My dear, sweet Andie is gone :(
Jun 24th 2008, 8:48 pm
#16
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Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Richmond, VA, USA
Posts: 4,316
Re: My dear, sweet Andie is gone :(
Wow, thanks so much to everyone whose taken the time to read my little post and provide such kind words of encouragement, whether publicly or privately. Your thoughtfulness has really lifted my spirits and reminded me that I've got some great friends here.
We're entering our third post-Andie day. The apartment seems so very quiet without her. I really miss hearing her snore and that sort of thing. Just having her around. Our place seems different, like it's off somehow. It is hard to describe.
I'm not doing well. Last night I took my first shower since Sunday, the day she left. It was also the first time I'd changed my clothes; I was still wearing the same thing I wore when we said goodbye. Between Monday night and early Wednesday morning, I hadn't eaten anything. I just wasn't hungry, and I didn't feel hungry or feel like eating. I'm having trouble sleeping, and I've been experiencing mild panic attacks. I haven't been back to work yet and won't be going in today, either.
I know none of this sounds good. I wish I could say that I'm totally fine with Andie's death and that I was emotionally prepared for it, given her age and health problems. But frankly, the circumstances of her being put to sleep did not fit with how I had planned it to happen, and so I wasn't ready in many ways. I don't know. I don't think I'll ever be able to describe how I'm feeling. Saying "I'm sad" just doesn't cut it.
What's important is that Andie is safe and pain-free. And that Mark and I are there to support each other. Our little family of three is now reduced to just two, and that makes us both very sad. He's managing much better than I am, and has been wonderful in helping me through this. Mark brought home a book he bought for me at work entitled, "Grieving the Death of a Pet." He said that he actually bought it a few weeks ago when we first started seriously discussing putting Andie to sleep. I have only flipped through it so I don't know yet how helpful it will be, but the very fact he was even thinking of me and bought it for me means a lot.
I'm rambling again; sorry about that. I never realized how much I talked to Andie throughout the day until now that she's no longer here. I think all the things I normally would rattle on to her about are now all kept bottled up inside, until I spill them out here or while talking to Mark. Thanks for listening... I'm going to try to get some sleep now.
~ Jenney
We're entering our third post-Andie day. The apartment seems so very quiet without her. I really miss hearing her snore and that sort of thing. Just having her around. Our place seems different, like it's off somehow. It is hard to describe.
I'm not doing well. Last night I took my first shower since Sunday, the day she left. It was also the first time I'd changed my clothes; I was still wearing the same thing I wore when we said goodbye. Between Monday night and early Wednesday morning, I hadn't eaten anything. I just wasn't hungry, and I didn't feel hungry or feel like eating. I'm having trouble sleeping, and I've been experiencing mild panic attacks. I haven't been back to work yet and won't be going in today, either.
I know none of this sounds good. I wish I could say that I'm totally fine with Andie's death and that I was emotionally prepared for it, given her age and health problems. But frankly, the circumstances of her being put to sleep did not fit with how I had planned it to happen, and so I wasn't ready in many ways. I don't know. I don't think I'll ever be able to describe how I'm feeling. Saying "I'm sad" just doesn't cut it.
What's important is that Andie is safe and pain-free. And that Mark and I are there to support each other. Our little family of three is now reduced to just two, and that makes us both very sad. He's managing much better than I am, and has been wonderful in helping me through this. Mark brought home a book he bought for me at work entitled, "Grieving the Death of a Pet." He said that he actually bought it a few weeks ago when we first started seriously discussing putting Andie to sleep. I have only flipped through it so I don't know yet how helpful it will be, but the very fact he was even thinking of me and bought it for me means a lot.
I'm rambling again; sorry about that. I never realized how much I talked to Andie throughout the day until now that she's no longer here. I think all the things I normally would rattle on to her about are now all kept bottled up inside, until I spill them out here or while talking to Mark. Thanks for listening... I'm going to try to get some sleep now.
~ Jenney
Jun 25th 2008, 6:02 am
#17
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Midlands - MA - CO-CA
Posts: 2,770
Re: My dear, sweet Andie is gone :(
Good luck and strength on the rest of your journey. I know it will take a while. Even if you eventually get another dog there will only ever be one Andie. They all have their own personalities just like a person.
Jun 25th 2008, 2:39 pm
#18
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 120
Re: My dear, sweet Andie is gone :(
I nearly stopped reading your last post it is so sad, I feel for you, he must have been a brilliant dog, get out all his photos with someoe else who loved him as much as you have a good cry, a good laugh, dogs arn't called mans best friend for nothing
Jul 13th 2008, 12:22 pm
#19
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Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Richmond, VA, USA
Posts: 4,316
Re: My dear, sweet Andie is gone :(
Well, I figured I'd give a little update for anyone who's interested...
Andie passed 3 weeks ago today. It feels like it was yesterday and forever ago simultaneously. I'm doing a lot better than I was when I wrote my last post, that's for sure. I took 4 days off before going back to work (which was a Friday, so then I immediately had 2 more days off after that). It was exactly what I needed, just time to myself and to get used to the fact that Andie is gone.
What was most difficult for me was replaying those last 12 hours with her over and over in my head. They were horrible and I was angry and upset that the memory of just a few hours took over, when I had 13 whole years of much better, happier memories to think about. Eventually the tide turned, so to speak, and those nicer memories took over and that last day has faded more and more. Mark and I have been able to laugh and smile about lots of funny and happy memories we have of Andie, which has helped a lot.
Yesterday we picked up Andie's ashes from the crematorium. At first I was sort of looking forward to it, in a way, because I felt like she was "coming home." But once we got there, the reality of the situation sunk in and I began to get emotional. The guy brought out a white plastic box, about 5" wide, 5" deep and 6" high or so. It looked oh so small -- my once 100lb dog (70lb when she died) reduced to such a small space. I had never seen ashes before, and was surprised at how very heavy that little box was; it probably weighs about 8lb. Her ashes were in a plastic bag inside the box, tied with a twist tie, and there was a little dog tag with Andie's cremation number on it. We also received a certificate of Andie's cremation, much like someone would get a certificate for a job well done or perfect attendance at school or something. It was nice, but weird.
We have some plans for Andie's ashes but aren't ready to do anything just yet. I've written to a friend in Japan to ask if I can send her some of Andie's ashes to scatter there; Andie had never been to Japan but it is the ancestral home of the Akita breed and we thought it would be nice for her to "return" there. Some will be sent to my ex-husband, as he adopted Andie with me back in 1995. Mark and I are planning on burying some of her ashes in the grass outside of our little apartment here, the only home the three of us ever had together. We'll also be burying her ashes in her favorite park down the road. And one day, if we're lucky, we'll take some to Chile and scatter them in the Andes Mountains where she was born. That may not happen for a long while but I'd like to make it a reality some day.
In the meantime, I've been looking for an urn or vase to keep her ashes, since the plastic box is not very fitting for my sweet girl. I found some Andean-style vases made in Peru and am thinking of buying one; it seems fitting. I just need to find one I like and that fits Andie's personality: Understated and elegant but colorful at the same time. No easy task!
Ok, so I've rambled on again. I guess it's just cathartic for me to share what I'm going through here. I'll have to add some Andie photos to my photo gallery so you can all see how beautiful she was.
~ Jenney
Andie passed 3 weeks ago today. It feels like it was yesterday and forever ago simultaneously. I'm doing a lot better than I was when I wrote my last post, that's for sure. I took 4 days off before going back to work (which was a Friday, so then I immediately had 2 more days off after that). It was exactly what I needed, just time to myself and to get used to the fact that Andie is gone.
What was most difficult for me was replaying those last 12 hours with her over and over in my head. They were horrible and I was angry and upset that the memory of just a few hours took over, when I had 13 whole years of much better, happier memories to think about. Eventually the tide turned, so to speak, and those nicer memories took over and that last day has faded more and more. Mark and I have been able to laugh and smile about lots of funny and happy memories we have of Andie, which has helped a lot.
Yesterday we picked up Andie's ashes from the crematorium. At first I was sort of looking forward to it, in a way, because I felt like she was "coming home." But once we got there, the reality of the situation sunk in and I began to get emotional. The guy brought out a white plastic box, about 5" wide, 5" deep and 6" high or so. It looked oh so small -- my once 100lb dog (70lb when she died) reduced to such a small space. I had never seen ashes before, and was surprised at how very heavy that little box was; it probably weighs about 8lb. Her ashes were in a plastic bag inside the box, tied with a twist tie, and there was a little dog tag with Andie's cremation number on it. We also received a certificate of Andie's cremation, much like someone would get a certificate for a job well done or perfect attendance at school or something. It was nice, but weird.
We have some plans for Andie's ashes but aren't ready to do anything just yet. I've written to a friend in Japan to ask if I can send her some of Andie's ashes to scatter there; Andie had never been to Japan but it is the ancestral home of the Akita breed and we thought it would be nice for her to "return" there. Some will be sent to my ex-husband, as he adopted Andie with me back in 1995. Mark and I are planning on burying some of her ashes in the grass outside of our little apartment here, the only home the three of us ever had together. We'll also be burying her ashes in her favorite park down the road. And one day, if we're lucky, we'll take some to Chile and scatter them in the Andes Mountains where she was born. That may not happen for a long while but I'd like to make it a reality some day.
In the meantime, I've been looking for an urn or vase to keep her ashes, since the plastic box is not very fitting for my sweet girl. I found some Andean-style vases made in Peru and am thinking of buying one; it seems fitting. I just need to find one I like and that fits Andie's personality: Understated and elegant but colorful at the same time. No easy task!
Ok, so I've rambled on again. I guess it's just cathartic for me to share what I'm going through here. I'll have to add some Andie photos to my photo gallery so you can all see how beautiful she was.
~ Jenney
Jul 13th 2008, 12:42 pm
#20
lush
Joined: Dec 2007
Location: Maine - the "Deep South" of the Northeast
Posts: 5,004
Re: My dear, sweet Andie is gone :(
oh I am so very sorry to hear about Andie. 
She is running free at the bridge somewhere with no pain, and without a care in the world.
We were devastated when we had to have our dog put to sleep so I totally understand. And yes just typing about how you feel can help get it all out there, so feel free to ramble on as much as you want.
She is running free at the bridge somewhere with no pain, and without a care in the world.
We were devastated when we had to have our dog put to sleep so I totally understand. And yes just typing about how you feel can help get it all out there, so feel free to ramble on as much as you want.
Jul 13th 2008, 12:48 pm
#21
Mummy and baby 1982
Joined: May 2003
Location: North West Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 1,067
Re: My dear, sweet Andie is gone :(
Hi Jenney
We too still have our Golden,Kensingtons ashes at home, so I understand you not being ready to do anything with them yet. This sounds really crazy, but we have them next to a photo of him above our TV! We aren't ready to do anything with his ashes yet either and we're quite happy saying hello to him until the day comes when we can say farewell.
bye for now
Maggie
We too still have our Golden,Kensingtons ashes at home, so I understand you not being ready to do anything with them yet. This sounds really crazy, but we have them next to a photo of him above our TV! We aren't ready to do anything with his ashes yet either and we're quite happy saying hello to him until the day comes when we can say farewell.
bye for now
Maggie
Jul 13th 2008, 12:55 pm
#22
Homebody
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: HOME
Posts: 23,182
Re: My dear, sweet Andie is gone :(
Jenney - I missed your earlier posts - so sorry to hear of you losing Andie.
Your idea of 'dividing' her ashes is an excellent one. I had been wondering where to spread the remains of our own dear Myra - now I know exactly what to do.
Thinking of you - I know how hard this is...
Your idea of 'dividing' her ashes is an excellent one. I had been wondering where to spread the remains of our own dear Myra - now I know exactly what to do.
Thinking of you - I know how hard this is...
Jul 13th 2008, 2:22 pm
#23
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 57
Re: My dear, sweet Andie is gone :(
Dear Jenney,
go ahead and grieve. But also, celebrate your connection to this animal which filled so many years of your life with love; a unique love, the brand of which, the Andie brand, is gone forever but which makes you better. That large part, the big part of that relationship is still around, enriched by Andie: you.
I guarantee she knew how you felt about her better than you can express with words, and cherished that connection as much or more than you, and your time together holds no regrets.
go ahead and grieve. But also, celebrate your connection to this animal which filled so many years of your life with love; a unique love, the brand of which, the Andie brand, is gone forever but which makes you better. That large part, the big part of that relationship is still around, enriched by Andie: you.
I guarantee she knew how you felt about her better than you can express with words, and cherished that connection as much or more than you, and your time together holds no regrets.
Jul 14th 2008, 3:16 am
#24
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 22,105
Re: My dear, sweet Andie is gone :(
We had to put our dog, Andie, to sleep last night. She was 13 years old. I adopted her when she was a 3-month-old puppy when I was living in Santiago, Chile in 1995. I am heartbroken.
It was the right thing to do but I miss her so much already. Andie was an Akita so she was a very quiet dog, but our little apartment seems even quieter without her here. It's like a clock that was always in the room has been removed; it's only now that you don't hear the ticking that you realize the clock is gone.
I am not a religious person but I just keep telling myself that Andie is off somewhere, running around in a big open field of green grass, with no leash or collar, chasing squirrels and rabbits, playing with other dogs (which she'd never done before) and always finding a cool spot to sleep in. That she is happy and pain-free, able to enjoy life as a dog should.
I will miss kissing and hugging her, and scratching behind her ears. I will miss her hovering around me every time it rained. I will miss having to slide her body across the kitchen floor so that she isn't blocking the refrigerator door. I will miss laughing when she burps so loud you could swear it came from a grown man! I will miss chuckling when she'd leave her comfortable spot on the floor in the bedroom every time Mark came to bed, walking out of the room with a frustrated "hhrumphf!" I will miss her scrambling to come to the door when I'd come home from work, even though she had arthritis and it was difficult for her to move around. She was just a sweet, sweet dog.
I almost lost Andie once. When she was about 1 1/2 years old, she was stolen by a taxi driver from our house in Santiago. Andie was missing for 11 days before, through a strange chain of events, we managed to track her down and rescue her. When she went missing, I assumed she was gone for good, and that was gut-wrenching. So getting her back and having another 11 1/2 years to spend with her was a true blessing.
I'm sorry, I guess I'm rambling. I am home alone right now -- Mark is at work -- and I just need to share my thoughts. I miss Andie, and want nothing more than to give her another hug. She died peacefully, and she knew we were with her right up until the end. But I still miss her. I don't know how I'm going to get through this... I'm just devastated.
~ Jenney
It was the right thing to do but I miss her so much already. Andie was an Akita so she was a very quiet dog, but our little apartment seems even quieter without her here. It's like a clock that was always in the room has been removed; it's only now that you don't hear the ticking that you realize the clock is gone.
I am not a religious person but I just keep telling myself that Andie is off somewhere, running around in a big open field of green grass, with no leash or collar, chasing squirrels and rabbits, playing with other dogs (which she'd never done before) and always finding a cool spot to sleep in. That she is happy and pain-free, able to enjoy life as a dog should.
I will miss kissing and hugging her, and scratching behind her ears. I will miss her hovering around me every time it rained. I will miss having to slide her body across the kitchen floor so that she isn't blocking the refrigerator door. I will miss laughing when she burps so loud you could swear it came from a grown man! I will miss chuckling when she'd leave her comfortable spot on the floor in the bedroom every time Mark came to bed, walking out of the room with a frustrated "hhrumphf!" I will miss her scrambling to come to the door when I'd come home from work, even though she had arthritis and it was difficult for her to move around. She was just a sweet, sweet dog.
I almost lost Andie once. When she was about 1 1/2 years old, she was stolen by a taxi driver from our house in Santiago. Andie was missing for 11 days before, through a strange chain of events, we managed to track her down and rescue her. When she went missing, I assumed she was gone for good, and that was gut-wrenching. So getting her back and having another 11 1/2 years to spend with her was a true blessing.
I'm sorry, I guess I'm rambling. I am home alone right now -- Mark is at work -- and I just need to share my thoughts. I miss Andie, and want nothing more than to give her another hug. She died peacefully, and she knew we were with her right up until the end. But I still miss her. I don't know how I'm going to get through this... I'm just devastated.
~ Jenney
Jul 14th 2008, 3:56 am
#25
I approved this message
Joined: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago
Posts: 2,425
Re: My dear, sweet Andie is gone :(
I love my dog and know what it's like to lose one. Sorry for your loss and hope you feel better soon.
Jul 14th 2008, 1:18 pm
#26
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: Victoria, BC Canada
Posts: 61,698
Re: My dear, sweet Andie is gone :(
We had to put our dog, Andie, to sleep last night. She was 13 years old. I adopted her when she was a 3-month-old puppy when I was living in Santiago, Chile in 1995. I am heartbroken.
It was the right thing to do but I miss her so much already. Andie was an Akita so she was a very quiet dog, but our little apartment seems even quieter without her here. It's like a clock that was always in the room has been removed; it's only now that you don't hear the ticking that you realize the clock is gone.
I am not a religious person but I just keep telling myself that Andie is off somewhere, running around in a big open field of green grass, with no leash or collar, chasing squirrels and rabbits, playing with other dogs (which she'd never done before) and always finding a cool spot to sleep in. That she is happy and pain-free, able to enjoy life as a dog should.
I will miss kissing and hugging her, and scratching behind her ears. I will miss her hovering around me every time it rained. I will miss having to slide her body across the kitchen floor so that she isn't blocking the refrigerator door. I will miss laughing when she burps so loud you could swear it came from a grown man! I will miss chuckling when she'd leave her comfortable spot on the floor in the bedroom every time Mark came to bed, walking out of the room with a frustrated "hhrumphf!" I will miss her scrambling to come to the door when I'd come home from work, even though she had arthritis and it was difficult for her to move around. She was just a sweet, sweet dog.
I almost lost Andie once. When she was about 1 1/2 years old, she was stolen by a taxi driver from our house in Santiago. Andie was missing for 11 days before, through a strange chain of events, we managed to track her down and rescue her. When she went missing, I assumed she was gone for good, and that was gut-wrenching. So getting her back and having another 11 1/2 years to spend with her was a true blessing.
I'm sorry, I guess I'm rambling. I am home alone right now -- Mark is at work -- and I just need to share my thoughts. I miss Andie, and want nothing more than to give her another hug. She died peacefully, and she knew we were with her right up until the end. But I still miss her. I don't know how I'm going to get through this... I'm just devastated.
~ Jenney
It was the right thing to do but I miss her so much already. Andie was an Akita so she was a very quiet dog, but our little apartment seems even quieter without her here. It's like a clock that was always in the room has been removed; it's only now that you don't hear the ticking that you realize the clock is gone.
I am not a religious person but I just keep telling myself that Andie is off somewhere, running around in a big open field of green grass, with no leash or collar, chasing squirrels and rabbits, playing with other dogs (which she'd never done before) and always finding a cool spot to sleep in. That she is happy and pain-free, able to enjoy life as a dog should.
I will miss kissing and hugging her, and scratching behind her ears. I will miss her hovering around me every time it rained. I will miss having to slide her body across the kitchen floor so that she isn't blocking the refrigerator door. I will miss laughing when she burps so loud you could swear it came from a grown man! I will miss chuckling when she'd leave her comfortable spot on the floor in the bedroom every time Mark came to bed, walking out of the room with a frustrated "hhrumphf!" I will miss her scrambling to come to the door when I'd come home from work, even though she had arthritis and it was difficult for her to move around. She was just a sweet, sweet dog.
I almost lost Andie once. When she was about 1 1/2 years old, she was stolen by a taxi driver from our house in Santiago. Andie was missing for 11 days before, through a strange chain of events, we managed to track her down and rescue her. When she went missing, I assumed she was gone for good, and that was gut-wrenching. So getting her back and having another 11 1/2 years to spend with her was a true blessing.
I'm sorry, I guess I'm rambling. I am home alone right now -- Mark is at work -- and I just need to share my thoughts. I miss Andie, and want nothing more than to give her another hug. She died peacefully, and she knew we were with her right up until the end. But I still miss her. I don't know how I'm going to get through this... I'm just devastated.
~ Jenney
Im so sorry for your loss. She was a beautiful dog who enjoyed life to the fullest. Remember she will always be a part of you and those wonderful memories you have will be with you forever.
Hugs to you and the family!
Jul 14th 2008, 1:29 pm
#27
Greatly Missed. RIP
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: Middle of the Mountains
Posts: 3,521
Re: My dear, sweet Andie is gone :(
I missed your earlier posts Jenney.
So sorry to hear that you lost Andie.....
Never easy losing a dearly loved pet....thinking of you.
So sorry to hear that you lost Andie.....
Never easy losing a dearly loved pet....thinking of you.
Jul 15th 2008, 3:01 pm
#28
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Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Richmond, VA, USA
Posts: 4,316
Re: My dear, sweet Andie is gone :(
Thanks again, everyone, for your warm wishes. It really does make me feel better to know I've got such great and supportive friends here at BE. 
I got some great news today. The person I had emailed in Japan said she'd be very happy to scatter some of Andie's ashes at a park near her home in Chiba. She said that it's a very pretty place and very popular with dogs and dog owners, and that Andie would have been happy there.
This is so wonderful because, honestly, after I emailed her to ask if she'd do it, I realized how creepy my request must have seemed. I mean, she never even met Andie. So I'm really thrilled that she said yes, and that she thought of a really nice place to do it. It's sort of like a dream come true -- Andie's "going home" to Japan!
~ Jenney
I got some great news today. The person I had emailed in Japan said she'd be very happy to scatter some of Andie's ashes at a park near her home in Chiba. She said that it's a very pretty place and very popular with dogs and dog owners, and that Andie would have been happy there.
This is so wonderful because, honestly, after I emailed her to ask if she'd do it, I realized how creepy my request must have seemed. I mean, she never even met Andie. So I'm really thrilled that she said yes, and that she thought of a really nice place to do it.
It's sort of like a dream come true -- Andie's "going home" to Japan!~ Jenney
