Dekka's Angel

This varies by ethnicity in America.

African-American conversation amongst ourselves is heavily interspersed with "overlappings" -- what most majoritarian folks would call "not letting you finish" or "interruption". The listener is so engaged in hearing the speaker that the listener has actually gotten *ahead* of the speaker, thought wise. This leads to the listener finishing the thought for the speaker (and usually correctly), or moving on to the next logical thought. Rarely is it a true "interruption" linguistically (i.e. shifting from the speaker's subject and idea to a new one).

This is actually something that I had to struggle with a great deal (and candidly still do, especially when I'm animated or excited about a conversation) when I left my homebase and went "out into the world" because in the outside world it is seen as rude. But is actually evidence of quite the opposite! Suffice it to say it has been a major challenge in my multi-cultural households each time and it has involved a compromise and practice. This is sadly the way things are when "my way" is not the "majority way".

There are some wonderful books about communication styles that helped me understand and helped me explain to others that I cared about that rudeness and dismisssal was the *last* thing they should assume when this happened, which also helped me not making me feel bad or rude about something that is normal and positive in the community and culture in which I was raised. Check out books by Deborah Tannen on the subject, or if you can find it a really good book from the late 1970's called "Rapping and Styling Out" which was written about communication styles in urban African American communities.

Ranjini

Now that's really funny But on the whole, I don't believe anyone really cares unless you were tearing at your food with your bare hands and creating a mess. You know, food all over your face and all over the table and floor etc.
Americans are pretty laisser faire about most things. Not surprising when you think about the many different cultures that form the fabric of this great nation.
As for myself, I've never really noticed. I've noticed Ken use only the fork in the right hand when the food did not need to be cut up. Like pasta for instance. But for the most part, he eats like I do. Cutting his meat with the knife in the right hand and fork in the left.
I've been raised to eat the European way. Which isn't surprising either. Considering that the British, Dutch and Portuguese colonised my country for centuries.

Pimpbot

I've had this problem with Tiff also. I always have to sit on one side of her when eating in a restuarant, due to my use of elbows lol. I havent got time to keep dropping my knife and switching hands with the fork. My food would get cold!

Caro

A friend of mine had his parents visit him from France. He took them to a bagel place for lunch, and they asked for a knife and fork!!! That got them a few stares

Caroline

Patrick

Hi Dekka's Angel.
you have summed up a conversation in Ireland very well,,, it is very
similar to why you said, if someone is not commenting on what is been said
as you say it, then you can feel your conversation is not interesting to
anyone, is a big culture thing for myself, one I never thought would be a
problem but has been on several occassions.
Patrick
"Dekka's Angel" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > Originally posted by Patrick
    > > The biggest eticate problem I have had since coming to US has been
    > > conversations, in Oreland a conversation is very fluid with
    > > interjections
    > > from everyone at moments that the conversation reminds them of
    > > something
    > > they want to add. Here in US it seems Americans like to finish
    > > their WHOLE
    > > dialogue before ANY comment gets made, for me this is a constant
    > > problem, my
    > > fiancee to be is always on me for this habit and it is very hard to
    > > shake
    > This varies by ethnicity in America.
    > African-American conversation amongst ourselves is heavily interspersed
    > with "overlappings" -- what most majoritarian folks would call "not
    > letting you finish" or "interruption". The listener is so engaged in
    > hearing the speaker that the listener has actually gotten *ahead* of the
    > speaker, thought wise. This leads to the listener finishing the thought
    > for the speaker (and usually correctly), or moving on to the next
    > logical thought. Rarely is it a true "interruption" linguistically
    > (i.e. shifting from the speaker's subject and idea to a new one).
    > This is actually something that I had to struggle with a great deal (and
    > candidly still do, especially when I'm animated or excited about a
    > conversation) when I left my homebase and went "out into the world"
    > because in the outside world it is seen as rude. But is actually
    > evidence of quite the opposite! Suffice it to say it has been a major
    > challenge in my multi-cultural households each time and it has involved
    > a compromise and practice. This is sadly the way things are when "my
    > way" is not the "majority way".
    > There are some wonderful books about communication styles that helped me
    > understand and helped me explain to others that I cared about that
    > rudeness and dismisssal was the *last* thing they should assume when
    > this happened, which also helped me not making me feel bad or rude about
    > something that is normal and positive in the community and culture in
    > which I was raised. Check out books by Deborah Tannen on the subject,
    > or if you can find it a really good book from the late 1970's called
    > "Rapping and Styling Out" which was written about communication styles
    > in urban African American communities.
    > --
    > Dekka's Angel
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com

mikkitango

This is all very interesting!! Personally, I never notice anyone's use of utensils or which hands, etc., unless, as someone else has mentioned, they are being very loud and/or very messy. Thinking of this, I don't think I was specifically "taught" to use any particular style. I'm right-handed myself and am very awkward doing most things with my left. I have always cut all my food first (maybe some would consider this odd?), then put down my knife (propped against my plate or a saucer or whatever, yes), transferred my fork to my right hand, and eaten with the right (no transferring back and forth needed) - that is what is comfortable for me. I've never had anyone comment on it, nor have I noticed if it is unusual compared to others..... We're always learning new things in this process!

Mikki

Ranjini

Oh I was taught. By my parents and in my very British-style boarding school. Etiquette especially at table was considered very important. Especially when our British missionary headmistress presided over dinner on Thursdays. Oh boy, I was raised to be nice little English lady in my all-girl boarding school. Rather strange when you think about it. Little brown English ladies. Lol

Alex

I would just think you are left handed.

Alex

desusa wrote:
    > After just getting home from an invitation to dinner, I am curious about
    > the topic of table etiquette. As you know, the American use of a knife
    > and fork is different to the European/Continental style. Raised in
    > Australia it is correct etiquette to take your food from your plate to
    > your mouth keeping the fork in the left hand.
    >
    > Everyone but me at the table tonight cut their food, and swapped their
    > fork to the right hand to take it to their mouth in the traditional
    > American style. Trying this method, I feel I am constantly picking up
    > and putting down my cutlery, and it just feels clumsy and wrong (but
    > looks fine when everyone else does it!). I would hate to think an
    > American who is unaware of this difference would assume I have never
    > learnt to use my cutlery in the correct manner! And anyone at the table
    > who was curious might not ask in case they were pointing out a lack of
    > table manners, so I may never get the chance to explain the difference!
    > I can just imagine people going home and saying to the husband "She's a
    > nice girl but did you see how she eats? She just can't wait to get the
    > food from her plate to her mouth!!"
    > Is this difference common knowledge to Americans??
    >
    > Have any of you foreigners who are used to the European style thought
    > about this, and what do you Americans think of us sticking with it? I
    > like the way I was taught, but at the same time I don't want to look
    > ill mannered!
    >
    > --
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com

Khadija

When my husband and I went on our honeymoon to Johannesburg, he asked me about table etiquette "in the West". He's Egyptian (as folks here probably know by now) so a fork and knife are not common utensils.

When we eat at home we use our hands for everything except rice or macaroni for which we use large spoons (Noorah's right - no left hands allowed and no shoes on the feet - not even slippers).

Since he worked in a hotel, he'd become familiar with both the American way of "switching" and the European way of holding the knife and fork in your hands while eating. I told him both are OK and to use which ever felt most comfortable to him. He tends to use the European method. I, too, must confess to favoring this method after all my travels. It's certainly more efficient.

PK

janousek

Think American - Assume you are 'Lefty' when you dine with Americans

ukemigrant

Well I guess I just don't move in your social circles. I've never once worried about what other people think about how I eat. I wish I had your problems....

Sam.

Rete

You see it all the time here in the States and I dislike it intensely. The male species who insist on wearing baseball caps INSIDE.

My oldest daughter when she was in her 20's had a bf who did this all the time and his excuse was he was having a bad hair day. One Sunday when we were about to sit down for dinner he was about to take a seat and he was still wearing his baseball cap. I politely asked him to remove it at the dinner table. He refused. I very politely, but sternly, told him in no uncertain terms, that he was not welcome to eat at my dinner table with a cap on. He left the house instead of complying with my house rules. I was ever so happy, secretly of course, when the romance went the way of the trash.

desusa

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Rete
You see it all the time here in the States and I dislike it intensely. The male species who insist on wearing baseball caps INSIDE.




I can't believe he refused to take the cap off at your dinner table! Very strange behavior. Maybe he had terrible dandruff!
Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George's Dad remembers how he was kicked out for refusing to remove his shoes in his Korean girlfriend's parents home. A foot odor problem being the root cause.

desusa

Thanks everyone for your responses. It makes an interesting topic reading the different opinions of the posters.
I guess the consensus was to stick with what I know. That's good and was pretty much what I wanted to hear. I have been here awhile but never thought about it before. I am usually among friends who I feel comfortable around but in a more formal setting I was curious.

And tonight? My husband took me to 'Sonny's Real Pit BBQ' where I dined on a full slab of marinated ribs.
Fingers were the utensils, and contrary to the advice of 'As long as you're not tearing at the food with your teeth'...

well...I'll say no more!

Ranjini

Lol I know what you mean. This is a fun country. Pretty much anything goes. I would have imagined it was the same in Australia??
My sister and brother-in-law own a house on the Goldcoast and spend the Australian fall months of the year over there. They just love the relaxed life-style in Oz...