telling the truth over something innocuous will get you in trouble.

On what grounds are they asking for the money though? Is it a civil suit? The old counter-suit could make things interesting, especially when watching a video is considered active bullying.

Hiro11

I don't know the specifics, but based on what I've read here I'd be inclined to fight this tooth and nail. The trade off is that you don't want your daughter exposed to this garbage any more than necessary and likely you don't have a surplus of free time and money. Still, it's infuriating. What kind of parents get the police involved in a minor situation like this?

N1cky

This was what we said to the probation officer, who although in principal agreed, said the courts view it as "the victim has the right at any time to change their mind". So although she posted it, once it got out of her control and everyone was laughing at it, she changed her mind that she wanted people to see it. I still don't see how that's my daughters fault, or can be classed as bullying though.

Unfortunately we can. As it's such a minor case, the judge would refuse to hear the case, therefore it would just stay open forever, which is a bigger punishment for my daughter than just doing the classes and having the case closed. Likewise, if we refuse to pay the case won't be closed.

She should have said nothing, once the police arrested her she should have remained silent, as per her rights. But what 13 year old, who has never been in trouble, knows that.

They are claiming it through the probation service. We're waiting for back-up to what makes up the $680, they are saying counselling and lost earnings for time they have had to take off work to deal with the issue.

From interaction we've had with other parents, this kid has been trouble for a long time. We're going to check out the dates when the counselling started, if it pre-dates the supposed offence they can do one.

lansbury

Completely agree.

Hiro11

Also, I dealt with something similar myself as a kid. At 12, a kid deliberately picked a fight with me and I (clumsily) pushed him up against a wall and held him there for a moment. I was far from a bully and had never been in trouble previously. The next thing I know, I'm being summoned to the Principal's office and the police have been called. The word "assault" was mentioned. Even as a 12 year old, the whole thing was laughable. Even the Principal was rolling his eyes. A few weeks later thankfully it all blew over. Similar to you experience, I found out later that this kid had been a problem for years.

Pulaski

Hang on! Were you informed and present? If not you can tell 'em to *üçk right off!

Everyone has the right to a lawyer, but you can't arrest a child without the parents necessarily being involved. I recommend that you withdraw from this thread and speak immediately with a lawyer!

lansbury

Unless you have independent legal advice to say that is correct that statement goes against the natural course of justice. If a person disputes a charge or citation and the court refuses to hear the case usually the prosecution fails and the case is closed. It has to be worth paying for a least a consultation with a lawyer of your choosing before you decide what to do.

celticgrid

Did I miss it somewhere...what was the nature of the citation?

She was, you seem to say, arrested for telling what was said in the office, not for watching the video?

Also, you said the little madam named 2 people. What is the status of the other? Is she being hauled in too?

I'm with the fight-it-with-everything camp, I'm afraid.

lansbury

You can arrest a child without the parents present you can't talk to them without a parent of responsible adult present. This took place in a school, in whose care the child was, I'm assuming a teacher of other staff member was present. The staff should certainly have informed the parents straightaway but I would think the officer is OK to speak to the child in those circumstances. Especially as it was the school liaison officer.

In the circumstances as described it has to be one of the most iffy arrests imaginable from the point of view of finding an offence.

Nutmegger

Just what I was thinking! Surely a 13-year old can't be hauled into the presence of a police officer, alone and scared -- and on two occasions -- with no-one to advise her?

N1cky

No we weren't present, the deputy head was.

Thank you for this. I'm sometimes an idiot for believing what people in authority tell me.

You are correct, in reality she was arrested for telling what happened in the office, not for actually watching the video. Although, that is not of course what was wrote on the citation.

The other kid was also hauled in and I believe going through a similar process. Although I don't know if her actions were different to my daughters, I believe she may have commented or shared the video.

This is what happened.