scrubbedexpat099

In CO and I assume elsewhere first you see if the parties can agree, if not the Court requires mediation, if that fails the Judge will decide.

Lots of disclosure.

More likely coffee than tea I would have thought.

Your comments imply that the Husband could do a lot more but is not, not sure how you come to that conclusion.

petitefrancaise

Your first point.... the parties agree. There you go with a pre/post nup. Sorted.
Mediation - cheaper than lawyers but not that much
Disclosure..... do you know how much that costs? A friend's legal bill was $5k each time his wife's lawyer sent a disclosure request to his lawyer and they complied because that's how disclosure works, at least in Texas. Disclosure has to go through lawyers.
Going to court. Yes, well that's the most expensive and least certain way to go.

I think a nice little agreement written up beforehand looks good.

scrubbedexpat099

Disclosure is part of a pre post nup. And obviously if Children are involved it gets complicated.

Mediation involves your lawyer, Mediator is about $100 an hour I think so it depends.

$5k? At say $300 an hour sounds like there was a lot involved, I am sure complicated finances could rack up the hours but not normal.

Court and its preparation is where the bigs buck can accumulate. Something to bear in mind in Mediation.

petitefrancaise

Boiler, I think this has been a really good discussion. My point in posting was to bring awareness to people of something that can happen and to maybe think about it.

I have been an ex-pat for 14 years now and seen ex-pat marriages go under. All your assumptions about divorce can be based on what you know from your home country (and actually the UK divorce law is pretty fair) and you may be in for an unpleasant surprise.

The Hague Convention is probably something we've all heard about but in relation to kids being taken back to third world countries from the UK/Europe. Would you have any idea that it would apply to you?

A sticky I think...

Jerseygirl

Not a sticky but feel free to put an entry in the BE Wiki.

petitefrancaise

Yes. I'll work on it. JG.

Jerseygirl

Thank you.

zzrmark

This is a bone of contention for me.

Florida is a 'no-fault' state, 50/50 assets, time with kids, etc.

My wife came out of her divorce with all but nothing, despite the state rules. Her ex-husband was supposed to be paying $800 a month child support, look after the kids 50% of the time, he was supposed to have refinanced the house to remove her liabilities and met other terms of the agreed divorce.

She hasn't seen a penny in child support, the kids live with us full time and will not see their father (their decision, not ours), not only was the house not refinanced but my wife signed a quit-claim at the time of the divorce which means she is still liable for all debts on the property if he defaults but she has no claim whatsoever on the property.
On a positive note this was my first year filing taxes in the US and I encouraged her most strongly to claim tax relief for the eligible child - until this year her ex-husband had claimed for the child despite not living with him.

In short, it doesn't matter what provisions are in place, either by mutual agreement, state laws or pre-nups, if one party decides to be an ass the only recourse is the courts, which costs money and then repeating the process ad infinitum when the ass doesn't cough up. My view was that she should have borne the costs of representation and kicked his butt through the courts (again, bearing in mind a judgement has already been ignored) because she would have come out the other side far better suited to financially supporting two grown children. (How long are the blighters entitled to hang around nowadays anyway? Whatever happened to the good old days when children wanted to leave home at 17???)

petitefrancaise

I've written the text, tried to create the wiki page and add the text to it - edited it etc but I keep getting an error message when I try to save. Any one able to offer help on creating the wiki page?

Dorothy

What if $400 is all he can afford?. I don't think any of us know his financial situation.

scrubbedexpat091

A lawywers. Wish I had one in the last divorce.


Why do people pay so much for lawyers, do they own so much stuff they are better off paying a lawyer 60k?

Ill just let my wife keep everything, well I want the dog.

Dorothy

People pay lawyers when there is property or children involved. If one or both try to hide assets. Or if the parties cannot come to an agreement on their own. Or if there is a chance of violence or intimidating behavior. Ir if they simply cannot be in the same room as each other. Or they don't live in the same city/state/country. Lots of reasons to use a lawyer.

petitefrancaise

I was especially sad about the cost for my neighbours. It was all down to anger.
I used to think that the french divorce process was awful just because of the length of time everything took. 3 months from asking for separation to the initial hearing and granting of separation, then the spouse moves out and then mandatory mediation, then about another 2 yrs before the divorce is granted. And that's if both parties are in agreement about divorce. 6 years of separation if they aren't. However, what it does is gives time for the initial anger to die down and acceptance to arrive. Plenty of time to organise lives, get jobs if needed before the final hearing.

Here, everyone is hurt and angry and trying to negotiate at the same time. Nightmare, No wonder the lawyers do so well out of it all.

mrken30

My old state was a community property state so technically everything went into joint names, including my stock options. The state I live in now is undecided, I believe.

scrubbedexpat091

Lots of reasons if your rich. I was commenting from a poor persons perspective where your SOL as a lawyer would not be something one could afford.

Hence why I said I wish I could have afforded one.

Those who cant lose.