Which one?
 

Hi all,

A short survey please....

When moving back to England, do you think it's best to a) move somewhere totally new and start again or b) move back to the town you came from?

I am torn beacuse I think moving back to where you came from would not be good in some ways. You left for a reason in the first place and if you went back there, would you want to leave again?
On the plus side, all of my friends are there or around there and so I wouldn't have the worry of meeting new people and really I want to move back to see my friends more. Also the kids would settle easier having friends they could just pick up with as they have been in contact and seen them on visits back.
The place we left wasn't too bad but it is very built up and there is alot of traffic.

My dream is to live further out of London, but still commuteable for work, in the Countryside with lovely walks for my dog. Again though, this means more expensive house so you really have to weigh it up.

Has anyone gone back to where they left? How did you feel?
Or, has anyone started new again and found it hard to make new friends all over?

I'm confused...can you tell? lol

Re: Which one?
 

I think that it totally depends on the reason that you left.

If you left the area and country as you wanted to simply try something different then there is nothing to say that the area you left wouldn't still suit.

If you left though as you fundamentally didn't like aspects about it, then they will come back when you are there.
I guess the question is more, what are you more prepared to compromise on. You can't leave an area or country and try and make a new life without having changed or grown yourself. So it may be that the thing that used to annoy you every day is actually something that you can now put up with and live with.

Sorry - that is a bit of a confusing ramble.


In our case, we left UK as we are a mixed marriage. Time to try the other side of the world for a period of time. There was nothing specifically in the UK that we wanted to escape. Love the area that we lived in, but an opportunity came up to come back to NZ for a while, since then of course there has been the GFC and we have become a little bit stuck here.:eek:

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Thanks for your reply Ble.:)
We didn't hate where we came from, it was just a bit overcrowded, but quite community spirited at the same time.

I just see these pictures on Rightmove etc with houses backing onto open countryside and it looks so lovely :wub:

I think that will be a dream to fulfill later on in life though. The main thing is to have the kids settled back quick with people they know and love and for us also.

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We ended up in a new area because I'm used to big corps now and pretty much knew we'd end up in the sth east. If were just me and I could swing it job wise, I'd like to live in Somerset again. But where we are suits us more as a couple.

With the job situation, not sure if you can make any hard and fast rules to be honest.

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You're right, you have to go where the work is or within am easy commute to.

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Well we live about 15mins from Guildford and can see the canal and meadows and cows from the window. We don't commute to London but plenty do, it's about 45mins. So it's do-able but thrain pretty expensive I think. But the area is very family friendly.

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We wanted a totally new place, so we are going home to Dorset.

Originally having been from SW london.

My family are helping us get on our feet there.

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Lorry1 if I ever moved back I would not choose to live in my hometown of Preston. Alot of my friends live there but I want something different.

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We originally moved back to where we had come from (Lincolnshire), but have since moved down to the South Coast. Much better public transport here, and also the weather is a lot better.

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Thanks everyone. My inital thoughts from way back were to move to a brand new place and start over.
Hubby recently came round to the idea and agreed we could move back. (He did this very begrudgingly as he really doesn't want to go, he loves it here!).
He originally said he would never move back to Berkshire as it's so overcrowded and he hated that. But, now he has agreed to return, he said Berkshire may be the easier option for commuting to London...so now I'm all confused :confused: :lol:
Now I am thinking we should go back there for easier transition for us and the kids and am too scared to start again elsewhere as I won't know anyone.

Hope that all makes sense. I feel like I'm not as my confusion is coming through lol

Re: Which one?
 

Hi Lorry1 unless you absolutely hated the place you moved from then going back there would probably be the best option initially to aide settling back in. We came to Canada to try something different, we prefer the UK, still love our place back home and shall be going back within 12 months. Same village, same area as its our home and where we belong as a family. No regrets.

Re: Which one?
 

Unless you have a good reason for moving to a new place, I would stay where you are.

Amongst the reasons to move I would include:
-You hated the place which you left
-You don't have a network of friends there/you have friends or relatives elsewhere
-There is somewhere else specific you know you would prefer and be able to settle into well
-There is somewhere else where you know your chances of getting a job or the lifestyle you want are greater than where you left
-You thrive on/enjoy moving to new areas and are adaptable enough for it not to be stressful or cause you unhappiness

I am in a similar situation - I have lived in NW since '82, moved overseas in 2001 and want to return to UK soon. I want to move back to the Midlands where I was raised, but think this may provide problems of isolation and I may regret it.

Good luck with your choice

Re: Which one?
 

It entirely depends on your individual circumstances doesn't it? We moved back to the same area as the kids had friends here and we also had a good network of friends here to lean on for support. We knew the schools were good and I suppose the kids were our initial concern.

However some adopt the adage of 'never look back' and would see moving back to the same place as a 'backward' step.

I would go with your gut instinct and what your heart tells you, in my experience it's never normally wrong. Good luck :)

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If I move back it will be for part of the year in retirement. I wouldn't move back to an area I lived in before I left England (and there were several) because I think your expectations would never be met. Places change as do you. I would much rather reevaluate my priorities - for me two biggies are reasonable access to most of the country and an area where there are many hiking opportunities. And I would like the "challenge" of doing something new rather than returning to something "old". Of course, in my scenario I am not going to be constrained by the need for being where I can work.

Re: Which one?
 

Thank you everyone :) I think I know what I want to do...go back to where I came from. I am going back to be with my friends after all and I already know alot of people there.

I will move into my lovely home with a countryside view when hubby retires :lol:

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Lorry,
How do you cope with your husband agreeing to go home "begrudgingly".
I`m in that position, although this move here (USA) was only supposed to be temporary. I cant wait to go back, he wants to stay here.......:eek:
but it`s like pulling teeth to discuss it!

Re: Which one?
 

Hi Jemima,

Um it's really difficult actually and I feel guilty every day knowing that I am making him go back when he wants to stay here so bad.
I have been really depressed for 3 and a half years out of the 4 and a half years we have been here. I have cried and cried and begged to go back.
When we leave, we would have been here 6 years so it's not as if I haven't given it a chance. I have made lots of friends and I have a great job, but I don't know why it's not enough to make me stay. This just isn't home for me and I don't feel like I belong somehow.

The thing is, we weren't unhappy when we lived in England before. We had a good life, lots of friends and a few European holidays each year. I just hope that once we return and settle back in, he will see that he can be happy again and I will be sure to book lots of holidays for him ;)

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You need to tread carefully. I'm in this position with Mrs TB wanting to go back to Oz. My advice is don't push anything. If by 'pulling teeth' you mean he won't discuss when you want to then you'll need to live with that for a while. Try to force it and things are likely to snap.

I doubt there is a more reluctant returnee to Oz than I will be, but I can assure you, until the person has truly reconciled it internally (I've had to twice;)) then it won't be pretty. By reconciled I don't mean he's just agreed to what you're saying as that won't work. Appreciate it was meant to be a temporary situation, but you are where you are and it needs managing, by him, not you.

I've had to search deep inside myself and Mrs TB and her needs float to the top of my thoughts each time. However they do need to float, not get dragged up to the surface. Sorry to say, if he is not willing to look inside himself and work it out, then you'll have more problems than where you live.

Sorry to sound harsh, but I'm speaking from experience (and wish I wasn't;)).

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Thanks Lorry1 and Tr1boy,
There are some wise words there. Tr1boy, you describe the situation very well and give good advice. I can only hope things change over time. Dont they say the move back is more difficult than the move away in the first place?

Re: Which one?
 

Yeah it can be tricky. Our issue has always been that Mrs FP isn't from the UK or Oz originally and her (sound) reasoning is that we met in Oz, and the issue of moving to the UK wasn't on the table from the start as I didn't feel that way back then.

The fine line comes into play when a person needs enough time to work it through for themselves, but not have them use that as an excuse to not think about it or pretend there is no issue.

A suggestion might be to let him know that when he's ready to talk about it then you are ready as well and you're giving him time to gather his thoughts but put set a timeframe around that (1mth, 2 mths etc) whatever is reasonable. If he flatly refuses then that's another story, or he may not be able to reconcile it at all. The important bit is trying to IMO.

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The decisions been made already.We are going back next summer. I`m just sad that he`s not as enthusiastic as I am. I think he sees it totally differently to me. I loved where we came from and though its pleasant here, I see no future, because, as I said it was supposed to be temporary. I`ve also had just about every major life event happen to me in the last four years which hasnt helped. It`s heartening to hear you say, Tr1boy that your wifes needs keep surfacing. I think that is how my hubby is too!

Re: Which one?
 

I'm in the middle of cooking a casserole for Mrs TB when she gets home (i'm a hopeless cook so:fingerscrossed:). But if the decision has been made, then don't hit him over the head with how great it'll be. He'll find his own way in his own time.:)

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Thanks! You`re right, good luck with the casserole.

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Unless I'm missing something, I don't see why you can't get everything you want - wouldn't Berkshire would mean you could commute in to London easily, have stunning countryside around you, and be near the people you love?

I'm guessing you lived in a town before, so it would have felt overcrowded and less 'country', but I'm in Berkshire and am surrounded by fields. I love watching the various animals around us, particularly the deer that visit every morning and the guinea fowl that I find very comical. Nothing within walking distance other than woods and fields, which is perfect for me! And my husband easily commutes in to London every day too.

:)

Re: Which one?
 

Yes I have realised that, when I get excited and say 'this will be great' and 'that will be great,' I get a blank stare or a shrug.
He has said to me that when we move back and settle he will come to terms with it in time.:(

Re: Which one?
 

It's more about starting somewhere brand new...or not :confused:
I have lived in Berkshire, Surrey & Hampshire and wondered about somewhere new to go back to. I think Berkshire is the best bet though as most of our friends are there.

Re: Which one?
 

I'm no sure that basing a decision on where friends are should be a big factor. Maybe a factor but not a big factor. The reality is that like everyone else, friends may very well move themselves.