How often do you visit "home" ?
 

I moved to America in July 2015, and my family still live in Scotland. I'm an only child and my mother and I are very close, she loves me almost too much. I call her on the phone every single day and email her every single night (for her benefit, not mine, I find this excessive) and she tells me constantly how much she misses me and can't wait to see me again. She wants me to visit every few months or so, and I just don't want to do that. It's such a stressful journey, ten hours on planes with multiple layovers, two more hours on buses to get to my hometown, jetlag, extortionate prices, then having to sleep in my tiny family home with five people and one bathroom...I am really dreading going back. I'm in no rush, I'm enjoying my new life here and settling in with my new husband, and I'm also enjoying having some distance from my family for once. It's nice to be so independent and have my own separate life, since when I lived there my mother and I were together constantly and it was a little suffocating.

I'm just wondering how often other expats fly home to visit family. Assuming vacation time and travel expenses were not an issue, how often would you visit? Is it terrible of me to have not seen my family in over a year and to have no real desire to? I love them but I am young and newly married and enjoying living my own life here away from them. I just don't miss them as much as they miss me. I feel so guilty though. I'm curious how others feel about the issue of traveling overseas.

Re: How often do you visit "home" ?
 

Six times in 15 years, plus two weekends tacked on to business trips.

If you discount the trip for my father's funeral in 2006 and my business trips, we went 11 years, from 2003 to 2014 without returning. We went in 2014, and 2015, and I am looking for tickets for a trip soon. These trips have been party spurred by my mother who has been reluctant to fly since she had a heart attack (she used to visit us annually), and travel insurance would be very expensive.

I wouldn't go more than once a year while I have limited holiday time, nor more than twice a year if I was retired.

Re: How often do you visit "home" ?
 

I don't have any family left in the UK that I keep in touch with so i'd have to stay in a hotel. Air fares have gone out of sight even for economy class. I'm looking at around 6 grand for a two week stay.

Just too much for too little time

Re: How often do you visit "home" ?
 

I moved over permanently in '04 and have not been back once. My mother has come over a few times to see the girls.

If it weren't so expensive, I'd go every couple of years or so to see my mother but only because she's getting on a fair bit.

I would rather go see other places though.

Re: How often do you visit "home" ?
 

visit them??? :eek:
why do you think I moved here? France wasn't far enough away.... :rofl:

I used to go back once a year but now it's more like every 2 years. You end up using all your money and vacation time staying with the relatives and there are plenty of places to visit elsewhere.

Re: How often do you visit "home" ?
 

We were back "home" about 4 years ago. I think we would go about every 2 years if airfares weren't so high. The in-laws were here about 2 years ago, and it's the same for them plus horrendous insurance costs for the over 80's. We did get slight guilt trips when we first moved over here, but no longer. As someone else said, there is so much to see and do over here, it would be a shame if you spent all of your vacation time visiting family.

Re: How often do you visit "home" ?
 

Yeah but they are!

Re: How often do you visit "home" ?
 

If I were in your shoes, I would be reducing what I found excessive...

I don't know how old your mother is, but you are silent on her visiting you here. Assuming she is able to visit, that is another option to remain in contact.

Re: How often do you visit "home" ?
 

About every three years, often linked to events like weddings.

The problem is I come back exhausted, when everybody thinks I have had a vacation!

Re: How often do you visit "home" ?
 

I visit the UK twice a year - I dont call it "home" though.

I think you should reduce the email dialogue and phone calls to once a week. You are in their daily life too much. Do you skype? Get Mum to come visit you every couple of years. They'll get used to it but you need to loosen the ties now.

Re: How often do you visit "home" ?
 

I moved slightly before you, in April and haven't been back to the UK yet. I'm an only child too (depending on who you speak to, I either put my parents off having more kids for life, or they simply couldn't beat perfection :thumbsup:).

I can totally relate to how you've felt... I'm close with both my parents and perhaps the hardest part was when I left them at Heathrow, did a final glance behind expecting to see happy faces - but saw my mother balling her eyes out. That hit me hard, but I'd perked up by the end of the flight (wine) and even got a high-five from CBP in the USA.

About a month later, my parents flew out to spend some time with us, and we had a great time and it pushed the guilt/changes aside. Nowadays I don't Skype nearly as much as I should (I'm a terrible person), but thanks to modern technology of iMessage, WhatsApp and Facebook my parents get round the clock notices of my rants, check-ins to Starbucks and crappy photos. I honestly think they feel better off with me being someone else's problem now.

It's your life and your choices at the end of the day, and I wanted to be with the love of my life and ultimately start a family. I don't feel guilty and my parents/friends back in the UK have adjusted, as have I.

Once I actually get a job, I will probably arrange a time to fly back to see friends/family (plenty of friends are now getting married), so I've been quietly hoping to kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Re: How often do you visit "home" ?
 

In 18.5 years, I've been back four or five times. The last was almost exactly three years ago and, thanks to family fights on that trip and since, it's likely to be the last for some time.

Sad because my Dad is 93 and suffering from dementia and Mum's upper 80's. I fear the next time I travel, I'll only see one of them! :eek:

Re: How often do you visit "home" ?
 

This. Time for you -- and mum -- to get on with your own lives. Tell them straight that you need time for you and your new husband, you are making a life for yourself here and looking to the future.

Re: How often do you visit "home" ?
 

Every year at least once if I can help it.
A week in Scotland and a week in Europe. Plus the odd side trip for a gig now and again.

Been in CA 16 years+ now but this is just the place I work, not really home.

Re: How often do you visit "home" ?
 

While my dad was alive, I tried to get over at least once a year, and that was helped by usually being able to piggy-back a visit to him on top of a work trip to the London office. As his health declined last year both me and my brother (also in the US) were over much more frequently, usually me there for a week, brother there for a week, a week with neither of us, rinse and repeat.

But since our father passed at the start of the year I have much more family here than back in the UK now, and no real reason to go the UK other than vacation. We (wife and I) are planning to stop-over in the UK on vacation next May, with Russia as our main destination (assuming we're not at war with them by then) but going forward I doubt we'll visit very often. Especially after the Brexit vote, it no longer feels "home" now.

Mind you, if Trump gets in we're seriously considering moving to Ireland (it's neutral...)