Just Jenney

I know I haven't been around here for a very long time, but given that some of you old-timers have known me since the days before Mark and I had even met in person, I felt it only right to post an update.

Yesterday Mark and I agreed to end our 8+ year marriage. We had some problems in our relationship, just like every couple has. A lot of it was based on poor communication and misunderstandings on both of our parts. Then he began an emotional affair with a coworker. Instead of cutting all ties with her, their contact actually escalated over the past 8 months, and all the while he was telling me that they were "just friends" and that we were going to be fine.

Well, there is only so much a person can take. I tried counseling but Mark refused to participate, and otherwise he showed no interest in putting our marriage first. And I deserve better.

I'm devastated, to say the least. It's all still very raw and surreal. I feel like my life and the future I had always depended on are now disintegrating right before me, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I always found a lot of support here and I wanted to tell my BE friends, because I know many of you will understand what I'm going through. I had always hoped I'd be posting about a new BE baby, but that wasn't meant to be, I'm afraid. I'm so, so sad.

~ Jenney

britishspouse

so sorry to hear it *hugs*

Hubby And I have been through the 'emotional affair' thing too, so I know its hard. Weve been together 6 years and married for 1.5, and early in our relationship during 3 times I left to come back home he started having 'cyber' communcations, which was harmless online fun i thought, then the last time and old friend of his got in touch and they met up a few times. The I discovered lots of emails between them, and she had sent lots of xxx photo's, then in the last email they both decided to cull communication because they were afraid it was leading to a physical connection. It was freaking hard, and I told hubby he is on his LAST chance, If i find anymore its done.

He tried to tell me he was just lonely after id gone, but I didnt do it, and I missed him too! He also did some counselling for it, and everything kind of worked itself out, but I am terrified it will happen again

I wish you all the best though hun, stay strong

Poppy girl

Very sorry to hear that Jenney I have been on BE since 2001 and remember some of your post's I always thought you were in for the long term, but then again I guess we all did at the time....Hun I know everyone will tell you this but it truly does get better and you will in time meet someone else and put this behind you...not much consolation now when you are in pieces but I have been done that road

Noorah101

Oh Jenney, I'm so sorry to hear your update. I don't even know what to say except one never knows where life's path will lead. PM me if you need anything at all.

Hugs,
Rene

ian-mstm

Very sorry to hear about this, Jenney. My first marriage lasted 11 years before we went our separate ways - but, like you, it all boiled down to a lack of both communication and emotional support... mostly on my part. After 5 years apart and counselling, I managed to move on and met Sheila and the rest is history.

I have no doubt that you'll come out on the other end of this just fine! Meanwhile, take the time to grieve the loss of the relationship, the hopes, the dreams - in the same manner as you'd grieve the loss of any loved one.

Ian

Rete

My heart goes out to you Jenny. I've "known" you and Mark since before your wedding and walked with you through some of the very difficult times you both have encountered in work, finances and apartment searching.

It is not easy being the one left alone. He has his emotional partner to lean on and that will either make or break their developing relationship.

You have a great well of strength Jen. Dig deep to access it and allow yourself time to grieve at the death of your marriage. We are here for you by PM if needed if you don't wish to publicize details of your grief.

Hugs
Rita

Nutmegger

Although we've never been "in the same thread," I remember your posts from before I decided to become a member. I'm so sorry to read your news. I'm one of the "been there, done that" club, and wish you the best in the next stage of your life. Hang tough, you can do it! However dark things may seem right now, you will move on and there will be good things ahead for you.

Bluegrass Lass

Aww, Jenney, I'm sorry to read about your marriage. I think you all were getting your fiance visa about the time we were. While I'm not part of the 'been there, done that' crowd, I can only concur with the rest. Give yourself the time to grieve, and learn to stand on your own again. Some of those cliches are true; what doesn't kill you, can only make stronger. You'll get through this, and in time, maybe learn to love again. <<hugs>>

CAdreaming

sorry to hear your news- sending you supportive thoughts

penguinbar

So sorry Jenny. You've given me and many others such great advice over the years. xx

Sally Redux

Really sorry to hear this, Jenney. Wishing you lots of strength.

N1cky

So sorry Jenney, hope you come through this stronger and happier

nethead

Really sorry Jenney, thinking of you x

Just Jenney

I just wanted to thank everyone for your kind and supportive words. This is just such a difficult thing to go through. Mark and I are still on very friendly terms and are doing our best to cope. He is very remorseful for having hurt me, and feels just as devastated as I do, but unfortunately it's too little, too late.

This is my second marriage to fail, and I'm still in my 30s. I never thought in a million years that this would happen to me again, especially not with Mark. Having gone through a divorce once before doesn't make it easier, because every relationship is different. Still, I know from that other experience that I can -- and will -- get through this and be okay. It's just getting to that point that's going to suck.

~ Jenney

SecretGarden

Hey Jenney,
I check in here every so often and was actually thinking about you awhile back, wondering how things were. I'm really sorry to hear your news. Mr. Pink and I went through a pretty terrible time back in 2007---not related to other people, but down to those issues of expectations and real life pressures. I'm happy to say that we have made it through so far, and coming up on our 8 yr. anniversary in February.

I think the whole international relationship aspect has certainly made our lives harder and neither one of us REALLY understood what it would all mean down the road. I think we also have lived in a bubble of thinking we were above all that, and it turns out we aren't. I don't know if you have gone through that, but your comment of "especially with Mark" made me think you've felt the same things.

Either way, I hope you're doing OK and can hang in there. Sending you positive thoughts from ~SG and Mr. Pink.

~SecretGarden