Pulaski

It might not look like it from your perspective, but in that case you have a fairly strong hand, because you're playing at home, and he is going to find it tough to even be heard, never mind have strong representation.

lizzyq

Another issue is whether you really trust him to return your daughter to you if/when she does visit him in the USA. It could be better to request him to visit her rather than the other way around.

sir_eccles

I hear what you are saying about debts, but I would class this as "good debt". Some good resources have already been suggested about getting good quality advice.

As Pulaski says, you currently hold the upper hand don't let that advantage slip away.

Mrs Danvers

Also please see if you qualify for legal aid. https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid/overview

Sally Redux

I was looking at your previous posts and you seem to have a rather complicated history. I think you should sit tight and not give up anything without a court order to do so. You must get legal advice.

Sabrielle

Yeah I will get a court order I will get everything signed and crossed before I even let him have her. I am going about this carefully and I am getting advice now. I am really ill today (due to the stress) but I did go CAB and they did refer me to Mediation. I am going to speak to my grandad (tomorrow) I am his carer and I think he will help me as this is something really important. I'm going to start this asap as I don't want any crap later down the line.

Sally Redux

CAB is a good start. Did you look into the legal aid?

How will mediation work if he can't enter the UK?

Sabrielle

I honestly don't know, because CAB referred me there and said I'd need to speak to them as they would have more information. I have been out this evening at a party with my daughter but I will look up the legal aid now on that link now before I go to sleep.

Sabrielle

The issue being that I actually have family in the USA and in Canada and would like to visit them I was supposed to be going in the summer holidays but if I can't get this sorted we won't be able to go. I'm going to try and draw something up with him and if I have to use an international solicitor to make my daughter safe so be it.

Sabrielle

Just wanted to thank everyone for the advice. Tomorrow (as obviously over the weekend could not) I am contacting mediation and also a solicitor. My grandad is going to help me with the costs as even if I didn't pay bills I would not have enough money at the moment as my soon to be ex husband has left me pretty financially wiped out..

Hotscot

Far better to use the holiday money for a solicitor since the legal situation, I would assume, is a higher priority.

Sabrielle

There is no holiday money I was going to be saving in jan and of course the legal situation is top priority! I was really typing as I was thinking as I haven't slept much. But yes I agree. This is what I need to sort first.

sir_eccles

Probably doesn't really need to be pointed out but don't forget that what your ex did to your finances is also evidence. If you can document it even better.

Pulaski

Agreed, and the circumstances as to how he came to abandon you, ..... indicates unstable/ unreliable personality, unsuited to care for a child, even on a temporary basis!

Michael

Although you may never see the money, you should also file for a child support order. In the US, if there is a child support order, someone is a "deadbeat dad", and the spouse is eligible for welfare, the state will pay part of the child support and pursue the deadbeat dad for repayment to the state and assist in collecting the full support.

Although you aren't living in the US and he is probably broke, the UK has a treaty with most if not all states to collect child support for a UK partner. In the future, the state will try to collect back child support if he is earning enough money. Usually the state won't let him register a car and possibly not renew his driver's license unless he clears up the child support arrears and in rare cases, put him in jail if they think he is hiding the money. If he's working, they may possibly garnish part of his income.

By filing for child support, the UK government may possibly also give you greater financial assistance.

From everything I can see he has not taken on his financial responsibility for the child, hasn't had contact for three years, and therefore the judge should give him very little credibility about what he wants especially since you are in jurisdiction and he is out of jurisdiction. The only real leverage that he would have is if you wanted to leave jurisdiction and he wanted to remain in jurisdiction but that's not the case.