Question for fellow Expats
 

Hello everyone,

I used to frequent these forums about ten years ago while navigating the complex marriage-based visa process. A lot of water has passed under the bridge since then, and I don't even remember my old username and password despite a few brief searches of my email account and the forum itself. I do recognize a few usernames though, many of whom helped me back then, and I'm glad the community is alive and well.

I have a concern and was curious if anyone else has experienced this or if it is all purely in my head. Back when I first made the switch to the US around 2002, I remember telling people - family, friends, neighbours, co-workers, etc - about my move to Colorado. I know this makes me sound very shallow and immature, so please flame away, but I have to admit that I enjoyed the praise and "Ooh you lucky bugger" responses I would get.

People were genuinely pleased and excited about me moving to the States, and even a little envious in a good natured way. There was talk of the the better weather, the cheaper cost of living, the nice people, the sights and sounds and the general "larger than life" culture of the USA. I remember at the time also being happy and grateful to be leaving behind England, a place that seemed to revolve about football, pubs and dreary weather. I was glad to leave a place of chavs, council estates and Eastenders.

However, I don't know if it's just me and my circle, but I've found that over the course of the ten years, the attitudes have changed. The USA and the UK have switched places.

Now when I tell people back home that I live in America, I'm met with pity and confusion. "Why would you want to move there? They're all gun-nuts, racists and homophobes!" "Everything is about profit over there, isn't everything you buy just cheap crap?" "How do you deal with those arrogant Americans everyday?"

In return, England now seems to be thriving. What I remember being the traditional British cynicism has been replaced by genuine pride and happiness about the country. Everyone seems to be thriving - even people on the dole are not without brand new phones and cars. Everything from the Olympics to new developments have transformed the city.

I paid a visit to Liverpool last year and couldn't believe my eyes. What I recalled being a city center filled with a few shops and pubs is now a booming, thriving London/New York/Tokyo style town filled with bistros, coffee shops, international restaurants, not to mention all the festivals and concerts regularly booming in Liverpool.

In contrast, I feel that the businesses around my home in Colorado are struggling.

So I will admit that YES I did enjoy the ego-boost of having people telling me how jealous they were that I was moving onwards and upwards to the beautiful, fun and exciting USA. And now a decade later, I'm pitied for living in an ugly, plastic, McCountry with a struggling economy and shallow people. I'm beginning to think like I've made a mistake and want to go home - despite making many wonderful friendships here and some roots. Life does seem harder here sometimes and I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.

Anyone have any insights or feedback to cheer me up? Has the US worsened while the UK has improved? Are the perceptions accurate?

Re: Question for fellow Expats
 

No. I think you're right.

However, if your life is good here it shouldn't matter too much what British people are saying.

Re: Question for fellow Expats
 

I think that it what is feeding into my anxiety, to be honest. I feel like I have a "better job" and "more income" than some of my friends and family members back home, and yet when it's all said and done, I'm really not all that better off than they are. Except I'm worse off because I'm without the family and mates.

I talked to a pal who was coming over to Houston for two weeks as he worked for BP, and he was met with nothing but snide jokes. "Make sure you speak slowly mate, they're not too bright over there!" and "They do my head in them Yanks, hope the two weeks goes by fast!"

Times have changed! I remember when the neighbour down the road was going on holiday to Florida in the 80s and we all felt like he was taking a trip to the revered promised land. These days it's receive as though he were being sent to Beirut.

I seldom hear of any Brits choosing to take a holiday over here unless it's a weekend in New York. I've even had mates say "I'd love to come out and see you this year, but I'd rather put my money and holidays towards somewhere nicer like Spain to be honest."

I know we Brits have always poked good natured elbows at our American counterparts about their loudness and fatness, etc, but I can't help but think that the opinions have all become much more mean and cut-throat in recent years.

Re: Question for fellow Expats
 

I think you're overreacting to be honest. Last time I went back, people were not rude about Americans. I do think the USA has slipped behind other countries in so many ways, however it would be somewhat foolish to live here just to show off to your mates :confused:

Re: Question for fellow Expats
 

I have just moved to Michigan with my family from Northern England.

I don't agree. The cost of living is much better here if you shop savvy for groceries. Fuel is much much cheaper here, even with bigger engines and further to drive.
Northern England is stuck in a rut, yes new restaurants are opening up, but we didn't have the funds to enjoy them! Council cuts were hitting hard, with bin collections getting further and further apart. We lived in a lovely village that always had beautiful flowers by the side of the roads, last year they didn't even bother to cut the grass on the playing field!

Maybe I'm just new and the grass is still green, but I don't regret our decision to move

Re: Question for fellow Expats
 

I've lived here for 16 years and find it much more expensive than where I used to live in Cheshire. We could live in the UK on a lot less than we do here for sure.

Re: Question for fellow Expats
 

Oh not, that certainly wasn't my reason for moving over here. Not at all. It was just a nice little bonus to be "upgrading". I've found that as other friends have also become expats and moved to places like Australia, Dubai and Spain that the reverence and respect is there, but it no longer seems to apply to the US.

My mum, bless her heart, lives on a council estate in Manchester and just recently her entire street has been transformed by some council plan. The exteriors of the houses were all redecorated and painted, they all got brand new fitted kitchens, wooden floors, new double glazed windows, backdoors, new fencing, paved front yards, etc. I'm certainly not begrudging my mother or my old neighbors from getting those things, all the best to them. Good to see the tax dollars going to good use. But as a working, tax paying person in America, it would cost me well into the tens of thousands to make those types of modifications to my home, and yet the non-workers back home got them all for free!

Maybe it's media bias too. I noticed watching the Olympics and the recent Hillsborough exposure just how much genuine British pride there was - how much warmth and community. That WW2 spirit lives on.

And yet here, especially as the election closes in, it seems the hate, paranoia, homophobia, haves and have nots, Obamacare, gay marriage etc is just one headache after another.

I do truly love my life here and I know the benefits I'm ejoying, but sometimes I wonder if I'm just merely convincing myself that I live in a better place when really, I would've been better off staying in Blighty!

Re: Question for fellow Expats
 

Depends how you define a "better place" and "better off". My friends thought I had gone insane when I told them I was leaving the Cayman Islands, great job, tax free income, lots of friends and moving to a country that they "trash" all the time.. Was the US "better" than Cayman - I never thought of it like that..

If you are happy - you are happy.. the grass will always be greener, paths not taken and all that stuff etc.. Sounds like you are getting home sick?

Re: Question for fellow Expats
 

I arrived around the same time as you (late 2001) and I couldn't DISagree with you more, and it sounds like you have a case of late onset homesickness. I agree that things could be better here, but everything I hear about the UK is that it is the same, or worse.

The British economy is back in recession, and I fear that the Olympic - Jubilee buzz is going to wear off before the economy picks up.

Every time my mother visits she says how glad she is that we "got out", and how depressing life is there.

I guess a lot depends on your personal situation - we have been blessed with a beautiful, smart daughter who has just started school and who constantly surprises and entertains is. I held onto my job, one that I enjoy enormously, and we have our own business that has grown steadily and is on the point of adding usefully to our income. Could things be better? Sure, ..... would they be better if we were back in the UK? I don't see how they could be, at least not for us.

BTW Orlando was still awash with Brits when I was there in August!

Re: Question for fellow Expats
 

Honestly, maybe that's all it is. It's that time of year isn't it? The dark nights are drawing in earlier, and it brings back all those fond memories of ducking into a warm pub for a quick pint on the way home, dash into the chippy and home in time for Trevor McDonald. Halloween, Bonfire Night, Christmas, etc.

I am going home for 2 weeks for Xmas though which I'm very excited about. I think overall maybe I underestimated and overestimated certain things when I moved. I overestimated the value of the material things. I'm certainly well better off in terms of the big house, two cars, big yard, eating out at restaurants frequently (all the same old things us Ex-pats say we enjoy and could never get at home). But I think I underestimated the value of family, old mates, family occasions, neighbours and just that intangible side of British life that you can't really describe but you just feel and miss.

Re: Question for fellow Expats
 

You really shouldn't worry about what people think, as long as you are happy. At the end of the day, that's all that matters.

The UK has its own problems, to be sure. While the Olympics were a success, and the economy has staggered out of recession...The UK's medium and long term economic prospects are actually quite poor. It doesn't have the coming energy boom or young demographics America has. It won't grow like Asia will. It is located close to Europe, which is more of a curse than a blessing. The Sun had this poll in April...and you will notice America finished second in the "Which country would you like to emigrate to?" poll:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...un-survey.html

Re: Question for fellow Expats
 

If you want to live in a country where people receive many £000's of "free" home improvements at the expense of the taxpayer and where "even those on the dole are not without brand new phones and cars", then I believe you may be living in the wrong country. :unsure:

Re: Question for fellow Expats
 

Well in context, I just meant that when I initially thought that moving over here that it would be a step up. In reality sometimes I feel like I work those long hours and get very little time off just to keep up with the same standard as some of the non-workers back home. We both get to the same destination, only they take a leisurely stroll and I'm running, sweating and gasping for breath to get there too.

It's a sad statement but from what I've seen with my own eyes, in a lot of cases there really isn't that much of a difference in quality of life and disposable income between sections of the American middle class and the UK working class.

In some ways, and again I'm not speaking for everyone and these are only my personal opinions and experiences, but I feel like where I live is 1970's England. While Blighty has moved on past the racism, homophobia, street violence, and people living in awful poverty, it seems America is slipping into it. Manchester and Liverpool are booming with all kinds of multibillion pound developments in luxury apartment complexes, new stadiums and arenas, etc.

When I think of the North I left, I think of this:

http://cdn.c.photoshelter.com/img-ge...re-1981-78.jpg

When I go back home now, I see this:

http://www.amfiresystems.co.uk/image..._image3-17.jpg

So yes, lol, I do feel like I shafted myself. Especially because when it's all said and done, my most common mental picture of America and the thing I seem to see the most is this:

http://www.ericgarland.co/wp-content...strip-mall.jpg

I probably just did it all wrong! :unsure:

Re: Question for fellow Expats
 

That says more about the ignorance of the Brits than anything else.

Re: Question for fellow Expats
 

I've really noticed the upgrades back in England. Meanwhile the local schools here in Calabasas seem to be fighting for their existence in a way which feels like back to the Thatcher years. No money is 'saved' here because it gets wasted on things like a bloated military.