Negativity that cannot be reversed?
Mar 9th 2008, 11:27 pm
#1
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Thread Starter
Joined: Dec 2007
Location: Back in Montreal, PQ
Posts: 98
Negativity that cannot be reversed?
I have been trying to make a solid effort regarding being less negative about things I cannot change but I am starting to wonder if one can get caught up in a mental state that cannot be changed.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, my dislike for living in the US has increased dramatically the last year, to the point that little things drive me crazy. I have been trying to let these things pass me by but it is not working.
I am starting to wonder of my heart is trying to send me a loud message, that trying to live here is not what i am supposed to do, that it will never make me happy, that I have already tried enough and it is time for me to move on.
Did anyone feel like that before they decided that enough was enough and moved back home?
As I have mentioned in previous posts, my dislike for living in the US has increased dramatically the last year, to the point that little things drive me crazy. I have been trying to let these things pass me by but it is not working.
I am starting to wonder of my heart is trying to send me a loud message, that trying to live here is not what i am supposed to do, that it will never make me happy, that I have already tried enough and it is time for me to move on.
Did anyone feel like that before they decided that enough was enough and moved back home?
Mar 9th 2008, 11:37 pm
#2
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 15,019
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
I have been trying to make a solid effort regarding being less negative about things I cannot change but I am starting to wonder if one can get caught up in a mental state that cannot be changed.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, my dislike for living in the US has increased dramatically the last year, to the point that little things drive me crazy. I have been trying to let these things pass me by but it is not working.
I am starting to wonder of my heart is trying to send me a loud message, that trying to live here is not what i am supposed to do, that it will never make me happy, that I have already tried enough and it is time for me to move on.
Did anyone feel like that before they decided that enough was enough and moved back home?
As I have mentioned in previous posts, my dislike for living in the US has increased dramatically the last year, to the point that little things drive me crazy. I have been trying to let these things pass me by but it is not working.
I am starting to wonder of my heart is trying to send me a loud message, that trying to live here is not what i am supposed to do, that it will never make me happy, that I have already tried enough and it is time for me to move on.
Did anyone feel like that before they decided that enough was enough and moved back home?
i believe one can get swallowed up by negativity, esp Brits, hell they are negative about their own country for starters.... it's too hot, too cold LOL
i made a huge effort to be positive and yes i had to make a special effort every day to see the bright side in my life over here and appreciate how lucky i am.
having said that i'm outta here one of these days
Mar 11th 2008, 4:05 am
#3
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 193
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
Yep, I can identify with what you feel....but I think I've finally turned a corner, and that's why I'm posting.
Because negativity I believe can be reversed. I think you just need to incorporate a different mindset.
We've been in Canada for 5 years or so now, and I've just never really settled.
I need to 'tell' a little of our story, just so as you appreciate that in reality I do indeed get where you are coming from, but moreso to the point that things can get brighter with a different spin on things. I'm not a hippie dippie type promise.
O.K. in brief, in 5 years, my husband (43) has had major heart problems, and now has a pacemaker. He's also been advised he needs total knee replacements in both knees, but that the downside of this, is that he needs to 'continue' with his bad knees for as long as he can, because apparently artificial knees can only be replaced once (twice if your lucky). He has high cholesterol and has sleep apnoea (sleeps with a C Pap machine). Rather like a dead handsome darth vader Oh and he's a skinny bloke, so not what one would expect from those conditions. He has always been the sole earner in Canada. I just could not get a job here (usual qualification nonsense).
Eventually, we decided to return 'Home'. So in order to secure a morgage I went home first to start working, and secure us a morgage. Unfortunately I was involved in a car accident whilst I was home working. I was a rear seat passenger, so absolutely nothing to do with me. The driver of the car that hit us from behind was 'actioned' by the police (drink involved), and Liability was conceded eventually by his insurance company. Unfortunately my injuries went on to develop into a very unpleasant condition. Basically my hand does not move and I am on painkillers. The painkillers tend to make me rather a numpty brain at the dosage that I'm on, apparently these are common side effects. I don't think numpty brain is a textbook term, but I'm sure you get my drift
. The reality for us know is that because of my hand, I have been classed as disabled (but get no benefits), and of course now cannot earn an income irrespective of being at home or in Canada. Hubbie can't go back home to secure a morgage because we live in a rural location, and I can no longer drive because of the hand and pain medications. Numpty brain syndrome as well as immobility in the hand. The problem for us is compounded because we have dogs (lots of dogs), and short of shooting them, we're stuck in Canada because of the size of the morgage we would need, with no near neighbors, 'cos of the baskerville hounds. We have however decided shooting the dogs is not an option
I could go on...FIL died last year, and MIL has Alzheimers, and SIL not coping, and needs support which is understandable. After a while it gets boring, and too be truthful I get bored recounting it! Bear with me, I'm getting to the point (promise...I think)!
Well the accident was 3 years ago, and still the insurance company, having conceded liability are arsing around. No payments yet for physio, drugs, interim payment nothing. Bad solicitors being in the mix as well. My pain medication alone is $1480 every 3 months (fortunately OH has benefits, but the Insurance Company are unaware of this). I have also developed high blood pressure as a result of the stress (seemingly).
Well the final straw came following a pap test..HSIL! So colposcopy and two further biopsys and a loop procedure, still coming back as HSIL. Unfortunately however the 'problem' is that high up, Onc/Gyn has to do a cone biopsy, which I had done on Thursday. So we're now at the waiting stage to see if it's Cancer, and if so at what stage. Best scenario I understand is a hysterectomy.
So.... hold on I told you I'm getting there......! What may you ask has actually changed. To be honest I think it's my attitude. Having said that it has been no easy task, but I am so sick and tired of feeling that I have no control, with anything, that I've finally figured enough's enough. The realisation is whilst there are some things I can't control, there are somethings I most definitely can. I'm beginning to look at the things that I can organise to make me feel better. Stupid simple things, that I'd lost alongside my will to live in Canada
At least us Brits can bloody well laugh at ourselves
. I'm no oil painting , but I used to care about the way I looked and dressed. I've realised I've put on over 3 stone, and have developed lots of grey hair since being here 
I've looked at this forum on occassions but was never a frequent poster, as I never really could see the point, until I finally realised along with so many other things in my life that in order to extract something from any given situation, you actually need to imput, or contribute. We all impact other people in some way, shape or form, and we all have people that care for us, even if it's just that one person. I'm not an intellectual person, I am a feeling person and sometimes a stranger can make all the difference, just by reaching out, and sharing. Thanks sans
Well I've had two glasses of wine and I'm failing I hope I don't regret this post in the morning, but there's worse things out there and in the world, and if it helps (or not), at least this post was always well intentioned 
.
Because negativity I believe can be reversed. I think you just need to incorporate a different mindset.
We've been in Canada for 5 years or so now, and I've just never really settled.
I need to 'tell' a little of our story, just so as you appreciate that in reality I do indeed get where you are coming from, but moreso to the point that things can get brighter with a different spin on things. I'm not a hippie dippie type promise.
O.K. in brief, in 5 years, my husband (43) has had major heart problems, and now has a pacemaker. He's also been advised he needs total knee replacements in both knees, but that the downside of this, is that he needs to 'continue' with his bad knees for as long as he can, because apparently artificial knees can only be replaced once (twice if your lucky). He has high cholesterol and has sleep apnoea (sleeps with a C Pap machine). Rather like a dead handsome darth vader
Oh and he's a skinny bloke, so not what one would expect from those conditions. He has always been the sole earner in Canada. I just could not get a job here (usual qualification nonsense). Eventually, we decided to return 'Home'. So in order to secure a morgage I went home first to start working, and secure us a morgage. Unfortunately I was involved in a car accident whilst I was home working. I was a rear seat passenger, so absolutely nothing to do with me. The driver of the car that hit us from behind was 'actioned' by the police (drink involved), and Liability was conceded eventually by his insurance company. Unfortunately my injuries went on to develop into a very unpleasant condition. Basically my hand does not move and I am on painkillers. The painkillers tend to make me rather a numpty brain at the dosage that I'm on, apparently these are common side effects. I don't think numpty brain is a textbook term, but I'm sure you get my drift
. The reality for us know is that because of my hand, I have been classed as disabled (but get no benefits), and of course now cannot earn an income irrespective of being at home or in Canada. Hubbie can't go back home to secure a morgage because we live in a rural location, and I can no longer drive because of the hand and pain medications. Numpty brain syndrome as well as immobility in the hand. The problem for us is compounded because we have dogs (lots of dogs), and short of shooting them, we're stuck in Canada because of the size of the morgage we would need, with no near neighbors, 'cos of the baskerville hounds. We have however decided shooting the dogs is not an option I could go on...FIL died last year, and MIL has Alzheimers, and SIL not coping, and needs support which is understandable. After a while it gets boring, and too be truthful I get bored recounting it! Bear with me, I'm getting to the point (promise...I think)!
Well the accident was 3 years ago, and still the insurance company, having conceded liability are arsing around. No payments yet for physio, drugs, interim payment nothing. Bad solicitors being in the mix as well. My pain medication alone is $1480 every 3 months (fortunately OH has benefits, but the Insurance Company are unaware of this). I have also developed high blood pressure as a result of the stress (seemingly).
Well the final straw came following a pap test..HSIL! So colposcopy and two further biopsys and a loop procedure, still coming back as HSIL. Unfortunately however the 'problem' is that high up, Onc/Gyn has to do a cone biopsy, which I had done on Thursday. So we're now at the waiting stage to see if it's Cancer, and if so at what stage. Best scenario I understand is a hysterectomy.
So.... hold on I told you I'm getting there......! What may you ask has actually changed. To be honest I think it's my attitude. Having said that it has been no easy task, but I am so sick and tired of feeling that I have no control, with anything, that I've finally figured enough's enough. The realisation is whilst there are some things I can't control, there are somethings I most definitely can. I'm beginning to look at the things that I can organise to make me feel better. Stupid simple things, that I'd lost alongside my will to live in Canada
At least us Brits can bloody well laugh at ourselves
. I'm no oil painting , but I used to care about the way I looked and dressed. I've realised I've put on over 3 stone, and have developed lots of grey hair since being here I've looked at this forum on occassions but was never a frequent poster, as I never really could see the point, until I finally realised along with so many other things in my life that in order to extract something from any given situation, you actually need to imput, or contribute. We all impact other people in some way, shape or form, and we all have people that care for us, even if it's just that one person. I'm not an intellectual person, I am a feeling person and sometimes a stranger can make all the difference, just by reaching out, and sharing. Thanks sans Well I've had two glasses of wine and I'm failing
I hope I don't regret this post in the morning, but there's worse things out there and in the world, and if it helps (or not), at least this post was always well intentioned .
Mar 11th 2008, 4:34 am
#4
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: O.C. CA
Posts: 3,694
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
Yep, I can identify with what you feel....but I think I've finally turned a corner, and that's why I'm posting.
Because negativity I believe can be reversed. I think you just need to incorporate a different mindset.
We've been in Canada for 5 years or so now, and I've just never really settled.
I need to 'tell' a little of our story, just so as you appreciate that in reality I do indeed get where you are coming from, but moreso to the point that things can get brighter with a different spin on things. I'm not a hippie dippie type promise.
O.K. in brief, in 5 years, my husband (43) has had major heart problems, and now has a pacemaker. He's also been advised he needs total knee replacements in both knees, but that the downside of this, is that he needs to 'continue' with his bad knees for as long as he can, because apparently artificial knees can only be replaced once (twice if your lucky). He has high cholesterol and has sleep apnoea (sleeps with a C Pap machine). Rather like a dead handsome darth vader : Oh and he's a skinny bloke, so not what one would expect from those conditions. He has always been the sole earner in Canada. I just could not get a job here (usual qualification nonsense).
Eventually, we decided to return 'Home'. So in order to secure a morgage I went home first to start working, and secure us a morgage. Unfortunately I was involved in a car accident whilst I was home working. I was a rear seat passenger, so absolutely nothing to do with me. The driver of the car that hit us from behind was 'actioned' by the police (drink involved), and Liability was conceded eventually by his insurance company. Unfortunately my injuries went on to develop into a very unpleasant condition. Basically my hand does not move and I am on painkillers. The painkillers tend to make me rather a numpty brain at the dosage that I'm on, apparently these are common side effects. I don't think numpty brain is a textbook term, but I'm sure you get my drift. The reality for us know is that because of my hand, I have been classed as disabled (but get no benefits), and of course now cannot earn an income irrespective of being at home or in Canada. Hubbie can't go back home to secure a morgage because we live in a rural location, and I can no longer drive because of the hand and pain medications. Numpty brain syndrome as well as immobility in the hand. The problem for us is compounded because we have dogs (lots of dogs), and short of shooting them, we're stuck in Canada because of the size of the morgage we would need, with no near neighbors, 'cos of the baskerville hounds. We have however decided shooting the dogs is not an option
I could go on...FIL died last year, and MIL has Alzheimers, and SIL not coping, and needs support which is understandable. After a while it gets boring, and too be truthful I get bored recounting it! Bear with me, I'm getting to the point (promise...I think)!
Well the accident was 3 years ago, and still the insurance company, having conceded liability are arsing around. No payments yet for physio, drugs, interim payment nothing. Bad solicitors being in the mix as well. My pain medication alone is $1480 every 3 months (fortunately OH has benefits, but the Insurance Company are unaware of this). I have also developed high blood pressure as a result of the stress (seemingly).
Well the final straw came following a pap test..HSIL! So colposcopy and two further biopsys and a loop procedure, still coming back as HSIL. Unfortunately however the 'problem' is that high up, Onc/Gyn has to do a cone biopsy, which I had done on Thursday. So we're now at the waiting stage to see if it's Cancer, and if so at what stage. Best scenario I understand is a hysterectomy.
So.... hold on I told you I'm getting there......! What may you ask has actually changed. To be honest I think it's my attitude. Having said that it has been no easy task, but I am so sick and tired of feeling that I have no control, with anything, that I've finally figured enough's enough. The realisation is whilst there are some things I can't control, there are somethings I most definitely can. I'm beginning to look at the things that I can organise to make me feel better. Stupid simple things, that I'd lost alongside my will to live in Canada
At least us Brits can bloody well laugh at ourselves. I'm no oil painting , but I used to care about the way I looked and dressed. I've realised I've put on over 3 stone, and have developed lots of grey hair since being here I've looked at this forum on occassions but was never a frequent poster, as I never really could see the point, until I finally realised along with so many other things in my life that in order to extract something from any given situation, you actually need to imput, or contribute. We all impact other people in some way, shape or form, and we all have people that care for us, even if it's just that one person. I'm not an intellectual person, I am a feeling person and sometimes a stranger can make all the difference, just by reaching out, and sharing. Thanks sans
Well I've had two glasses of wine and I'm failing I hope I don't regret this post in the morning, but there's worse things out there and in the world, and if it helps (or not), at least this post was always well intentioned .
Because negativity I believe can be reversed. I think you just need to incorporate a different mindset.
We've been in Canada for 5 years or so now, and I've just never really settled.
I need to 'tell' a little of our story, just so as you appreciate that in reality I do indeed get where you are coming from, but moreso to the point that things can get brighter with a different spin on things. I'm not a hippie dippie type promise.
O.K. in brief, in 5 years, my husband (43) has had major heart problems, and now has a pacemaker. He's also been advised he needs total knee replacements in both knees, but that the downside of this, is that he needs to 'continue' with his bad knees for as long as he can, because apparently artificial knees can only be replaced once (twice if your lucky). He has high cholesterol and has sleep apnoea (sleeps with a C Pap machine). Rather like a dead handsome darth vader : Oh and he's a skinny bloke, so not what one would expect from those conditions. He has always been the sole earner in Canada. I just could not get a job here (usual qualification nonsense).
Eventually, we decided to return 'Home'. So in order to secure a morgage I went home first to start working, and secure us a morgage. Unfortunately I was involved in a car accident whilst I was home working. I was a rear seat passenger, so absolutely nothing to do with me. The driver of the car that hit us from behind was 'actioned' by the police (drink involved), and Liability was conceded eventually by his insurance company. Unfortunately my injuries went on to develop into a very unpleasant condition. Basically my hand does not move and I am on painkillers. The painkillers tend to make me rather a numpty brain at the dosage that I'm on, apparently these are common side effects. I don't think numpty brain is a textbook term, but I'm sure you get my drift
. The reality for us know is that because of my hand, I have been classed as disabled (but get no benefits), and of course now cannot earn an income irrespective of being at home or in Canada. Hubbie can't go back home to secure a morgage because we live in a rural location, and I can no longer drive because of the hand and pain medications. Numpty brain syndrome as well as immobility in the hand. The problem for us is compounded because we have dogs (lots of dogs), and short of shooting them, we're stuck in Canada because of the size of the morgage we would need, with no near neighbors, 'cos of the baskerville hounds. We have however decided shooting the dogs is not an option I could go on...FIL died last year, and MIL has Alzheimers, and SIL not coping, and needs support which is understandable. After a while it gets boring, and too be truthful I get bored recounting it! Bear with me, I'm getting to the point (promise...I think)!
Well the accident was 3 years ago, and still the insurance company, having conceded liability are arsing around. No payments yet for physio, drugs, interim payment nothing. Bad solicitors being in the mix as well. My pain medication alone is $1480 every 3 months (fortunately OH has benefits, but the Insurance Company are unaware of this). I have also developed high blood pressure as a result of the stress (seemingly).
Well the final straw came following a pap test..HSIL! So colposcopy and two further biopsys and a loop procedure, still coming back as HSIL. Unfortunately however the 'problem' is that high up, Onc/Gyn has to do a cone biopsy, which I had done on Thursday. So we're now at the waiting stage to see if it's Cancer, and if so at what stage. Best scenario I understand is a hysterectomy.
So.... hold on I told you I'm getting there......! What may you ask has actually changed. To be honest I think it's my attitude. Having said that it has been no easy task, but I am so sick and tired of feeling that I have no control, with anything, that I've finally figured enough's enough. The realisation is whilst there are some things I can't control, there are somethings I most definitely can. I'm beginning to look at the things that I can organise to make me feel better. Stupid simple things, that I'd lost alongside my will to live in Canada
At least us Brits can bloody well laugh at ourselves
. I'm no oil painting , but I used to care about the way I looked and dressed. I've realised I've put on over 3 stone, and have developed lots of grey hair since being here I've looked at this forum on occassions but was never a frequent poster, as I never really could see the point, until I finally realised along with so many other things in my life that in order to extract something from any given situation, you actually need to imput, or contribute. We all impact other people in some way, shape or form, and we all have people that care for us, even if it's just that one person. I'm not an intellectual person, I am a feeling person and sometimes a stranger can make all the difference, just by reaching out, and sharing. Thanks sans Well I've had two glasses of wine and I'm failing
I hope I don't regret this post in the morning, but there's worse things out there and in the world, and if it helps (or not), at least this post was always well intentioned .Oh my goodness.. what a wonderful, heartfelt post! What a rollercoaster ride you have been on!
It really does take a certain type of person to weather the storms you have been through, but it really does take an extraordinary person to be able to turn the 'bad' around and start to make the very best you can from the situation.
I have to stop myself from posting 'negative' thoughts on here, ya know the normal dribble that us expats find ourselves going through, because so many times I read that someone else has 'real' problems and troubles. Not to say that when i'm having a sh*tty day, to me it feels really bad
but I too have tried to turn the not so good to better. I applaud you for how your coping... good for you, i wish u all the best
Mar 11th 2008, 9:06 am
#5
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Currently in Malaysia
Posts: 119
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
Sunshine Girl! You really are a ray of sunshine in spite of all the issues you have to deal with. I do hope and pray that the biopsy results will be in your favour so that you will have one more thing to smile about and can move on with your life.
Bless you!
Bless you!
Mar 11th 2008, 9:23 am
#6
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Jaen
Posts: 48
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
Oh my goodness.. what a wonderful, heartfelt post! What a rollercoaster ride you have been on!
It really does take a certain type of person to weather the storms you have been through, but it really does take an extraordinary person to be able to turn the 'bad' around and start to make the very best you can from the situation.
I have to stop myself from posting 'negative' thoughts on here, ya know the normal dribble that us expats find ourselves going through, because so many times I read that someone else has 'real' problems and troubles. Not to say that when i'm having a sh*tty day, to me it feels really bad but I too have tried to turn the not so good to better.
I applaud you for how your coping... good for you, i wish u all the best
It really does take a certain type of person to weather the storms you have been through, but it really does take an extraordinary person to be able to turn the 'bad' around and start to make the very best you can from the situation.
I have to stop myself from posting 'negative' thoughts on here, ya know the normal dribble that us expats find ourselves going through, because so many times I read that someone else has 'real' problems and troubles. Not to say that when i'm having a sh*tty day, to me it feels really bad
but I too have tried to turn the not so good to better. I applaud you for how your coping... good for you, i wish u all the best
Thanks for your post and for being brave in posting it. Really hope things turn out well.
Mar 11th 2008, 10:28 am
#8
Éireann go Brách
Joined: Mar 2006
Location: White Man in Hammersmith Palais
Posts: 2,932
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
i believe one can get swallowed up by negativity, esp Brits, hell they are negative about their own country for starters.... it's too hot, too cold LOL
i made a huge effort to be positive and yes i had to make a special effort every day to see the bright side in my life over here and appreciate how lucky i am.
having said that i'm outta here one of these days
i made a huge effort to be positive and yes i had to make a special effort every day to see the bright side in my life over here and appreciate how lucky i am.
having said that i'm outta here one of these days
I find the negativity here overwhelming. Mind you the falseness of North America is equally annoying. God i wish i'd never gone travelling back in 92!
Mar 11th 2008, 12:53 pm
#9
Life is more than a dream
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Kings Moss, UK - it's a bit like Emmerdale
Posts: 1,389
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
Yup we sure are a negative nation. My parents recently spent a few months in Oz with my brother. They did nothing but complain and moan about how much they wanted to come home. They arrived home last week and have done nothing but moan about the UK since they got back 
Mar 11th 2008, 1:04 pm
#10
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 15,019
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
Mar 11th 2008, 2:05 pm
#11
Concierge
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 46,382
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
I don't believe it is the US that you dislike/hate so much but that your emotions are so strongly colored by your resentment of being made to live where you don't want to live. You are obssessed now with your dislike of being here.
There are many Canadians who enjoy and want to live in the US and my husband is one of them and he is from Montreal but of English descent, not French.
Plainly and simply, you do not want to be here. It is not that you dislike the US, you dislike being forced to live here because your spouse will not leave.
You now have to choose for yourself.... marriage and remaining in the US or possible divorce and living back in Montreal. Only you can make the choice.
How anyone else feels is irrelevant. It is only your feelings that count.
There are many Canadians who enjoy and want to live in the US and my husband is one of them and he is from Montreal but of English descent, not French.
Plainly and simply, you do not want to be here. It is not that you dislike the US, you dislike being forced to live here because your spouse will not leave.
You now have to choose for yourself.... marriage and remaining in the US or possible divorce and living back in Montreal. Only you can make the choice.
How anyone else feels is irrelevant. It is only your feelings that count.
I have been trying to make a solid effort regarding being less negative about things I cannot change but I am starting to wonder if one can get caught up in a mental state that cannot be changed.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, my dislike for living in the US has increased dramatically the last year, to the point that little things drive me crazy. I have been trying to let these things pass me by but it is not working.
I am starting to wonder of my heart is trying to send me a loud message, that trying to live here is not what i am supposed to do, that it will never make me happy, that I have already tried enough and it is time for me to move on.
Did anyone feel like that before they decided that enough was enough and moved back home?
As I have mentioned in previous posts, my dislike for living in the US has increased dramatically the last year, to the point that little things drive me crazy. I have been trying to let these things pass me by but it is not working.
I am starting to wonder of my heart is trying to send me a loud message, that trying to live here is not what i am supposed to do, that it will never make me happy, that I have already tried enough and it is time for me to move on.
Did anyone feel like that before they decided that enough was enough and moved back home?
Mar 11th 2008, 4:24 pm
#12
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 193
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
M'selleMtl, I don't know your full circumstances, and only you truely do so. Sorry if I lost the point I was trying (rather clumsily) to make.
I was 'trying' to address, that at times we are all faced with choices and that there are always consequences to those choices. The choices that we make at any given point may not be our absolute ideal choice(s), or those we would actively seek, but given all the 'options' available to us at the time, we hopefully make 'informed' choices. We then take ownership of the consequences.
My own negativity stemmed from the fact that I 'felt' I had no control over anything that was happening to me. Through no fault of my own, some idiot speeding drunk, has made me loose my career, and my ability in the short term to return 'Home'. He has left me with a chronic pain condition and a disability that was not of my making. Having said that what I do now IS of my own making. I still have choices, I may not like those choices, but I do have choices and options available to me. The easiest example would be to rehome my dogs, but it's an option I choose not to employ. I went through the menopause at a ridiculous age (28), and my dogs are like my surrogate kids. Sad I know
So I choose to deal with the consequences of not rehoming my dogs, which for us is to remain in Canada, until the Insurance Company pay me what eventually they will have to pay me. We can then return 'Home' with all my baskerville hounds.
What I tried to convey in my last message was that my attitude has changed radically over the last few months. I got into a really self destructive cycle of 'Waiting'
Waiting for the solicitor, the doctors, hospital tests, blah blah blah. Well I finally figured out that in between all the 'Waiting', life still went on, but unfortunately for me mine stayed on hold, because I put it on hold myself. I was just in limbo.
Life is precious, and even if it's not exactly how you would script it for yourself, look at the choices, and options you have available.
The only time we have absolutely zero choice is when our time is up, and none of us know when that is.
I am very lucky in many respects. I am married to a top bloke, who is my hero. It's our 25th wedding anniversary this week (we married very young). He gets up to go to work at 5.00am, and has to literally 'bounce' off the bed to get up because his knees are that bad. He rarely complains. So, for me instead of ruminating about what I don't have, I look more in earnest at what I do have, and I'm beginning to look toward filling my time more purposefully, insofar as the things I can change.
I'm done with negativity, and if my biopsy comes back bad, then we'll deal with it.
I hope you find the answers your looking for truely I do.
Thank you all for your kind thoughts, much appreciated
I was 'trying' to address, that at times we are all faced with choices and that there are always consequences to those choices. The choices that we make at any given point may not be our absolute ideal choice(s), or those we would actively seek, but given all the 'options' available to us at the time, we hopefully make 'informed' choices. We then take ownership of the consequences.
My own negativity stemmed from the fact that I 'felt' I had no control over anything that was happening to me. Through no fault of my own, some idiot speeding drunk, has made me loose my career, and my ability in the short term to return 'Home'. He has left me with a chronic pain condition and a disability that was not of my making. Having said that what I do now IS of my own making. I still have choices, I may not like those choices, but I do have choices and options available to me. The easiest example would be to rehome my dogs, but it's an option I choose not to employ. I went through the menopause at a ridiculous age (28), and my dogs are like my surrogate kids. Sad I know
So I choose to deal with the consequences of not rehoming my dogs, which for us is to remain in Canada, until the Insurance Company pay me what eventually they will have to pay me. We can then return 'Home' with all my baskerville hounds.
What I tried to convey in my last message was that my attitude has changed radically over the last few months. I got into a really self destructive cycle of 'Waiting'
Waiting for the solicitor, the doctors, hospital tests, blah blah blah. Well I finally figured out that in between all the 'Waiting', life still went on, but unfortunately for me mine stayed on hold, because I put it on hold myself. I was just in limbo. Life is precious, and even if it's not exactly how you would script it for yourself, look at the choices, and options you have available.
The only time we have absolutely zero choice is when our time is up, and none of us know when that is.
I am very lucky in many respects. I am married to a top bloke, who is my hero. It's our 25th wedding anniversary this week (we married very young). He gets up to go to work at 5.00am, and has to literally 'bounce' off the bed to get up because his knees are that bad. He rarely complains. So, for me instead of ruminating about what I don't have, I look more in earnest at what I do have, and I'm beginning to look toward filling my time more purposefully, insofar as the things I can change.
I'm done with negativity, and if my biopsy comes back bad, then we'll deal with it
. I hope you find the answers your looking for truely I do
. Thank you all for your kind thoughts, much appreciated
Mar 11th 2008, 4:51 pm
#13
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
I don't believe it is the US that you dislike/hate so much but that your emotions are so strongly colored by your resentment of being made to live where you don't want to live. You are obssessed now with your dislike of being here.
There are many Canadians who enjoy and want to live in the US and my husband is one of them and he is from Montreal but of English descent, not French.
Plainly and simply, you do not want to be here. It is not that you dislike the US, you dislike being forced to live here because your spouse will not leave.
You now have to choose for yourself.... marriage and remaining in the US or possible divorce and living back in Montreal. Only you can make the choice.
How anyone else feels is irrelevant. It is only your feelings that count.
There are many Canadians who enjoy and want to live in the US and my husband is one of them and he is from Montreal but of English descent, not French.
Plainly and simply, you do not want to be here. It is not that you dislike the US, you dislike being forced to live here because your spouse will not leave.
You now have to choose for yourself.... marriage and remaining in the US or possible divorce and living back in Montreal. Only you can make the choice.
How anyone else feels is irrelevant. It is only your feelings that count.
Mar 11th 2008, 9:52 pm
#14
Ping-ponger
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,005
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
I have been trying to make a solid effort regarding being less negative about things I cannot change but I am starting to wonder if one can get caught up in a mental state that cannot be changed.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, my dislike for living in the US has increased dramatically the last year, to the point that little things drive me crazy. I have been trying to let these things pass me by but it is not working.
I am starting to wonder of my heart is trying to send me a loud message, that trying to live here is not what i am supposed to do, that it will never make me happy, that I have already tried enough and it is time for me to move on.
Did anyone feel like that before they decided that enough was enough and moved back home?
As I have mentioned in previous posts, my dislike for living in the US has increased dramatically the last year, to the point that little things drive me crazy. I have been trying to let these things pass me by but it is not working.
I am starting to wonder of my heart is trying to send me a loud message, that trying to live here is not what i am supposed to do, that it will never make me happy, that I have already tried enough and it is time for me to move on.
Did anyone feel like that before they decided that enough was enough and moved back home?
If you are not where you want to be, or not where you want to work, or not with who you want to be with, sure, the negativity can be self-sustaining. For me right now, a lot of the negative thoughts are around the students I have to teach (though really, some of them would try the patience of a saint). There are also times I just don't come on BE because I can't take the negative posts ... and even reading the newspapers, watching TV (especially the news) does my head in. So much doom, gloom, obsession with manic behaviour, dregs of the world-type reality shows.
In the past 3 months, things have changed a bit for me, largely due to changes I have made in my own life. Meditation is one (I'm sure I don't do it properly, but the basic principles help me to get out of living in my head). Visiting an old friend is another. She told me some home truths (like I'm way too hard on myself), and also told me some things to do that help (also meditation-type stuff, like don't try to fight bad feelings, experience them). I've also become firmer in my decision to return to the US, so things feel that little bit more temporary (and so easier to deal with) - though it's unlikely I'll be leaving until at least late 2009. I'm focusing on positive things a bit like I would if I were a visitor - that makes a difference. And when the sh*t hits the fan at work (which it does frequently), I have a much more serene attitude to it.
But it's taken me a lot of work and traveling to get to this point. I know when/if I go back to the States, I'll definitely be going back a different person.
Mar 11th 2008, 9:59 pm
#15
Former Floridian
Joined: Mar 2006
Location: Back where I belong
Posts: 574
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
I've just moved back to the UK after 5 years in the US, and I tried to revert back to a happy mentality before I left, but with all the crap that had gone on, I ended up moving out to be by myself, got my financial problems sorted, but it didn't help the deep-down issues. I'd grown very bitter toward the country and it's policies, so even though my own problems were less, I could never change the main things there getting me down. The medical system and vacation policies were among my main gripes. The weather didn't help (too hot ALL the time)
Now that I'm back in the UK, I'm bloody freezing cold hehehe but at least I'm happier within myself. And I have a jumper.