JohnCindy

This afternoon I sent my loving husband out into the cold world on his first job interview! Driving by himself far distance, city traffic instead of suburb traffic, etc. I felt like I did when I sent my children off on their first day of school. Has anyone else felt this way?

hmiller

I know exactly how you feel!

My husband started his new job yesterday and on the drive there I caught myself telling him all the do's and don'ts of his first day. I was also checking out his new clothes to make sure he got all the tags off, hair combed, etc. He stopped me by saying, "Sweetie, you know I have had a job before..." I felt so terrible!

I think I was just excited that he finally actually got an interview and that it resulted in employment. It was just like sending my daughter to her first day of kindergarten lol

H.

Hypertweeky

How funny!!

Noorah101

LOL, that's cute. Can't relate to that, since my man isn't here yet, but when discussing the issue with him recently, I mentioned that I hope he doesn't get bored waiting at home when I'm at work. His answer? "Oh, no! I'm going to be out every day from morning till night, walking around, learning English, looking into building a business, meeting everyone, spending time with your parents....don't worry about me, I have LOTS to do!" I guess I don't have to worry about HIM going off into the big wide world!! LOL

CharlieS

Rene,

Good for him.

I think thats exactly the way you need to be when first moving to a new country.
I'm lucky, I already have a job to go to but when I originally went stateside a few years back I spent all my time out and about learning the new cutlure. It was a little daunting at first but I also thoroughly enjoyed myself and felt at home so much sooner than I expected.


Char

JohnCindy

I know how fustrating it is awaiting the EAD but looking back on it...... he needed these last 5 months learning to drive on the right side, finding his feet, getting comfortable in our home together, blending cultures, cooking new ways and teaching me his ways, and like you said....... meeting people. He said he felt like a tree being uprooted and being planted in new soil branching out and finding his way. Nice way of thinking of it. A transplant lol
Cindy

Mrtravel

JohnCindy wrote:

    > This afternoon I sent my loving husband out into the cold world on
    > his first job interview! Driving by himself far distance, city
    > traffic instead of suburb traffic, etc. I felt like I did when I
    > sent my children off on their first day of school. Has anyone else
    > felt this way?


Reminds me of sending my wife off to school "over the hill" (Santa Cruz
Mountains). She will finish her MA in TESOL from San Jose State in May.
She takes the bus 2 days a week and drives the other 2.

Pallyn

Philadelphia issued my husband a 90-day EAD on a walk-in basis when he came, and he found a job within a month. He caught a ride from a neighbor to this first job and rode his bike to the next few, so I really didn't have any problems then. It is the driving that really sent me round the fear bend. All the parents involved have decided that I will have nothing to do with teaching any of the children to drive.
I would have been nice to have had a period of forced unemployemnt at first. He had a spell later on, and we got to play catch up on a lot of things.

Michael D. Young

JohnCindy wrote:

    > This afternoon I sent my loving husband out into the cold world on
    > his first job interview! Driving by himself far distance, city
    > traffic instead of suburb traffic, etc. I felt like I did when I
    > sent my children off on their first day of school. Has anyone else
    > felt this way?

Hi All,


Since, my wife got a part time teacher's aid job at our daughter's
school. I did send mine off to school. LOL


Take care,


Mike

HunterGreen

Oooohh this is a pet peeve of mine. Being the alien in our future US based family, these comments always annoy me soooo much! It makes me feel like people in the US think all people that grew up outside the US are helpless idiots who need their hands held at all times, because they are not used to far distances and city traffic. There are far distances and city traffic outside the US too, you know.
I know that's a huge generalization on my part and I don't mean it as harsh as it undoubtedly sounds! And I definitely don't mean any bad towards JohnCindy, because I do understand what you mean, and it did make me grin.
I just get peeved when I get the feeling that people think of me (or anyone in a different country) as a 'helpless person in the big world'. I've been to far more places on this planet (the REAL big world) than my US boyfriend and a lot of the people there, and I can tell you a list of traffic situations in the US that they freak out over where I don't even bat an eye. *grumble* lol Sorry, like I said, pet peeve. Do you think I need to let it go?

But, now I'm curious how the job interview went. Hope he got the job, JohnCindy!

Elaine

Pallyn

In my case, the husband didn't deal with traffic and far distances at home, nor did he have to deal with some of the race issues we face here. Just last week he got turned up against the wall of the mart when he went for cigarettes because someoe fitting his description has been robbing people. Now, the beat cops know himenough that they just ask him to turn around, determine who he is and say good day. This officer was from a different area of the city, and did not let him go till they checked with one of our neighborhood officers. Part of the terrain, but not something he had ever dealt with. I have lived in Europe and grew up in a bigger city that we currently live in, but he had never lived in a town with paved roads. He will still not drive in my city of origin. I am sure there are couples where the alien is more at ease in the world at large than the citizen, though.

Leslie

Hunter,

Your post cracked me up. I used to obsess over all these things ........ how I'll have to teach him this or that. One day I was talking to my mother about how difficult his adjustment would be and blah, blah, blah. She looked at me and said ............. "You're talking about him like he's a helpless child. I'm sure he's much more resourceful than you are and you've managed to survive somehow." Ouch, but true.

Anyway, I think the OP is just talking about love, loyalty, and protectiveness. I think I'll still worry about my husband, but I am definitely going to stay out of his face unless he asks for my help with something.

Leslie

lpdiver

Trinity

I totally know what you mean! My husband doesnt have a job yet, but he's looking. Its taken about eight months for him to settle in here in the US and feel comfortable enough to venture out alone. Sending him out on his own makes me feel proud that he's confident enough to make it!

Its not me thinking he's helpless in his new culture and that I have to lead him by the hand (seemingly Elaine's pet peeve). I know that driving and everyday culture are obstacles that he's working to become more comfortable with. He himself is often afraid to leave the safety of home and venture out on his own! So when he does, it IS like sending a child out.

He had a license for only three years before leaving the UK, then had to learn to drive on the opposite side of the street on the opposite side of the car. He's used to living on an island with only two big motorways, and now has to negotiate a far bigger place. Negotiating eight lane highways and ten lane intersections when you're not used to them is overwhelming even to Americans that have driven for years and are not used to it.

When he leaves the house, that he is very concerned that the people he deals with wont understand him or that he wont understand what they are telling him. There are lots of little nuances of day to day culture and language that we take for granted. When he does go out, he often comes back and says, so and so said this and I said this, was that right? (For example, he picked up something that was being fixed for a friend that had given him the exact amount. When the merchant said, aren't you going to tip? he was very taken aback and explained that it wasnt his, he was just picking it up. Now, the merchant was definitely rude, but he came home and asked if it was normal for people to do this.) Then there is the issue of language. Here in Kansas people often start randomly talking to each other in lines and on the street. When we've been out and people have done this to him, they often dont understand his accent or his choice of words and being from the UK, he speaks English!

He is very intelligent and he is certainly not helpless. Like the rest of us, he just needs to know that he's not making a fool of himself and he'll be able to make it back home okay. I'd do the same thing if I was learning something new.

And Elaine, if the people are rude or demeaning about thinking/ acting like immigrants are helpless, then you have every right to be annoyed. At a restaurant once, my husband was asked if he wanted a certain sauce, to which the person he was with said, No, he doesnt, he's not from here, he's clueless. Now thats rude! That would make me angry. But if they're just making sure he knows whats going on and explaining something he would be wondering anyway in a helpful and protective way, then I see that as okay. I think you're right to continue to correct anyone thats being demeaning to immigrants! I dont think the original post was meaning to be that at all. I love watching my husband grow into his new culture and someday he's have to watch me grow into his when we move back.

HunterGreen

I agree with you! I don't think so either (and I tried my best to get that across in my post). If I turn it the other way around - my USC man over here (Netherlands) in traffic... I could have written JohnCindy's post!
But you hit the nail on the head with your example about the restaurant - that's exactly what I keep running into in my boyfriend's hometown, with his extended family, even. Heck, they have all but asked me if we have running water here . I think they need to get out more.
That's their only quirk though, really, and apart from it they are wonderful, welcoming people and we get along just fine. And my boyfriend is on my side... that helps too, LOL!
So I understand the original poster all too well, and at the same time the topic struck a nerve. That fine line is so easily crossed...

Also, Trinity, I think people from the UK might even be in a worse position than immigrants from non-English speaking countries. The UK people are expected to speak English, and indeed those nuances get taken for granted. Whereas non-English speakers get cut a lot more slack, language wise.
That makes me think of the times when someone in the US would say something to me and I wouldn't hear them (like their words would be drowned out by something) and I asked them 'what did you say?'.... and they'd go starting explaining themselves (usually rather lengthy ) and all I needed was for them to repeat what they said... LOL.

Elaine